| | He Cuts Me Off???Page 1 of 1 | | So I've been talking to this guy for awhile, he's out of town, but every now and then he cuts off our conversation when I ask him certain things. After a month I asked him if he was looking for a hook-up or a relationship and he kind of shrugged me off for a few texts and finally said he wasn't looking for a hook-up. I mean we have been on three really great dates and he hasn't even tried to kiss me yet so I believe him. But tonight I told him that If I am sexually involved with him my libido calls for it at least every other day. He replied with "lol" I asked "Why lol? I'm serious" then he said he had to go to bed. He does work a lot, maybe he's just really tired? I'm a little confused as to why he does this. Maybe It's just how he is? | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 2:27:28 AM | Who can know except him? But I'll throw a few ideas out
You don't specify the questions you asked that got rejected, but...
Maybe you're asking intrusive questions that are none of your business.
Maybe you're asking questions that are inappropriate for the level of intimacy you've reached so far.
Maybe your questions are nonsensical so he doesn't see the sense in answering--sorta like asking him if he's looking for a hook-up when he hasn't even kissed you yet.
I'd have been totally insulted by that question based on behavior alone. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 4:16:13 AM | Since he's still in touch with you, I wouldn't think that you've offended him. But as Left of normal said, only he can say, especially as, from your description, he is a "man of few words."
As for "cutting you off," if he is doing that, I quite agree again with Left, that since you have only been on three activity dates only with this guy, but are leaping right past the "getting to know" stuff into your "I have a high libido you have to deal with" monologue, that it isn't surprising that he would do so.
I'm going to guess (note that this is a pure guess, devoid of supporting evidence) that one of three things is true:
1. He isn't a very sexual person at all, and is dating you for company. You are 'barking up the wrong tree' given your goals.
2. He recognizes that his current schedule wouldn't permit the sort of regular sex you are talking about anyway, and because he isn't into sexting, the only response he CAN give is 'lol.'
3. He's trying to figure you out, and is confused by your gung-ho desire to go from three dates with no kiss, directly to daily or semi-daily trysts. I know that despite my own desire for a far more regular sex life than I've had for the last fifteen years, that I would be put off as well by someone who wanted that much sex without knowing me that well. It bespeaks the sort of disastrous situation which I've dealt with before, of being with someone for whom I was only a live-action doll of some sort. Being a sensitive creature as well, with my own emotional needs to be satisfied, being used as a dildo isn't in the least flattering. Never again for me.
Again, as he has not rejected you for other reasons, if he's going through this sort of consideration, he is hoping to find that the two of you do well while he is gone, so that when he gets back, there is a chance to progress past this, into a real relationship based on genuine affection, and not just mindless lust. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:22:34 AM |
I mean we have been on three really great dates and he hasn't even tried to kiss me yet so I believe him. But tonight I told him that If I am sexually involved with him my libido calls for it at least every other day. He replied with "lol"
Lol, playing that game of "touch-me-not" unavailability has gotten him this far, three dates and you are wonderin about him and now YOU are initiating the sexual talk,
so it has worked for him and next time you see him he thinks you may be ready to jump his bones...
Couldna better trained him myself. Maybe I actually did... | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:37:30 AM | Got to love being a guy. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Have you tossed around the notion that the guy might just be showing you some respect? Maybe he wants to decide whether or not there's a future with you before he gets intimate. Guys catch hell all of the time for not staying around to finish what they start.
Had he jumped in the sack with tou on one of those 3 dates and then decided that he wasn't that into you, would you be writing another type of thread here next week? | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:41:14 AM | | He hasn't even tried to kiss you and you are bringing up the subject of how often you want sex?? You can't see how that comes across as totally aggressive and repulsively masculine on your part? He probably feels you are pushing things too quickly that he doesn't even feel with you at this point and he is too polite to tell you. If I were you I would back off completely (as in no contact) and let him come to you. You need to let him feel like a man and pursue you sexually. If he is going too slowly for your liking, then get rid of him and move on to the next guy. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:26:40 AM | You did all of this texting OP????
