| | met an older woman and not sure how to proceedPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Recently I met an older woman on a cruise (I'm 25 shes 37), and we ended up spending the last 3 nights together. I had assumed that we would never talk again, though we did exchange numbers and found out we live pretty close to one another.
On the first night she had told me that she hadn't been intimate in about a year and I embarrassingly told her it has been about 5 years for me. I also told her that was because I am really shy and have been out of the dating game since a bad breakup and have never really recovered. I also told he I still live with my parents and I'm in between jobs so I'm not exactly relationship material or anything.
Since the cruise ended she actually texted me a couple days after which surprised me she told me she had been thinking of me. After a handful of casual texts she stopped responding. From the signals I got I was pretty sure she wanted some sort of no strings attached kind of physical relationship which I would have been fine with (though it was never discussed).
A) I tend to get emotionally attached somewhat easily after being intimate so would it be dumb for me to even pursue anything(even though I'd really enjoy it)?
B) Am I just having wishful thinking and nothing will probably come out of this?
C) The last two texts have been by me I probably should wait for a response before trying another I assume...
Sorry for the novel... and I'd appreciate any advice. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/27/2012 11:38:16 AM | I think you need to be direct and ask her wants she wants. If it's a no strings attached situation and that's not going to be emotionally healthy for you, then you need to muster up the strength to move on from her. If a real relationship is want you want, then that's what you should seek, even it's not with this woman [who you haven't known for very long anyway].
Good luck. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/27/2012 1:33:07 PM |
From the signals I got I was pretty sure she wanted some sort of no strings attached kind of physical relationship which I would have been fine with
if you wanted to bang her again, you should have set it up. what were you waiting for? a neon billboard with COME FVCK ME TONIGHT!! in 5-foot flashing letters? | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/27/2012 11:34:19 PM | | i don't think FWB is a good idea, like you said OP, you get emotionally attached really easily after you get intimate with someone, and FWB always ends up with someone hurt, either you or her. Nothing good can come from FWB. Proceed with caution. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/28/2012 11:48:01 AM | | She offered what she was willing to provide...a no strings FWB thing. You declined the offer, and went all sissy on her. You missed the boat. I doubt that you can catch it again. If she gives you another chance, try to grow up, and accept what is offered. Over time, she may become emotionally attached to you, in ways she hadn't pllanned on, and then she will want what you want, and you can both be happy together. If she remains aloof, and wants only FWB, and you later decide that is not enough, you can end the thing, move on, and you will have had some good experiences, and lessons, to use in making a more attached relationship with someone else work better when you find that. Do not contact her again, now, until she replies to you. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/28/2012 9:20:17 PM | | You may have just helped Stella Get Her Groove Back or you may have made a connection but she feels that continuing with you given the age difference is unworkable to you since most people in their 20s want different things out of life than those in their 30's or 40's. Texting is okay for a quick hello, but if you want to ask her out again, call her. If she refuses to take your call, that is an answer. If she doesn't refuse, enjoy your time together and don't try to define it until you both know each other a lot better, vertically as well as horizontially. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:29:00 PM | Christ on a Crutch wrote;
if you wanted to bang her again, you should have set it up. what were you waiting for? a neon billboard with COME FVCK ME TONIGHT!! in 5-foot flashing letters?
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My god if women came with such billboards I would be such a happy camper. I really really would. | |
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cinsav
| | Joined: 6/23/2012
Msg: 10 | |
| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:46:34 PM | OP you're dealing with a 30-something single woman - which in turns means you're dealing with a complete psycho flake.
Women are very different creatures. When they're in their 20's they know they either want to party, or settle down. When they're in their 40's they've got their lives down and know what they want.
When they're in their 30's? They're freaking whack-jobs with tons of emotional baggage and issues.
The 30's is that decade for woman that she struggles with. Trying to find herself. Trying to fight between the urge to still be a party girl or settle down. Not sure if she is where she wants to be in life. The 30's for a woman is their worst decade. Confused, indecisive, the list goes on.
Just take it for what it is and enjoy the ride... she's 37, hence she's a loon. Just enjoy the ride.... | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 6/29/2012 10:52:07 PM | In this case and in your case, insert stripper for balance and peace of mind.
I don't wanna write a book here but you sound lame and just enough for her to figure out her next move. Funny thing is, you're trying to figure out
your next move. Waiting on texts? LOL
POF is great for getting phone numbers from, meeting chicks and building a little text based rotation model. Don't kill yourself over this one.
I've made so many wise and great business decisions after I've spent time with my favorite strippers. They make me realize things. You need a place
where you can say, "Hey, I'm the effin' boss here! It works this way..." And you can't navigate through life wondering what if this and thats. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:48:42 AM | Your answer was hidden in your message; wait until you hear back from her before you do anything or give this anymore thought. The problem may resolve itself. If she doesn't respond, then you don't need to do anything. If she does, then you should ask her what she's looking for. It sounds like she volunteered about the sexual dry spell first. Given this was disclosed within about 3 days of meeting you, she's definitely looking for benefits. If it's anything more, I'm sure you'll find out soon. Lonely people (We'll give you the benefit of the doubt here, and say you didn't go because you were escaping or lonely; you won the trip on Wheel of Fortune or The Price is Right but not enough money to erase your concerns about being between jobs) often go on cruises to help them escape and meet random strangers for no strings-attached fun, and that fun can take many forms.
