| | What do You do on a Bad Date?Page 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | So, looking through all these foibles and problems of the mature single , I 'd thought I'd throw this one out.
What kind of behavior should you engage in when you realize the date is a total bust? By this, should you attempt to keep a facade of seeming interest or should you just pull the plug immediately. I've been on dates when my date was just plain rude from the beginning,while I just sat there and tried to make pleasant comversation. Sample lines:
"You're short" --- This was from a woman who was a inch shorter than me. It was obvious I wasn't her type but she wasn't exactly a prime catch. This was my first POF date. She was half an hour late, in a bad mood and made no offer to pay for anything. The only smile I saw was on her profile.
"I really don't think this will work out" --It's our first date, if it's not going to work out I think I can tell without you stating the obvious. You may think you're a great catch but I DO have some input into this.
"you're lucky I date short men" --This from someone slightly over 5 ' and not too attractive. Quick as a flash , I thought "Gee, you're lucky I date unattractive women." This was one time I kept quiet.
And so the litany goes on. As I've gotten older, I find that my "niceness" is wearing thin. I dislike rude behavior but I find myself tempted to fight fire with fire.
My question is whether I should just be rude in return or try to keep the social facade up until the dinner or date is over. I'm not a bolter. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:00:33 AM | My question is whether I should just be rude in return or try to keep the social facade up until the dinner or date is over. I'm not a bolter.
Well I am a riveter..
After four (4) years education here, it would seem that one would learn to make those "first meets" very short and sweet, like a simple walk along the water, or a meetup at a local social group event so as not to be stuck with someone so rude...
Sometimes the rudest people act that way because they have been habituated to being treated rudely.. And it may be the only attention they get is to try to neg others into a dual of rudeness..
When you have actually established a friendship or decent communication with someone at a social meetup or professional group, some people may play the teasing rudeness game to see how you respond to a tease...
IF you value that person as a friend or "potential" friend when they say teasing rude things, then teasing back with similar level of rudeness may further engage them in banter that can sometimes lead to a connection of equal minds... | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:03:49 AM | I can't speak from experience as I've been fortunate not to have experienced the types of 1st meets that you seem to have had...maybe because I spend a bit of time getting to know the person I am meeting...usually a phone call or 2 along with emails weeds out the poor matches..
HOWEVER if i were to find myself in such a rude situation I think I would thank the person for their time & politely excuse myself....there is no excuse for rudeness of any kind & I have enough respect for myself to NOT sit there & take it... | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:11:47 AM | | Learn to do short meet and greets and you won't have this problem of wondering what to do. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:20:01 AM | I've never had a date that was a total bust. I've had one or two come pretty close... the absolute worst date I ever had was with a fellow pilot who started bragging about how he would test his potential dates on their aeronautical knowledge just to see if they were blowing rainbows up his azz about their interest in/knowledge of flying. He wasn't particularly handsome, so I can't imagine why he thought all these women were coming out of the woodwork and telling tales just for a chance to date him, but whatever. Anyway, he deigned to tell me that I had passed the test, and it all went downhill fast from there. I think he was pissed off that I clrearly wasn't grateful I had met his criteria for knowledge and honesty. We each paid for our own share and went separate ways, without even pretending to say "it was nice meeting you".
As I've gotten older, I find that my "niceness" is wearing thin.
Well that's what you get for getting old like me. All the more reason to keep your first dates "un-dates".... plan for a low-impact meeting of about an hour. If you are both somehow completely thrilled with each other, then won't it be obvious and you can either make another date, or stay longer. If you're not and at least one of you thinks the other one sucks, it's pretty easy to cut a brief meeting a lil' shorter and bail out, or just suck it up and deal for the next 40 minutes.
I could find at least 6 different ways to have fun in the situations you mentioned, without turning it into a bitchfest of bad feelings. (I did *not* know how to do this, on the bad date mentioned above... it was such a long time ago.) If you know how to interview people, you can turn those kinds of comments to your advantage and at least make things more entertaining for yourself for the remainder. Remember, it is no longer a "date"; it's an "interview". When you know how to interview someone, you can get them to say all kinds of outrageous shit, god it's fun. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:26:02 AM |
Learn to do short meet and greets and you won't have this problem of wondering what to do.
But that seems to be the problem, here!
OP - it seems as if the women you meet are not properly prepared for your stature. If you are not accurate in reflecting your height, that can be off-putting.
No need for them to be rude, however. If you feel insulted, you need not put up with it.
If it's just garden variety boorishness, gut it out for 30 minutes.
Have an emergency egress plan in the event of drunk/ altered, crazy, smelly or misrepresented (looks, age, etc.).  | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:26:36 AM |
"you're lucky I date short men" --This from someone slightly over 5 ' and not too attractive. Quick as a flash , I thought "Gee, you're lucky I date unattractive women." This was one time I kept quiet.
You need to keep this sense of humor to survive in online dating. That was hilarious. I would have been very tempted. Bravo for keeping your cool. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Like the previous posters have said, this is why you do the quick meets. 99 times out of 100 you will now if you want to spend 15 more minutes with a person after 15 minutes. So just commit to the 15 minutes. You can always extend it if you are having a good time.
