|attractiveness differencePage 1 of 28 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)|
|This is just something I have noticed recently. Women over 30 seem to think they are less attractive than they are and men have absolutely no problem with self-esteem. I cannot get over how many guys are on forums whining about how they think they are really good looking and can't understand why the hot girls won't respond... when they realy are most of them quite average. What delusion sets in at about 30 that makes a pudgy balding rather unkempt looking guy think he is still 19 and the quarterback and able to get any woman that walks by him? I have been baffled. I know I am really just average looking, not overweight per se... but I have large teeth and sometimes wear glasses. Why is it that guys are not more realistic? Just curious.|
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:12:24 PM
I cannot get over how many guys are on forums whining...
These types of guys may seem to be the most "vocal" on POF, depending on which threads you're reading, but I don't believe they actually represent the majority of men over 30 -- on this site or IRL.
^^^ "I seem to recall a number of guys claiming to have no self-esteem, but I don't recall any women admitting to it."
Prime example of how misunderstandings/tiring arguments begin over and over again. The thread subject was about "date sites and self esteem." Quite a different topic than "self esteem" alone.
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:18:33 PM
|I blame society,their mothers, and dishonest people. That and huge egos!|
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:23:23 PM
|My vote is that men have increased confidence at this stage in their lives. The women in their generation are hornier than ever! I haven't had this problem with my male friends though so maybe I just don't understand the question. You are as sexy as you feel- ask any overweight diva. lol|
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:25:50 PM
|Also OP, I like your profile pic today. I tried to message you but not able to cause I'm old and female I guess. :( lol|
It throws me off when people here in the forums change their pic cause I get used to seeing the name and pic together.
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:31:56 PM
|I read the OP's post as "men are..." and "women are..." -- not in relation to dating, per se.|
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:42:38 PM
|Marie, I will change it back. I just kept getting a lot of messages rom guys in their 60's and 70's. Again baffling, although I guess somewhere at some point some girl must've gone for it or they wouldn't keep trying.|
Posted: 6/9/2012 5:43:25 PM
|I have to laugh every time I see a new post from a guy asking why he isn't getting replies... and he always throws in there, "I know I am good looking." LMAO really? If these guys were 'truly' good looking they'd be getting replies because sadly we all know online dating is about looks.|
Posted: 6/9/2012 6:27:53 PM
|I suggest you take a deep long look into Male Bravado and the way it fits into our culture.|
Essentially, men are REQUIRED to claim that they are brimming with confidence, pretty much all the time. These very forums are full of women declaring guys who admit otherwise, to be wimps of one sort or another.
Read all the threads with guys talking about self-confidence. There are plenty asking how to get it, and plenty of others asking how to fake it, if they can't get it.
As for the women's side, that's probably due to exactly what I know I've been hearing for my whole life, that we all get drenched in Hollywood stories and commercials showing that younger women are more desirable than older ones. There's no doubt some DNA stuff mixed in as well, relating somehow to procreation, but the movie stuff in itself is enough.
Posted: 6/9/2012 6:58:24 PM
|I'm in my mid 50's and I'm dating men in their late 50's and early 60's. I haven't really noticed the issue of esteem related to physical appearance in men. I see it more in relation to their careers, income, and job security. I've met a couple of men whose esteem seemed to be badly bruised by changes in their status because of the economy or divorce. And, I've met several men whose esteem is robust because they are at the prime of their career and their children are launched and they are financially comfortable. These men feel 'safe'. I've also had men in their late 60's approach me, with confidence not because they are 'attractive' but because they are wealthy and they are used to be chased by women. What can throw some of these men off their game is when a woman can earn more than they do and have more professional status . That's when the 30 year difference is appealing to these guys. They can maintain their inflated egos without reproach.|
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:39:40 PM
|Most people, men and women are dellusional especially online. I get zero messages. So when men say they go for more than looks at my age they are full of it. If they cared about the inside I wouldnt check my mailbox which is empty every day nor would friends of mine with empty boxes. Men all go after the few hot women on here than get pissed when they dont get a response or why they cant find a nice girl in men talk that means a ten|
Posted: 6/9/2012 7:53:34 PM
What delusion sets in at about 30 that makes a pudgy balding rather unkempt looking guy think he is still 19 and the quarterback and able to get any woman that walks by him? I have been baffled. I know I am really just average looking, not overweight per se... but I have large teeth and sometimes wear glasses. Why is it that guys are not more realistic?
You're projecting your own feelings of inadequacy onto men. Since when did large teeth and sometimes wearing glasses mean "just average looking"? A person can possess those qualities and still be considered quite attractive.
If anyone is being unrealistic about looks, it is you. You need to improve your own level of self-esteem before judging other people as "delusional".
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:35:08 PM
|Op,i had to giggle when i read your Opening Post coz i just responded to some Thread where i said virtually the same thing!|
Dunno what it is but they all seem to think they're very attractive...............
The ones *i* think truly ARE attractive NEVER make such declarations about themselves which make them even more appealing
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:39:32 PM
|I am just saying that I am not a "ten" I know that there is a certain portion of the population that goes for the sort of socially awkward nerdy cute girl. Zooey Dechanel/ Phoebe from friends types we are not the vixen of the world, but there IS somebody out there for us. I just am noticing a whole lot of guys that seem to have over-inflated egos and a sense of entitlement that they are OWED a good job for no effort, a flashy car they cannot afford, a supermodel girlfriend at the very LEAST (LOL) all just because they are their fabulous selves. Whole lot of regular joes that think they are Brad Pitt or Ryan Reynolds. (In reality a lot of them aren't butt ugly, just average.)|
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:40:28 PM
If these guys were 'truly' good looking they'd be getting replies because sadly we all know online dating is about looks.