Don't you think that this kind of conversation deserves a face to face discussion and open communications? If a woman told me with text that she needed it at least every other day, I would think that she is either very horny, or hoping that I will ask her to come on over right now.....lmao
Three dates and he has not even kissed you or touched you, most of your conversations are with texting, and you wonder what he is thinking? If a woman told me with text that she needs to get laid every other day and we have not even kissed, I would be thinking that she just wants a hook up and/or FB.
Set a date with this man, be open and honest with him about your concerns, needs, and desires, and let him talk to you as you talk to him. Check out his body language, his tone of speaking, his eyes, and let him see all of yours and then decide if you two are compatible for each other or just a hook up every so often.
cd | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 9:26:50 AM | You might be either going too fast or too aggressively for his comfort level.
You also may have put him off if he's not experienced with aggressive women.
I expect the "lol" was because he was either uncomfortable with the topic, or how forward you were, or possibly he was just flabbergasted and didn't know how to respond.
He also may be somewhat shy. You're 21 years old... if he's in his early 20's, this could be somewhat new and uncomfortable territory for him. Not to mention, he may have his own particular views on when sex is appropriate.
Back off a bit, get to know him better, desexualize the relationship a smidge and see what happens. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:03:39 AM | Sounds like he is taking your relationship slowly in regards to the physical aspects. Perhaps he is shy or doesn't want to scare you away by being too forward. Perhaps he's not clear on the "dating rules" crap. Perhaps he hopes that you will make the first move so he won't have to face the possibility of rejection.
As far as him having to go to bed after you telling him that you need a good thrust every other day, that may have been manspeak for I have to go rub one out now and then passout after my self-induced happy ending! | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:28:24 AM | Do you see how asking someone after 3 dates if they want a relationship is completely jumping the gun, as is the sexual ultimatum before you even kissed? It's been a month of texting or whatnot, but it's only been 3 dates. (Ignore the "rules" of dating, they are lame. 3 Dates=Sex has been permeated into peoples' brains somehow.)
Not ALL guys move at the speed of light, sexually. Some DO want to know/care/trust the woman. You have given a big opening for him to be overtly sexual with you in your conversations, and I agree he must not be aggressive in pursuing sex. Doesn't mean he doesn't want it (or you.)
How OFTEN someone wishes to have sex is totally different than how SOON they have sex with someone.
You found a guy that isn't "all about sex," apparently. That magical unicorn that supposedly doesn't exist. You're the rare woman with him in your possession. What are you going to chose to do with this man now? The ladies need your experience and guidance in this matter. ;o)
He doesn't trust you. (Yet.) | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/21/2012 11:50:37 AM |
If your libido calls for sex every other day, we should become friends. My libido calls for it every day and I'm free tues, thurs, and sat.
there you go... Mementomori32 just solved your problem. lol | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:42:30 AM | | It kinda sounds like he is not sure wheather he is looking for a hook up or a doserious long term relationship most people know what thay are looking for a pause does not sound good it sounds like he is trying to think of the right answer as for the lol when u told him u have a vary healthy sex drive that is much harder to guess at and finally how do u turn your sex drive off every other day | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/23/2012 11:52:20 AM | Maybe you're more experienced than him and he's scared but is interested in you anyway. I think you're just moving too fast for him. Three dates seems like a bit much without even a kiss, but if you like him, stick around. He might work out. Maybe you should ask him in an open non confrontational way. It sounds to me like he's a little bit scared.
And I don't agree with backing off completely (as in not even talking to him) and letting him pursue. He probably won't, because he won't take the hint that you are trying to get him to chase you. But definitely turn the heat down a little.
A lot of problems can be solved if people would COMMUNICATE. Do you really like this guy? Then talk to him. Is he moving too slowly for you? Then talk to him. All of this is predicated on the assumption that you are looking for a relationship and not just an fwb thing.
