| | Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single Page 1 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | When i went to sisters wedding a few yrs ago i was asked by a couple relatives "so when is it going to be my turn so i replied"I don't want a turn hehe"
Which they didn't take to well as they were quit stunnned. I honestly did not think that much of it until a similar thing happened at work not long ago...
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knt3
| | Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 6 | |
| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:50:04 AM | Well, I know for myself that I am quite happy being single and it has been a conscience decision on my part to remain this way. And today, they say that divorced is the new married. It's the thing to do and so I have a bit of a time trying to understand why everyone wants to get married or even live together. I think people still crave tradition which is one thing that I've gotten past a long time ago.
I think people that ask us such silly questions like "so when is it going to be my turn".... really, I think they are jealous or envious at the very least. Marriage is hard work and most people that I know that are still in it are miserable and live almost separate lives from each other. It's like they come to an unspoken understanding or they just flat out get divorced. I'd rather spend my time and energy elsewhere.
By the way....nice come back on that stupid question they asked you at the wedding. GOOD ONE! | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:51:51 AM | That was an amazing answer...
People can be so rude when I finally married then it was" when are you starting a family"
Then after divorce it was back to "So when are you going to start dating"
It never ends I have developed a thick skin and blank stare... | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:58:12 AM | "Some" people believe "life" should follow a set pattern as we grow. When this pattern isn't "followed", some people will wonder why,and be dumb enough to ask. It's usually not the asking that irritates me(cause really,all it did for me was "expose"),but the "way of thinking" of which brought up the question in the first place.
So,to answer your question, it's not that the "followers" look down at ya, it's that they are wondering why you aren't in the long line standing behind them.(they want more company) | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:47:16 AM | Try having an Indian extended family. There's a wedding I might be going to in December. I already have my lines prepared.
When the little old ladies ask about my husband, I have to say "He's dead". When they ask for clarification, I have to explain, that actually, he died as a result of a build up of radioactive toxins due to his attempts to split the (newly discovered) God particle and so reconcile the laws of quantum physics with a cure for cancer.
And that's why I don't have any children. Radiation sterilizes, you know.... | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:49:43 AM | Deja vu.........
Op,this is about the 4th or 5th Thread you've started (just worded differently) on why you're single and childless.
*Newsflash*
There are a lot of people in their 30's who are single and childless.
Perhaps you'd benefit from the Profile Review section as this seems to be bothering you so much.
*shrug* | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:59:12 AM | Society as a whole doesnt look down on single people. Your family and friends do. They think you need to be married to be happy. I get this from my family and friends all the time. I show up to a family function and there's a strange woman there. "Oh, this is Ashley. She's an accountant. We thought the two of you would be a great couple."
This happens to alot of people. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 16 | |
| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:15:23 AM | It has been my personal experience that the American society DOES look down on those who are single no matter the reason.
In this "couples oriented society" that moves two by two, the unspoken rule is if you are "coupled with another" you are someone. If you are on your own, you are nobody.
After my ex left 7 years ago, I was 35 years old and starting over. I felt like I was nobody because I was not part of a couple and I struggled with being on my own for a good 2 years.
Now that I have had some time and space, I am very comfortable being on my own.....and don't really care what others think about it.
I live in MY OWN HOME with the sweet environment that I created. I can come and go as I wish, don't have to answer anyone, can spend my disposable income any way I wish and don't need to consult with anyone other than maybe my tax attorney!
If I want to live in condo or apartment, I can.
If I want to buy a farm -which I recently did - I can.
If I want to go to school -which I am right now - I can.
I also find that many married couples out here are in truth, unhappy, and somewhat jealous of those who have the lifestyle we singles have. - Some are green with envy at the fact if they want to do what I have listed above - or anything else that comes to mind - they have to consult with their spouse. In other words, they DON'T have the freedom that we singles have.
You don't have to be part of a couple to be someone. Now that I'm 42 years old, I field questions all they time of why I am single. I merely reply they must not have too much to do if they are so concerned about it and change the subject as it truly is none of their business as to why I or anyone else is single.
Remember, it is better to be on your own and happy versus with someone in a miserable marriage/relationship that isn't working. - And believe me, there are PLENTY of those who are in marriages who are extremely unhappy and don't know what to do about it, much less how to cope with their situation.
Live your life on your own terms and don't let anyone else tell you what is right for you. Only you can determine that.
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:21:41 AM | Try being a black woman who is in her late 30s and never married/never had kids...the following has been said and/or assumed about me. In the black community, it is extremely common to have a few kids without ever being married:
-I'm a lesbian (completely false)
-I don't like children (False again...in fact I develop children's-related fashion products for a living. I spend my day thinking like a 3-12 y/o for some of the most recognized brands. I love children...I just have no desire to have kids without being happily married).
-I must have went crazy once I hit my 30s and still wasn't married. (Actually, I was close to getting married once...looking back I'm SO glad I didn't go through with it...he was a great guy, our goals just were not compatible.)
-I can't conceive kids. (False again...nothing as of now is wrong. TRUST ME...I love sex just as much as the next person, I simply practice safe sex.)
-I must be so lonely because I'm not married and don't have children. (Wrong again! While I know a lot of people, I do keep my social circle small...yet I definitely have people in my life who care about me. I have an exciting/fulfilling career which allows me to travel around the world. I have interests. Honestly, I feel like sometimes there's not enough hours in the day because I do so much. It's actually nice to still be able to have "down time/me time." While I would love to be someone's wife and mother if it's meant to be, I truly enjoy being able to pick up and go to exciting places in Europe and Asia as well...which I wouldn't be able to do, if I was a wife and mother.)
