| | How Young is Too Young in a Mate?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | So I'm 47 and I've been dating men around my own age with one exception. I'm meeting a man tonight who is 13 yrs my junior. My age range for matches is 35 to 55 so I feel a man aged 34 is not too far away from my preferences.
Needless to say, we are both a little concerned about the age gap; not so much for ourselves but if we decided to enter a relationship, what our friends and families may think and how the gap would impact our relationship over time.
Has anyone had such a large age gap and what problems (if any) did you encounter. Do you have any advice or tips on how to manage any issues? What are the pros and cons of being involved with a partner who is so much younger than yourself?
Thanks in advance. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:14:34 PM | | Why are you concerned about how Others perceive your relationship? You are both adults. Your personal life is nobody else's business. If you are having these concerns Now, then perhaps you should stick to dating men close to your own age. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:19:43 PM | | I think we're both more concerned about his children and ex-spouse than anyone else. His ex is younger than him and he has three small kids. I doubt my family would be too concerned; I've been dating a while and I think my parents would like me to re-marry or at least settle on a partner. I'm not bothered by the age gap at all...it's just a number. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:22:28 PM | I personally don't think 13 years is that big of a difference at the age of 47 if you are looking at date younger and not older. I dated a woman who was 8 yrs older than me when I was 34 who had two very beautiful daughters who were 19 and 25. I also dated a 34 yr old woman when I was 22 who had a 14 yr old son. The differences in our ages was more apparent to me when I was around her friends and family and in both of these relationships I ended up feeling awkward and out of place and they were both short lived.
The problems you are likely to encounter are the obvious ones - Being at a different stage in life with a different set of priorities and expectations for the near future and differences in energy and fitness levels. I personally could not see dating someone 13 yrs older than myself unless she was a very young, healthy and vibrant 67 yr old .
You are just going on a first meet so don't get too ahead of yourself just relax and be yourself and see if you hit it off and have some chemistry.
You may want to ask yourself if you want to be involved with a three young kids who have a mother who may be young enough to be your daughter. Is it going to bother you if most of his friends are also younger than you?? | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/14/2012 11:32:08 PM | My age range is 13 years either side: that is what I'm comfortable with. You date an age range that's comfortable for you and to h3ll with what anyone else thinks.
If friends, exes, or family don't approve then it's their problem; don't make it yours.
Have fun, and best of luck! | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 12:06:32 AM | my boyfriend is six years younger. in the past i dated ten years younger. i did find that one immature. but, some are not.
as i got older it worried me. i also have chronic lymes, so was afraid i guess i could not keep up. a good friend married a man 20 years older, she aged quickly just dealing with all his medical issues as he aged. for some, that's okay. however, i have not found a man my age or older that i've been attracted to. even my female friends are much much younger than me.
i do find significant differences even with the six years now, but that is because i am no longer working. we have different schedules and live apart. BUT, fact is, we had a mutually strong attraction to each other.
as for the lymes, he has his own aches and pains from computer work. most people don't see the age difference. at your age, i would not worry about it. if it gets serious, you have to decide if you are willing to risk. as once said on a cougar site, most marriages don't last that long anyways, so why worry about it.
on the other hand, i've met both men and women who had been seriously in love with a deceased one (ahem, before deceased) and that person was much much older than their survivors. so, they went on and met the next person. hard enough to find a good one, if it's more than just sexual, then go for it! just don't use age as an excuse for no love making:) | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 3:13:30 AM | Not sure why you're concerned about what others think. Let alone with someone that you have not met, nor been in a relationship with.
However, cross that road when it gets there, if it gets there. Also, if couples are in love with each other, nothing else would matter, not evern would friends or family say.
But you better check and make sure that the guy your about to see is not looking at you for some type of use.
My question is, who is the one out of the two of you that's bringing these subject up. I would really think about it, what's being said and how it's being said. If it's him, I wouldn't even meet him. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 4:43:01 AM | | If I knew a person of 47 years old was asking these questions I would be questioning THEIR maturity level. I mean,,,,,seriously. You're the one dating, so really, who the phuck cares what others think????? I mean, seriously. Again. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 5:00:14 AM | If I knew a person of 47 years old was asking these questions I would be questioning THEIR maturity level. I mean,,,,,seriously. You're the one dating, so really, who the phuck cares what others think????? I mean, seriously. Again.
Exactly.
OP - You are the one who, presumably, has the maturity and self awareness to make a well-considered decision about your age ranges.
I find it unsettling that you would set your "preferences," then come HERE looking for validation AFTER you ostensibly have worked it out for yourself. 
Maybe he would be better off to date someone who has a better sense of what they really want and are truly capable of. 
How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
I'm meeting a man tonight who is 13 yrs my junior. My age range for matches is 35 to 55 so I feel a man aged 34 is not too far away from my preferences. So bottom line ... Why would an experienced person set their age ranges without thinking about it first? | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 6:02:45 AM | Yes, yes, yesssssss.
