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| | Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | a committed, living together relationship/marriage that the other partner does not have a mental illness? It's become common to ask for medical proof of being free of communicable sexual diseases before being sexually involved and understandably so. Why wouldn't it be just as reasonable (or would it be?) to ask for proof of being free of a mental illness before you become legally entangled in someone else's life?
Myself, I think it'd be just as reasonable, as the symptoms of mental illness are not always blatantly obvious or can be managed or explained away, at least for a period of time. The potential effects of either could be something that could be damaging and/or destructive to the other person's life and the relationship.
As a disclaimer, I am not saying that people with a mental illness should not be able to become involved or get married at all, just that a potential partner should be able to make an informed decision. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:20:34 PM | Do you mean get an analysis from a psychiatrist? Could be very expensive.
Or search through the DSM-4r and try not to find yourself in there?
Since some types of mental issues are not obvious, can be transitory and sometimes situational, maybe a better plan is to wait about a year or two before even considering that live-together option..
Then there is that basic rule-of-thumb: "Never get seriously involved with someone more screwed up than yourself"... S | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:23:58 PM | I think of that as being over the top.
It's usually fairly easy to tell if someone has mental problems. Additionally, mental problems can develop over time, a person that is "normal" today may not necessarily be so in a few years. Should they provide a mental health history of past family members too in order to assess those odds ?
The proof of being free of STDs is perfectly reasonable because if two people are STD free and faithful to each other then, there is no way for STDs to become an issue. The same cannot be said about the mind.
If my partner requested such a thing after knowing me for a while, after some consideration, I'd wonder if I haven't been dating a paranoid woman ;-)
hmmmm.... maybe I'd consider asking her to provide that proof after her request ;-) | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:27:43 PM | seems like this is the sort of thing you suss out in the course of a normal period of getting to know someone. unless you like to move in with someone after a few weeks.
if someone is schizophrenic or psychotic, they're not gonna be able to hide that something is amiss for a year or more, which i think is a more reasonable period to date before discussing cohabiting. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:31:02 PM | I am asking this merely as a hypothetical. And absolutely if I were to ask someone for proof of something I'd expect to offer the same for myself.
I don't claim to be an expert, and didn't realize that mental illness can be transitory. Someone mentioned background check? Not sure how that relates, but as I said, I'd be ready to offer anything I asked of someone else.
Good point, christ, I am not in favor of getting involved too quickly or having a long distance relationship. This is only one reason why. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:36:54 PM | I just want to add to my OP, it IS purely hypothetical, I don't know how it would be done or if it could be. I cannot answer any specific questions about how, who......
As far as it happening after you were involved, it would fall into the category of a partner having any other type of illness.
"it is still not possible for someone to divorce a spouse with a mental illness," Wow, what is the spouse supposed to do if they want out of the marriage? | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 2:51:34 PM | bucsgirl, it's been my experience that people who are psychotic flatly deny it. after all, if they admitted there was a problem and got help..well, then, that would be a good thing.
so there's the paradox (is that right word?) i would rather be with someone who recognized an illness, sought help and learned or is learning how to deal with it , than most nut cases who seem to fly under the radar and take advantage of victim after victim.
maybe the best course is to ask an ex! lol seriously..ever think of that or do that? | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:03:12 PM | I think most people can tell something may be off in the normal interactions
with someone they know well enuff to marry.
If so.....further inquiry is always wise.
but if all seems good......why bother?
If you wish to peer that deep under the hood....
and kick the tires...
You should insist on all access to all past medical records
combined with a complete physical/mental workup.
and then....
and only then....
write up
(or sign)
the prenup.
:-P | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 3:27:59 PM |
so I have no idea where that came from.
It came from a divorce attorney. It's a statute on grounds for divorce in the state of Illinois. It's been many years since I came by this information, so I can't speak to whether the laws have changed nor can I attest to whether this is based on a spouse developing a mental illness, i.e. Alzheimer's, during the course of the marriage. My guess would be because the afflicted spouse might not be capable of contesting or sanely testifying on their own behalf. I'd gather it's similar to those found mentally unfit to stand trial for a criminal offense.
