| | A question about being a smoker.Page 1 of 1 | I know what 3/4 of my responses are going to be. I'm assuming they are going to be something along the lines of "smoking is disgusting and I'd never date a smoker." What I really want to know is I am somewhere between an occasional smoker and a heavy smoker. Quite often I go days without having a cigarette but then others I have several a day. I also would like to quit but at this point I have no reason and/or no support or motivation to. I am assuming that the fact that it says I smoke on my profile is the reason I get so many read deletes and no replies.
I guess what I'm really trying to ask is how I could market myself knowing that generally women wont date smokers without hiding that I am a smoker?
Is there a decent way to state in my profile or a way to just put it out there that even though I smoke, currently, quitting would not be a big deal for me?
Telling me to just quit plain and simple is not the reply I'm looking for. Telling me that just doesn't seem helpful.
I'll be grateful for any replies and honesty.
Thank you in advance | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:48:54 AM |
What I really want to know is I am somewhere between an occasional smoker and a heavy smoker. Quite often I go days without having a cigarette but then others I have several a day.... just put it out there that even though I smoke, currently, quitting would not be a big deal for me?
You're an occasional smoker. Put that out there on your profile. "I like an occasional cigarette, but I often go for days without smoking." That seems pretty clear. Problem solved. Let the chips fall where they may.
I also would like to quit but at this point I have no reason and/or no support or motivation to.
Stop talking out of both sides of your mouth. Either you want to quit, or you don't. When your desire to quit exceeds your desire to keep smoking, YOU will change your behavior; you won't sit there blaming other people for not motivating you properly. To me, that kind of bizarre thinking looks like a much bigger warning sign than your lil' smoking habit. "If you will be my girlfriend, I'll stop smoking." "Ok, if you will be my boyfriend, I'll go on a diet." What kind of bullshit is that?
what I'm really trying to ask is how I could market myself knowing that generally women wont date smokers without hiding that I am a smoker?
Do you mean, besides just being honest about smoking? You are just as entitled to smoke, as other people are entitled to reject you for smoking. And that's life. I thought being honest was pretty obvious, but you tell me. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 7:51:10 AM | | To say that you are willing to quit, but lack the motivation to do it on your own, would be a huge turn-off for me. I have enough going on in my life without trying to start a relationship with someone that wants to be my "project" to fix him. If you can go days without smoking, then I would list you as an occasional smoker, and then say in your profile that you are working to quit. And then actually work to quit. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:10:56 AM | There is an easy solution to your problem. Quit smoking completely (it's bad for you anyway) and then list yourself in your profile as a non-smoker. I would think having more available dating options should be appealing to you than deliberately giving yourself cancer, wouldn't it?
I used to be a smoker too, I know it's hard to stop. But the way i did it was just throw my pack of cigarettes in the garbage one day and said to myself "now I am a non-smoker". After a month of berserk cravings and mood swings it got better. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:26:04 AM | If you have no current plans to quit smoking, it might be easier if you date women who are also smokers. If you both find that in the future you wanted to quit smoking, you could be each other's support.
Most people want others to accept them just as they are. A commonly held opinion is that you shouldn't get in a relationship and then try to change the other person. If a girlfriend started trying to get you to quit smoking, then you'd be upset that she's nagging you and trying to change you. It's your habit. If you want to quit it, then do so. If you don't want to quit it, then don't but simplify things by finding others who are most tolerant of smoking--- that would be other smokers. Good luck! | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:39:04 AM |
I also would like to quit but at this point I have no reason and/or no support or motivation to.
It sounds to me like you DO have a reason which should lead to motivation.
Is there a decent way to state in my profile or a way to just put it out there that even though I smoke, currently, quitting would not be a big deal for me?
There are a lot of people who won't make it to that block of text to even find out that you might-possibly-maybe-eventually quit. One of the first things on the page is "occasional smoker" and that's an automatic "not interested". For those who don't consider it such a big deal, sure, find a way to say just what your smoking habits are, but I'd leave your wishy-washy "maybe I'll quit and maybe I won't" out of it. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 8:56:28 AM | I guess what I'm really trying to ask is how I could market myself knowing that generally women wont date smokers without hiding that I am a smoker?
You can't unless you want to lie about smoking IMO. You smoke. The fact that some days you smoke several cigs is not an occasional smoker. I hear/read smokers try to justify this all the time. You either smoke or you don't.
Is there a decent way to state in my profile or a way to just put it out there that even though I smoke, currently, quitting would not be a big deal for me?
That's just as bad IMO. Another lie based on your OP stating that you have no motivation to quit. If it were that easy for you, you would have done it by now. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:01:18 AM | | I think you can only be yourself and trying to hide that is just going to lead to an unhappy, short relationship if it even gets there. You shouldn't want to quit because you want to broaden your dating horizons but you should want to quit for yourself. :/ I know neither of those are helpful but its the truth. There's plenty of women who smoke or don't care. Appeal to those instead. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:08:08 AM | I also would like to quit but at this point I have no reason and/or no support or motivation to.
