| | Should I make a move?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I'm pretty nervous about this because I've never asked this kind of question on here. I think a lot of ppl will have good advice. It's nice to hear various opinions and ideas from ppl who are experienced but don't know me personally.
That being said *deep breath*
There is this awesome, single dad who has a boy on the baseball team I coach (my son is also on the team). We've always been comfortable talking and get along well. It's been 3 months since we met and I really do like him. He's a great dad, very sweet, funny. He really likes my kids and is always joking around with them, and they like him and his son too. At practices we've talked about our marriages, divorce and kids so it's been more than just "Hi howya doin" LOL
We live in the same "neighborhood" a big one though, and we might see each other around, but tonight is the finals and the end of the season party is Saturday.
Ok, so here's my question: If he doesn't say anything about hanging out post season, should I give him my number and suggest coffee some time?
These days I'm pretty insecure because of my weight gain and I feel like he's a little out of my league, at least physically. I'm secure in other areas especially because he's seen I'm athletic, a great coach, mom and great with the other kids.
I don't want to put him on the spot in any way because we may run into each other around town and our kids will most likely be playing ball together in the fall. If that wasn't the case, I would probably just go for it and take the consequences. Nothing ventured nothing gained right? My best guy friend says I should go for it....
But yeah, I thought I could get some advice on should I ask him, and maybe some ideas on what he might say if he doesn't want to (based on what some of you guys might have had to say and still be tactful) If I make it awkward and he says "no" I will be ok with that and not in any way make him feel weird. I am prepared either way.
BTW; his ex wife is blonde and in great shape, if that matters, LOL
Thank you all in advance! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:44:24 AM | I can relate to your wanting to be subtle but show some interest, but not TOO much interest in case he's not interested and it could get a little awkward in the future, lol.
Maybe at the party on Saturday you could finagle your way into sitting near him while you're eating......with any luck, maybe he'll be trying to do the same.....but maybe you could slip in a little something like "It's been a fun season, I'm going to miss our little chats....." That would open the door for him to respond with something "We'll have to get together sometime......" and so on.
Hopefully he's been sizing up your availability and interest and has been trying to figure out if he should approach you about it and how to do it.
Are your sons who are on the team good friends? Maybe you're going to Splashdown in Manassas and your son wants to bring a friend along, hint hint.....
If he doesn't take any of that bait, then he's either clueless, not ready to date, or just not interested in more than chatting at the ball games. Good luck and keep us posted ;) | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:48:15 AM | I thought I could get some advice on should I ask him, and maybe some ideas on what he might say if he doesn't want to (based on what some of you guys might have had to say and still be tactful) If I make it awkward and he says "no" I will be ok with that and not in any way make him feel weird. I am prepared either way.
BTW; his ex wife is blonde and in great shape, if that matters, LOL
First off, don't be thinkin that far into the future that he may consider you a potential "next wife"...
^^Listen in the wind, for female flirting tips.
The guy probably enjoys having a few female "friends" (maybe in friend zone) that he can be relaxed with, share camaraderie and not be expected to have to play the role of suitor/princess on a pedestal.
He also may not feel like creating an "involvement" with someone who is part of his son's athletic group social circle, thinking it may cause complications if it ends badly...
Best to focus on self-improvement FIRST, make progress towards becoming more the way you truly wish to be over 6 months time by serious focus on low-cal high nutrient diet and daily workouts/training runs..
As part of those daily/weekly training runs you COULD invite that man to accompany you and tell him it helps you stick with your program to have a regular running partner..
See how he responds to that invite to go running or 6 miles walking with you..
An athletically inclined man who was interested in you WOULD consent to at least a few of those running partner events, and then it is up to your feminine wiles to make it any more of a "relationship"...
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 8:00:03 AM | IQ, no not at all! I was just describing her in comparison to me and how different we are....Speaking for myself, I am in no hurry to get serious now. I've been single for almost 4 years and don't mind waiting. I actually think it's better that way....I just want to open the door and see if we gel outside of baseball
WC: Yes our boys are friends so that might be a great idea! He has two slightly older daughters too and they like my daughter. I am hoping he might say something at the end of the party. If he doesn't, I just might!
bucsgirl: That's a very good point! Kinda like if you work with someone you date, which I would never do...Thank you | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 8:11:47 AM | What makes this difficult is not only do you live in the same neighborhood, but your kids are in sports together. It's great if it works out, but if it gets uncomfortable, you'll both still be seeing each other around. I say this because I went out just a few times with a guy in my church LARGE church, but it was uncomfortable when I did see him. Nothing happened, he just ended up being very into himself and I totally lost interest.