You can get a divorce just because you don't like the color of someone's hair or a screechy voice or any other whimsical reason
I've never been married but I have friends who have been through a divorce or are in the process. The legal process of divorce is no longer just some 'drive-thru' event. One doesn't go to the courthouse, papers in hand and attorneys at the ready and leave that day legally divorced. Our court systems are so overrun with cases, most states, now mandate a separation for at least one to two years. The state in which I reside is two.
At any rate, I would think, depending on perspective, people marry "for better or for worse." Obviously, these days, that no longer applies. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:00:08 PM | You know there is something to this, hypothetically of course.
In my last two long term relationships, the women who I knew quite well were both seeing therapists / counselors - unbeknownst to me. If I had known, I would probably rethink the relationships - 20/20 and all. My short term relationship, the woman displays some bizarre behavior at times. Do not know if it is mental or simply bizarre. I do try to vet better now - but I still suspect my "picker" is off. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:20:50 PM | I think if you know you have a mental illness or STD, or other problem that will effect the relationship, that it should be talked about before getting seriously involved. But a whole lot of people don't know they have an STD much less a mental illness that's been diagnosed and on going help with a professional...it would be hard to know, and expensive to test for. I don't know if that's feasible, not here anyway where health care is out of reach for so many.
The old stand by, get to know the person and if they are psycho or contagious, move on, probably works best. Don't try to make something work if there is no workable foundation. That's the biggest problem I see, people know the other person is wrong for them, but shove on forward trying to force things to work their way. That alone is insanity. Most sane people just don't look for the unstable, it's where the one complaining is probably just as wacko as the other, otherwise, why the attraction? So really a mental illness is going to show up at some point, even if only the medication is found. But STDs can be tricky, all people should be checked, many simply do not know they have one.
Another thing is that people should have genetic testing before having children.
BTW, don't know if things are different now, but when I worked at an AIDS test site in Omaha, NE, no one could give you the results of their test, expect the person tested. They could sit right there in front of us and lie and say their test was neg. and we couldn't say a thing. That was back in the 1990s. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:28:29 PM | "I think if you know you have a mental illness or STD, or other problem that will effect the relationship, that it should be talked about before getting seriously involved. But a whole lot of people don't know they have an STD much less a mental illness that's been diagnosed and on going help with a professional...it would be hard to know, and expensive to test for."
I'm sure it wouldn't be inexpensive, and don't even know if there IS such a thing as a "clean slate" for mental illness. A lot of you have mentioned this, and while I think most would say it should be "observable" or easy to suss out over a period of time, I can't really say I would know what to look for, specifically. One thing I like to be able to observe is how someone reacts to or handles a bad situation. I think that's the litmus test of their "true" character, but it's hardly a screen for mental illness.
I would hope that a potential partner would be transparent about that, but we all know that's not always the case. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:28:41 PM |
Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into Page 1 of 1
a committed, living together relationship/marriage that the other partner does not have a mental illness?
Well, isn't this special. I know I'm phucked in the head, now I'm gonna doubley phucked if this is going to be the new "protocol" of dating. Seriously.
As one poster mentioned we alllllllll have little "quirks". How "bad" these quirks are is quite relative to the person witnessing them. Go to enough Doctors and sooner or later, they'll find "something". Take this ADD "stuff" nowadays. Do you think there is AN ACTUAL "increase" of children with it, or is it a misdiagnosis, or a lazy/easy one???? I've said it before, I'm pretty sure I could have easily been diagnosed with something along the lines of ADD when I was a child. Basically I was bored as shiat with a lot of my teachers, and I acted like it. The ones that were able to grab my attention, got it and I loved em. The rest of em, well, I drove them bat shiat crazy, cause I wasn't stupid, and I knew how to do it. I started in Kindergarten getting sent the principal's office within the first 2 weeks.
