| | do we know what we want?Page 1 of 1 | I read a recent article where a man said after 7 years with his partner he know nows what females want
he said...
I’ve been with the same person for seven years now. I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I have learned a few things along the way, some of which may be helpful to others.
I don’t say any of this from a lofty position of smugness because, to be honest, I know I could do with heeding my own advice here. In fact, halfway through writing this list of pick’n’mix tips, I stopped to take my missus breakfast in bed. It is true what they say: happy wife equals happy life.
Make a fuss of her on her birthday. If she says she doesn’t want a fuss, it means she wants a fuss. If in doubt: fuss.
She can pick faults in her family; you can’t. You might both be saying the same thing, but you don’t have the authority to say it. Knowing that will save you many a pointless argument.
Every problem doesn’t have to have an instant solution. That’s Man Thinking. Sometimes she just wants to talk about a problem and know you understand. That’s Woman Thinking.
Make an effort: leave the toilet seat down; change for dinner; pick your boxers off the floor. Don’t be selfish. If you’re making yourself a sandwich, ask if she wants one. It’s the little things.
She can decorate the place and make everything a whiter shade of pale if she likes (just put your foot down on pink). But the deal is you then get to choose all the electronics. However, when she says that TV is too big, she’s right.
Say "I love you" to each other every day. You both need to hear that. Hold hands in public. But no tongues. Eat dinner at the table once in a while. Talk about your respective days. Talk about anything. Just talk.
Don’t let her come between you and your friends. It’s even possible to make your friends hers too, but they’ll always be mainly yours. Maintain some semblance of independence. It’s called the Boys’ Night Out — a once-a-month free pass to drink, swear, shout, expel gas and suffer an I’m-never-drinking again hangover with impunity.
There has to be give and take. If she makes you watch Sex and the City 2 or have dinner with her freaky cousin, that’s a FUN credit in the bank for you to redeem as you wish. (Remember, FUN credits work both ways.)
If you can’t handle the freaky cousin, develop an impossible to- disprove medical condition, such as migraines or a bad back, as a Get Out of Jail card. Do not overplay it, lest any telltale behavioural pattern be discerned. It should be a last resort.
Arguing is normal — arguably healthy, even. Don’t bottle things up. But no swearing or threats. That’s a line you never cross. Sorry doesn’t have to be the hardest word. Just say it. And no "sorry but…" Simply say sorry and shut up. The next word should be hers. The last shouldn’t always be yours. Shoosh.
Never let the sun set on an argument. You’ll sleep like crap, wake up feeling crap and go to work feeling crap. Enjoy the make-up sex. At least something good can come out of the bad.
Tell her she’s hot. Make an effort to stay attractive for her. Don’t let complacency go to your gut. Repeat after me: none of her friends are "hot" — even if they unquestionably are. They’re "kind of pretty, I guess".
Don’t get caught in the Web. Naughty bookmarks are difficult to explain away. Click on 'Clear History'. Or you could be history.
Don’t fall for the much-touted idea that honesty is always the best policy. There are some things it’s just not helpful for her to know. If the truth hurts her, consider whether that truth ought to be told.
Book a surprise weekend away every year. Get her best friend in on the act to help. This will do your reputation no harm. Don’t sleep on the couch or in the spare room. It’s your place too. She wouldn’t, that’s for damn sure.
Don’t get a dog until you’re prepared to do most of the walking, feeding and cleaning up. I’m told it’s good practice for a baby. (We haven’t got there yet.)
Learn what her dad drinks and take him a bottle when you visit. Remember her mum’s and best friend’s birthdays. They’re allies you need to keep close. But don’t go overboard wooing them — that would be weird.
Trust her: jealousy is corrosive, self-confidence is sexy. Don’t give her reasons for mistrust. Remember: there’s no such thing as harmless flirting. Pay for house bills out of a joint account. You shouldn’t have to pay for it all. This isn’t the ’70s. Learn how the washing machine and dishwasher work. Do your fair share. There’s no such thing as Woman’s Work. This isn’t the ’70s.
It’s your job to put the bins out, dispose of vermin and fix stuff. (There is such a thing as Man’s Work, apparently.) Use this double standard to your advantage. God knows you could do with having the moral high ground once in a while.
Find a TV series box-set you both love (we chose The Wire). Then, over the next few months, watch every episode together. Go to bed at the same time. Learn to spoon. Take her breakfast in bed once in a while. You’ll be able to dine off that for days.
Make every Wednesday date night. Dinner; the cinema; a picnic at home curled up on the sofa in front of that box-set. Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s time set aside for the two of you. And McNulty from The Wire.
Send flowers, but never to the house. That’s a wasted chance to make you look good to her work friends. Flowers are expensive. Extract the maximum value.
