| | How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Here is the back story. When we got this apartment, we were both single. A month after we moved in my roommate got a text from his ex-girlfriend (who he had not spoke to in over a year.....bad break up ) asking if they could meet and catch up. They met up and he slept with her that night. Long story short, they are now very much back together. The problem is she is over at our apartment at least 4 days a week. Two of those days occur in 48 hour blocks. They also are in the honeymoon phase. Which means constantly hugging, kissing, giggling, and wrestling with each other. I usually stay in my room with the door closed when she is here, but that backfires at night when they engage in their marathon love making sessions. Our rooms share a wall so I hear things. Did I mention I am single and hating it. So seeing your once fun single wing man roommate now basically married and doing married people things is annoying.
I should mention, I have no problem with his girlfriend's personality, she does not eat my food, or leave the common areas messy, and we occasionally talk about random subjects like reality TV(a subject my roommate could not care less about) but we are not hardly friends.
I should also mention , the girlfriend has her own apartment and my roommate says her apartment is much nicer then ours!!!
So with all of this, how would you tell your roommate his/her boyfriend/girlfriend is over too much? | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:33:24 PM | Tell him that she does not have her name on the lease and that they need to minimize the time spend over at your place.
Tell him that he is disrepecting you and not taking you into consideration at all. Ask him nicely if he would spend time at her place too.
Let him know that you don't mind her being over but say; hey man, it's too much. You would like to have your privacy and that you feel you have to give him his while she's there so you stay in your room with the door shut.
You feel that you are being isolated in your own place and feel that you can't walk to the bathroom or kitchen in the middle of the night because she could be out in the open.
Tell him you are willing to compromise two days at the most out of the week that she's over. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:46:51 PM | | Just tell him it is it but out of brotherly love, that she is over at the place too much and suggest to him that he can always visit his girl's place too. I used go thru that crap too but after me talking to my roommate about it he goes and sees his girlfriend and is mostly out of my hair. :-) | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/23/2012 8:57:06 PM | | Save your money and start looking for a new roommate, he'll be moving back in with her soon. Also, don't let him move back in with you when it doesn't work out, again. Next time draw up a good, fair, honest roommate agreement with the next person you move in. And just tell him to his face, she's annoying and you would like him to spend more time at her apt. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:27:50 PM | | Just chill, and try and hang with them...you said she shares reality tv interests, she is not messy, or does not eat your food, your roomie is still your wing man but with a ball and chain,lol...You can hear them having sex,lol, enjoy...Friendship is important do not get jealous when a girl plops here butt in the middle of it... | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/23/2012 9:38:08 PM | I would defintely have a sit down with him...going something like this
You: I want you to know I like "Jenny" but I like my apartment more. I get that you guys are totally into each other but I really need you to be "in" to her at her place more than here. When we moved in together it wasn't for a three's company situation. I am glad you guys are together but dude...if you want to be with her do it at her house! I like being in my living room and my kitchen that I pay half the rent for without a chick hanging around. I'm not against women but I'm not ready to live with one and that is how I feel things have been going around here. I spend more time in my room than I do out in my living room and its really getting to me.
I mean...what if it was me who had my girl up in here all the time and you couldn't enjoy your own house without my girl up in your vision all the time?
Does that make sense to you?
Him: I thought you liked her man. You can hang out with us anytime you want. She likes you. This is messed up.
You: OK I get it. She can stay. You guys win...it will give me a break on the rent and bills too. So next month we can split everything three ways.
Him: She already has her own place and you know it. This is stupid. I'm moving out.
You: Ok cool. I'll put an ad in next week. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/23/2012 10:13:37 PM | Sure your not asking the wrong question...
"Does your girlfriend have any single friends?" might be a better question.
Otherwise you could just say to him,
"Hey man, think you and your girl could hang at her place a couple nights a week, I'm not getting any sleep." | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:15:57 AM | Take your roomie aside and politely tell him that we got this apartment together so we could both enjoy the TV as well as other things. Necking, kissing, cuddling can be done in HIS room or HER apartment. It should not interfere with what you want to watch on TV or have to feel uncomfortable they are at it again on the couch. Nor should you have to hide in your room. Remind your roomie you are not paying for a one room apartment but shared accommodations. Her 48 hour welcome was not what you signed up for and seeing that she has the nicer bigger apartment perhaps it's time they start enjoying it together. Be prepared to find a new roomie after announcing your mixed feelings about her. She will either take him with her and leave you behind to pay for both or tell you to find another roomie. Then again... your roomie may ask you to move out so he can move her in.
Either way, you need to tell him what's going on and hope he doesn't take it personally.
Good luck with that. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:35:59 AM | Go make some microwave popcorn.
Enter the room, sit down in a chair, and watch. Most likely, they'll be so engaged they won't notice.
