| | Men happy to take money off women ?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Since I left my marriage I have had friends set me up on blind dates. One thing I noticed in common with the dates is that the man had financial problems and raised the issue when the bill came, Im not one to cause a scene and although Im not rich paid the bill but left thinking I dont want to meet this person again.
I hear/read in forum posts how our culture states that the man pays on a date but my experience has been quite the opposite.
I was raised by a proud father that insisted on paying and a brother that has the same attitude. 'A man isnt a man if he has to take from a women' attitude. Im not saying that is the right attitude to have but it has left me with thoughts that if I am expected to pay for a man, has society done a complete role reversal.
I have no problems paying for myself, I want to make that clear.
Speaking with other single women recently they have said they experienced the same thing. I would like to hear the opinions of others on this apparent role reversal.
Have women experienced this also, do men feel that it is about time or do men still feel it is their role to pay? | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:06:53 AM | You could always ask to go dutch as a condition of agreeing to the date - then there'd be nothing to worry about. Either that or stick to something inexpensive like coffee for the first date.
do men feel that it is about time or do men still feel it is their role to pay?
Women never used to have jobs, so fair enough that it was the man's role to pay. But for some time now money has been independent of gender.
If I've asked someone out I'd be prepared to pay but they would get bonus marks for at least offering to contribute. Likewise if I were asked out I would offer to contribute based on good manners rather than because of conformance with gender-specific traditions. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:11:42 AM | Going dutch seems to be a good answer as then you know what you have budgeted for. I had a friend that would pay for my share on one outing and I would cook for him in return..If funds are short a picnic where you each bring a little something is a great idea.
In answer to the question for me most men have paid even though I offered to pay my share. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:25:35 AM | | Meh....men spend their whole lives paying for women, one way or another......why should a first date be any different! ;-) | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:48:43 AM | | ^^^^^ Oh its gonna look like I am stalking you Hilly , but you owe me a keyboard ... reading that actually gave me a little spray of coffee out of the mouth !!! ( I never said I was cool or delicate ) | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 1:39:17 AM |
our culture states that the man pays on a date I've never known that to be part of "our" (ie, Australian) culture. It was not the way that I was raised - actually I don't recall it ever being something that was discussed as I was growing up - I just formed my own opinion that costs should be shared.
I've not noticed ever that men now expect the woman to pay for the entire meal. In my experience, men still think they will be expected to pay for the lot but are pleasantly surprised when I offer to pay half.
If however, a man asked me out and then at the end of the meal made it clear that he expected me to pay in full, that would be the last date we ever had. That would be extremely rude.
For me, it's something I like to sort out BEFORE the date. If a man asks me out to dinner I would say 'that sounds great. I'd prefer if we went dutch - is that ok with you?' If he objects then I would let him pay but if there was a second date I'd make it clear that I wanted to pay this time.
I couldn't date a man who thought it was his responsibility to pay for me each time. I would not feel like an equal. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:22:51 AM | OP, I don't think you dating a few tight arses constitutes a "complete role reversal" by society. Maybe your friends are having a laugh at your expense , setting you up with dead beats?
You stated that when you have to pay you left thinking you don't want to see this person again, maybe your dates know that? | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:38:00 AM | I think some of this confusion comes from the evolution of "the Rules" of dating , and of societal roles in general .
Admittedly I am quite an old fashioned guy in some ways , as are your brother and father, Casandra, but as you get older , you realise the rules arent the same as what you have been taught ... In the 70's/80's you didnt know whether to hold a door open for a woman , it could go two ways , either "thanks" and a smile , or "dont patronise me!!! you chauvanist pig ! "
I once actually had a car door slammed into my shins once , because I went around the car to open it for her LOL
Some fellows ( not myself ) have the attitude of , "well I am working , shes working ... why cant we go dutch or she shout ?"
Its a bit of a backlash against the equal rights movement I guess? Some fellows dont realise that a woman is an equal but still might deserve a little manners and respect , conversely some women , when treated as an equal , dont like it very much when the "old rules" are forgotten ?
Its a minefield out there , that didnt really used to happen as roles where more defined in the past ( not that I agree that a certain sex should have a certain role mind you ) , but at least when there are clear customs in force , its easier to observe them .
In some ways the same men brought up in the period of your dad and brothers , have to face a decision, if they do not know the person they are going out with well . Do you revert to type , or do you recognise the lady as a pure equal which also includes the responsibilities usually extended by the man ( such as paying )
Of course it could also be these blokes you date are looking for a free lunch :) | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:40:05 AM | You know this is an amazing thread. Many like it have been posted but this one has a neat twist.
I'm back into the dating game again because of this thread....free meals from now on. Huray. Someone should have thought of this sooner.
Hang on...they did. They are called women. Yup...time for that 'role reversal.' Bring it on babes...I'm getting the munchies :-} | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:06:28 PM | ^^^^^^^ Absolutely I do !!!!.....
Me and every other woman who draws breath on this earth is a total babe (in someones eyes) .........women are awesome | |
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CPCPCP
| | Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 14 | |
| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:25:32 PM | I prefer the dutch option
but if I invite some one out then I pay, that is how I was brought up.
but recently I went out with 2 friends and we all assumed the bill would be split 3 ways
when one when out side for a smoke, so I got stuck paying 2/3 wasnt impressed to say the least but paid it.
