| | Back-Up Plan for a bad date?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Have any of you ever had someone call you while you were on a date to give you the opportunity to leave the date?
Or worse, have you ever just excused yourself and never returned to the table/bar?
Just curious as to what different people do to get out of a bad date...or do you just sweat it out till the end?
I am not referring to the short lunch date or coffee..all though I suppose that would be the route to go for a first meeting to avoid the first date blah...:( | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 7:35:23 PM | Some years ago, after I divorced, I went on the dating site called Lava Life.
For those who don't know, its a telephone only thing where you listen to people's profiles and communicate to each other using your anonymous VMB (Voice Mail Box) number. So it really IS a blind date if you choose to meet.
Anyway, I was to meet a man in a public bar / Bistro. In case the guy was weird, I asked my son (who was 18 at the time) and his mate to accompany me but not sit with me, of course. He drove us all there.
I was so glad I organised my back-up plan because my date was not much older than my son. After a few minutes I signalled to my son and he came to my table. "Hello Mrs Smith." said my son. "I'm so glad to see you, can you give me a lift home? I missed the bus. It's urgent." He said.
"Oh, of course". I said. I stood up, looked at my date in the eye and said "so much for you being 45 !" and left. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 7:41:33 PM | Nope, never done that.
I just tell em straight up "I'm not feeling it, mind if I get the check?" | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 7:42:06 PM | I can see it being more of an issue as a girl, but as guy it isn't really that big of a deal. I know some people have
friends "call my cell at x:xx time". It's up to them to take the phone call or not, depending on how the date is going.
I personally would stick through a bad date. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:14:07 PM | | Nope, but I have cut a date short when it wasn't going well. He seemed to think things were, but I wanted to run screaming because he just wouldn't shut up about himself and his issues! I felt drained after five minutes of coffee. We were supposed to go to a movie afterward but I just couldn't bear it. I would rather have been at work, at least I get paid for it there. Bye-bye. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:25:30 PM | HaHa..Love that Holly!!
I kept getting messages from the young ones until I changed my profile settings.
I think a back up plan is a good idea for this very reason.
I got stood up one night (we were meeting at a bar) so I sat at the bar ordered a beer. I asked the guy two stools down if he was "Rob"...he laughed and said 'no'...I said well damn..(being that he was very very cute). He proceeded to tell me that he had a date earlier that was bad so he dropped her off and came back out. We ended up having the best time that night! Never went any further than friendship, but it sure made getting stood up well worth it....and his night not so blah!
Oh...the other guy 'Rob', he called the next day and apologized blah blah..so I agreed to meet him that night. It was an outdoor live music scene. A woman walks up and introduces herself to me as his wife! That was a short date!! | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:26:20 PM | Dating is warfare... I have no objections just getting up and walking out.
No man who is being a creep or scary or immature is worth all that trouble.
In your case since the issue was his age, I would not even have sat down. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 8:58:29 PM | Yeah, it's great to lie, have people lie for you just because a first date isn't working. I'm not that important of a person where I can't show someone the courtesy of sharing a quick meal and leaving.
Some people pick doors closest to the exit to excuse herself to the bathroom. This is an example of the type of women I would never get along with. Some people think they're such a hot commodity that they can't even sit through a simple dinner without being a liar and a jerk off and don't give a shi* about other peoples feelings.
This is why it's best to do a quick coffee date, you can take 20 minutes out of your life even if he looks like a swamp donkey and share a cup of coffee and be on your way. You don't care how the other person feels when the woman doesn't come back from the bathroom on a coffee meet. That's never happened to me and I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone else, probably a horrible feeling. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:13:20 PM | | Even if the guy's boring, I'll give them a half hour for coffee. I'll put up with the boredom until then - likely if I'M bored, they're equally bored with me. Usually I've borrowed my Mom's car, so I just say I have to return it to her at a certain time, like 3 pm if it's 2:30 and the date is boring, even if that's not true. | |
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dp300
| | Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 11 | |
| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:40:45 PM | It depends on the situation. If the person shows up, and is not the same person from the pics on here. I just get up and walk out before the date begins. This has happened twice. If the person is just boring, or rude I will suck it up, and ask for the check as soon as possible then go on my way.