That said, I think you should be thinking of approaching this as extending your friendship, NOT as a potential dating situation. He's comfortable around you now as things are, if the situation changes, that's an unknown. If you want to suggest something, make it very casual. Maybe even something with the kids, like getting together in the park. Who knows, you may not even LIKE him as a boyfriend. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 8:27:57 AM | Yes, make the move.
It seems he has shown interest in you as well, and, he is comfortable enough to be with you, sharing divorce information shows that. Men, at least myself, rarely talk about private matters unless I like and know the person well.
The fact that your kids play together may have refrained him from asking you out.
At the party, tell him that the season is not over; it is your turn, him and you, to practice( kidding).
One question: you are the coach and he does not have your number yet? My daughter is into sports, all the coaches have the parent's numbers. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:03:32 AM | Hmmm...let's see. Sometimes guys can talk to women and be comfortable with them because they're not attracted to them and see them more like a buddy. Last summer I met a guy who was out of my league. I saw him three times and each time we would talk about different things and he seemed to be open sharing personal things. He said he felt comfortable talking with me and I took that as a compliment (even though it meant, "you're like a dude I can talk to"). On our third meet I told him I was attracted to him and he blew up and got angry stating that no women want to be friends with him and why do they always want *more*. Then he added, "if you stay friends with me I can show you workouts to improve yourself so you can get the guy you want". I sat there fighting back tears back while he sat there telling me how hurt he was that I wanted to be more than friends. We never saw each other again.
So, I dunno about this one. Tread carefully since you'll be continually seeing this man on a regular basis due to your connection to your childrens' sports. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:19:59 AM | | If a man asked a question like that here, he would be told he was 'over thinking it', and that he should just 'man up' and ask. Not to mention 'nothing ventured, nothing gained'. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:33:16 AM | Tread carefully OP.
It can be very disappointing to be getting along well with a woman only to discover that she has more in mind.
It's quite like discovering that someone has a hidden agenda. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:47:00 AM | | If you are the coach and his kid is good at baseball and has a proven track record than maybe. if not and you put him in the game it maybe looked as favoritism , the kid is the most important person here, so if you are not serious about having anything real i would just remain freindly | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:46:34 AM |
If he doesn't say anything about hanging out post season, should I give him my number and suggest coffee some time?
You seem to already have some sort of relationship with him.
3 months in development.
You could always invite him over for sunday night dinner.
That's kind of a traditional thing.
If he says he can't or rain check, but doesn't come up with when he could, drop the issue.
If he says yes and comes over for dinner, and you are still interested at the end of the night, you could invite him over again, or wait for him to reciprocate in some way, like taking you out to dinner or dinner at his house with all your kids involved.
If he says he can't, or rain check, but doesn't come up with when he could, or doesn't come up with taking you out, then drop the issue, thank him for coming by and being a great coach.
IMO this is better than coffee simply because you seem to already have a relationship with him. Not like a "relationship" (how it's used on the forums) relationship, but you've interacted with him enough, your kids know him, and it's already more than "hi howya doin."
Inviting him to dinner simply expands the relationship you already have, it just changes the setting really and allows you to interact in more of a semi private, rather than public park, setting.
Inviting him to coffee may imply a completely different set of rules and therefore behavior creating stress so he may instinctively say no due to that more than a lack of desire. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:49:12 AM | There is a part of this that needs to be considered.....and that is your son' and how they fit in with what could or not happen, and the ex's if they are active with the children too.
While going through my divorce, and coaching my son in multiple sports, there were some mothers that were single and seemed to get closer to me once they knew I was also alone and finishing up my divorce. When you are with them, even as friends, others now view you differently, and the ex's can take it personally, and of course the boys on the team will all pay attention to all the emotions around them, and can take it out on each other.
I think friends only is the best course of action, and let the rest be left alone, until you two are not so closely connected with each others children's sport activities. It also allows what is the main purpose of these activities to happen, and that is having the kids play ball, enjoy it, and not have to deal with parental politics. If you two move on to other sports and coaches, and not have the whole of friends, family, and other children see you, then you can consider more, or you may become the issue for your son and his friends, and not the solution.
Been there and done that, and happy that I just stayed friends with all.
cd | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 11:42:11 AM | When a man is interested he will let you know, let him do the chasing but be ready to be caught, If wants to see you when its post season he will let you know. Im assuming your best guy friend is gay? Thats just an assumption from his advice.
