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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves m      Home login  
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 ashleyfor2
Joined: 5/23/2012
Msg: 1
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I just want to hear your opinion about this man. I find it very confusing...

I have been with this man for almost 4 years now. He is 40, I'm 31. He is divorced with 2 kids. He is very charming, very successful. I really love him. But I feel I never figured him out...

Our relationship is like a roller coaster. When we are good, everything is fantastic, I mean we both feel on top of clouds. But when we fight, he turns into a very cold and mean person, he wouldn't care how much I hurt, he just tries to kick me out of his house immediately(usually I spent every night there). If I refuse to leave, he would call cops on me forcing me to leave. Then he would cut off all communication until he feels he misses me again. Then we are back together and in honeymoon stage again. But almost every month there would be a huge fight and for the past 3 years cops are called by him for at least 10 times.

4 months ago, we broke up again and I moved away. But I still feel this intense feeling with him so we were talking, but he told me he didn't love me anymore, and he really didn't seem to care much about me anymore. I missed him so much and we met again. He told me he was bi-curious and wanted to try being with a guy. I agreed. So he found a guy on the internet and we all met together. He stripped me naked and tried to have sex with me in front of the guy. After that we got into another fight and he left me wandering on the street in the middle of the night. He told me he wanted us to be FWB, he said we would never be a couple but he wants us to be friends.

Somehow 1 month ago, we met more and we began to talk about retrying the relationship. He said he feels there is little hope because we always have huge fights. I felt that I should never get him so upset to the point he would kick me out, or when he wants me out, I should just leave and let things calm down instead of staying there and cause him to call the cops. So I changed my way of dealing with him, and things were very smooth for the past month. He told me he feels he is very close to me again, and he even talked about us going to his family reunion next week. He is texting and calling me all the time, helping me a lot with work etc. He seems he really cares about me now.

Since we broke up 4 months ago, he had his ex-wife and 2 kids live in his house, he also rented an apt and stayed there sometimes. Since we got back together, he didn't sleep over in the old house anymore, but he goes over there for dinner every other day, he told me it's for his kids. I know the fact that he and his ex-wife is not sleeping together(I know that please don't doubt that), but he insists of going there every other day for dinner to meet his kids, and I can't say no to that, but it makes me feel he is playing family with them, although he comes home every night.

Today he told me he loves me so much and can't live without me. He always says this when things are going good. But there is something I'm not sure about. His ex-wife told me twice that he is extremely selfish and mean, and a narcissistic. I just feel I never quite figured out what's wrong with our relationship.

I love him so much, but I feel drained and I feel I was always trying to please him. I'm in the process of moving back to him to retry the relationship, but I'm worried. Have you ever been with someone like him?
 Harmonyangel
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 2
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 2:39:08 PM
No, I've never been with someone like him and hope I never will. I can't believe you are contemplating going back to him.

I think you have a right to be worried but I'm sure it won't stop you and neither will anything anyone on here says.

Good Luck!
 wanderer1999
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 3
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 2:44:31 PM
You are in a co-dependent relationship.

He may have bi-polar tendencies. He may be a borderline sociopath. He may have narcissistic tendencies.

As it is now, you are essentially serving as his psychological enabler. You permit him to dictate the pace of the relationship, and have abrogated your own wishes and desires in an attempt to please this man.

Your best move by far is to exit the relationship. The 2nd best move would be to have him seek psychological treatment.

There is no 3rd best move. After 1 and 2 it's all bad outcomes.
 XheavenandhellX
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 4
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 2:51:32 PM

I just feel I never quite figured out what's wrong with our relationship.


Thats whats wrong with it. After a couple of lines reading this, i already thought why would you think this is ok that he treats you this way?.and you have a ? after toxic relationship in the topic.

Get away from him, far away! And get some help. You seam to have very low self esteem and are judging yourself through his eyes. He has manipulated you, thats not love at all.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 5
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 2:54:55 PM
He is a manipulative user.
He will never change.
He will fvck you and use you for as long as you put up with it.

Since he won't change,
you should.
Start by trying to understand why you
keep going back.

He's toxic.
But you are toxic addicted.
work on your end.
and cut him off completely while you do.