Bottom line? Leave the psychobabble pickup artist bullsh!t mind games on MTV where it belongs and just COMMUNICATE! | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/23/2012 2:07:29 PM |
he cuts off our conversation when I ask him certain things.
Maybe stop asking him certain things, and start telling him exactly what you want?
After a month I asked him if he was looking for a hook-up or a relationship and he kind of shrugged me off for a few texts and finally said he wasn't looking for a hook-up.
That can be interpreted many ways.
I don't know what you are asking.
Personally, I would interpret that as asking "do you want a one night stand? Or are you looking to get married?"
I don't know what you consider a "hook up" a one time thing? FB? FWB? hang out for a while and consider dating? Just making out?
I don't know what you consider a "relationship." A commitment? Specific behavior? Guarantee to work towards marriage? Dating and seeing where it goes? Dating just each other to see where it goes?
I mean we have been on three really great dates and he hasn't even tried to kiss me yet so I believe him
Over how long a period of time? Was it last Friday, Saturday, and Sunday?
One day each of the past 3 months?
Is he seeing anyone else?
Were they "hanging out?" or actual "dates?"
Does that include meeting at starbucks for 10 minutes twice?
But tonight I told him that If I am sexually involved with him my libido calls for it at least every other day.
Does that mean you want to have sex?
Or is that a teaser like "you better hurry up and commit to me so we can have sex, because I need it, or I'm moving on!"
What were you hoping to gain by saying that?
And what happens if you don't have sex every other day? Does that automatically mean you aren't interested?
Or sex is bad?
Are you just testing me to see if I want to have sex with you?
What exactly can I say to that? "Okay, let's start having sex!" or "well one day we will have sex," is that an invitation to come over right now?
Saying shit like this implies there is a "right" response.
If I got a text like this, I'd probably say "lol" too.
I asked "Why lol? I'm serious" then he said he had to go to bed.
He might have said that to try and phish out, from you, "can I join you?" just to try and get an idea of how he was "supposed" to answer the previous statement or question.
I'm a little confused as to why he does this. Maybe It's just how he is?
You're confused because communication sucks.
You have to work directly with him.
Relying on text is just going to frustrate you further. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:03:17 PM | | From my experience there's two types of girls, 'keepers' and 'sleepers'. The sleepers are the ones you just want to ****, serial dating but nothing serious. The keepers are the ones you envision raising your kids. Telling a guy that you have a high libido and you require getting ****ed every other day after three dates puts you in the sleepers category. It lowers your long term value. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:08:41 AM | | His evasiveness raises suspicion. I'd suspect I was being kept around as an option and he's dating others in the hopes of finding who he really wants to be with. That's how your post strikes me. If he wanted to take things slowly, all he had to do was tell you. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:36:59 AM | Telling a guy that you have a high libido and you require getting ****ed every other day after three dates puts you in the sleepers category.
Thats right! Admitting any type of sexual feelings or urges, as a matter of fact any feelings of your own at all, makes you a worthless hussy!!!*sarcasm*
Hes not willing to talk about where its going meaning hes not thinking its going anywhere. Sorry to say it honey, hes not into you that way, if he was he would make it very clear to you how he feels as to not lose you.
hes not admitting it yet, but the lack of willingness to express his feelings is a clear sign hes only in it for the goods. | |
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| He Cuts Me Off???
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:06:05 AM | | It sounds like one of two things to me, either he's not really into you, or he's very shy or embarassed with your straight out sex talk!! Hey not all guys like that--they like to take charge of that issue and you bringing it to the forefront maybe intimidates you!!! Anyway, my advice like to any other girl who asks me a question about their relationship blah blah blah is BE DIRECT and ASK HIM STRAIGHT out--all the QUESTIONS you have and DON'T stop till they are answered--listen COMMUNICATION is NUMERO uno in a GREAT relationship--u know that--if he can't do that with you effectively it's TIME TO MOVE ON CUTIE!! | |
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