| | Maturity In A RelationshipPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | How would you define maturity/immaturity in a relationship? What has immaturity done to wreck your previous relationships and how have they been more fulfilling and satisfying with a more mature partner? | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 9:55:50 PM | IMO, maturity in a relationship is understanding your partner, not trying to pick on him/her every little thing and starting an argument, accepting who he/she is, not trying to change him/her, instead check on one's self and improve one's self, not to be controlling ... and lots of other things.
Actually, maturity contains many qualities as described in Galatians 5:22-23 – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
When both partners can practice to have the qualities above then the relationship can be more fulfilling and satisfying, But that sounds like Heaven. And there would not be so many divorces and breaking-ups. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:28:31 PM | | Someone that does not pout or sulk for days on end. That drives me nuts. Grownups need to sort the small stuff as it comes up and then be done with it. There will always be differences but it is how you both handle them that is the key thing. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2012 10:32:20 PM | Maturity:
Listen more than you talk
Learn more than you teach
Do more than you expect
Give more than you take
Reach more than you retract
Dance more than you sit
Make more than you ruin
Laugh more than you cry
Hug more than you kiss
Kiss more than you fornicate
Fornicate more than you bicker
And trust EVER SO SLIGHTLY more than you verify.
That's what I do, and it tends to work out well enough for me. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 6/30/2012 10:49:53 PM | | a broad topic, but one aspect, IMO, is realizing maintaining relationships requires a certain set of skills, and you have to work and develop then like any others. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2012 11:27:28 PM | I love msg #4!
I think the best part of maturity is being able to talk openly. We all have immature moments, but when you have some insight into your own character and flaws, you can keep them from damaging your relationship irreparably. | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 7 | |
| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:55:48 AM | Mature relationships enjoy a rich and detailed shared vocabulary,
which is used to good-naturedly discuss together the (larger)
individual (and private) vocabularies of those two people.
Truly, these two enjoy their own private, shared language. They are the
beginning of a new culture.
And the same with physical skills, to some degree.
Money skills. Family skills. What christ on a crutch said.
Mindfulness, skillfulness. Love. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/1/2012 4:11:05 AM | I think maturity, is in a sense being selfless, level headed, and acting in a sense where you're trying to do whats best for each other.
A lack of maturity, will often blur communication lines, and fights which could've been quickly resolved, become petty.
I define maturity, as being with someone with a strong character, who has been built by life, and *knows* what they want in it. They do not resort to games, and are too grown for anything other than being upfront with their partners. Too grown to pretend, and just need to be honest.
I see immaturity, as the opposite. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 12:26:18 AM |
I love msg #4!
Thank you! I rolled that right off the top of my pointy lil head, line by line. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 4:28:33 AM | Accepting no one is perfect and everyone has some past issue that makes then who they are..good and not so good.
Stop assuming you know what others mean, if you don't quite understand then ASK.
Relationships that last are work.
Great relationships don't always start out with rockets red glare but can get there.
The person who is right for you won't fall out of the sky in your lap with a tat on the forehead that says so.
My 2.5 cents
The other 2.5 Ill keep to myself. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 5:15:22 AM | The ability to empathize goes a long way toward defining mature behavior.
Self-centered is not an attractive quality.  | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 6:56:40 AM |
Relationships that last are work.
And with maturity lets hope the work is less stressful.
As anything worth while takes work, and anything the is really good,is worthwhile.....even if your partner thinks at the moment it's not. lol
Like a good book,its never the destination but the life long journey.
And may your journey be long & fruitful, with all the little & big bumps along the way. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:26:48 AM |
How would you define maturity/immaturity in a relationship?
I would use it as a measurement term in hindsight where the lifecycle of the relationship is known.
i.e. "I'd say the relationship reached its maturity around May, after that we grew apart and stopped trying."
Or something like that.
Otherwise I wouldn't define maturity/immaturity in a relationship.
That denotes a relationship defines a person rather than a person defining the relationship.