You are just like any crack addict in that
once you are clean and clear for a few months
you will be a new person.

Do the toxic relationship withdrawal now.
Go thru your jonesin
and move on with your life.
good luck!
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 2:56:05 PM
I don't remember your "male" name the last time you were here on POF (before you got banned).....doing the same thing you're doing now.....but you bea fulla pooaaa!! :)
 MDIYM59
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 7
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 2:57:53 PM
Not to be mean but if you get back together with him you deserve to be treated that way. If you truly don't want to be treated that way, don't go back, period! You can still love him, just love him from at least a thousand miles away.
At some point in time you have to decide I deserve better and move on, you can't change the way he behaves, but you can change how you react to what he does.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:00:47 PM
If someone called the cops to kick me out - the only way I'd be going back there is to get my stuff and leave, *permanently*. I don't care if they came back grovelling and being nice, I'd tell them to go take a hike.

Seriously, why would you put your entire life and happiness on hold for *3 years* for this guy?


"His ex-wife told me twice that he is extremely selfish and mean, and a narcissistic. I just feel I never quite figured out what's wrong with our relationship."

His ex-wife just told you what is wrong with your relationship.

"I'm in the process of moving back to him to retry the relationship, but I'm worried. Have you ever been with someone like him?"

No, and I wouldn't be going back to "retry" anything with someone like that.
You have to start to believe that *YOU* deserve better than that - and he isn't going to change. Do you really want to be 41? 51? ... and still putting up with this sh*t??
 Jac_the_Gripper
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 9
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:11:01 PM

Have you ever been with someone like him?

The above is the thread question.

Can whoever proposed and voted for this thread to be deleted on the grounds that it should be obvious to the OP whether any one of us has been with someone like her partner, please explain how she should be privy to this information?

My answer to the OP is, no, I've not been with someone like your partner.

My question to you would be, do you think you can evolve this relationship into a happy, healthy one? If you are doubtful, perhaps this isn't the time to be moving in with him.
 avalava
Joined: 5/31/2012
Msg: 10
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:18:15 PM
Sounds like my ex in 15 years time, without the successful part. LMAO
 ruckus123
Joined: 6/7/2005
Msg: 11
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:47:35 PM

His ex-wife told me twice that he is extremely selfish and mean, and a narcissistic. I just feel I never quite figured out what's wrong with our relationship.


You really need someone else to tell you that? You should have figured it out on your own.

Nothing is wrong with your relationship because you don't have one. You are his toy. I just wonder if you stick around him for his money or if you just like being treated like he treats you....
 TRESemme1
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 12
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:57:41 PM
wow. i dunno what to say.

am sure with this one thing though. you will go back to him. and when the both of you get into a huge fight again, you will be in the streets again wondering why he is like that. don't say we didn't tell you. but am sure you don't care what we have to say on here anyways.

yeah, i have been with a man like that with my own dear husband. he doesn't kick me out on the streets but he cheats on me in front of another girl repeatedly until i can't take it no more. i always wonder why he is like that when i love him so much. i always wonder why he is like that when i have done everything for the marriage, when i have given him too many chances to change. but as every person that i ask , they all told me that he does that because he does not love me so i should just go away and remove myself from a hurtful situation. yes, i still think of him but not as crazy as before.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 13
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 4:01:17 PM
WOW what the hell do you love about this man??? REALLY?
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 14
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 4:14:15 PM

I felt that I should never get him so upset to the point he would kick me out, or when he wants me out, I should just leave and let things calm down instead of staying there and cause him to call the cops.


This is beyond fvcked up. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way, like less than a dog….you need professional help to find out why you accept being treated like garbage.


I don't remember your "male" name the last time you were here on POF (before you got banned).....doing the same thing you're doing now.....but you bea fulla pooaaa!! :)


Figures this is a troll post.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 15
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 4:17:48 PM
The way i see it is that you have one of two choices.1 Leave him.2Stay with him.If you stay then do not whine or cry about he is abusing you verbally and pshyically.I have never married but i do know a relationship isn,t suppose to be like this .
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 16
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 4:34:25 PM
Yep...I smell a troll post too!
Anybody with a bit of common sense.....wouldn't need to ask the question...lol.
Just dumb.....
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 17
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 4:52:45 PM
Is this a joke? The first time I had to call the cops to get someone kicked out or had the cops show up to kick me out, that would be the last time I would ever be anywhere near that person, his place, or want to see the police. I don't know how many bricks have to hit both of you in the head, but let's play the logic game...you are both full of BS and are both getting all kinds of jollies out all this drama. You are made for each other, so get married, by all means, take each other off the market.