We forumites live carefree lives, never giving the slightest crap about what anyone else thinks, ESPECIALLY those closest to us. Why can't you learn to be perfect like we are?
Actually they're right this time. You're borrowing trouble. Try to stop that.
Since many have travelled this road before you -- the pros and cons are very well documented and I bet you already know most of them.
Good for you for being open to love outside the comfort zone (whether yours or others). | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:26:03 AM | | This year I am 70. Last night I enjoyed a wonderful date with a 41 year old woman. At my age I find women from 20 to 30 years younger about the right age to date. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 7:54:29 AM | I feel around 30 years younger is too young in a mate. By mate I am assuming marraige. At that age difference, when I am 70 and she would be 40, a little too much to want her to stay with me and not enjoy her relatively younger age. I will probably be healty at 70, but no doubt slowing down alot.
Maybe if I was living in a village in a developing country a 20 year old would work out, but not in the USA. However, I don't know how much I would enjoy living in a farming village in a place I didn't know the language.
Dating IMO it doesn't really matter about age, people on PoF think 6 months is a LTR. So dating a 20 year old for a six months for me or her, no one loses out. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:02:16 AM | | Regardless of the age, just the fact you ask the question makes me wonder how comfortable you are in the relationship. If it was strong and "right" in your mind, you wouldn't care, and it wouldn't be an issue. Just sayin... | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:04:36 AM | He’s still within the half-your-age-plus-seven year guideline, so he’s officially ‘legal’. Not that I’d follow that – date a woman twenty years younger? Unlikely.
I dated a woman ten years younger during my thirties and that was a huge difference at that time. And an experience I wouldn’t repeat.
Life knocks some sharp corners off ya. You learn some humility. And the silent sweep of the second hand makes an audible click when you hit fifty and realize you’re playing the back nine.
That kind of passage (and stage of life) is an experience you don’t share with a much younger partner, and you don’t really want to. Its not their time yet. So there are differences in outlook and attitude.
But I think it’s an individual thing too. If you’re young at heart and they’re an old soul, the gap may narrow over time.
I think there was a lack of reciprocity in that relationship of mine. We weren’t like-minded. I would seek more similarity in a partner now. But who knows what life brings? If a door opens, you can walk through, even if it’s not what you thought you were looking for.
Friends and families usually come around when they see the relationship is solid. And if you’re active enough to keep up with the little tykes (and it seems that you are) then why not take it a step at a time and see how it goes? | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:29:09 AM | Op,if this is worrying you already..............................???
And,what happened to that other guy you were dating about a month ago?
Oops............never mind - i just read about him.
:sad face: | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 8:32:40 AM | | I'm 72. My guy is 52. We are head over heels in love. A totally unlikely combination, but it is working. Sounds crazy I know, but sometime you can over analyze things. Our families were aghast, yet we are still together. We just clicked on every level and decided it was worth the risks to find happiness. I wasn't looking to date younger, it just happened. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 9:14:36 AM | what does it matter what people think....maybe this is your problem....too worried about others...stop being a mom and be a woman..
Personaly I think its gross...i have date way younger women and had nothing to common, but sex...and they still could not keep up nor were they willing to do kinky stuff...Younger people seem to me have to many issues....stuff I already delt with in life....I persoanly like a woman in my age group..kids gone or almost gone..and we can focus on each other...plus we can get away with out worrie...I'm pass the video game age...good luck to you
plus I dont need a younger woman to make me feel young or better about myself...Im just saying...and yes I have young women always hitting on me....have 3 right now that are 27 and younger who want me badly...i just smile and say no thank you...I want a WOMAN... | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 10:32:03 AM | I agree with Lightbrown, msg. 7.
Am I understanding this right? You two haven't met yet are discussing how your long-term-forever relationship might seem to everyone?
Dear One, msg. 19: YAY for you! Hot dayum!!! I will keep the faith................. :)
Bounty, msg. 20: Please delete your profile and marry me.
EDIT: OP, you've now met. How did it go???
Bounty, msg. 20: Okay, we don't need to get married. Please delete your profile and lets date forever and ever............and ever. Thanks. | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 10:32:42 AM | How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
If he wears Pampers
You DO realize that can happen at the other end of the age spectrum, too?  | |
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| How Young is Too Young in a Mate?
Posted: 6/15/2012 10:33:59 AM | You DO realize that can happen at the other end of the age spectrum, too
Wearing pampers or some sort of incontinence protection ( the expression - "I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants" ... comes to mind ) happens to people in thier 40's and 50's from what I understand.
Yes and if I followed the guideline or age ranges of half my age ( 27 ) plus or minus seven as a guideline ( 34 to 74 ) I could be opening myself up to someone who is approaching thier second infancy or just getting thier carreer underway and still wanting to have her first child. That is way to broad of a range for me as a general guideline.
Yes we can look at age as just being a number . But when it comes to considering compatibility the important thing is what you are like and what is your life like, where is your life likely to head in the near future and where do you want your life to head in the future. For many of us to get this sort of compatibility it is more likely to happen with someone close to our own age. | |
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