As for your issue with getting emotionally attached quickly, coach yourself to curb your enthusiasm about a woman you're seeing until she tells you or gives you a very strong indication she might like you as more than a platonic friend. There's nothing wrong with being a little emotionally detached at first; you're still feeling each other out. It also takes a little bit of the sting out of rejection if it comes to that. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:38:10 AM | She was still in that cruise ship afterglow, but it faded away, just like the suntan and the beaded braids :)
I also thought "Stella Got Her Groove Back" :) Just look back on it as a fun time and move on. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/4/2012 10:02:40 AM | I also thought "Stella Got Her Groove Back" :) Just look back on it as a fun time and move on.
^^^
Oh great! Now I have Taye Diggs on my mind. Hot dayum!
To OP
My favorite words; "It is, what it is." | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:54:03 PM |
Oh great! Now I have Taye Diggs on my mind. Hot dayum!
I was thinking more like, " Holy Mother he's hott!"
I think that age is relative, for the most part, in male-female relationships. You shouldn't have waited for her to contact you if you wanted to see her again.
In response to the rest of your questions/ comments- if you can see someone without setting up any expectations- fine. If not, I'd say don't contact her. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:13:55 PM | Oh, wow. Really.
Personally, I LOVE my 30's!
And I'm past the loon stage... not saying I didn't go there in my early 30's lol... but 37 is a very good age, in my opinion! ;) :P | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:29:50 PM |
if you wanted to bang her again, you should have set it up. what were you waiting for? a neon billboard with COME FVCK ME TONIGHT!! in 5-foot flashing letters?
lol, reminds me of George Carlin. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/28/2012 1:47:24 PM |
Dude... forget her.
No matter how much women deny it, they have the exact same sex drive as men and like the odd romantic fling just as much as you or I. Society states they cannot behave like that ... its a form of behavioral conditioning . Brain-washing and double-standards. Peer pressure if you will. But their desires are no different regardless of what they claim. They love getting their world ROCKED every now and then just as much as the next guy. If I was wrong, the worlds population wouldn't be peaking at 6 billion...
The fact of the matter is that she went on a cruise ALONE, pushing 40, and had sex with a younger man she probably wouldn't be caught dead with at a company Christmas party or family function. She had absolutely no intention of continuing a relationship with you. She used you to feel young and sexy again. It was a purely sexual relationship for her where she got to feel like she was 25. She isn't coming back. It was just a booty call at best.
If it wasn't ... your phone would be ringing off the hook right now.
Let her go and mark another notch in your bedpost. It's better to have cummed and lost, then never to have cummed at all. :)
And the flame posts will ensue in 3... 2... 1... watch..
No flames from me. You pretty much nailed it.
OK...it was the OP that actually nailed it but it could have been you! LOL | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:23:52 PM | | Call her, leave a message, wait a few days and repeat. If you don't hear back then she just isn't interested and it doesn't matter what/why/who or how on that cruise. Time to move on. So move on now or for closures sake try the phone call, but not more than twice. Anymore and you come off stalkerish. But do call her she might not get text messages...my old phone didn't. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/30/2012 4:33:09 AM | | I suggest forget her. Stop all contact with her. FWB always hurt someone. Sounds like it wouild more likely be you. Not a good thing, tempoarily pleasure for a lot of pain. As time goes on it's easier to get attached. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:52:31 AM | She probably wanted to reach out to you because she was fondly remembering the cruise. If her "casual" texts somehow gave you the idea that she wants an FWB arrangement, then maybe your radar is off or she changed her mind about it because she's no longer responding to your texts.
You've now sent TWO texts that for whatever unknown reason, have gone unanswered. You'll look needy and desperate if you send a third. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 8/3/2012 1:27:33 AM | | I've yet to figure this out myself. I find women who are older than me by a few years are in a rush to get things done and seal the deal. I'm not sure how to judge the authenticity of what is actually taking place sometimes. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 8/3/2012 10:23:04 AM | Okay, let me come at this from the "cougar" angle.....
First of all we are not "loons"... Second, we do know what we want and will pursue it once we find it... Thirdly, we don't want to be anyone's mother.
So far, since I have been single again, I have learned a few things. Guys my age or older are not for me. I have now decided that the best ones are between the ages of 25 and 35... just an fyi for all the other ladies out there. However, if my only intention is to use them as a toy then I am very up front about that. I think we are so used to the younger guys only wanting a to get a piece that it throws off when we meet one that wants more and we don't know how to react, so we just ignore you and hope you will go away. Sorry, if that's too blunt. We admit that we like younger guys, but we honestly don't want to be seen in our circle of friends with you for fear of ridicule.
So, if the last two texts were from you and you have not heard back from her then move on, because she has. She has already realized that a FWB deal will not work with you. Just smile, add her to your cougar list and go on to the next one, enjoy it for what it is. | |
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| met an older woman and not sure how to proceed
Posted: 8/3/2012 11:27:39 AM | You're at a different stage of life. Assuming she just wants
somebody to have sex with is likely not true. Sounds
like a porno fantasy. In real life I have found that
women don't seem to want casual sex as much as
the media claims they do.
What she probably is concerned about is your maturity
and whether you will remain interested. Women get
something called Oxytocin in their brains and become
attached to the man they are having relations with.
She probably has misgivings about getting attached
to you because she's concerned about your ability to
integrate socially with her friends, and whether
you will two-time her with women your own age
and leave her feeling hurt, used and unattractive. | |
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