BTW, there's no love involved here, this is all about the seeking of drama, bastardizing the word love here is pretty ridiculous. You don't love abusers, but you may well love the abuse. Until you get professional help, which means you would actually want help out of this sort of thing, you will continue to beg for this type of treatment. No one would return for more unless they are getting something out of it.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 18
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:05:39 PM
I've read the OP, a couple times and here is what I've come up with.

Number one,this relationship is NOT toxic at all. In fact, it's perfect for the two of you. Stick it out hun, I don't think you'll find a better person for you to hang around with and grow old with. So, that's outta the way, I will have to say, I've never myself, personally, ever met a person like you have in this guy. That's probably why I'm still single, cause if I did meet someone like him, I'd probably run out, get a ring, and run, I mean sprint up the aisle.


He's a keeper!!!!
 Jason022679
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 19
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:16:17 PM
Ok what happened to you growing up? Bad relationship with your parents? Abuse? Divorce? Women who stay with men like this do so for a reason. Why does everyone on this site scratch their heads asking why anyone would stay with such a person yet you find it acceptable?

The answer is easy, you had a lot of drama growing up and therefore are attracted to drama in the form of disfunctional relationships. If you did meet a great guy who treated you right there would be a void and you would lose interest....as there would be no disfunctional drama. Therefore, stop dating him and then go get help i.e. counseling. After you have sought professional help, then ease back into dating and hopefully start a healthy relationship with someone new.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 20
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:19:25 PM
When I was seven it seemed clear that wild relationships were a mistake. Around then my mom had me carrying a placard trying to keep nuclear weapons out of Saskatchewan because flowers were threatened (Daisies). Both you and the ex are somewhat manipulative women. That's not bad- its what he's looking for. The situation with the kids and all- well - kids crave attention, even iffy mixed situations. He'd rather have a roter-router rip his crotch apart than spend any time with the ex- so- no worry there.

Recommendations if you want them. Your relationship with the guy seems strong and worth persuing. He's gone after you post dozens of police confrontations. My girl had a phone book and six nicknames with 15 different detachments-- and was still fine. The cops need people to deal with and there's no shame in being their patrons. Be happy with the 911 situation, its working, you're both comfortable with it and Sherilynn Fenn went there- high class company.
 CJinCentralPa
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 21
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 5:28:28 PM
Here's an idea...get your own place and stay there. He can't kick you out then.
 freespiritxoxx
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 22
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 6:00:39 PM
lol why would I, have a low tolerance for BS.............people treat u as u allow, you need to look within yourself to find out why you feel as tho this is love, or look up love in the dictionary so you have a understanding...
This relationship will only get more toxic best of luck to u............
 tonigirl85
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 23
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Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 6:19:25 PM
First of all, if he is "bi-curious". Then he's gay.

Second of all, are you positive he's going to his ex-wife's house? Are you sure he's not just telling you that?

If he's a narcissist, then get out. They are crazy. They are borderline psycho. The only difference between a narcissist and a psychopath...is the narcissist sort of has a conscience. I dated a narcissist, it made me crazy. They are abusive. They are always trying to put you down in order to feel better about themselves.

What does he do for you? Is there balance in the relationship? Or are you doing everything to make the relationship work?

I think I know the answers to those questions. But you need to answer them for yourself.

I say run!!!!
 ashleyfor2
Joined: 5/23/2012
Msg: 24
Toxic Relationship? Why he wanted another guy to fuck me then loves me so much in one month?
Posted: 6/28/2012 6:28:31 PM
I'm not sure if he is narcissist, his biggest problem is no empathy and selfish. He doesn't put me down at all. He is very successful and he does try to take care of me a lot(I don't mean just financially). I try to please him more by doing the things he likes(he likes sports etc) and accommodating to his wishes.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 25
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