Mmmm can't get anyone to respond to you, and you think it's because you smoke. That looks like motivation for quitting to me. You smoke... So long as you smoke you should not hide it. As long as your not hiding it people will pass you for it. That's just how it's going to work. There isn't a way to make it better or reveal it slowly. You smoke... People who don't smoke normally find it a turn off. Sucks too be you but there ya go.
I myself would not date a girl who smokes because I find it disgusting. Quite a bit of my family smokes and I really have had enough of it. I don't want smoke around me, I don't want someone who smells like smoke, and for the love of god I don't want to tastes cigarets when I go to give a girl a kiss. I might end up giving her my portion of our dinner mother bird style if you know what I mean. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 9:21:37 AM | A guy once told me that he smoked for 10 years, and just one day up and quit.
Another guy told me that he hid his last pack of smokes from himself, and never smoked again after that.
Some say that if smokers can go a full 2 wks/14 days without smoking, then they can quit after that. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:21:05 AM | To paraphrase Yoda: "Smoke. Or smoke not. There is no 'occasional' ".
It might seem an extreme viewpoint, but I don't see the difference between someone who smokes one cigarette a year, or three packs a day. To me, they're both smokers.
You'd like to quit, but have no reason or motivation to? Other than the fact that a lot of people don't want to date smokers, I could send you a picture of my father's scar where he had one of his lungs removed. Would that be sufficient motivation? | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:40:34 AM | Have you tried those E-cigarettes? Those might at least help you cut down on smoking.
or Snus? That's popular in Sweden, many smokers over there have switched to that | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 10:44:49 AM | You just have to accept the fact that if you smoke tobacco, many people will not want anything to do with you.
There is no way to present this to make someone who hates this habit, be willing to overlook it.
Personally, it suits me just fine. Most people are knobs. lol...whipping out a smoke is a great way to get most undesirable men to look to another woman without me having to be rude about it. lol...a pilot 'friend' of mine has always said if I ever stopped smoking he would date me. I always make sure he knows Im still smoking, as I think he is a doink. lol | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 11:11:46 AM | You make a choice, live with the consequences of it.
If you don't want to live with those consequences, then make a different choice.
Seems like you want the benefit of smoking and the benefit of not being excluded by many people in the dating market. IMHO, you aren't actually looking for real advice, you are looking for a better way to be deceptive about a preference you have that rules you out from many people. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 12:52:24 PM | | Don't kid yourself. You need to quit. And don't switch to Snus. It's as bad for you as smoking and more concentrated in your mouth like chewing tobacco which increases your risk of mouth cancer - not to mention ugly teeth. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 1:06:39 PM | scottey63
have you ever considered calling yourself a alcoholic?
Or is this different somehow in your mind since drinking is socially accepted?? | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 1:18:34 PM | Swedish Snus is not as bad as smoking, unhealthy yes, but not nearly as bad as smoking
You're confusing Snus with the rest of smokeless tobacco. Snus is just packets you stick under your lip, there's no spitting.
Just google "Swedish Snus harm reduction", you'll see what I'm talking about | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 1:21:29 PM | You are a smoker, don't try to fool people, if a person does not want to date you because you smoke, that's their business. Why are you trying to work around it, you smoke, own it and move on.
The only way to quit smoking is to not lit one up, period, that's it. I would love to smoke, but I had to make that choice between breathing or smoking, not kidding it was that or die, so I quit. If they could make smoking healthy, I'd smoke, I like to smoke...other than it sinks and you cough like a cat with a hairball, which is never sexy.
Anyway, you smoke, go with that and find the women (there are plenty) who either smoke too or don't care if you do. Really, what other choice do you have outside of lying?
Also from personal history, once a smoker you are likely to go back to it. I think it's important for totally non-smokers to make sure someone who has stopped is really not going to take it back up, it's one of those things you should think about. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 2:00:05 PM | I wouldn't want to date a smoker; I couldn't as smoke makes me asthmatic. I don't like the smell either. I wouldn't date a 'light' smoker, let alone a 'medium-to-heavy' one. I did meet a light smoker once and he lit up every 3/4 hour so I felt he misled me. He didn't want to go into cafés to sit down as he couldn't smoke. I hate sitting outside in the cold and smokers always prefer to brave the cold than go without so we would barely be together. I met the guy once and that was it.
There isn't really anything that a smoker could say to market themselves any better. I wouldn't trust someone to give up if we met and liked each other, for instance, so I'd have to be sure they had given up for good beforehand. I wouldn't want to feel responsible for a smoker giving up - it's something they need to do for themselves. I have nothing against smokers, but I don't want to get into a complicated situation where I might end up getting blame or bad temper because they were trying to give up. It's just not a pleasant prospect. It's just simpler to avoid even meeting. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:26:07 PM | Hey man, either you've got an addiction or you don't.
If you can quit anytime you want and stay quitted, do it already
and then you won't have to explain anything to anybody and
can spend your money on something else. | |
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| A question about being a smoker.
Posted: 6/26/2012 3:57:49 PM | | I did look it up and did misspeak when I posted. However since the information about Swedish Snus comes from Snus manufacturers I still feel the OP is better off quitting altogether. | |
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