| | Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurtPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | Everyone says dont put all of your eggs in one basket. One should date multiple people in the beginning. OK, so you've done that. Now, you have realized the one that you want to be with. Now what??? How do you break it to the other person? You can just disappear and stop talking to them. But everyone says that's not right. How have you handled this? | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:19:12 PM | | This is why I prefer to date one person at a time. I never have this problem. But, that's also why it's important to be open and honest with whomever you are dating and let them know that you are dating other people. This way they are aware that there may be a possiblity that you will end things with them abruptly. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:34:22 PM | Did you ever talk to him about his "lifting things"? Meaning lifting you? Tell him he dropped the basket...
For a man it may be easier to just stop calling, and be busy and not home as much.
To actually be busy with many interests in your life, not home to answer the phone and let the machine screen calls when you are, is a very common way to "fade away".
That seems to be what many people do today instead of making any melodramatic scene of "dumping".
VVV Hey lady, this ain't my first rodeo.. And he just may get the picture from your reaction to his unfortunate words before. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:40:00 PM | LOL Tall.. I never spoke to him about it again, but he has brought it up indirectly several times. Now, everytimes he says something to me, he says.. "oh I hope i didn't just offend you, I wouldn't want to do that again." That's quite annoying.
BTW, how did you know he wasn't the one I would like to keep..LOL (u guessed correctly ofcourse) | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:41:48 PM | It's very simple. Be honest.
"I want to tell you that you're an amazing guy. You're handsome, you're smart, and any woman would be lucky to have you. I just don't feel that we're the right fit, and a great guy likes you deserves a Woman that can fully appreciate who You are. Thank you for your time, and I wish you the best of luck."
Something along those lines would work. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:55:41 PM | ^^^ That's a bit patronizing....keep it short and sweet.
"I need to talk to you; You know, these things are never easy, no matter how you say them, so I'll just say it. I don't want to see you any more. I'm sorry, I just don't feel we are a good match. I wish you the best."
Had this done to me, and I appreciated it. Direct, polite, with compassion in her voice, and to the point. There are not many people who will do this, and shockingly, I was more attracted to her after she did.......go figure! lol | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 2:06:00 PM | I've handled it by not dating more than one woman at a time. I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to or meeting more than one person at a time.
In your case I'd say it depends how long you've been dating the other guy, or if you actually are dating him. If you've been on more than one date, you at least owe it to him to tell him you're not interested.
If you've only met him in person once, you haven't been "dating" him. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:29:54 PM | Okay, you are already past the whole "is it okay to date other people without saying so if you haven't committed yet" thing. You are already at the "I have been dating several people, and want to narrow it to one. Should I tell the others they are done, or just avoid them and ignore them?"
My personal take on this is, that if you were simply messaging people and chatting with them, it might be okay to simply drop out of sight. But if you've been DATING them, that's a whole different thing.
Just my opinion, but I think it's rude and selfish to fail to tell the others you are done dating, and they didn't win the contest. What you are expecting them to do is, to continue messaging and setting time aside for, and spending time thinking of things to do with, someone who has decided that nothing more will happen. You are causing them to waste time and possibly money, if they are the sort to buy tickets before asking you out. Then you expect them to deduce that you have decided to go another direction, based on the fact that after x amount of times treating you with respect as a friend they have gone out with, it slowly dawns on them that you are sitting with someone else, feeling annoyed or uncomfortable that they are still sending you texts or emails or whatever.
Just send them all some sort of basic email saying that you have decided to stop dating them, and wish them luck. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:36:16 PM | | Yes, someone is bound to get hurt. No matter what the circumstances, dating various people or in an exclusive relationship, sometimes it just happens My philosophy is honesty is the best policy Many have complained about the dishonesty and deceit they have observed on this site. So... why would you then become a hypocrite and become dishonest or a weasel?? Don't answer the phone??? Come on?? How old are we.? Step up to the plate and do the right thing. Your conversation can be caring and compassionate and well delivered if you give it some thought. Will the receiver of the message be hurt, most likely. You also will be a bigger person for taking a mature adult approach.! | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:45:43 PM | So you are what we oldsters call 'playing the field'? And you found one that you liked more than the others? I am also assuming that at this point you are focussing on this person, giving him more attention than the other dudes you're dating? I don't think it's going to be any big surprise when you fess up to the truth that you found a guy you like more than the others. No big deal, it's what dating is<
Most of us think that we matter more to others than we do. Tell the other dudes you found the ONE and hope they will find one, too (pun, I know) They will eventually get over your beauteous self. No worries. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 3:48:38 PM | I am unsure whether or not you had agreed to date someone exclusively. If not, it should not be an issue to either party. If you had lied, well, that is unfortunate, because now you have to face the consequences.