-You're an attractive woman & make great money...why are you still single?! (Because I'm not a keep up with the Jones' type of person. I believe whatever is meant to happen, will. I'm a complete person as an individual. Trust me, I've encountered many woman who are in love with the idea of the wedding/marriage/house with the picket fence, but when they get it they still aren't happy...because they jumped to get it instead of focusing on doing it with the right guy.) | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:21:56 AM | | You don't owe anyone an explanation for how you conduct your life. I'm single and don't care. If someone were to give me that reaction I'd say "What do you care?" Most of the couples these days rush the biggest issues possible like marrying and moving in together after a few months yet people can be ok with it. | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:24:41 AM |
I don't think society looks down at single people... I'm not sure why you'd feel that way just because someone asked you about getting married.
Perhaps it isn't so much "looking down," but there is often incredulity and even disapproval when people choose not to fit into established norms for society: marriage and having children are two of those norms.
Even at my age, I meet people who are surprised that I do not plan to marry again. They are usually older than I am, in my age range and married, or in my age range and single but desperately seeking a mate. I have met men and women who will grasp at straws in finding a mate, which sometimes results in very bad relationships. Many women my age who, like me, have been single for a long time understand my choice to remain single and live alone.
But we are old, and it is more acceptable for us to choose not to wed than younger people. I do think, however, that living together qualifies as marriage for many--unlike the past.
People can be so rude when I finally married then it was" when are you starting a family"
When my ex and I had our first child after seven years of marriage, the "delay" was entirely planned. I cannot express how much flack we got for not having a baby right out of the gate, especially from his parents. That experience led me to NEVER question a young couple if/when they will have a baby. And not only that, my youngest son and his wife have been together for years and she confided in me that they have been unable to conceive. When/if people nag them about starting a family, it is cruel--thoughtlessly cruel, but still cruel.
Mind your own business. | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:35:16 AM | I think, to be fair, you went to a wedding, there is a social context of two people getting together, so it's a topic at hand that seems appropriate to discuss. If I go to an AA meeting, I might hear about someone's drunk driving experience. If I don't want to hear it, I don't go to AA meetings. Sorry but some basic social conventions and themes will apply to any wedding situation. I don't think many people at weddings are looking to kick you in the balls, I just think often that type of topic is a conversation piece or starter. I mean if you walked into a bar with a huge floppy orange hat and with a goat on a leash, guess what? People will ask about the big orange hat and the goat on the leash.
Personally, I do not think society in general looks down upon those who are single. I do think, however, that society will always spit in your face if you are considered not socially acceptable level of attractiveness ( more so for women) or you have a lack of career success and signs of wealth ( more so for men) A single poor man at a wedding is more likely to be treated like crap for being poor than he ever would for being single or just happened to be at a wedding.
The only singular situation I do think matters for singledom, and held punitively for most, is someone in a career trying to move up the corporate ladder. A lot of times, getting farther up that ladder requires certain social "benchmarks" that need to be checked off. Playing golf, being married, having kids, going to the right church, saying the right things, wearing the right clothes. I don't think singledom here is so much oppressed as much as selling your soul is the standard issue requirement for advancement.
I will say I suspect more women will be hard on other women for their singledom at a wedding, if only because I find many women are mean to each other, many are competitive to a fault with each other and society puts so much pressure, esp on younger women, to marry and have children.
Personally I don't always enjoy weddings myself, often I get little old ladies bring around their granddaughters to meet me or other assorted single women brought around for an introduction by some matchmaker housewife that fell straight out of a Grey's Anatomy episode, usually with the qualifier that "He's a good one honey, he has a very stable career" Wow, thanks lady, I'm glad I could be there to make sure your granddaughter is well stocked in handbags for life. Would women like old crotchety men come by with their grandsons and hear them say, "Well, Bobby, she's got a great pair of tits and she has that "bar" look that means she probably consistently puts out"? I doubt they would. But somehow the reduction of guys at wedding as props and their wallets seems to be ok. Sigh, double standards I tell you, weddings are sometimes like a breeding ground for double standards.
OP, no offense, I've noticed a theme in your posts about what others think of you and what's acceptable to society and being judged a lot. Validation can only come from the inside. To be frank, most of society could probably care less if you live or die. You just can't take that personally.
And you should read more replies from JanetAlways. I read her replies and often they give me some comfort about what I hope most women could be in terms of compassion and genuine empathy. I rarely see it in life and there it is, always. So like me reading a JanetAlways reply, you need to find some measure of hope for yourself each day, whatever that means for you. | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:35:20 AM | Society looks down? Not where I live in Canada and not where I'm from in France. A high percent of adults in western societies are single so odd that society would look down upon itself.
I hope you don't judge societal norms by a couple of relatives. I have sane relatives and whacko relatives. | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:35:25 AM | My family does the same thing to me, OP. My usual response of some kind of joke no longer works.
Now when I ask them if they want to bury number three, they leave me alone.
I find the shock and awe of my stoic bluntness works well.
I like being single and dating for the sake of dating, and enjoying company for the company.
Many people forget how much fun it is! I like my life at this point/juncture, and Im happy/content. | |
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| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:37:08 AM | My opinion is that it is rude to ask such a personal question as when are you getting married or when are you having a baby.
Since ,in my opinion,80 to 85% of the general population are idiots, I guess it is to be expected.
OP's answer is a good one, it deflects the obvious opinion of the asker without being rude oneself by saying "it really is none of your business". | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 25 | |
| Why does Society look down there nose and people who remain single
Posted: 7/1/2012 7:43:53 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Amen to that! Personal choices we all make are just that......personal choices.
It's nobody else's business what we all do as long as we aren't hurting anyone else, lying, cheating or breaking the law. | |
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