| | How To Be Polite in This Situation...Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Hello. :)
I just wanted to ask everyone's advice because I don't wanna be rude and hurt a person's feelings.
So, I started talking to a guy who I did not find physically attractive because he was asking me questions and somehow engaged me in a long conversation. In my mind I was viewing him as a friend. Now that I thought more about it, I feel that he has romantic intentions. After a day or so, he asked me to finish with the online stuff and move on to the phone conversations. The amounts and length of messages he has already sent me in a short period of time, hint at him being an excessive texter. Also, I feel like he's going too fast, but I don't wanna say that because it somehow might translate into "keep trying". I don't wish to be rude, but I don't have interest in this person. What is the best way to convey my message without hurting feelings? | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:48:46 AM | You can be polite, but that won't prevent his feelings from being hurt, because his feelings are his feelings, and you have no control over them.
Just say you wish him the best but that you don't feel you're a match and don't want to continue talking. Don't apologize, don't explain. It happens.
Hopefully, he'll accept it, but if he doesn't, there's nothing to be gained by arguing with him, and you may have to block him. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:49:32 AM | Tell him you've enjoyed talking with him... you appreciated the conversation...you don't think you are the right fit together.. and you want to concentrate your efforts on finding the right guy for you.
He may be hurt a bit... but that is the price you pay when play the game of life..... would he rather have your sincerity or pity?
You have been polite and respectful and honest.. and that is what is required of you. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:50:59 AM | I have had this happen to me...what I do is say:
I think you are a very nice guy, but I don't feel we would be a good match. I wish you the best on POF and hope you find the girl for you. Best wishes. ( if you feel he would still respond, then block him so he can't). | |
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Posted: 6/14/2012 6:51:02 AM | "It has probably happened to him before."
yes it has! I'm pretty sure I won't come close to causing such an awful feeling, but I just don't want to be mean, and I also don't feel it's right to abruptly ignore him either. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:52:14 AM | Hello, now you know why so many of us avoid starting conversations with men we have zero interest in dating. And now you know why so many of them show up here to ask why people won't answer their messages, or just give a few short answers (a.k.a. "trying to be polite") before disappearing into the aether forever and ever amen.
"It's been nice talking to you, but I don't think we're a good match; good luck on your search." or something to that effect. Or start spouting slightly cryptic platitudes. "It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all...." "A rejection by any other name would still be a soul-crushing defeat...."
You aren't responsible for his feelings after that, but don't be too surprised if he doesn't try to suggest that you are.
if you feel he would still respond, then block him so he can't).
Haha, the Pre-emptive Block, I love it!
Seriously, I wouldn't recommend that personally unless he makes a genuine pain in the ass out of himself. I think people deserve a *real* reason for being blocked, but that's just me talkin' thru my hat and I've been known to welcome a bit of undeserved abuse myself from time to time by stalking certain individuals I call my friends who wish they would have ignored me a little sooner. Fukkers.
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:56:46 AM | Tell him that you're a nihilist, and that it is very exhausting. Bring your marmot as back up, and threaten to cut off his Johnson. If all that fails...send him a severed toe with nail polish, and I think he will get the idea.
G | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 10:34:03 AM | | It is mean of you to lead him on. This is a dating site, he assumed (and rightly so) when you continued to chat with him you are at least physically attracted to him. If you continue to chat with him and lead him on for your own ego that is mean. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 10:59:52 AM | | The kindest thing is to tell him the truth, that you don't have a romantic interest. Kindness trumps being polite in this situation IMO. There are numerous ways to say that you enjoyed talking, but aren't interested. Just use your own words. Also, make it short and sweet, it's like a bandaid, the quicker the better. | |
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Posted: 6/14/2012 11:00:18 AM | Op,just tell him that you're not feelin' "it",wish him the best and cut the conversation short.
(Pity you've already given him your phone number,so hope he doesn't blow up your phone!) | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:52:52 AM |
I just don't want to be mean, and I also don't feel it's right to abruptly ignore him either.
bless you for considering his feelings. but as others have said, your current dilemma can be avoided in the future by not replying to men you know you will never be romantically interested in. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 1:17:02 PM | First contact I had on pof was a park ranger, admin, in another state who was thinking of moving to my area(I checked, it was him). We skyped, had long drawn out conversations about life in general, I sent him some real estate magazines etc...
But nothing romantic so I asked his intentions during one of our daily communications. His response.....you are 5 years older than me and not my type, I only date younger women. I just want to be good friends, I really like you. Besides pof of is more of a friend meeting site than dating.
Whatever. Online dating apparently means something different to everyone. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 2:28:35 PM | I don't wish to be rude, but I don't have interest in this person. What is the best way to convey my message without hurting feelings?
Tell him you're bisexual and you've gotten back together with your old girlfriend.
Seriously, just tell him you've enjoyed talking to him, but you don't think the two of you are a match. Then wish him well in his search. He'll get over it. | |
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Posted: 6/14/2012 2:46:01 PM | Honesty is the best approach, but how you say it means as much as what you say......tell him kindly that you are not one to text and message all the time, and that you do not see him as a match that way, and wish him well..
cd | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 4:21:08 PM |
I must be missing something. How is that going to deter him? :)
Oh, that wouldn't be difficult at all---she could tell him that her girlfriend is the jealous type and she'd kick his azz---because she outweighs him by around 50 pounds. :D | |
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Posted: 6/14/2012 4:30:44 PM | I hope you broke things off with him unless you were personally attracted to him.
Never lead someone on who you aren't interested in.
It'll only lead to pain for you both... | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:54:41 PM |
Bring your marmot as back up, and threaten to cut off his Johnson.
I say the marmot doesn't need to see this.
Why did you give him your #? Thats a good way to lead someone on. Sheesh women these days
It was unintetional, she meant to give him the marmots' #, but had a brain fart and gave the guy hers instead.
Pity you've already given him your phone number,so hope he doesn't blow up your phone!)
THAT'S when ya send in the marmot, to gnaw thru his landline phone wire and eat his cell phone.
Tell him you're bisexual and you've gotten back together with your old girlfriend.
I must be missing something. How is that going to deter him? :)
Indeed! He'll just want to join the festivities.( the marmot doesn't need to see this, either.)
Actually OP, I do absolutely GET what's going on with you.
I hate to hurt people, and I also know that between "not gonna happen" and "love at first sight", for me anyway, are many situations where I wonder if we mightn't grow on each other.I doubt I'm the only person on the planet with this policy. I am not one to demand instant chemistry,so I sometimes find myself in the same situation you are experiencing. It sounds like you've given it a chance to happen and it ain't gonna, to continue on is just going to make it worse for both of you...so you need to tell him that you just don't feel any match potential and because you don't want to give him false hope/lead him on any further, you are going to say good-bye and good luck.
Cindy O | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 9:56:42 PM | | While you may never know if you have hurt his feelings or not you should just be honest and let him know you are not feeling "it" for him. This way at least you know you have told the truth. | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 10:53:20 PM | | Whatever way you decide to go through with this just know that you nor anyone else controls anyone's feelings. Worry about your own feelings and if he's a mature person would be able to understand that he himself don't have control over your feelings nor anyone else's. I wish you the very best and just focus on pursuing on what makes you happy! | |
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| How To Be Polite in This Situation...
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:04:15 PM | | Do you have anything else better to do? I mean, you could always just oblige and meet him. What's the worst that could happen?! At least THEN you could say there was no spark. You might become good friends! THAT, or he could pull a disappearing act on you! Suggesting a meet is sometimes the quickest way to get rid of someone, just ask most of the people here. heh | |
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