| | Is waiting a bad thingPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I like to really get to know girls before i try to make a move I feel its important to know someone before choosing if you like them or not
but the problem with that is by the time i feel i like a girl they already have me lumped in the friend zone
are there any girls who think the same way as me
or am I really destined to be single unless i ask girls out spur of the moment | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/16/2012 10:42:02 PM | | Lots of gestures to choose from to keep you out of the FZ. Holding hands, an arm a round them while walking, a gesture of moving her hair from her face, kissing & such. Making moves is about intimacy & not necessarily sexual in nature. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 1:40:42 AM | There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting and being genuine.
Nubeginnings64 gave some really good advice.
Jumping into bed with a girl you don't have deep feelings for is shallow IMO and says a lot about the girl too.
Take your time... | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 3:34:38 AM | I am far from expert in these things, but I can tell you one thing for sure.
When it comes to being put into the "friend zone," that isn't caused by your failing to make a move soon enough. It's caused by the gal not finding you to be sexually attractive to her.
This is one of the ways where men and women are more similar than different, made confusing by our tendencies to express the same thoughts in different ways.
I guess I can tell you one other, similarly unsatisfying, but true thing: there is no such thing as a GENERALITY about life, no matter how commonly true it might be, which can be successfully used to choose a reliably successful course of action in a SPECIFIC situation.
With regards to trying to find a mate, that means that even if 90% or more of the women in the world claim when asked, to want a guy who 'takes things slow,' that doesn't mean that 'taking things slow' will work to please ANY given individual woman.
Nor will the advice from the most successful "players," to dive in 'head' first every time either work or fail for anyone else, reliably.
Stick with what you find to be comfortable, and realize that when a genuinely compatible woman comes along who likes you for who and what you are, that you will thereby succeed in making a solid thing happen. The world IS logical, in that sense. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 5:50:06 AM | OP,
by "make a move" it sounds like you mean "ask them out" rather than getting physical, based on reading your entire post
unless i ask girls out spur of the moment You have nothing to lose by making the ask-for-a-date move early on. Dating is a BETTER way to get to know them. There is no commitment involved in going on one single date.
the curse of being genuine Have a care there. "Me-good, they-bad " thinking is a trap. Me-nice-guy, me-genuine; girls-not-nice, girls-shallow; therefore any dating problems I have, are because girls are bad -- ignoring that other guys can do it just fine. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:10:21 AM | | OP, don't feel like you need to do something you're not comfortable doing. There are girls out there (like me) who also like to move slowly and get to know someone before doing anything intimate. Find one of those girls and don't worry about the others. I know there's no way I would allow myself to feel pressured to do something I don't want to do. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:11:25 AM | | No it is not a bad think I wish more guys would have some values m morals like u. Me being same ways as u know exactly how that feels only bc I don't do that on 4th date he texts me that that's not going to work. I realy don't get why guy wouldn't want to see if we can even get along n have things in common before engaging into that. So I personally think its a good thing but we r prop the only two ppl on that site who agree on that n that's actually is pretty sad | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:18:33 AM | Don't delude yourself. The masks don't really come off until you're behind closed doors.
Said the guy.
N btw its not true it happends to me more that on e that guy had feelings for me before we got to bed part. Can u call in love with someone without sex hard to belive but yes. Happend to me 3 times in my life u just need to find right girl who have values morals n respect for herself She is somewhere there | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:46:45 AM | monderdayhippie420
Making a move doesn't mean having sex within the first two weeks. But you have to show something, hand holding, kissing, etc. Women, just like men, don't like the friend zone or the vibe that they are there. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:02:57 AM | Nothing more painful than being told you aren't good enough to date but I'd still like you to take me places and entertain me...ala 'let's be friends.'
This is why a lot of guys - me included - talk about a 3 date 'rule'. As in, hold hands on the first date, kiss on the second, sex on the third. This will keep you from falling into the friendzone or at least give you a clue about where the boundary line is.
There are exceptions to every rule...say you're dating a girl who is a virgin or has only had one boyfriend or something like that...then you can bend the rules a bit. But the key part about making your intentions clear from the get go cannot ever be compromised. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:30:21 AM |
I like to really get to know girls before i try to make a move I feel its important to know someone before choosing if you like them or not
So when exactly is that?
I mean you seem to be arbitrarily choosing to wait until you "know" them.
So how do you measure you "know" them?
Do you keep a spreadsheet of facts about them on your computer? With like line 1,275 highlighted in red to let you know when you know enough about them?
Do you weigh certain information differently than others? Such as "well, I met her dad, that's worth 6 knowing points, and I found out her favorite color is blue, that's worth 2 knowing points....but she did have to remind me of her middle name, so I need to deduct 4 knowing points."
Or are you basing it on your feelings?
If you are basing it on your feelings, you aren't really basing it on what you "know" about them, you are basing it on a false sense of security that you will unconsciously manipulate depending on your mood and momentary desires.
but the problem with that is by the time i feel i like a girl they already have me lumped in the friend zone
IMO what is "actually" happening, unless you keep a fact spreadsheet, is you sit there passively, enjoying their attention.
Then you notice, not necessarily consciously, their indirect behavior putting you more and more into the friend zone.
You notice them losing interest in you, but you are too scared or passive to do anything, to take responsibility. Then you just maybe peek your head out and say the equivalent of "bbbbut I like you!" and expect everything to reverse.
Unfortunately, they've already decided to move on, and people tend to be consistent with their decisions.
