| | Is "Jumping right in" not acceptable any more?Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I was just wanting an opinion from women, but I will settle for stories from guys also.
To start off, I am a 42 year old male. You can look up my profile if you want to know more. :)
Four years ago, I had cancer in my spine. It was dead when they found it, but it had done enough damage to warrant an operation. The point is that, since the cancer, I have come to realize that life is too short. So, when someone finds an interest in me, I tend to jump in with both feet. My question is...
How much is too much, in relation to contacting the woman with phone calls, texting, POF messaging, etc.? What would be a perfectly acceptable range of contact, if there is mutual interest?
Drog | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:16:14 AM | When she tells ya to phuck off and quite being so needy, you probably have stepped over the line.
Everyone is a little different. Some people love to be in constant contact(though I don't think that's all that healthy), and others don't require constant confirmation that you are thinking of them.
In other words, there are really no set guidelines. Kinda like life. Funny how that is, isn't it????? | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:18:46 AM | OP do a forum thread search on terms such as "how much contact", "how often to contact" "contact frequency" etc and I'm sure you will find many threads on this topic and they should answer all of your questions.
The ultimate answer though is that it depends on the two people involved. You should contact as often as you think is acceptable in a relationship and if it is too much or not enough for her then she isn't your match. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 10:25:01 AM | "Jumping right in" was NEVER acceptable.
Essentially what you are describing, is closing your physical and emotional eyes, and as soon as a woman fails to run you off with a shotgun, you rush into her life blindly, making lots of assumptions, refusing to think about or get to know her at all, and trying to indulge whatever fantasies you had about "how life ought to be."
That's the trouble with many people's versions of vowing to "live life to the fullest" after a scare such as you had. They forget that there's a real other person on the other end of their "fullest" whose needs, goals, desires, and basic ways of daily living have to be accepted.
Again, this sort of nonsense has NEVER been considered rational, or acceptable, even in the dumbest of Hollywood fantasies. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 12:40:26 PM | | There's nothing wrong with you jumping in with both feet, so long as you are OK with knowing very little about the person you're putting so much time and trust into, and as long as you don't expect them to match your pace. If they don't run, you should expect them to take as much time as they need to to be where you're at. If you're there in two weeks and they get there six months later - so be it. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 3:10:24 PM | | Doug, i really feel if your interested you need to let a girl know...Life is short but a girl can get a lot of contacts and many of them are not serious, just kids playing at being adult or perverts wanting a joy ride!! That sounds a bit big headed I know but seriously sorting out the genuine guys seems to be an art!!! I think if you get in touch more than once you deserve a reply and a favourable if polite decline is at least a reply.... Bit of advice though dont open with "do you want to pay for teenage sex;;;can I borrow your clothes or I am looking for a new mum amd you may get further than others!!! | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:21:49 PM | | I think more people need to have the idea that tomorrow may not come so they better enjoy today. However a lot don't. "Jumping right in" will work IF she likes you and IF she doesn't feel smothered. It's going to vary person to person and relationship to relationship. The best thing you can do is go a little slower then you infer in this post and if she reciprocates then you've perhaps got a green light.. I like it when a guy just texts me or calls me for no reason. I like contact of some kind everyday or I worry.. Of course if it's the very early stages multiple times a day might be over kill. Most women just want a guy who doesn't play games. If you want to call, then call. if she seems distant give her a little space.. have to pay attention to non-verbal clues on this one. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 5:58:17 PM | interesting that your cancer made you want to jump into a relationship... mine made me want to live it up and jump around WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !;)
ok your first photo looks like you are gonna kill someone.. not a great choice in photos.. toss it! | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 6:08:41 PM | | Well if you contact someone who looked at your profile and they do not reply, I would not keep contacting them. If they were interested they would have made the first contact or replied to your message. But there is not set rule to contact if two people are messaging on here. If you ask for a person's email or phone number and they arent ready to give you either then I would just continue to message them via pof until they are comfortable with more. If you are too pushy, you are not going to have any success. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/1/2012 8:14:12 PM | If I met someone and liked them, I would (and have!) jumped in feet first.