I always talk to them on the phone beforehand to make sure they can at least have a decent conversation, which weeds out a lot of people. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:42:33 PM |
If a date is so bad (like the guy is groping you), then you don't need an excuse to leave.
........so you just leave. Exactly. No need to be polite and suffer another hour of groping to see the date till the end.
If you need a backup plan, you should not accept the date in the first place.
.....but you don;t know how the date will go till you get there and meet them.
Consider this......you're invited to a party and to stay overnight. You say to your mates if its boring we can always get a taxi home instead. You cant find the host. People are wierd, taking drugs and you want to leave. Your back-up plan...or Plan B comes into fruition. Just as well, right? Its not bad manners, its self preservation and a responsible thing to do. In my opinion. :) | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 9:56:55 PM | Why not just say so?
"We came here to meet and see if there's any chemistry. There isn't but thank you for taking time to see me?"
I'll offer to pick up the check, only twice was my offer accepted. First time, he only let me pay for my own drinks.
Second time , I insisted. I wasn't too thrilled. He was a good 6 inches shorter than he claimed but even that didnt bother me. It was the "non smoker" who stepped outside to smoke that bugged me. Yeah I wanted to get out there. Look, I know former smokers who will take a puff when under stress, but most of them can make it thru a 15 minute conversation without lighting up. That was the only one who really lied, and considering some of the horror stories I read, that wasnt so bad as far as bad dates go.
Most of my more horrific dates didnt originate on POF, figure that one out.
Few other times, I was interested and had no idea what he was thinking until I didnt hear from him again. That doesnt bother me much, it's part of the deal.
Twice I made a friend, one I still talk to. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 10:13:02 PM | Well princess,
You can't spend a little time with someone who went out on a limb and asked you out? This speaks volumes about who you are as a person and how you handle even the most slightly inconvienent situations. Many guys in your area thank you for this information!
Imagine if you were a guy and you were required to pay for a drink and/or a meal AND wanted to skate ASAP. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/10/2012 11:30:15 PM |
I was so glad I organised my back-up plan because my date was not much older than my son. After a few minutes I signalled to my son and he came to my table. "Hello Mrs Smith." said my son. "I'm so glad to see you, can you give me a lift home? I missed the bus. It's urgent." He said.
i just don't see why you thought you needed to premeditate this conspiracy of deception just to end a bad date. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 12:09:56 AM | | Is it so hard to just have a conversation with another member of the human race for 30 minutes to an hour, and then politely be on your way? Why the need for all the games? | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:48:40 AM |
i just don't see why you thought you needed to premeditate this conspiracy of deception just to end a bad date.
Dear christ on a crutch, No conspiracy of deception intended. I simply wanted my son near me as I was new to dating and very nervous. On Lava Life you can only go by what people tell you. This was years ago.
I was raised to be polite and have a little class. Apparently, you don't understand what that means.
....So I should have sat there at the age of my 40's with a guy about 20? Thats not classy at all. In fact its sick. It wasn't for a meal, only a quick drink. I was truthful in my VMB voice messages , this idiot was deceptive all along.
Which is why you probably find yourself in that sort of company. If you want to upgrade your dates, you need to upgrade your social skills.
I repeat, this happened years ago.
Anyway, this thread isnt about me, its the OP's question. I don't appreciate being accused of lack of class. This happened YEARS ago. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:04:42 AM | I think it's courteous to either a) see the date out b) excuse yourself.
I once had a date whom turned up with her 19 year old daughter, changed the venue at the last minute, and tooka phone call after about 20mins, saying she had to pop home,and would be straight back. Of course she never re-appeared.
