| | How to break up with Mr. Won't Work OutPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I met C at a reunion. He hosted it in his enormous home. He also drank a lot of wine and acted like a baboon. He is highly intelligent, and he is morbidly obese.
C wanted to lose weight. Because of my background, I was recruited into helping him. However I quickly learned that he has no interest in what I have to say. In fact he is his own expert on just about everything and he talks and talks ad nauseum. His beautiful wife died 6 months ago, and I secretly think it was of boredom.
C is taking the summer off to lose weight and he calls and texts several times a day. He has a comment about every fb posting, etc etc.
Okay this is stupid and the recourse is obvious. However he is a recent widower. How do I let him down gently and with respect without putting a sock in his mouth? | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:50:10 PM | Sounds to me like he wants more than you are willing to give. I can't say I blame him.
It also sounds like you are looking for an easy way to tell him no.
The guys is a grown man. Treat him as such and just tell him like it is. Something like I'm not sure what you are expecting from me, but I hadn't planned on getting involved passed a little bit of weight loss advise. Recommend a personal trainer that doesn't mind spending the time (for a fee) with him to achieve his weight loss goals.
I can't see getting around this without being straight forward. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/21/2012 7:52:35 PM | How about-It's not you, it's me :)
You are not responsible for his happiness and you shouldn't keep seeing him because you're afraid he's already too hurt, that's called pity, never good.. You're not interested in him, so tell him however you tell him, just get it over with quickly. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:06:10 PM | | Tell him he has no right to talk about a proper diet or training.He listens to you or no go.Even advanced athletes hire trainers for certain periods. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:51:08 PM | Op,can you limit your conversations to him and make sure they're ALWAYS in regards to his weight-loss program?
And,dont enter into any personal chit chat.....
Easier said than done,im sure.
A man like that would get on *my* nerves bigtime! | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/21/2012 8:56:55 PM | So OP you were dating a fat intelligent guy you were hoping to turn into the buff body man of your dreams and it didn't work out. Just tell him you are too shallow to want him only for him membership in MENSA.
Since you say he knows everything you could start with I know that you know this already but I can't see you anymore because you will never look like the guy on the side of a bus posing in his underwear. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/21/2012 10:50:36 PM | Come on Dino
How many intelligent but obese women have you given the time of day to? We want someone we are attracted to physically naturally. You are no different I am sure. She just wanted him to lose some weight, not look like Mr Universe. She is bored with his personality as well. I dont think she is dating him. She is a personal trainer.
He wants more but with just recently widowed he is vulnerable. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:54:32 AM | | From your description of the guy, I'd be surprised if you could really hurt him by simply telling him the truth. He probably won't like it, but that's his problem - not yours. You're just wasting your time.... | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:09:43 AM | He may not realize he is being the southern end of a northbound horse and just because his wife tolerated it does not mean you have to. Block the guilt....then block him on Facebook and your phone.
Once he stops monologuing, he will figure it out. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:41:11 AM | No more massages, in the first place. Tell him to take few years off to forget the wife, then ignore him.
Or, how about a simple: " I am not interested". | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:47:52 AM | ...slip out the back, Jack
...make a new plan, Stan
...just set yourself free..............Paul Simon, "50 ways to leave your lover"
...get on the bus, Gus :) --sorry-- yep, need more coffee. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:49:48 AM |
Okay this is stupid and the recourse is obvious. However he is a recent widower. How do I let him down gently and with respect without putting a sock in his mouth? Look the only nice way to handle this is to NOT use socks OK? Use panties. If you wear tiny panties and he has a huge mouth then go to Walmart and use cheap ones. Buy a handful. No need to waste perfectly good Victoria's Secrets thongs on this one it sounds like. Get a handful of cheap panties at Walmart and just cram them in.
Cowboy | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:31:53 AM |
However I quickly learned that he has no interest in what I have to say
OP, just tell him straight out that he's a highly intelligent, morbidly obese baboon. He won't really 'hear' you anyway, so he won't take offense. Then just walk away, physically as well as cyberspacially. He may not even notice you're gone. Being a recent widower has nothing to do with an obnoxious personality. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:44:00 AM | I didn't get the impression that they are or were dating from the OP or that SHE was trying to change him in any way (correct me if I'm wrong, OP)...just that they met at a reunion and he asked for help with weight loss. I'd say that the loss of his wife has put him into a place where he's in no position to make such a life changing alteration, he's still grieving - and the weight gain and drinking may be part of that. Perhaps counseling is more his speed right now.
The best and healthiest of us would need some kind of support after the death of a spouse or other loved one, so no doubt he's not thinking straight. I agree there's no reason for him to be a know it all, or belligerent, though.
Maybe he's trying to recruit a counselor indirectly or find someone he can talk to by using the personal trainer angle? I'd tell him he should look into a bereavement group or find some sort of support for his wife's death and put getting healthy on his list for when he's more ready to take it on. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 7:39:32 AM | Come on Dino How many intelligent but obese women have you given the time of day to?
I typically don't get into a relationship with someone hoping they will turn into something they are clearly are not - if the attraction is not there to start with then I don't go any further.
In some defense of the guy some people do become obnoxious as a coping mechanism to keep people at a distance and thus prevent themselves from being vulnerable sometimes without really being aware of it ... typically this is something that happens early in life and has become an ingrained habit so I doubt his personality and attitude is something he developed since the death of his wife. Becoming obese could be a result of using food and booze as an emotional crutch. I certainly do not know enough to say one way or the other.
If the OP is just his personal trainer and everything has been kept on a professional level ( and not the oldest profession ) then severing ties would not be something she had to fret about. My post was a bit tongue in cheek in case you did not get my humor. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:33:31 AM | You do not seem happy or impressed with this man and his personality and style, so why not help him but carry a "sock" with you and when he starts in or asks you about it..............you can tell him it is for his mouth, attitude, and more!!
That should about take care of it, and if you have the guts to do it.....send pictures.....lmao
cd | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:57:46 AM | Just tell him sorry you can't handle all the attention he seems to need.. you're too busy and you hope he finds someone else to help him.
His beautiful wife died 6 months ago, and I secretly think it was of boredom. That was LOW. | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:38:38 PM | OP
I don't quite understand what it is you are asking-if this is a professional relationship( you are his weighloss coach) or even if you are doing this as a platonic friend, I think you need to tell him that you have little faith in your ability to truly help him, and suggest that he needs to find someone else as a weight loss coach. The point brought up that he may actually be more in need of emotional counseling right now is also a good one.
I agree also that your comment about the cause of his wife's death indicates a serious lack of respect for the man, and to successfully train, coach or be a romantic partner for another adult, respecting them is crucial.
Cindy O | |
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| How to break up with Mr. Won't Work Out
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:55:37 PM | I don't understand the question.
I would have guessed you were working as his personal trainer.
I've had a personal trainer, and I've never worried about how
to break up with him. I just needed to stop paying and going.
Why does he seem to think you're in a relationship?
Maybe just ask him that...and tell him he's confused?
You clearly don't like the guy, so I'd put him onto another
trainer, lest your contempt starts showing, and clearly that
would be bad for business. | |
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