I guess we all get caught in these situations and dont want to cause a fuss and just pay (but grumble) it does leave a bad impression I think | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/1/2012 9:06:14 PM | I always go dutch so there is perfect understanding. :)
I sometimes offer to pay for the entire bill... but that's when we're already an "item" so to speak. :) | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/2/2012 12:59:56 AM | This thread or should I say that there have been many threads on this topic.
For me, my rule of thumb is.................................................... I am happy to pay and I don't have a problem in paying.
I have even taken a woman out with her family and father and paid.
I didn't even expect any reward from this except good conversation, good food and great company and I wasn't disappointed. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/2/2012 1:05:34 AM | And please remember Qld Blue...we have a date for yummy lunch in Freo - I will hold you to that...
I have no probs going Dutch - or even paying in full for both of us for that matter.....cause I know that I will receive - good conversation with great company and reckon the food will go down a treat as well :) | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/6/2012 6:50:20 AM | Funny, I went on a date and the man talked a lot about his money he was to get later on but was living week to week for now.
Fine no problem. I am fine with a cheap date...and not intersted in money or income.
He had no money for fuel so I drove the almost 2 hour trip there (and back). had a cheap date. he chose the meal which incidently was quite tasty,, but insisted on sharing a single plate.. he graciously allowed me to have"the last piece"
Asked me to stay on would heat leftovers for dinner. I was a bit busy to stay longer anyway.
Indicated he was intersted in another date, but again I had to drive in...
I felt quite insulted he wouldnt meet half way esp for first meeting.
Funnily it wasnt that that put me off as the nail in the coffin.., but the offer to watch up to 70 hours of his family home movies.. after listening to detailed stories of them all afternoon. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/8/2012 1:37:21 AM |
Funnily it wasnt that that put me off as the nail in the coffin.., but the offer to watch up to 70 hours of his family home movies.. after listening to detailed stories of them all afternoon.
lol.... Nothing like the home movies to bore one to tears..... I wonder what ever possessed them to think that this was a good idea? Like gee I have a good idea for a second date, watch my family for 70 hrs.
Sorry I cannot stop laughing. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:21:54 AM | mikedownunder..
Yes I was like.. perhaps another time, I am glad you are close to your family, but, not for early on...maybe if I had met them and found them super interesting yes.. maybe..
I dated a man for a year who was so close to his family EVERYTHING was run by them first.. I am surprised he could still wipe his own arse without ringing his mum for approval .... I thought it was delightful at first, until it affected how we managed to interact...they approved of me at first...then they determined whether I was suitable or not.
So for me.. that set a precedent I am a little wary of mamas boys to an extent..but as always.. I won't ever judge.. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/8/2012 4:42:55 PM | I try to always go dutch.
But yes there are a number of men I have met, who expect the woman to pay for everything. Not just half.
If they are entertaining I will pay if they are not I won't.
I have found that being a woman who is comfortable financially, (sadly not rich.. I have yet to cash in the lottery ticket) seems to mean I have a flashing neon sign above my head saying.
BROKE or DESTITUTE MEN WELCOME. Please make contact with me and ask me to support you.
I am a champion at attracting them.
That being said I have some seriously broke friends so we either do things that cost nothing or I pay.
Cheap Tuesday 1/2 price movies are good. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:31:50 AM | I like going Dutch or if it's my idea then i'll pony up.
if i'm strapped, then i wont be making plans. I self employed so cashflow does ebb n flow, and sometimes things are due at the worst times.
I seriously doubt i'll ever aska girl to pay my way, but equality speaks volumes regarding respect and taking the time to be honest about the bill. As a minimum, an offer to pay is all thats required, even if i choose to not accept. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:41:00 AM | | If i cant afford to pay for myself i dont go. Im so used to being independant i really dont like other people paying for me | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:45:53 PM | | Always ask before meeting up with any guys first dates pay your self not looking into other pockets all the time. | |
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| Men happy to take money off women ?
Posted: 8/2/2012 10:38:07 PM | Well this is an interesting dilemma...
I think these days there is an underlying idea that if a guy pays for a date then he is after something. But then again, it depends on his upbringing and the type of guy he is. Generally the guys that are not worth your time will make you pay the whole lot as a female and funnily enough, don't see you again. But in saying that, there are the nice guys who just want to take care of you and make sure you don't touch your purse the whole night. A guy that sees you as an equal will go dutch.
I never expect a guy to pay and am always happy to pay for myself but I would never pay for someone else if they asked me out. That's not how the world works. Even if the guy wants to pay I still reach for my purse to at least contribute.
I think a playing factor is how well the date turns out. If the guy is totally into you, he won't let you pay for him. He would want you to save your money so you can spend it on yourself.
If a guy asks you out and then says "My shout", you know where you stand that he is at least a decent guy and not a sponge that will bleed you dry if things did go further and most likely wouldn't be after anything no matter how well or badly the date went as he has already clarified before the event that it's on him.
Moral of the story, don't pay for guys if you are a woman. They get enough when they earn more than women do in the exact same positions, as we all know it's more of a mans world than a woman's. Be proud you can afford to pay for yourself and don't expect anything less - otherwise they are not worth your time. | |
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