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 time4anewpath
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 1
Becoming a Single Father by choice.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
So here is the deal...I'm getting older now and while I do meet my share of women for dating/fun/hanging out etc...each relationship I have ends in failure. Now I'm an only child very independent with just one family member (an elderly mother) and I'd like to have a child or children before she's gone or I'm too old to be a good parent. Which brings me to the point of the post. I was wondering about alternative avenues for becoming a single father. All can find is information for straight couples who are having problems conceiving and gay couples who obviously can't do it without some help. I know people will say adopt, but I would a child that is genetically like me. Has anyone done this? Does anyone know or have any information about this? Thank You for reading.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 2
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 1:08:19 AM
Hire a surrogate. Someone who carries a child for an individual or couple, with the intent of being basically nothing more than an egg-donor & rent-a-womb.

And draw up a legal contract that the child will be solely yours, & that the surrogate is carrying & birthing the child with the intent to be a surrogate for you. You will need a lawyer most definately.

There is a market for this. On a parenting forum i frequent, a LOT of younger women are interested in doing surrogacy.

Thing is though, you will have to pay the surrogate a fee for this, & cover any pregnancy related costs (medical bills, vitamins, maternity clothing, food cravings, things of that nature).

If you are willing to pay, hiring a woman as a surrogate is your best bet.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 3
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:03:31 AM
Adopt. There are plenty of children WITHOUT parents who would love to be a part of a close-knit, loving family.
 vestaceres
Joined: 6/13/2012
Msg: 4
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:06:57 AM
A child requires love whether they have your genetic likeness or not.
 motown_cowgirl
Joined: 12/22/2011
Msg: 5
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 5:18:46 AM
Your choice strikes me as frivolous, selfish, lacking in insight, and woefully uninformed. First of all, what would possibly motivate a woman to bear your child and then turn it over to you like she was giving away a kitten? Secondly it's good that you don't want to adopt beause even if you did, you would find most doors firmly closed to you. No reputable agency is going to turn a child over to a single man, especially after that interview.... "Hurry up somebody give me a baby or two before dear ol' mom passes away". Perhaps get on the internet and check the Russian adoption agencies downwind from Chernobyl.

Clueless.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 6
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:24:12 AM
38 years old and you are old?
My sister-in-law had her babies when she turned 40.

If the only reason you want a child is to present to your mother before she passes,
then you are not having a child for the right reasons.

I checked your profile, and noted the amount of time that you have managed to remain in a relationship.
Age ... time in relationship ... only child, now that screams issues to me.

How about checking in for some therapy.
They will assist you in fixing what needs fixing
and by doing that, you may end up in a relationship that will flourish
and provide you with an offspring.
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 7
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:41:18 AM
You dont have a child cause you want to GIVE your mother GRAND CHILDREN! OR, your getting up there in AGE and want to be a parent before your to old to be a father!...those are the wrong reasons to have a child....

Hope you can figure out the reasons why to be a father
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 8
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:45:47 AM
Please don't think of having a child and trying to raise him/her on your own... how will you work AND take care of a child?

Many are forced into this situation and it's always a difficult path. You don't strike me as the type to handle difficult issues very well.

Offer to babysit for friends and see what it's really like.
 time4anewpath
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 9
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:48:26 AM
Thank You Queenbeeweetness for giving my some decent non-judgemental advice.
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 10
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 10:40:23 AM
I think your motivation is wrong. That doesn't mean you wouldn't be a good father, but maybe analyze the "why" a little more before you take the plunge.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 11
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/3/2012 6:02:29 PM
You can adopt... It's getting easier for a single person to adopt... but it requires a lot of research as different countries have different requirements.

you can hire a surrogate.. they can be expensive, but you'll get a baby with your genes.. you can also choose an egg donor or ask someone you know to do it.

You can ask a friend to carry your baby for you.. a friend of mine did this.. she wanted a baby so she asked a friend of hers to donate his sperm and she got artificially inseminated and it worked.

Just look into the different avenues.. even if you see a site for single women becoming parents, read it and adopt it to your scenario.
 ChocoMamicita123
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 12
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:24:16 PM
yes I agree with some previous posters why is it that people neglect the choice of ADOPTION there are children out there right now who need love and direction and other things they cannot get from their biological parents. Everyone is quick to adopt a dog not worried about breeding them but ooohhh we must have our own kids to carry our genes ugh!
Why is it that more and more people wanna be selfish and bring more kids into this crappy world when there are suffering children out their now.
I get that most people want their genes carried but come on!
Anyway those are my thoughts on that subject :)
 creativecitychic
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 13
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Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/10/2012 10:09:38 PM
I know a guy who used a surrogate (and egg donor) in India.