Don’t take your relationship for granted. Sounds glib, but it’s the most important rule of all.
I was very impressed by this article so hard to share!! | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:21:17 AM | | Hey thanks for the time you spent on that. My eyes are opened to alot from past relationship now. cheers | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:53:51 AM | | Yes some good stuff there. But a bloke didn't write that, now come on ;p | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:20:48 PM | | so basicaly lie, decieve, fabricate, embelish, seek aproval n ull b in a happy rel- haha! no thanks! | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/18/2012 6:40:54 PM |
so basicaly lie, decieve, fabricate, embelish, seek aproval n ull b in a happy rel- haha! no thanks
One wonders why you are on this site then ?
anyway ...............
Yep I think that pretty much nails it...some excellent observations there and quite a few homes truths..I do wonder if it was written by a man, but yeah it could be.....now where does one find a man like that....now therein lies the challenge !!! | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:36:33 AM | | I think once we recognise the difference between what we want and what we need, life becomes far simpler and tends to work well for us. The hard bit is recognising it. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/21/2012 4:00:35 AM | if you really want the short version?
heres my secret . i shouldnt be saying this? but what the hell ... i dont lie so here goes .
from what ive learned over 27 years of knowing or dating women?
i do have a secret. not its not what you are thinking. well maybe?
back to the story ....
my thing is simple . i feel what people feel . good bad indifferent. ie . if your fibbing? im getting air raid sirens.
its a bit more complicated than you think,
it is not normal i might say? people that have experienced it? say its a gift?
not sure? i hope this adds to the spice here. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/21/2012 4:57:32 AM | ^^^Careful everyone, there's a psycho...oopps I mean psychic in the house.
Only joking....welcome :-) | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:10:57 AM |
so basicaly lie, decieve, fabricate, embelish, seek aproval n ull b in a happy rel- haha! no thanks! One wonders why you are on this site then ?
Aww come on Pookie, while some of the points are valid, you have to admit many are kinda shallow and condescending. How about something simpler like: "be genuine and be loving as best you can?" That would do me!
I always liked the Epicurean recipe for happiness. The 3 ingredients are friends, self-sufficiency and an analysed life. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:27:35 PM | | I think when you just adore the bejezus out of someone, those things tend to occur naturally rather than being some sort of strategy, and it is a pleasure rather than feeling like an effort. I think if you begrudge putting some effort into making your partner happy, you're probably with the wrong partner. And of course it goes both ways...just because 'happy husband, happy life' doesn't rhyme, doesn't mean it isn't so. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:13:39 PM | | Treating people with kindness (not just your significant other) will cover a lot of those areas. Being respectful goes a long way. I know a couple who after 50 yrs (they married in their 30's) still shop together holding hands, she fusses over him and he smiles at her when she gets a bit bossy. Best friends to this day. Now there is something to aspire to. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:43:14 AM | yup it truly rooooly was a guy writing this article, I was in shock ( lol )
what do I really want in a man....
respect is uttermost important to me, and kissing, he must be a fabulous kisser!!
thanks for your responses
CP | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:46:49 AM |
respect is uttermost important to me, and kissing, he must be a fabulous kisser!!
The last man that I became emotionally attached to -- was just that.
He kissed me for 5 (yes, five) hrs before we had sex -- it was sensational...
(and so was the sex)
But, who doesn't love a guy that can kiss? | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:06:52 PM | I really liked reading it and had me imigining how wonderful it would be to meet someone with that kind of understanding.
The realist in me says FAT CHANCE hahaha | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:14:16 AM | As I read the OP, I noticed that the expectation of having sex was not mentioned.
Don't get me wrong, I happen to believe that if the man does all or most of the things stated then he should not expect sex as a reward.
I wish I could say that I did all those suggestions mentioned but alas I didn't.
But then again I was married for 25 years, so perhaps a guy doesn't have to do everything listed but he does have to at least treat his partner with respect and dignity.
Oh, I nearly forget, he does have to make the effort of actually letting his partner know that she is his SIGNIFICANT partner. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:38:47 AM | | I want chocolate, really hot sex and world peace.....not much to ask really is it?? | |
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CPCPCP
| | Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 19 | |
| do we know what we want?
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:57:32 AM | I dont expect sex
but fabulous is always a bonus (and chocolates) if thats what we both want. | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 7/7/2012 2:34:10 AM |
I want chocolate, really hot sex and world peace.....not much to ask really is it??
In that order? | |
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| do we know what we want?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:58:18 AM |
I want chocolate, really hot sex and world peace.....not much to ask really is it??
Throws Hilly a Caramello Koala , Whacks her vibrator in the toaster ... and gives her 2 tickets to "Bhuddafest 2013 "
:) Job Done ! | |
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