It was worth the risk, though one relationship has taken me a long time to get over.
I prefer to do it this way, otherwise, I overthink. IMO, a lot of us in online dating do overanalyze instead of taking chances in life. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/2/2012 6:03:43 AM | A little clarification of what I was talking about earlier:
There are actually two kinds of "jumping right in with both feet."
There is the "set your personal fears aside and risk being fully open and accepting" version, which I think can be quite healthy, and then there is the "go after what you want, completely disregarding what anyone else feels or wishes" version.
The first kind is 100% dependent upon the person doing the jumping, COMPLETELY ACCEPTING that it is THEY who are risking everything, and not the other person. It means that if they jump, and the other person reacts negatively, then without batting an eye or making any complaint at all, the "jumper" bows out, and moves on.
The reason I assume that this OP is referring to the second kind, is that he IS complaining. He expects that his cancer scare gives him a "free to barge into people's lives and have fun while ignoring their sensibilities, because life is too short" card. So he comes here, asking what he thinks is a rhetorical title question, expecting to hear back that people should be more accepting of him than he has found they are. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/3/2012 1:47:52 PM | Actually, with all due respect, pull your head out of your ass!
I never ONCE complained about anything. I started off with a statement of fact, about having cancer, and then I proceeded to ask a question, about the proper amount of txts, calls, etc. that I should initiate if the woman is also interested.
And you ASSUME that I feel "...free to barge..."! On the contrary, I asked the question to be as respectful to women as possible, in the pursuit of knowledge on the delicate subject of a woman's sensibilities, in relation to communication, when just getting to know someone.
In other words, how much is too much? Because, if I find a woman interesting, I do not want to scare them off with over-communication, which I have done since my "cancer scare". It was a generalized question, because I know everyone is different, trying to illicit a generalized, yet relevant, response.
In the future, I would ASK questions of the OP, before ASSUMING anything. Of course, that is just MY opinion! | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/3/2012 2:26:21 PM | | Simply communicate with her and ask her what type and level of communication she prefers. Share what you like and reach a happy medium for both of you. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:26:48 AM | Hmmm. Nothing wrong with jumping in, but don't lead with your feet. Do a big, giant belly flop in! She'll be impressed with the giant splash you make, and don't men like to see women in wet t-shirts?
You can ask for advice until you're blue in the face, but ultimately just be you. Some women will be spooked by it, but one woman is going to enjoy it. She is out there waiting for you.
Congrats on getting on with life & loving!
*edit
I just read a reply from you a few posts up. Yikes-snippy!
There's no determined set number for texts,e-mails, etc. Communicating your needs and interest should be a natural thing, IMO. Somewhere between stalking and ignoring I suppose. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/7/2012 3:37:49 PM |
The reason I assume that this OP is referring to the second kind, is that he IS complaining.
Yeah ouch that was out of line. Most of your posts are thoughtful so I'm assuming you just misread his post. I didn't read his questions as anything other than curious about how to approach women he likes without running them off.
Red | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/8/2012 5:57:50 AM | It depends on the person...I like communication, especially in the beginning when you are getting to know each other. I am not big on texting all the time because I find it so impersonal. But I guess that seems to be the way to go now days. Not many guys seem to want to talk on the phone anymore.
I can understand the OP's want to just go for it. But as some have stated just be careful it doesn't come off as needy or clingy. Because though I like communication, I also get freaked out by a guy who will try to contact me more then once a day. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/11/2012 10:44:52 AM | I used to jump right in when I was younger.
Moved countries several times to follow 'the love of my life' to only find out they weren't. I was going on the whole 'jumping right in' theory and it just wasn't working.
Now, I tend to be so causious I think i'm repelling them!