When they finally notice and ask wth you're doing in the room, explain to them that since they were so loud and you were unable to watch the movie, you needed some sort of entertainment. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:58:35 AM | | Why on earth can't he stay over hers, or does he do that the other 3 nights of the week? I feel sorry for you. I was in this situation myself a few years ago and it was horrible. they took over the whole house and I was relegated to my room. they would take baths together for hours, and I even got texts asking if I could stay out so they could basically have marathon sex all over the house. In the end she got pregnant, and started preparing our spare room for the baby. I had to draw the line there. I AM NOT THE FATHER! Like your roommate, her boyfriend had his own place too where he lived by himself but still they would be at ours all the time. go figure! | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:23:32 AM | | At this point talking to your roommate about this situation is only going to cause problems, so chalk it up to a lesson learned. I would look into moving out at the end of your lease. If you decide to try the roommate thing again, avoid this situation by going over and writing down the rules of the house before you move in together. Or you can do what I did and live by yourself. It is possible to do so, even with a limited income. I know my experiences with having roommates have made it so I refuse to ever live with a roommate again. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:26:23 AM |
OP your post is well written and funny! Maybe you can go crash at her place!
That's what I was thinking...
OP, if your roommate said that her place is much nicer..tell him they should go spend some time there then.
Obviously your jealous, and that's okay..given what you've said.
But, why'd your boy diss you and your shared apartment with that statement. Obviously, he doesn't think much about being your wingman, if he is balling his woman within earshot of you. Like he doesn't know the walls are adjacent? The hell he doesn't.
That's cold man..your boy is dissing you, more than she is..get it?
I'm sure when he gets dumped, he'll look to you for support..but in the mean time..tell him to take his girl back to her apartment. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:28:59 AM |
Yo playa. Your old lady is up in my crib too much.
Is there a particular reason you're writing in Ebonics to a man who wrote his post in perfectly fine English?
Or are you just a racist troll? | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:48:58 AM | Firstly, I think you should be happy for your friend that he is with a girlfriend and is happy. And I think you should recognize that if you got a girlfriend you would be just as bad! YOU would be the one constantly hugging, kissing, etc and having marathon sex sessions. Part of being a friend and/or roommate in my opinion is to recognize that whatever wrongs they do against you, you are doing something wrong against them and that's just how they are and is part of the price of admission of having them in your life. You smile, take it, be happy for your wing man, and move on to other things.
That said, there are limits...
You leave something important out. How long has this been going on? I guess a few weeks now. I guess you should let your friend enjoy this a little, but after a while you need to set some boundaries. I wouldn't confront him or make a big deal of it. Handle it the same way you would handle the fact that you always take out the trash. While cooking dinner or something and you two are talking, just casually mention that you feel a uncomfortable with the girlfriend being over so often, that they are a little noisy, and if he went over to her place a little more often you'd appreciate it. But don't mention how annoying they are or remark about "marathon sessions". He's a male friend, just be straight with him and it should be fine. Hopefully the situation will improve a little.
That said, you find your house too noise and are jealous of someone else having a girlfriend and not you... then GET OUT OF THE DARN HOUSE! I mean, you should go out more often. Go out to bars more often. Meet people. Study or work outside of the house, for example go to Starbucks. He can be having marathon sex sessions with his girlfriend while you are enjoying life out of the house. You might even meet someone you yourself can kiss, hug, and have marathon sex sessions with ;-) | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 4:49:48 AM | I think if you approach him when you're not angry/irritated about this and just honestly tell him how hard it is for you to live in your own home he'll understand. I'm pretty sure everyone understands how uncomfortable it is listening to someone else have sex.
You should not have to hide in your room to feel comfortable. Roommates, not the same as living alone. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:38:57 AM |
Go make some microwave popcorn.
Enter the room, sit down in a chair, and watch. Most likely, they'll be so engaged they won't notice.
When they finally notice and ask wth you're doing in the room, explain to them that since they were so loud and you were unable to watch the movie, you needed some sort of entertainment.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 10:14:19 AM | Ask her how much her rent is and if its affordable ask to switch apts, she can can move in with roommate and you can go to her apt...
No seriously I'd ask him to take it to her place from time to time. I can understand the uncomfortableness with this. Not only from a slightly jealous standpoint to just wanting to rest and relax in your own home. You've got to have that "me" time.
Good thing is the "honeymoon" stage doesn't last forever, for the most part, so they will slow down sooner or later.
Or if the money is right go out on the nights they are home. They walk in the door you walk out. Even if its just going over to another buddies place...or to a coffee shop what ever. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 10:21:57 AM | Perhaps instead of complaining so much, you should ask her if she has some other Female single girls that she may know and then invite them ALL to your apartment and get to know each other. Also, If you become friends with her, she may be able to give you some pointers that may improve your "single" status.
And if having your roommate banging all night bothers you, get some roommate with absolutely no social skills. That will guarantee that he will not bring anyone, so then you two can spend your time talking about how women don't pay attention to guys and the world is so unfair.
So, you can keep seeing this as a problem, or you can see it as an opportunity. The choice is yours. | |
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| How to tell roommate his girlfriend is over too much?
Posted: 6/24/2012 12:47:15 PM | The next time she is there tell them you hear EVERYTHING at night. For most women that will be an immediate sign to start asking him to her place.
Or flat out ask her if she has a friend for you. Most single gals have many single friends. | |
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