| | Independance these daysPage 1 of 1 | | Just a thought could the idea that Men/Women these days are much more Independant on the own e.g Careers. That most people no longer need a relationship to fulfill there lives which in turn has made it a whole lot harder to find a partner??? | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 1:22:03 AM | Of course. And the old relationship model is clearly outdated and we have no new paradigm or current model to follow. Unfortunately too many think what they see in the movies is real and are influenced by hollywoods crazy and unrealistic expectations, yikes.
Lucky for us we humans still have lots of hormones and phermones to draw us together and hopefully work it out. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:24:26 AM | You can't miss what you don't know... there also comes a point where you've been single for so long, you can give up on the idea of ever being in a relationship and get over it.
It really isn't as bad as what you would think... yes in this day and age women have not only the right (as if they ever didn't) but also the opportunity not to settle and are more than capable of supporting themselves (as they always have been). Us guys can also have our head in the clouds when it comes to careers.
All I can say is that its a god give that relationships do happen and you only need to look out your window to see it. The paradigm of what a relationship is and the power roles of men/women are changing quite, quite dramatically I might add. But, that does not mean one simply does not seek or want a relationship. On one level or another we all seek companionship. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:26:08 AM | Relations are hard work to maintain and people don't want to exert the effort. The false promise of immediate happiness that pervades the internet, renders the one who thinks it's magically dropped on their laps, soon like realizes that like their career, they have to work at making it work; there are no shortcuts.
I'd say media has a very strong role in this, yes. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:38:17 AM | | I still believe its more difficuilt today because attraction especially today seems to be centered around the financial side of someone sad but true. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:44:17 AM | | If you're in your mid 30's and you still haven't worked out what you want to do for a career rather than a job you're going to have extra added difficulties. People do get together because of what they can offer each other, but it's not just a business transaction. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:44:45 AM | | I think you may be right. I have to admit I do not want to be with someone who does not have career to start out with. I am a single mother which means I am responsible for myself and my daughter. When I think of a relationship I am not thinking "Oh I would like to take care of someone else"; I am thinking "I want us to be able to take care of each other...in all ways...finacially, socially, intellectually,etc." | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 2:51:16 AM | | So are we saying someone who works in a warehouse 9-5 5days a week average pay but is happy there. There chancers are pretty slim if not out the window of finding someone descent??? | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:03:35 AM | No.
My Mother worked at Coles in the fruit and vegie section, and my Dad was a Garbo... (only the OP will know what this is)
I went to a private school -- and mixed with the daughters of Dr's and Lawyers.
I have life-long friends from that school.
I studied and have 2 degees (but, I work part time in a really good job - I get paid $47 an hour to talk to smart people that want to learn -- and I learn in the process). I also care for my elderly step-Dad who has a lot of medical issues.
I LOVE my job -- it allows me the time to be a mother, and a daughter that I need at this point.
A job doesn't define a person...
I would happily date a person from a warehouse that was happy in himself, or a Dr or a Sparky -- really, it doesn't matter. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:12:31 AM | | Some will see it as a limitation others won't, I've asked the question at times "can I give you enough", because of what I am doing at the moment and studying full time at university in a worse financial position than yourself, and they've said it wasn't an issue. On the other hand you have posters as above that see it as an issue, being able to provide and at what level is an issue for some but not for others as you've seen in this thread. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 5:00:28 AM | I think you are partially right OP, though you might want to add the "other side of the coin" that you describe. What you are talking about is, I think, the old notion that was once pushed forward that women in particular would depend upon their husband for their sense of place in the world, and for their peer-group status. Hopefully those days are in decline.
The other side of the coin is the exact reverse; that people are coming to recognize that they can NOT rely upon their careers to provide them all that they need after all. Especially in times such as we are in right now, a career can up and leave you high and dry (or rather broke and desperate) with no warning at all. Therefore, you'd better take into account a lot more than just hotness and 'fun times' when you are choosing a mate. You might well have to shift who "carries the load" back and forth, as time goes by. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:29:04 AM |
Just a thought could the idea that Men/Women these days are much more Independant on the own e.g Careers. That most people no longer need a relationship to fulfill there lives which in turn has made it a whole lot harder to find a partner???
