| | Really how can women do things like this?Page 1 of 1 | I mean she says things like this...
"You'd make a great husband, you're a great guy, you have a lot of things I want in a partner, you're going to make a great father and provider, I love you but it's not enough".
and the she leaves me, I can see she's cut up, her eyes and face tell me that there is more going on in her head than what she will let me know, or will let on, we got along perfectly when we were together, except then she'd have an anxiety attack and push me away.
She says she needs to explore more, she's had chronic fatigue and at 28 this is the first time shes moved out and done things by herself, she told me before she met me she just wanted to be single for a year. I guess I have my answers, but this is really one of those things you just can't take or understand
She's driven career focused, we have almost everything you could think of in common, it's the things that would in most other circumstances make you want to spend your life with someone but then she's gone and told me all of it isn't enough. I think I'm a little lost now. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:07:28 PM |
Really how can women do things like this?
The same way that men can, and do.
I'm sorry that you're experiencing the pain of a breakup, but it happens to everyone who takes a chance on loving someone else. Maybe she cannot articulate what else it is that she wants or needs to make it "enough", but there's this:
She says she needs to explore more, she's had chronic fatigue and at 28 this is the first time shes moved out and done things by herself, she told me before she met me she just wanted to be single for a year.
Perhaps you ought to take her at her word.She's given you a lot more warnings before, and reasons after, than most people (men or women) get from anyone else.
I guess I have my answers, but this is really one of those things you just can't take or understand
Appears that you may have to "take it" even without understanding it. Sometimes, that's just the way it is...
Move on. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:28:03 PM | That is the thing about all of this, we are more open and honest with each other than most people ever are in a relationship and we've talked about that as well, but this is I guess one of those bridges in life you can't get across.
The thing is, I know for a fact this is killing her as much as its killing me, we've talked about it and the writings on her face, but all I can get out of her is that she says "I've made a tough decision." For her it really is a heart and head argument because she's told me herself, she likes "the idea of me" but can't get it right...
You meet someone like this and you don't want to let go, but I really don't know of any other ways of articulating myself that I don't think she should be doing this and its a two way street.
I just don't know really... | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:50:04 PM | Just an observation, if I were you, I wouldn't be looking for any type of relationship at the moment. You have looking for long term in your profile. You aren't over the one you are ranting about. I have a feeling if you go on any dates, she's all you're going to be talking about.
Also, men do the same things you mentioned. Perhaps the woman you are speaking of is afraid to commit to YOU. Maybe for her it isn't all roses, rainbows and unicorns. Don't chase after someone who doesn't want to be chased.
VVV and from your post below, it sounds like you are a control freak. " there isn't anything here that compares to what I had for me." I guess her feelings are null and void then? It's becoming clearer with your posts why she made her decision of not being with you. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:53:47 PM | I have thought some wonderful things about some men I have dated too.. Some have been perfect for me in theory but in reality they were not what I needed or wanted at the time. It sucks when someone comes into your life who is by all accounts wonderful, but it is the wrong time for you. Or just feels wrong.
Be thankful she is honest with you..
She doesn't wish to continue on with you. If you respect and care for her like you say, accept her decision. Move on and stop hurting her by making a hard decision even more painful. Who knows if you set her free she my come back to you. By holding on and trying to make things work you only succeed in driving her away. She sounds like she needs to find herself. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:54:31 PM | | My profile here is actually hidden at the moment because I was looking around and you're right, there isn't anything here that compares to what I had for me. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 7:57:21 PM | | It's the near-misses that hurt the most, I've found. And I never get used to it. Everything adds up on paper, but her gut says no. Sorry. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:01:21 PM | To post 7 If you're going to write 1 line comments to waste space in a thread here then please don't... I'm looking for actual advice, not anecdotes from people who haven't been here.
Yeah, it's the near miss that hurts the most... which is why I am here right now, rather than taking it as I would normally. Oh well, it's taught me what I actually do want rather than what I was chasing after...
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To the post bellow, I deleted my last account... | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:04:05 PM | I just scanned the posts and didn't see how long you two were together. If it was less than 6-12 months, I'd say you really didn't know each other well and were likely in the idealic initial stages of a budding relationship. Take what she told you at face value. Timing issues suck if it was indeed a good relationship, but timing is important. It doesn't work when the other person knows they aren't ready for a ltr.
If it was over a year, I'd say she still knows she's not ready and may be trying to sabotage it or may have unresolved trust issues. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:25:35 PM | i was so tempted to right a one liner... because in her one line... she said all there is to say...
people let us down easy... its not you... its me... you are great... I am just not ready yet... if I were ready it would be you.... blah blah blah blah....
get over it.... she broke up with you... she was obviously perfect for you..... however YOU were not her idea of perfect....
is that enough lines for you??? | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:27:16 PM | | Sounds like she really has her own problems to deal with and can't handle a relationship right now. It might be best for her to be single for a year, really. I don't think you're the problem. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:30:55 PM | I know I'm not the problem and that's the thing. She said "there's nothing that I've done." It's the thing though as per above, the ones that really could be something in another circumstance, or time, but it just didn't happen. It's these situations that I'll never understand.
I was only happen to gain a woman's insight into the situation, because I'm not getting it from her at least... and anyway, it's wrong to expect that from the one that's bitten you... She's already given me everything she can.
I really also seem to be copping it from all the women who have too much sexual tension on here though however.
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There's no need to treat me like an idiot, and there is actually a few answers in here that give me what I want to hear, but, it's over get over it anecdotes are far from helpful... Kapish? | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:47:23 PM |
It's these situations that I'll never understand.
Nobody does when it happens to them. Don't make your brain explode from it.