I don't think a relationship defines a person, although some people would like it to.
But I'd call that irresponsible rather than immature.
IMO they are 2 different things, and someone can be immature while still being responsible.
What has immaturity done to wreck your previous relationships and how have they been more fulfilling and satisfying with a more mature partner?
Nothing. Immaturity has done nothing to wreck my previous relationships.
As this is written it denotes a relationship is external to me, like a car.
"What has immaturity done to wreck your car."
Relationships are simply interaction between two (or more) people.
Immaturity doesn't wreck the interaction, it is part of the interaction.
Just because one or both people want to discontinue the interaction, doesn't mean it's wrecked.
As a relationship isn't external, it's not already defined, it's not a shiny new car that is supposed to always look like a shiny new car unless it gets into an accident and then something "bad" has happened.
Sometimes a relationship has been more fulfilling and satisfying with someone immature if their communication abilities are clearly understood to me, as compared to someone whose communication abilities and desires are absent and/or incompatible with me. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 7:39:53 AM | i think the most mature thing any of us can do is step back and look hard at ourselves.... know what you need emotionally and what you can't live without. part 2 is being honest about it since sometimes it's hard to explain to a perfectly nice person that they are not a good fit for you- and it's not about them!!
i was once in a realtionship where we both allowed the 'feelings' and new ness carry us without really doing any work.... until the bottom crashed. looking back i see that we were both immature and could have done so many things differently. i see a relationship almost as a third person..... each people have needs, wants and individuality but the relationship must be nutured and protected and cared for. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 7:57:05 AM | Yes, a lasting meaningful relationship takes A LOT of maturity. Unfortunately if you're in a relationship with an immature person and you are already emotionally invested you foolishly try to keep at it and make it work. In the end they pull you down to their level and you begin to act equally immature. At least that is what happened in my case.
Maturity means commitment, honestly, steadfastness, open communication, and heart. A mature person acts and speaks from the heart. An immature person hides behind their walls and stealthily tells you what you want to hear or strings you along with the bare minimum of a carrot everytime.
To say it again, a person of character and maturity speaks from the heart. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 8:43:55 AM | | I think maturity is to accept responsibility for your own actions in a relationship and to be able to talk about the tough stuff with kindness and compassion. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 8:46:35 AM | Inmaturity: guy so into me he wanted to meet my child, never seen again after that.
Later, guys who speak of wanting to meet her, but never come around to pursue it.
It does "bruise my heart" to find a guy, *at last*, understanding and welcoming of the fact that I have a child, to then see that they were just empty words.
It annoys the hell out of me. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 12:27:18 PM | I will admit that in my marriage, I acted immaturely and this had a very negative effect. I expected too much, nagged too much and even pouted when I did not get my own way.
Thankfully, I have come to recognize the mistakes I made and am a much better, more mature person for it. Maturity, being described well by above posters. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 5:40:31 PM | immaturity is being a 58 year old man dating a woman of similar age and competing with her grown children for her attention...on Mother's Day
maturity would be realizing that on Mother's Day she'll probably spend time with her kids
immaturity would be expecting her to spend every free moment she has with you
mature would be spending time together and apart because you both have a life and it doesn't always include the other person
immaturity would be pouting about whatever is bothering
maturity would be telling her if something is bugging you | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 6:15:17 PM | I just treat others the way I want to be treated.
I tend to find that the people who boast about how mature they feel they are tend to be the biggest offenders by condescending other people. It turns into an ego issue for them whenever anyone disagrees with them on another viewpoint and then those types of people end up judging others very heavily for something they simply don't agree with. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 6:51:24 PM | The only way I think I can wrap my head about this topic ( but it's a good one IMHO) is to say that I think at certain age tiers, that there are social expectations about likely dating benchmarks and certain events.