I just met a nice guy very recently, and as much as I want to jump right in, again i'll probaly blow this one as well..lol..either i'm too quick, or too slow..never the right pace... | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/11/2012 12:28:53 PM | | A short convo daily via email, text, call, will be fine. But if she doesn't answer, don't keep bugging her. She's either busy or not interested. If after getting no reply 3-4 times you should move on. But as long she gets back with you later that day or the next you are good. A date twice a week is also acceptable. It's great to be open and put yourself out there, but if you smother the fire and don't let it breathe it will burn out fast. Make sure you keep to who you are and your hobbies, etc. and don't get completely wrapped up in only this girl. Life has plenty of things you don't want to miss while obsessing over a girl. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:56:53 AM | | I learned a lesson. I loved this great man. with him for 3 yrs. we didnt come out and say we loved each other for a yr. He died 2 yrs ago from cancer. Im more open about how I feel about ppl. If I like someone Im all in. U know when its right. I say do what u feel | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/15/2012 8:01:29 PM | it's a crap shoot... you can act the same one three different dates and all three dates will say something different. You're too much, you're not enough, you're just right.
Good luck! cause I have seen all three answers with the same manners and such on all the dates. It's subjective. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/15/2012 8:11:34 PM | After freaking out a lot of people by my forwardness, I've learned to give a little information piece by piece - letting someone respond to each tid-bit as it comes. Online, you only get part of the story, and you learn pretty quick that people lie. A lot.
You cannot see the person's face, and that right there can be a problem. Expressions give more information. The tone of a voice gives more information; all this we use to make our judgments about believability.
So, it's not that you're jumping in with both feet, but that probably the people who are receiving your attentions have been accustomed to think that people who move quickly are trying to get in their pants immediately.
It's funny how standoffish we get when we've been burned a few times. I've learned trust online takes a little longer for both sexes. Honesty has become something of a commodity - a sort of bargaining tool used by those whose intentions may not be up to par for most of the folks looking, so not many take it at face value until something of it has been proved. BUT, too much honesty and it comes off fake - it's just words in the beginning, easy to misconstrue, easy to get the wrong impression.
A little self-control and a few extra emails will not hurt you when presenting yourself to someone else online.
I'm glad people are contacting you! You seem like a good person - I'm sure the right one will come along and really love your enthusiasm!
Good luck! | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 7/26/2012 6:09:42 AM | | Never a good time, never a bad time, can't be too fast, can't be too slow, let it flow, let the sweet wind blow, whatever will be, will be, or not. Trying to figure out women is like asking why are we here. You'll just get lost in a maze of what ifs. | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 8/4/2012 2:27:47 AM | I had once a guy who came in so intense that I had to ask him to not call me.
Basically, if we couldn't meet that day, he would call. I have a tariff for calls up to 90 minutes and, often, I would have to say to him I was reaching the time limit, and then he would call back for another hour.
I simply run out of things to say to him. And I started to have my phone on silent, of "run out of battery", or whatever excuse was good to not have to answer it. He would get annoyed at the fact that I wasn't answering the phone when he called.
It wasn't healthy, because I got to the point where I felt suffocated. Didn't take long to end.
You either are grateful that you are healthy again, and take things slowly, or you get yourself a young girl with not much going on in her life so you can sweep her off her feet and ride together into the sunshine.
But, in this age bracket, you'll find that many of us have careers, children, businesses, family, friends, established lives, and that we cannot just put everything on hold because somebody is in a hurry... | |
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| Is Jumping right in not acceptable any more?
Posted: 8/4/2012 4:36:55 AM |
FRANKENSTEEN....makes no sense and sounds like he has been wounded by some woman who jumped in...found out what an insensitive ass he was and then she jumped out......DROGNANKHAN...if a woman told you she didn't love the attention she's either lying or she has baggage or issues.....if a guy doesn't communicate how excited he is about me and is consistent, I immediately write him off....I KNOW your heart is in the right place with the question your asking....ignore the schmuck.
I have read many comments from one of the men you mention, and respect his opinions and insight especially, more so then yours, on this subject as well... Regardless of my personal opinion, you basically summed up in the comment above, that which ever method people choose,it is basically a 50/50 result...Then make a comment basically dismissing the lader of your personal choice, created made up scenarios, and threw in a couple insults,lol...
if a guy doesn't communicate how excited he is about me and is consistent, I immediately write him off....
Sounds like you are in need of a lot of attention... | |
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