So your "liking" them is more a reaction to them changing and not "liking" you, so you "like" them as a means to try and get them back to where they were.
But they don't want to sit around and wait for you, because you won't do anything unless it is a reaction.
Or basically, you're irresponsible.
So now you've built up this whole "I'm a victim, they need to give me time, they need to not change, they need to do this that and the other, for me."
When it's really "I just want to be passive and not take responsibility. I want them to simply stick around and validate me, chase me, show their interest in me, and I don't want to have to reciprocate or anything." | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:44:28 AM | "the curse of being genuine"
Somewhat.
Women don't want 'nice guys' or 'bad boys' or to be respected or any of the other BS they throw at you. They want the same thing you do; a relationship with someone that is attractive and has similar interests and goals. Also, you must understand that women can be jerks just like men can; they aren't all nice, honest, sweet or whatever. Once you understand those two things the bad experiences you've had, the times when a girl you dated friendzoned you or whatever will all make sense. | |
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Posted: 6/17/2012 9:04:01 AM | We all have that initial "attraction" to someone. Whether it pans out and is bolstered by other appealing things about the person is another thing. Taking a long time to make any kind of move is also a way of avoiding possible rejection.
I'd say make sure you SHOW your interest in some way and continue to get to know her. There has to be a little "spark" for both parties. Even if it's "scary," -make a move. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:53:28 AM | | Wow it realy wants me to quit looking hearing u guys realy by 3rd date. Ok now think about it if girl will do it with u by 3rd date she prob did that with any POF guy she went on three dates with. Do u rely want someone who slept with god knows how many guys to be ur LTR. Unless u r looking just to get some. N that is reason why there is more divorces than ever before n all of us r still on POF looking. Most of guys r sex hungry lunatics who wouldn't see good Honest girl with some morals n values. I guess all guys want to date sluts. Well I guess it sucks for me n authors of that post who is looking to get to know the person who he is whit insisted taking his pants of by third date. There is something seriously wrong with guys these days | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 10:58:39 AM | Women don't want...
N whoade u a specialist on that women want n don't n being a women what u wrote is bs n u know it. Agree that might be a few females that will do it. But not the most so before u write something like that make sure u have it right first | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 6:33:43 PM |
Katarzyna: Men aren't sex crazed lunatics. You give someone crap saying "women want" right after you say what men are. We like to have sex, that's true. Thing is, so do women. If you didn't, we wouldn't ever get to have sex with you ladies.
I have no agenda. I'm not trying to look cool on the forums like some guys here, I'm not trying to date you, or have sex with you, or anything. Let's be real. A lot of men are looking for a nice girl with morals, we really are. Problem is, they are flippin rare these days. Do you really know how hard it is to find one? Can take years. Might never find one. So, here we are, wanting to have sex, but have no one decent to do it with. That's where sluts come in. That's why we get a fwb. No guy wants to sit around and masturbate all the time while he waits for a decent woman to come along. If we did that, we'd be some lonely idiots.
He's right, we have needs, im sorry. But we try to meet women we like, but get shot down alot for a number of excuses. Women have a big list of requirments in order for a man to have a shot. Then when someone comes in and just wants fwb, we go for it, we get slammed. Can't win either way. Maybe you ladies with long list of requirments, shorten it, or lower your standards in the looks department. More to life than best looks! | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:10:01 PM | | That is why u r here bc after u slept with sluts over n over u become men whores urself n then no woman with morals m values will want u | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/17/2012 8:56:23 PM | | I'll take a Good Hearted SLUT over some Judgmental Frigid Ice Queen any day of the week and twice on Sunday. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/18/2012 1:09:10 AM | | When you meet someone in real life, you've already seen their face, heard them talk, hopefully seen them smile, gauged the way they treated you and are able to determine if you want their number to see them on a date, even though you know nothing about them. Why then, if you're online, would you want to prolong seeing them in real life? Hopefully there is enough on their profile and in a few correspondences to draw a conclusion if you're interested in them or not. Try your way a few times and when you waste months talking and getting attached to a seemingly imaginary person only to be disappointed by no chemistry when you finally meet, you will change your view/approach. :) | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:25:20 AM |
KatarzynaS
That is why u r here bc after u slept with sluts over n over u become men whores urself n then no woman with morals m values will want u
I’m sorry, I seem to have misplaced my gobbeldy-gook to English translator. Anyone have a spare that I can borrow?
Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
I'll take a Good Hearted SLUT over some Judgmental Frigid Ice Queen any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
+1 to that!
^^^ RedElectric, I like the new picture, very nice.
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:23:35 AM | | Yep when learn another language as well as I learned English then u can say something n i can have my opinion n apperently all u can get is sluts so good for u that's why I can't find decent woman | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:27:35 AM | | All just talk if everybody would be getting it as much half of guys wouldn't be here then | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:07:56 AM | | If by a move you mean attempting to kiss her, yes, that would be a bad thing. She needs and expect you to want to be physical in the beginning of the relationship. Think about it, if the relationship isn't physical on some level it is nothing more than friendship. You should be asking this question at the sex stage not when you just meet someone. And, as far as that goes, again, you should want to, but shouldn't force it. | |
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| Is waiting a bad thing
Posted: 6/18/2012 11:52:18 AM |
are there any girls who think the same way as me
There, grasshopper, is the task you laid out for yourself, finding those girls, or at least, one of them. Will she be worth waiting for? Only you can answer that. | |
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