It simply taught me there is a fine line between mental and quirky
from the recieving end, see it as a lucky escape, and learn from it. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:06:45 AM | | if its in a bar where there in no meal to pay for i always used to say "just nipping to the toilet" then leave | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:18:37 AM | | I try to put myself in someone else's shoes. If the date or the initial meet isn't going well (e.g., no chemistry, boredom) I try to be polite and continue to the end. I sure wouldn't like to be ditched in the middle of a date or meet, so I wouldn't do that to someone else. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 4:03:52 AM | msg 7
holycowwow so totally agree with you! any way you want to hide it,explain it, or understand it. internet dating is electronic introduction possibly leading to blind dating. so if does not go well why not bail? there is a 99.987% chance the two of you will never interact again!
so if we are all looking for honesty...for independent...partners. why the need for back up plans...if the date is a flop? what is the advantage/logic of taking it farther/to the end...but is the end not there when the interest is gone, or have we put expiry dates on dates
like coffee....................................... 30 min
drink..............................................45 min
drink&snack...................................95 min
dinner...........................................180 min
dinner&drinks...............................210 min
dinner&drinks&sex.......................270 min
ltr.....................................15yrs to life
what happens when you over stay your time? is it like golf? where you call the club, and they send the marshal out in his little cart?? | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 4:42:58 AM |
Have any of you ever had someone call you while you were on a date to give you the opportunity to leave the date?
No. Never. If I commit my time to meeting someone, then I meet them. If it's simply a poor date then I remain polite and respectful and see it though. If I was faced with a situation where I felt disrespected, then I would simply end the date.
Or worse, have you ever just excused yourself and never returned to the table/bar?
I have excused myself but in doing so, made it clear that I was leaving. I have never been so rude as to sneak out and leave someone sitting there waiting for me to return. I wouldn't like that if someone did it to me and so I wouldn't do it to anyone else.
Consider this......you're invited to a party and to stay overnight. You say to your mates if its boring we can always get a taxi home instead. You cant find the host. People are wierd, taking drugs and you want to leave. Your back-up plan...or Plan B comes into fruition. Just as well, right? Its not bad manners, its self preservation and a responsible thing to do. In my opinion. :)
I think this is a completely different situation. Firstly, you have attempted to find the host in order to let them know you are leaving. (I'm not sure why it would ever be impossible to achieve that because I would continue looking or wait until I had seen them before leaving). Secondly, you have not gone to that party having made the commitment to be the sole company for someone. There is a group of people at a party and if one person needs to/wants to leave, it does not signal the end of the evening for anyone else.
I'm omitting the part about people being weird and taking drugs etc., because any party I attended would be at the invite of friends and simply put, that isn't a situation which would occur.
When you are on a date, there are just two of you. You have committed to spend some time with another individual and they have committed to spend some time with you. IF one or the other leaves unannounced, whomever is left will be expecting their date to return. Plus the departure of one, signals the end of the date. There is no one else there to keep the evening going - at a party, there would be.
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:01:27 AM | I think you misunderstood. The scenario about a party is exactly that....a scenario. Just an example. It never happened. :)
I was just trying to illustrate a type of a "Plan B" ....a back up plan.. for the sake of this discussion.
For instance, Im sure many of us have made a "plan B", a back-up plan for certain situations such as: "If my mum drives you crazy, we can leave early and get a taxi home." .... "If this movie is crap we can get an icecream instead.." etc. A Plan B is agreed upon in case something goes wrong. Thats all I meant to say.
My young date happend many years ago and I considered it inappropriate for both of us. :( | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:25:44 AM | I set up a meet first that's short enough that both don't feel trapped. By the time I'm out on a date with a guy, I'll know that I won't want to leave based on meeting and talking to him previously.
When I was younger, I went on a couple dates I was trapped in longer than I wanted to be, so these days I sidestep putting myself there to begin with. | |
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| Back-Up Plan for a bad date?
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:48:37 AM | Personally I stick it out...I try to get some info before a date to make sure there is some common ground. If a date is going bad you can rap it up without lying or such stupid immature antics.
Some of you women who play games need to grow up and act like adults. I would expect such behavior from women half your age but geez. Welcome to the "undatable category".
As for all the women who do not play games and act like adults...thank you very much. You are appreciated. | |
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