I was only happen to gain a woman's insight into the situation
And you have gotten several, but you haven't liked the flavor so far.
I really also seem to be copping it from all the women who have too much sexual tension on here though however.
Huh?!? | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:03:36 PM | | Dude, I am sorry that happened to you..But seriously, there are many women and men out there who say the same things and act the same way...Unfortunately, these people are not completely "fixed" or " healed" from past experiences...Yet, they continue to move on anyways and meet these great people, and poof!..Right when you think you're perfect for someone they pretty much tell you to beat it, you're just not what there looking for, it may not work out, it's not enough, etc blah blah blah...In my opinion, these are the most dangerous kinds of people to emotionally date, because they are not fully ready to make that step, to move-on, to let go and let someone else love them and give them what they are looking for, what they preach would make them happy, yet..they procrastinate and contradict almost everything if not everything to you...Sometimes they don't even realize how unstable and an emotional wreck their minds are, until it happens 20 times, or 0 or more..I mean sometimes it only needs to happen once..She may be driven career focused, but that doesn't mean she was focused on " you and her", or the "relationship", whatever you wanna call it... When someone gives you the green light and portrays this side of them that leads you to believe you're "it" or that you both have so much in common,..and then out of nowhere says " all of it isn't enough"..you walk away, and don't blame yourself...just walk away...find someone else who will appreciate what you have to offer and more, someone who will love you for trying to live up to there expectations and some...no-one should put up with that kind of unnecessary pain and heartache..It'll only leave you confused and with a bunch of un-answered questions...best of luck to you, sorry you had to go through that....smh | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:04:05 PM | "I really also seem to be copping it from all the women who have too much sexual tension on here though however." Back up the turnip truck there sobby britches........you are in NO position to assess anyone's sexual tension HERE.
For all the things you say, it's only your side of the story. What she told you, which doesn't seem to be totally the truth or the whole entire situation. It seems to be the crux of the problem as you stated it, is anxiety attacks, when she pushes you away. That just doesn't sound quite right, either. What causes her anxiety attacks, is that what they are - as diagnosed by a qualified professional? She could be on meds for them and the side effects could trigger other behaviors. I had anxiety attacks on one job, but none since I left. It only happened at work, they were triggered by stress.
Love is NOT enough to keep a relationship going. Only in fairy tales and romance novels (oops...I wrote one!) but seriously, just loving someone doesn't mean everything is just there that will make a long lasting, fulfilling and happy relationship.
She's made her decision, don't trigger panic attacks by stressing her out trying to get her back. People spend years and invest careers in understanding human behavior, you can't hope to do so in a few forum posts. You aren't the best one to try to understand as you're too close to this situation, you can't see anything about it objectively.
Just accept that it over, you hope the best for her (of course) and let yourself do whatever it takes to get to be fully healed. Then you can move on to find someone else. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:09:37 PM | Thank you, and yes, I figured... she won't admit it, but her ex-girlfriend was right in the middle of this for the first part of the relationship.
Even though she said she was over her and that it happened a year ago, a big part of me feels like this was just a rebound relationship and she's going to end up dating some other person not even realising that, that's exactly what happened like you said.
The thing is, she is a great person and she taught me about what I really needed and wanted in a relationship rather than what I had in the past, but it's just the time and space and I guess when it's like this it really just isn't meant to work out between two people.
Edit: To the person above, as for the medical condition, I know exactly what anxiety and depression is because I've had it and in that regard we're the same right down to the way that we deal with things. I didn't deliberately trigger her anxiety, I guess what she implied is that it might have been because of me but every time it happened I walked away.
That is exactly the thing, she is exactly the same as me right down to what has happened in our lives and yet it's just not going to work out between us. I mean I could write you a long winded post on anxiety and how to deal with it, but we've just both admitted we had a lot in common including that.
She is on mild medications, at the same time she told me it's not me and if it was meant to be me that probably wouldn't be an issue, that's the thing, I guess I wanted to overcome it but now she's given up which is perfectly fine I guess.
That's the thing, I am an open and honest and genuine person and what I say is what I've seen happening, I'm not going to sit here and tell stories or blow smoke out my own arse just to get attention. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:50:01 PM | Thanks for the clarification about the medical issue. I feel sorry for the people who have to deal with this type of condition. I know it can't be easy, and life can throw curves balls and be hard enough to manage without your own body chemistry throwing your moods into a frenzy.
You just have to believe that at least she felt it was for the ultimate best. I know it's easy to acknowledge that but it'll take time to FEEL it. We've all had it happen, last time it was easy for me because he turned out to be a totally different person SO QUICK!! I had no feelings for him but repulsion. But I've been heartbroken, it's not a fun experience. It seems by your posts that you are a really sensitive guy with deep feelings, and trust me, that's one thing many women want and is so hard to find. You'll be ready to love again someday, just know that and let yourself heal. There isn't anything you could have done, try to let it go. I hope your healing comes quickly and you find happiness again. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 9:50:19 PM |
she is a great person and she taught me about what I really needed and wanted in a relationship rather than what I had in the past
You've found something positive and learned from your relationship with her. A lot of people have breakups without learning anything. Hang onto the positive to help get through the pain.
I've also found that facing the worst pain first, and being determined to deal with it head-on, really helps. For example, if there was a particular place that you loved to go together, and you think it will bother you to go there again - just go and face the loss of her company there, and get it over with. It will help heal you faster, and will lessen the other pains as well. | |
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| Really how can women do things like this?
Posted: 6/18/2012 10:34:17 PM | | Wow, I have to say that she may have left because she could no longer stand you telling her how to think, feel and be the female you. I'm guessing she's feeling relieved to be allowed to be herself and is trying to sugar coat things for you until you move on and she can exhale. | |
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