Now, as an adult, there are enough people out there that think I certifiable. God help me if a doc ever got a hold of me. And you want this allllllll on a piece of paper?????? As evidence???? For what purpose???? To dismiss me???? If you are gonna to dismiss me, do it because you don't like my actions, not because of what some define as batshiat crazy.
I can handle some "quirks", in fact I like people that are little "off the wall". Those are the ones I'm attracted to. Against the grain, free thinkers, that have no problem tell the majority of society to go phuck themselves. I don't care what you call it, or what the medical profession calls it, I still like it. I don't need a Doctor to tell me who I want to spend the rest of my life with. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:38:49 PM | In my case, I majored in psychology as an undergrad and I've been phucked in the head for years plus I have had some really good and intense therapy, so I do know the ins & outs of my psyche. I can also see crazy when I'm near it. I don't claim to be a therapist or anything close, but I do know when someone's actions are off kilter.
But I agree OP, sending time is really the best way to know someone, and whether they are mentally ill or just a turn off to you, when you don't like someone's actions, it's time to move on. I'm amazed at how many people will claim to love someone they can't stand and who treats them badly. It really doesn't matter to me if someone is sane, if they are mean to others, animals, rude and behave inappropriately, I don't want them in my life. I'm not perfect, I have a temper, but I know when I am acting a fool, when someone doesn't get it, that they are the problem, I won't be enabling them. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 4:49:49 PM | I'm not sure there's a "clean slate" mental health affidavit that any psychiatrist would sign. It would have the same value as a "clean bill of health" when you go in for a physical. Getting one doesn't mean you won't drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow or get diagnosed with cancer next month.
When there are no manifestations of disease (signs, symptoms), whether mental or physical, it's rather impossible to say there is NO disease/diagnosis.
Called a psychiatrist friend of mine about this. There was a long pause on the phone ... She said, "I think I'd be more interested in evaluating the person who wants this "clean slate" ".
Testing for STDs is a bit different then "testing" for mental illness ... just sayin' | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:13:09 PM | For years I've seen comments about women selecting mates through smell. Something about immunities in the blood being able to be smelled by the super human of our species, women. Why not just just check for mental problems while your sniffing around? C'mon, you can do it.
Everytime I hear someone say I've got ADHD, or I've got bipolar disorder, or I've got this or that. I'm so tempted to say to tell your mother to get her sniffer checked. I remember either a thread or a comment about how women can do this immunity thing with their nose.
Want to know if mental illness is in someone's bloodline. Meet his/her parents. It still doesn't mean anything. JFK had a mentally ill sister. He married and had healthy children. It's a throw of the dice. There's no guarantees in life. Neither in science. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:21:07 PM | bucsgirl,
I checked your profile . . . crikey . . . that's quite a read.
And your list of fans is incredible.
You're a POF celebrity . . . or that is the list of the employees at the psychiatric hospital that you frequent.
Medical proof?
Well, to save money,
dates could be set where we have coffee and quiz each other from the DSM-IV manuals? | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:34:19 PM | "Well, to save money, dates could be set where we have coffee and quiz each other from the DSM-IV manuals?"
Love it, I may use that on my next profile!!
Honestly I was just thinking, hypothetically, that if I were to consider becoming involved again (EGAD!) that not just myself, but others may want to be informed of a mental illness IF there hasn't been any obvious signs and you've known someone a decent length of time (over a year??). I like to make informed decisions. | |
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| Do you think that partners should ask for medical proof, before enteing into
Posted: 6/27/2012 5:55:13 PM | The biggest flaw I can see, is that some of the most dangerous "crazies" have never come near a shrink's office.
Sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissists, various personality disorders can think that the world is revolving around them just fine, thank you! 
They don't seek treatment unless forced to (court order, child custody, terms of probation, etc.).
How would they even admit to themselves that they are damaged?
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