I think when you are 40 years old ( thinking a little about the Steve Carrell comedy, the 40 year old Virgin ) most people are expecting someone who has at least had sex, been in a long term relationship at some point, either dumped someone or been dumped in the past and learned some of the basic unspoken social and interpersonal nuances that separate someone with dating experience versus not. Things like marriage, kids, divorce, I mean who knows, people take different paths, but things like some of the early basics like having had your first kiss or slow dance or overnight/road trip together is something I think many people will expect to have been hurdled.
I'm not sure I'd say "maturity" but I'd find personally that it would be much harder to date someone who had no relationship experience period if I was a person who had extensive dating experience. It's not just an issue like sex, it's about things like small body language and verbal cues and relying on past experiences to negotiate some of the early struggles with courtship. I also think there's a certain amount of mileage to exposure to having to compromise with the other sex, the more most people have to deal with the other sex, the better hopefully they get at understanding the specific nuances held by them.
For example, chicks nag. I believe most chicks will nag until the end of time. The bad chicks will nag but even the good catches are going to nag at some point. A guy without experience is going to handle that nagging in a much different way, generally worse I believe, than a guy who has been in multiple other relationships. Also, for example, guys like to fix problems. When most women complain, most men by default will look for solutions. This is generally held as basic male behavior and often a touchstone of some of the things John Gray covers in Mars/Venus. A guy with little experience will try to fix a lot of those problems, not realizing the woman mostly likely just wants attention and to complain without doing anything about it. Whereas a guy with experience will simply nod his head, hug her, say nothing but kind words and think about football while the droning continues.
I think "life maturity" matters in so much as it's going to be hard to have someone who acts like an adult deal with someone who hasn't leaped past certain developmental stages yet, either through their own choice or rarely by circumstance. But I also think "relative" dating experience is often critical. Sadly, I find many people with little to no dating experience often have some serious problems with the idea of compromise or negotiating conflict for the greater good.
I think many people when they are young, still don't have a firm grasp of what they want, but they do start to develop what they don't want first. I think those without experience don't have that and it will often cost them down the road. The sad thing I find is there is a hard line where someone can be overly experienced to the point of no return. They have been rode too hard and taken too many loads to the face or heartaches to get past their jadedness or discontentment. My motto is the people who have a chance are those who just suffer enough, just barely enough to adapt. Those who can't will repeat their same pattern of heart break over and over again until they've given up the ghost of hope.
In the past, I could have been a much better man, but with time and experience, I'm trying hard to be a better man now. | |
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| Maturity In A Relationship
Posted: 7/2/2012 7:01:53 PM | | If I really had to boil it down to be as simple as possible, maturity as a whole, not just in relationships, is knowing that there's a time and place for everything. Knowing when and where those times and places are, is maturity. An example, for clarity's sake, would be your girl trying to talk about your relationship with you and telling her you've got no time for her shenanigans right now, then patting her on the butt as you walk out the door. Another example would be brooding in the corner of your kid's birthday party because you had a fight with your wife the prior day. Both of these are going to leave your partner irate and cause issues in your relationship. There's a time to have serious discussions and there's a time for cutting loose and leaving things that are dragging you down behind. That capacity is what embodies maturity. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 8:11:55 PM | | Knowing that it will end eventually, that at least one of you will be hurt, that one day this will be a distant memory - but still opening your heart and accepting it all anyway, without reservation. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2012 8:16:53 PM | Maturity is a word that is chucked around alot I rekon. Basically anything recognised as immature and a long list of 'don't's. The trouble with the understanding of maturity is, essentially, just the opposite of being immature. So when the only thing we have left to say about maturity is "it's not being immature"- you're not left with much.
So if I had to describe maturity it would be something to do with being aware of the role you're playing in any given circumstance. Not only being self aware, but an acceptance of your own motivations in any situation. It's having a momment to really judge betwen your motivation and your ultimate goal. Taking the time to review your own behaviour and seeing where it's getting you or has got you. Basically taking reponsibility for your actions. It's also seeing the opportunity to change, accept or aknowledge your own behaviour and it's outcomes. Pretty much observing what is happening and taking ownership, asserting your choices through careful judgement of yourself. | |
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