Be cautious of bringing past date baggage to someone who isn't responsible for the actions of those rude women in your past. She deserves your respect until she proves otherwise. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:37:40 AM | | OP im agreeing with those that say keep the first meeting as a meeting not a date and keep it to 15 minutes or less with the option of extending. Save things like dinner for a second meeting when you have already established that you enjoy that persons company enough to want to spend an hour or so with them. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:53:35 AM | It's not you OP - it's them. Rude is rude and you have dodged some bullets by having them show their true colours right of the bat.
I like to have coffee meets first, this way you're not sitting there between the salad course and main course saying to yourself "I want to run, this is the rudest person I've ever met". Coffee meets, or ice cream meets or a quick drink after work - short and sweet.
As for the folks that just have to say out loud "you're short" something else rude - use some filters, look in the mirror at the "prize" looking back and if you can't keep your comments quiet - quit dating because you're an idiot. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:09:04 AM | Honestly, I'd call them on it--but politely b/c you do NOT want to let their bad behavior change you. So if someone greets you with a rude comment or says it shortly after meeting, I'd stand and say, "Clearly you aren't interested, so why don't we end this now?" If they agree, then fine--move on. If they apologize, you get to decide if it is worth sitting back down or not.
Remember, though, once you have called someone on something, they only get one more chance--otherwise, you are teaching them they can be disrespectful to you w/o consequences.
And also remember, you can always bring their rudeness back here and we will laugh with you. I too think your "you are lucky I date unattractive women" was hilarious! :) | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:26:22 AM | Op,are you talking to these women BEFORE you agree to meet them?
Or are you just meeting anyone willy nilly without having any prior contact with them?
When i was dating i always wanted to veto someone over the phone first to suss them out a bit.
Next time anyone's rude to you,just stand up and say "You're so rude,im leaving." | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:34:22 AM | This is why as much information about you and the person you are going to meet is needed. One should have a game plan and it should have a time connected with it for emails, instant messaging, phone calls, cam or skype, and texting, and then a meet and greet date and time.
With all of this, you should have at least a foundation for some things, but nothing can replace the actual meeting and finding out if there is mutual attraction, chemistry and hopefully a chance for compatibility. Most will know within the first ten minutes if attraction is there, and by the end of the meet and greet if chemistry is happening, and then the dating phase will help you find out about compatibility.
If it is not there on both sides at the first meeting, then be polite but end it within 30 minutes. The real issue can be if one feels the attraction but the other does not, and then you need to be kind and considerate with that person and let them down easily or they you, and that meet and greet will be your first and last, unless both are happy being just friends.
If things are not going well, then you are as much a cause of that as they are, and your bad for not setting a time restraint for your catch and release program.
cd | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:42:53 AM | | I don't do rude behavior from the people I love and know, so why would I with a stranger lol.... Would wish them the best and leave, my time is to valuable even if it's doing nothing..... | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:43:30 AM | I have to agree with some here. Get to know all you can about them and tell them all you can, or want to about yourself. Rude people is a sign that that they don't even like themselfs.
Keep the first meeting short. Coffee or something where you can get away fast and early. I have only met one rude person here. She and I have moved on. No sence in you lowering yourself to thier way of behaving. Take the high road and know you will be the better person for it. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:34:27 AM | Have you done the meet and greet prior to taking her out on a date?
If not ... DO IT!
This will alleviate the rude behaviour, and you will already know if there is a connection.
All it will cost you is a coffee or tea.
and made no offer to pay for anything.
^^^
btw ... if you ask her you pay. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:37:39 AM | I would never be rude, but how the heck did you manage to go out for dinner without meeting the person first. If it is a coffee meet I just say I do not think we are a match and leave it there.
nativerock | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:46:31 AM | Coffee @ a fast coffee place like Starbucks or Panera's...if it is that bad, leave...just say "I can see this is not a match, good luck."
Back in the day, it never lasted less than an hour, but that was over 10 years ago. If I ever had to do it again, I'd give it 30 mins, unless they were nice! | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:44:57 AM | Should you be rude ?
Why sink to their level ?
Why be like a lot of posters here hurling insults back and forth like children ( although, I have to admit it's usually entertaining in a fascinating sort of way - even amusing ) ?
If it should happen again just say something like " Oh gee, look at the time, I have to go do something else now " and leave.
Also, don't make a date with someone for a first meet, just meet for a short time to see if there's even any point in making an actual date. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 11:03:45 AM | OP: it seems that you're exerting the effort to get to know these individuals before you meet with them.
The idea is talk to them for sometime - over telephone AND exchanged e-mails. Give it some time. If she proves herself worthy of your time and effort, be prepared to bring her flowers, take her to a nice and reasonably dining venue, and don a smile on your face, without expecting anything in return.