Just so I am clear...
If they think they're good looking.. that's bad.
If they think they're hideously ugly.. that's bad.
So my question is...
Sometimes I get why there are so many men complaining in various threads. They can't friggen win.
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:42:22 PM
|That is kind of true that many men who are attractive dont refer to themselves as such.|
After my experiences here on POF I have come to realize I am not in the least attractive!
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:44:07 PM
|Largo this website drags peoples self esteem down and I also feel like im ugly. No messages day after day or what I do get are men too old for me late 30s and over. Im just like wow there goes my self esteem. I didnt think i was hideous til i came on here. Now I just use the forums|
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:55:32 PM
|Probably better not to date from here Domo.|
I know I am not hideous, and I also know Im not for everyone. I don't translate well in this medium, and I'm OK with that. I mean, I have to be!
In the meantime, I work out and do what I can.
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:56:08 PM
|Domo, you said you didn't get any mails now you're getting them from [gasp!] old men in their late 30's. Which is it?|
My grandmother used to tell me, better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave.
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:13:41 PM
|Emails from men my parents age dont count as possible dates the men are being crazy and just not in touch with reality. Like im 31 and young a 70 yr old? Thats just wrong. I get emails from gay men telling me they like my boots lol|
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:56:34 PM
|Attractive men don’t have to brag about being attractive, or anything else.|
That’s part of what makes them attractive.
Maybe that's why we like to take
off our shirts in the pics - it distracts attention from the
relative ordinariness of any face without makeup on it in
Well, you could always try wearing makeup to attract attention, no one’s stopping you. Some women dig that ‘metro’ look, right?
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:45:14 PM
|Perhaps I should clarify to answer the snark comments.|
I am more sincere in my observations here than that
tonality of this forum permits. I never used the
word "attractive" or any of its derivatives. The
original poster did seem to have a sticking point
with the issue of men self-describing as "good looking"
and this is what I answer here. If you find huge
dudes with face warts and back hair and lots of
money "attractive" that is your business, but it
is not the same as "good looking".
I won't answer the retorts specifically. Attractive
people will understand I am sure.
Posted: 6/9/2012 11:50:32 PM
|Ok.... and just to have fun with you, your original query,|
despite all the precursors, was "Why is it that guys are not more realistic?"
How do you know?
A very on-topic and profile specific example might be:
In today's health conscious climate I would hardly expect
a woman or a man who smokes to care about living for
a long time and enjoying ongoing vibrant health into old
age, so smokers are summarily eliminated as relationship
... of course the smoker gets points for honesty.
Posted: 6/10/2012 12:25:38 AM
|... and to answer the other:|
"What delusion sets in at about 30 that makes a pudgy balding rather unkempt looking guy think he is still 19 and the quarterback and able to get any woman that walks by him?"
well... the question is a bit facetious isn't it? And shouldn't
one expect facetious answers to such a question?
I won't get into the rhetorical fallacies of the question but just
leave it as an exhibit.
Posted: 6/10/2012 1:04:28 AM
|this forum does really make me chuckle some days.|
Let me perhaps TRY to answer from the perspective of someone who has very low self esteem...
Women over 30 seem to think they are less attractive than they are and men have absolutely no problem with self-esteem
i'm 31 next week, i have huge problems with self esteem. you need to stop generalising all men because of the ones YOU have met !!. We're not all that bad... it's just the ones like me with confidence and esteem issues rarely come out of hiding.
I cannot get over how many guys are on forums whining about how they think they are really good looking and can't understand why the hot girls won't respond...
My definition of a hot girl, your definition of a hot girl and his definition of a hot girl will all be different. However, if he's whining about it - that's probably why he can't get the hot girl - who seriously would want to date anyone that whines when they don't get their own way or what they want ?!
when they realy are most of them quite average
This is my favourite line, really it is. You say guys have no problem with self esteem... This sort of comment is why people do.
Guys aren't like women - if a woman walks in to a bar her girly friends all tell her how gorgeous she is etc etc, a guy walks in to a bar, he gets a slap on the shoulder from his guy mates to say hi and then he buys a round of drinks - if a bloke tells another bloke he looks gorgeous, it's usually in a sarcastic manor... It's not very often guys get told they're good looking, so they have to tell themselves - and then you go and shoot holes in their small esteem boost by telling them they're not.. lol.
What delusion sets in at about 30 that makes a pudgy balding rather unkempt looking guy think he is still 19 and the quarterback and able to get any woman that walks by him? I have been baffled
So now he's not allowed to have confidence in himself either ? If someone feels confident, they are confident (well, so the books tell me) so who are you to burst that bubble for him? atleast he's trying - i wouldn't even be able to talk to that same woman that he is hitting on, fair play to him i say for actually having the balls to try.
I know I am really just average looking, not overweight per se... but I have large teeth and sometimes wear glasses
I'm not sure why you demean yourself at the end of the comment ? is it to try and justify your opinion in some way, or are there people on here who would happily point it out ? I looked at your profile and i think your better than average looking (not trying it on, don't panic). You say you have big teeth and occasionally wear glasses like it's a bad thing? Big teeth just means your smile is more noticable when you do and glasses... well, that just means you have impaired sight... like about 45% of the world population, so you got me there.
Er... yeah. so that's my 2p's worth. lol =)
*also, re-reading that, i can see that it'd be quite easy to take it out of context - it's not meant as a rant*