| | Dating Single Parents with 4+ ChildrenPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | I have been on several dates with females from this site. To me the complication is finding a woman who is understanding when it comes to a single dad with 5 children to raise. Whilst the majority of single female parents are understanding to a degree, I find that the idea of 5 'additional' children is shocking to most, despite remaining clear that I am looking for somebody for me, not my children, I am a good father, mother, cook, taxi driver, nurse.... | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:08:56 AM | you maybe looking for someone for YOU... but u have to understand you come with 4 plus kids..you do have to understand thats a big order to fill. Even if your kids are grown, you still come with 4 plus kids...
good luck | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:13:09 AM | Knowledge not to split? Don't quite understand that comment.
Undoubtedly there is somebody for me, patience is a virtue ;)
Like the tv show idea! :D | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:54:31 AM | | Even though I have one son, I couldnt date someone with 5 kids, as much as you say you want to date for you, sooner or later the kids will come into the picture and 5 is just too much . | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 9:01:51 AM | If you are really looking for someone that you do not intend to introduce to your children you should stay alone.
You cannot compartmentalize your life so duh, if someone dates you and winds up in a relationship they are also essentially dating your kids.
My ex has had a girlfriend for 3 years, my kids just found out, all 3 are pissed. If you don't intend to do more than date a woman, just don't tell her you have kids but most women aren't going to want to date someone with no possibility of a future. You can't possibly be so obtuse that you don't get this. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 9:05:20 AM | Hmmm, end and wrong stick comes to mind, not necessarily in that order.
Of course my children will be introduced at some point, and I am clear on my profile that I am raising 5 children, I am not hiding the fact, to suggest that a person would be dating my children is ludicrous.
I am open and honest with my children, they are old enough to understand.
Ahhh, bless Firefox and spell check ;) | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 1:36:41 PM | | From reading your profile there were two things that struck me as severely lowering your chances. The first is that you actually have seven children. Although only five live with you, to be financially responsible for seven children you would have to be pretty well off. Which this then goes into the second item I noticed. You list your profession as "dad" and you recount an average day of you dropping off the kids and trying to find adventure for the remainder of the day. Hence, this sounds like you don't have a job. This ties into the first item and most women are going to think "what kind of life can I build with someone who is unemployed and has to support seven kids?" | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 2:18:06 PM | I have dated men with 2 kids are less before, and they had more issues with their kids or balancing out their lives ..than the ones I dated with more than 2 kids. The ones with 2 or more kids had it more together and were more balanced.
Dont worry you will find the right woman. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/20/2012 2:30:56 PM | | Hang it, eventually you will meet someone. My ex grew up with 9 brothers and sisters. His father died when he was 1 year old. His mother raised the kids on her own for 8 years. She met a man who had 12 children (!) they got married and stayed married for over 25 years. So you never know! | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:43:00 AM |
From reading your profile there were two things that struck me as severely lowering your chances. The first is that you actually have seven children. Although only five live with you, to be financially responsible for seven children you would have to be pretty well off. Which this then goes into the second item I noticed. You list your profession as "dad" and you recount an average day of you dropping off the kids and trying to find adventure for the remainder of the day. Hence, this sounds like you don't have a job. This ties into the first item and most women are going to think "what kind of life can I build with someone who is unemployed and has to support seven kids?
What an awful outlook on life you have, thankfully most people will see positive comments in the majority of profiles. I have the most important full time job, caring for my children, I wonder if you would have made the same comment to a single mother?
I provide an amazing quality of life for all my children.
Most women are certainly not going to think what you suggest but rather feel a sense of relief that there are decent fathers out there who will step up and provide love and care for their children when there are so many mothers, and fathers who do not give a damn about their children.
Try to find a more positive outlook on life and those you come across. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:38:58 AM | | If a lady had 4 or more children below the age of 18 that itself would not be an issue for me, but I'm usually the dissenter in these things. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:24:18 AM |
I DO NOT NEED, NOR WANT a mother for my children, I’m Mum, Dad, Chauffeur, and Chief Pot Washer!
I find that the idea of 5 'additional' children is shocking to most, despite remaining clear that I am looking for somebody for me, not my children, I am a good father, mother, cook, taxi driver, nurse....
I DO NOT NEED, NOR WANT a mother for my children, I’m Mum, Dad, Chauffeur, and Chief Pot Washer!
No offense, but my opinion is your position is unrealistic and entitled. If someone was to be involved with you romantically, they would, over time and the long haul, have to interact with your children. And involve themselves in some activity with your children. If you met a woman to marry, do you think you could isolate your children from having no impact on that woman's daily life and routine and it would require no effort, time and use of resources?