It seems to me you were in rush to meet these gals - for whom you had no respect - for a chance of intimate encounters. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 1:00:51 PM | | Before I will meet a man I want to exchange a few emails and talk on the phone once. Did you do this with your rude "date"? After talking on the phone with a few men I have refused to meet the based on what they have said. I also realize that to see if there is truly an interest you must meet face to face. Like many here, I prefer a short first meet, coffee, a drink, a walk, even a quick lunch. I will spend a half hour, if there is no connection, or he's rude, etc. it's just a half hour. If we hit it off, then we will extend our meet. | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 1:52:54 PM | I offered to do a quick meet-greet with a man who insisted on dinner ... he was late ... before the salad was served but after he'd been really rude to the waitress, he told me plainly that he'd "give me" the first date "free" but, if I expected him to pay for another date, I'd better be prepared to "put out" ... I was ready to walk after his rudeness to the waitress and said, "well, that's not going to happen so how about I pay my half of the bill and we just leave now?" he insisted he pay and we continue the "date," saying he'd driven all this way and didn't like to eat alone ... I went ahead and kept up the social facade ... even tho there was no recovering at that point ...
another date arrived (late) and looked so DIFFERENT from his photo that I couldn't possibly have recognized him ... then proceeded to ask me if I owned or rented my house, my occupation and what the year, make and model of my car was ... (sigh) ... so I was ready to stand up and leave but I'd already paid for my meal so decided to eat it ...
then, after he'd apparently decided my financial status was acceptable, he followed up by AGREEING with everything I said ...
I realize my behaviour at that point wasn't great ... but I just started testing him ... I said wilder and wilder things ... at first, it had been annoying when he agreed with everything I said ... but then I found it amusing ... eventually, I thought it was hysterically funny! we went antiquing after lunch and, by the end of our date, I was laughing so hard I could hardly stand up ... no matter what I said, he agreed! either the man was completely in sinc with my thoughts or he was polite beyond belief and really agreeable ... it was one of the most fun dates I've ever had! sadly, he thought I was too opinionated! (go figure!) ... I laughed and laughed ...
I noticed he did post a better picture after that ... | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 2:36:30 PM | Kaki
When I first started dating after a long-term relationship I felt very green. I thought that I should be more open minded and STRETCH in my expectations of men I would consider dating. I've learned not to do that. I now pay far more attention to my heart and gut feeling. So, when I'm vetting potential suitors I don't go out with them if I'm not physically or intellectually attracted to them.(the emotional part comes when I actually meet them) This has radically narrowed my dating pool, however, I've met men who are a better fit for me. I've had more positive than negative dating experiences and it buoys my optimism about meeting someone. Cynicism will poison your experience.
Slow down...think quality over quantity! | |
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| What do You do on a Bad Date?
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:15:43 PM |
What kind of behavior should you engage in when you realize the date is a total bust? By this, should you attempt to keep a facade of seeming interest or should you just pull the plug immediately. I've been on dates when my date was just plain rude from the beginning,while I just sat there and tried to make pleasant comversation.
Well... I always try to keep my composure and act like a gentleman.
"You're short" --- This was from a woman who was a inch shorter than me. It was obvious I wasn't her type but she wasn't exactly a prime catch. This was my first POF date. She was half an hour late, in a bad mood and made no offer to pay for anything. The only smile I saw was on her profile.
I might say something like this...
"So kind of you to notice. I'm also charming, witty and interesting, lucky for you..."
"I really don't think this will work out" --It's our first date, if it's not going to work out I think I can tell without you stating the obvious. You may think you're a great catch but I DO have some input into this.
"Thank you for your honesty. I must admit that I'm not feeling many sparks from you as well. However, that doesn't mean we can't finish enjoying eachother's company does it? Let's finish our meals/drinks and I'll be happy to escort you home."
"you're lucky I date short men" --This from someone slightly over 5 ' and not too attractive. Quick as a flash , I thought "Gee, you're lucky I date unattractive women." This was one time I kept quiet.
"Well, I don't know about lucky, it takes work to engineer a date with someone online. We'll consider ourselves equally lucky, as now you get to enjoy my company as well."
And so the litany goes on. As I've gotten older, I find that my "niceness" is wearing thin. I dislike rude behavior but I find myself tempted to fight fire with fire.
My question is whether I should just be rude in return or try to keep the social facade up until the dinner or date is over. I'm not a bolter
Interestingly enough, one thing that I've found is that women are remarkably fickle creatures. I've been on dates with women that have felt "no spark" initially and declared the date "dead" in the first 15 minutes do a complete 180 by the end.
I suspect it's because I'm not easily ruffled, I have a good sense of humor, and I won't take their crap.
I remember one particular date the woman was particularly rude to a waitress. I stopped, looked at her, and said....
"I'm sorry, but what you just did was very rude. This is a fine establishment, and if you aren't going to act like a lady, then perhaps we should end the date right here. I think you should apologize to that poor girl. All she's trying to do is her job, and regardless of your day you have no right to abuse her."
After she got over her shell shock (which lasted almost a full minute), she apologized to me, apologized to the waitress and we continued our dinner.
We didn't end up dating (she wasn't a good fit), but she told me that she had never had a man stand up to her like that before and understood why I didn't want to ask her on a 2nd date. She mentioned she found it very sexy, but unfortunately for her her window had closed. I used to see her at the local pub from time to time, and she would still run up and give me a hug and ask how I was doing.
Go figure. | |
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