Ummm ... Yeah. There was something about 40 years ago known as the women's movement. Things have changed.  | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:54:41 AM | Hey fellow Sydney person!
Just because people are fulfilled in a career, I don't think it means they don't want a relationship. They are two completely separate things.
I also don't really don't get who all these women are who supposedly only care about a guy's job/money. I'm sure there are a few out there, but from reading these boards you would get the impression that they are in the majority, and I just don't buy it. I'm not like that, I've never been like that, and no girl I know is like that either. What we do care about is that a guy has his life sorted enough, so that he can take care of whatever responsibilities he has.
I don't see why you think working in a warehouse would be a problem. Has anyone actually said that it is? If your job makes you happy, and suits your lifestyle, then you are doing better than a heck of a lot of other people, that's for sure. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 7:45:43 AM | | I dated a homeless man>I did like him lots. Its didn't workout for us. I would date him again...even if he was still homeless...Yes! Its states I'm looking for a man who holds a job. But if that homeless man comes back to our State. I would bring him home...Lol. He was everything I was looking for but he moved away...He treated me so good too! So its not always about how much money one has...To me its who is right for me & who treats me the best. I don't care what type of work one does...so be it! | |
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knt3
| | Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 15 | |
| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:09:45 PM | You have a great point there. I live a full life and have for a long time. Sure I'm older but I've already accomplished a lot on my own through the years. People now in their 20's, 30's and onward may still desire to have someone in their life to share their life with while others are too busy in their lives to find the time. I raised 3 kids alone who are now of course adults and I took care of them financially 100% with no child support or alimony. No help from grandparents since there were none. I also bought my house by myself and purchase my own cars as well too without any input from anyone. I live and have lived a life of independence and the thought of hooking up with someone that I can marry and if divorce comes into play....I'm not giving up anything. I will never give a man what I worked so hard for over a divorce so another marriage for me will not occur. Everything I have will go to my kids when I die and that's just the way it is.
When a person, man or woman builds their life on their own 100%, it's not easy to give it to anyone other than your own. It's simply not an option.
My days have and do consist of work, school, friends, church, maintaining my home, vehicle, playtime and private alone time. I don't have room for a permanent full-time relationship nor do I want one. A very conscience choice on my part. | |
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| Independence these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:19:22 PM | OP~ I happen to believe independence does make it harder to have a relationship these days.
Many of my close friends are afraid to combine assets. Its all about me me me, instead of us.
Its one sign of where our cultural trends have taken us. So much has become disposable, that relationships
are even a casualty of the times. The economic health of our nation (U.S.) doesnt help matters. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:20:16 PM | "That most people no longer need a relationship to fulfill there lives which in turn has made it a whole lot harder to find a partner???"
Imo, that isn't a bad thing.
People are more likely to partner because they want to, not because they need to. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 3:25:15 PM |
Just a thought could the idea that Men/Women these days are much more Independant on the own e.g Careers. That most people no longer need a relationship to fulfill there lives which in turn has made it a whole lot harder to find a partner???
I fail to see what ONE has to do with the OTHER? I've encountered a number of men who were surprised when I'd comment that "work comes first" when THEY had to cancel a date, but unfortunately....few who reciprocate.
Work (career) is a FACT of life.....if you want any kind of life that is. Very few people are just handed a nice lifestyle, NO...they have to WORK for it usually. I've always worked hard, because I enjoy the lifestyle that my career has afforded me.....and anyone I was in a relationship with. Work isn't supposed to take the place of a personal life, but it certainly enhances the quality of your personal life. I find that anyone who prefers their work life over their personal life......it's NOT because work is that "fulfilling", but rather....because the personal relationship they're in is THAT dull and unfulfilling. | |
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| Independance these days
Posted: 6/24/2012 6:44:46 PM | There was a debate recently on p b s that touched on part/a lot of this thread regarding men/women
and their independance.The debate topic was,Men are finished!The results after both sides had their
for and against arguements was astounding! Intelligence Squared. check it out. | |
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