That's just, IMHO, totally unrealistic. You say you are not looking for a co-parent, but in a blended household ( What, in a long term situation, the woman isn't going to live with you but in a tree house somewhere?), the issue of co-parenting is naturally implied at some level. Are you going to live with a woman and split the utility bills based on the percentage of usage by number of people? I doubt that.
IMHO, all the "I don't need or want" stuff is, to my view, an issue of control. You want a woman to come into your life on your terms, even if your terms are logistically impossible.
No woman is required to be "understanding" of your situation. The way you phrase it implies a negative to anyone who doesn't buy into your routine, your life and do it your way. And you are also blaming your kids solely for you dating woes. Maybe its your kids. Maybe some women just don't like how you look. Maybe some women don't think you make enough money. Maybe some women think you won't shut up or they don't like the tone of your voice or hate the way you do this or that in the morning.
How many women are you asking out who are in wheelchairs? Or have some other handicap? Or have Tourettes? Or are bipolar? You want to push this "understanding" angle, but how understanding are you to other people you don't want to date?
If I was a woman, I wouldn't trust what you say about yourself. Why should I? Likely you have a set of rules you want other people to comply with, but odds are you won't follow them yourself.
Find a woman with five kids herself and then you'd be set. If you love kid so much, raise 10 of them. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/21/2012 1:14:32 PM | You asked why it was hard to find a woman who was understanding when it came to a single dad to five children, I simply told you what I thought could be some of the issues a woman might find in this situation. While I agree wholeheartedly that any individual (man or woman) that brings children into the world should take care of them, to think about the reality of the person who is not a parent to your children is not being negative.
As another poster stated, in the long term, the woman will be a part of your household. So why shouldn't someone who sees you as a perspective long term partner not think about how the relationship will play out? Part of that is the day to day living and expenses. It is realistic to think how much five (or seven) children will cost and how things will be paid for. Add in the fact that you don't have employment and most women are again going to think of how are we all going to live (on one paycheck--hers?). I'm sorry if you find my outlook negative, but I prefer to think of it based on reality. I really do wish you the best of luck in finding a partner. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:08:39 AM | For a one night stand, fwb, nsa and the likes... you should not have a problem, regardless of numbers of children.
Not different than any other women, regardless the number of children she might have.
From dating to a relationship, sooner or later, those children will be part of her moral obligations and responsabilities derived from the participation in common life.
Your pool are very limited by the quantity.
Not different situation than to any other women -as stated in several threads- facing the same limitations regarding potential patners even with lees children under her care.
For a childless woman there is not appeal to be with you. Either by her choice of not having to deal with children or by the implied considerations on her planning to have in the future.
For a woman who already have children there is little appeal on it too since it will be an add on/sum up to an already high number of members according to present standards for average family.
The major problem is not about understanding of your situation but, acceptance of your particular parenthood.
It´s not to say it won´t happen.
It´s just a call for reflexion as to build up patience and undertanding from YOUR side that your offer of such family size is only atractive to a handfull of potential partners. Not the average dating pool. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:51:39 AM |
Just because you have experienced one loafer doesn't mean we all are.
Now, Op, YOU came on here asking some questions. Do NOT dismiss the answers you get just because you don't like them. The replies SHOULD be something you read and understand. Not dismissing. You can be positive on your outlook,but, do not dismiss other's experinces just because you "think" you are "different" than the others.
Raising 5 children is work. A lot of work. Which is time consuming. And if you are spending time with your children, less time for that significant other. You can't blame some for not wanting to be involved in a situation like this. YOUR situation,not theirs.
This is well stated,
The major problem is not about understanding of your situation but, acceptance of your particular parenthood.
It´s not to say it won´t happen.
It´s just a call for reflexion as to build up patience and undertanding from YOUR side that your offer of such family size is only atractive to a handfull of potential partners. Not the average dating pool.
With this,understand that there are a lot of us WITHOUT 5 children that have a tough time finding that "significant other". In your situation, you are going to have be a very patient man. You will attract what you will attract. And your children ARE PART of the equation,no matter what YOU think. | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/22/2012 6:17:42 AM | OP: You and your babies are a package deal. You can't date somebody for just you, without including the children in the decision to establish the relationship.
Also, would you consider somebody who is not as attractive, but with whom you have the best chance of establishing a loving relationship, if she were 50 pounds overweight with several children of her own? | |
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| Dating Single Parents with 4+ Children
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:10:16 PM | | I have 4 children and I have not have had any issue with men. I'm always up front and honest about my children, however, I am very cautious about who I bring to meet them. I essentially only want what's best for both them and myself. | |
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