But dont take away from a man what should be his calling. If this man can talk to you about personal things then he is opened up to you and therefore would have no problem saying I enjoy talking to you lets keep in touch do you mind if I call you? | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:13:44 PM | | Thank you all SO much! Our game starts in a couple of hours and I might know more then...I will post again when I get home....You've all been very helpful in your own ways! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:43:51 PM | One last word, and I DID read all the other responses. If you do ask, and he does say no, while it make not make you feel awkward you don't know how it may make him feel. Also, he may ask you something like is it supposed to be a date and then it'll be up to you to answer....akk. See what I mean? If he feels you're inferring that you want to explore being more than friends and he hasn't considered that he may feel put on the spot.
Here's the facts, you like what you know about him. You're involved in mutual activities having to do with your children. You're more acquaintances, perhaps considered casual friends. I think indicating you've enjoying chatting with him and would enjoy doing that some more, that may be more appropriate than trying to ask him out. I think if it's kept on more of a casual/friendship type basis there won't be any pressure. In getting to know him better, at any point you may find out something that would be a dealbreaker if you would have wanted to date him.
Whatever happens, I hope things turn out for the best! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:50:23 PM | Don't ask him for a date.
Don't hint around that you'd like to see him socially.
It could ruin things for your kids, team, etc.
The guy does the asking. He's not a bashful teenager!
The one thing you might do is get a couple of other singles or married couples, and have a party at your place.
No kids allowed! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:59:39 PM | I have found that most grown men are more than capable of asking a woman out, if they are so inclined. I just have found that things worked out better for me if I let the men do the asking.
If your kids want play dates with his kids, go for it, and make sure that you're packaged as appealingly as possible. Be sweet, and charming, and flirtatious. If he doesn't ask you out, he's not attracted or has some other reason, but either way, he's not for you.
Good luck to you! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 3:03:28 PM | Ok...this was just on another thread about "hanging out".....hanging out does not sound like anything too serious for people our age...it's just casual...not a DATE. Soooo I was thinking....maybe you could ask him and his boys over to your house to HANG OUT and get pizza...talk about the season, etc. You could really use some adult conversation if he's up for it. This sounds casual and non threatening. Friends...asking friends who have something in common which is boys and baseball. Right??????
Then while the boys are hanging out....you hang out with him and just talk...feel him out about his dating scenario, being single, etc. You'll know if he's interested....but I would NOT ask him out per se. You'll be able to get a different vibe other than the one on the baseball field. Keep us posted and best wishes!!!!! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 4:41:49 PM | | I second what jeepgirl told you. You can change up your usual 'look' to see if he takes more notice of you, and send an I'm available/single message (you look fine already, so use what you got to your best advantage). Not totally overdone, but nice enough that he'd notice your efforts. The very good news is that you had a chance to get acquainted FIRST, before plying to the visual. This means if he appreciates your efforts, all you are doing is adding to the good impression of you he already has. Whichever way you decide to proceed, feel free to keep us posted. I wish you the best of luck, Grace! | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 5:08:44 PM | | I don't know Lucy, tread these waters carefully, there are children involved. I know I don't care for overly aggressive women as in look at me I'm so confident and modern, I'll ask you out. Then again, a discreet hint at the right moment might get him to respond. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 5:47:07 PM | And... do not worry about the weight gain, some men like to climb and hug those curves and hills.
The best to you. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 5:49:30 PM | Do not listen to the ones who say the man does the asking, we are in the year 2000.
fruit21, you are definitely "Juicy". | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 6:35:29 PM | My advice... just do it and don't be a pansy.
You're a grown woman, not a kid in High School.
If it works out, great!
If it doesn't, SO WHAT!?!?!
OK, you're kids do sports together, big deal, it might be a little weird if he rejects you for a few weeks, but you're a big girl right? You can handle rejection and you can work around it because you act like a mature adult... RIGHT? | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:33:03 PM | | My opinion is NO, don't make a move on him-for the same reason dating a co-worker is not a good idea. But in this case, it's worse because of all of the kid's involved. Not only would it be uncomfortable to you if you two meet and things don't work out, but it would also be uncomfortable to the kids-his and yours, and their friendships with each other. | |
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| Should I make a move?
Posted: 6/13/2012 9:43:37 PM | Dear PetyGrace80,
I have been patiently waiting for an update.
Do tell! What happened?
Curious | |
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