Honesty is always the best policy. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 6:59:49 PM | Just send him the following message.
Dear (place name here);
Welcome to Dumpsville.
Population: YOU!!!
Actually I would prefer this crass reply from a woman than the old disappearing man/woman that you though everything was going great with. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 9:30:14 PM | I have been single, and dating from this and other sites for 3 years now, and this has not yet happened to me. I have had many, many initial meetings, and have met a few that I dated for a while. But I have never yet had real dates (more than initial meetings) with more than one woman at a time. I suppose eventually it will happen, just hasn't happened yet.
If and when it does happen, and if I choose one over the other, then I would expect to be as honest about it as I reasonably could while still trying to spare her feelings. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/29/2012 10:08:05 PM | The best thing is to tell the truth. You met somebody else. It feels like a better fit for you. You have more in common. Or you simply feel yourself drawn in that direction.
But try to figure out what feels true for you. You will benefit in that exercise and do him a good turn as well. He won’t go home and look in the mirror and go through his inventory of flaws and self-criticisms. Spare him that.
And you will build up your truth muscle, become more of a person and strengthen your own character and self-esteem. And you’ll care less about what ‘everyone says’ and rely more on steering your own ship. That’ll feel good and make you a more attractive person.
Dating more than one person is not shameful. But lying is shameful. Don’t do it. (smiles) | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/30/2012 2:22:22 AM | | I haven't engaged in such behavior. I guess it's because people deserve my attention when they show the same effort. Though it's not technically wrong that you're multidating, but i surely hope that you've prepared the people whom you are dating to expect this. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:27:58 AM |
Only skankbags date several people at the same time. If the date went great STAY OFF OF POF. Don't be a whore. If that connection fails THEN come back to POF.
Here's me in a nutshell: Intelligent, kind hearted, and funny.
From your own typed words, I would now consider YOUR profile nothing but lies. Wouldn't you???? I would suggest you go to the big fishy and get your refund cheque. Doesn't seem like you're gonna have much fun around here.Enough of the BS comments and, ummm, read the rules before you ever sign on the dotted line again. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:57:57 AM | If someone is being turned down, they are supposed to get hurt. The whole point is for you to hurt them in such a way that they get the hint that you aren't interested and move on to dating other people. Don't try to be nice about it, that's just cruel. And don't disappear, as that is cruel too. Leave no small room for hope of seeing you again. Simply tell them you don't want to date anymore. They might be hurt, but they'll get the hint.
It's dating. You aren't supposed to be civil about it. We are all trying to find relationships. You have a responsibility to not keep others from finding a relationship by trying to come off nice.
How are you dating multiple people? If it's just coffee dates or first dates, then dating more than one person is fine and telling them you aren't interested in another date in no big deal. No one expects all first dates to be followed by a second. You are seriously over thinking this. But...
If you mean real dating, as in going on multiple dates and making out and genuinely liking the person and genuinely considering a relationship with them, then, well, you are a slut. I, like others here, only do that with one person at a time. I've never found more than one person to date like that at a time, never wanted to look. These are people, not "eggs". They aren't just something you put in a basket in hopes of later soothing your desperation. If you really dating someone, they are not just an "egg" (I hope) and it's low to tell them later "Sorry, I decided to go with another 'egg'".
It's about showing people respect. | |
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| Dating--- Seems like in the end somebody is bound to end up hurt
Posted: 6/30/2012 8:58:50 AM | I have mixed feelings about this. I insist on paying and I'm always a gentleman, so dating a bunch of women will get expensive fast. I see the logic of casting a wide net but my personal preference is to be exclusive while we get to know each other. Whether it takes 3 or 6 dates, that's fine. That sometimes gets translated as wanting sex now or being clingy, but that's not the case. I'm saying give each other a chance.
Back to your question, I think you should be up front and say you're dating others before you meet so no false expectations are set. Be forewarned though that you won't get many five star dinners or courtship by the sea. Also, many guys will not take you seriously and feel like they're competing with other men. If you choose not to share, you might be labelled a gold digger by the gentleman thinking they had a real chance when you disappear. | |
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