Maybe you know a woman who wants a child, who is perhaps just a friend. Maybe consider a platonic co-parenting relationship...
 CheekyCapricorn
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 14
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/11/2012 4:56:36 AM
would love to see the replies if this was a woman posting, bet it would be a complete about face. I don't see what the problem is with a man wanting a child before he's too old to enjoy a child, so long as a child is wanted and raised with love and not just an accessory.
 Coffee_Snob71
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 15
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Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/14/2012 5:22:33 PM
I think you are absolutely right. There would be an about face if he was a she. Love the prejudiced comment up about about how no reputable agency would adopt a child out to a single man. I'm a single father and you know what, I'm damned good. So maybe you should re-examine your generalities about men, last time I checked, a vagina was not a pre-requisite for being a good parent. As to those who expressed caution concerning the motives at work here. I agree with them "Dude it is not easy and you should think this over very carefully. Raising a child is tough, especially for the first few years. Doing it alone???" Just think carefully.
 audrianna333
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 16
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Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/22/2012 3:15:54 PM
Look into fostering a child. You can request the child have a certain age, avoid certain medical issues, etc... Yes they come with emotional issues, but they also come (usually) with a fee paid to you, childcare and insurance also covered. This would give you a good idea of what single parenting would be like and see if you really want this before you adopt/surrgate. Maybe you'll get lucky and foster a baby who you can then adopt as your own. Plus since there are limited fosters out there they won't be as picky about your singlehood. Just another idea to consider...oh and it's cheaper to adopt this way than threw a private agency or a surrogate.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 17
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/22/2012 3:44:13 PM
If he said he wanted to knock up a woman to become a dad or find a woman who will have his kid.. I'd have a totally different answer.. Tell him to wait for marriage and all that. but if he's financially stable and wants a child and hasn't found the right woman, then there is nothing wrong with him adopting or getting a surrogate or egg donor.
 Angela3031
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 18
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:41:20 PM
Motown_Cowgirl:

I'm sorry, I REALLY don't want to start any drama here but that was one of the rudest things I've ever read in my life. While I can understand where you are coming from what what he posted, did you ever stop to think that maybe there is a whole lot more to this man wanting a child than what went through your mind? I'm sure that if those two reasons were the only things he wouldn't be on here asking questions. Do you understand that men have a hard time coming up with the courage to put themselves out there like this..especially about children, for fear of being judged? My father was a single father and I am SO grateful for what he has done for me and I have the utmost respect for any single fathers out there. A lot of men would like children just like women do and they do come to an age where they think "now or never". That doesn't automatically make them a terrible person, nor does it imply that they would be a bad parent. I think maybe you need to look in the mirror and find out what it is that is making you such a cynical, judgmental, hateful person because you're really hurting yourself and making yourself look horrible. Definitely not a good way to attract dates on a dating website.
 Angela3031
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 19
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:46:23 PM
I had directed that towards one person without reading the rest of the posts..but I guess my last message can be for most of you!

How can all of you just assume that's the ONLY reason he wants to have a baby? A LOT of women will say the exact same thing and people don't respond like this. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people that adopt or use a surrogate to have a child, on their own, and manage to raise the child/ren absolutely fine! I am a single mother myself. Is it just because he is a man that everyone seems to have such a problem? Or is it because of his wording? Either way, you're all being judgmental and need to relax. I'm sure he didn't feel the need to go into some lawn drawn out explanation of why he wants a child, he shouldn't have to! He was simply asking a question..leave the interviews and judgments up to the adoption agency or the doctors that help him achieve this dream of his. That's their job..ours was just to help.
 Angela3031
Joined: 7/12/2012
Msg: 20
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:00:59 PM
**long (not sure how "lawn" got in there..I think I was trying to type two words at once. lol
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 21
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 12/11/2012 8:48:24 PM
I'm with you bro....If I don't meet a good woman in the near future.
 MissGiving
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 22
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 12/12/2012 9:06:02 PM
I just want to say shame on all you ladies who are bashing this guy. You don't know him and you don't know how he truly feels. He asked a question and deserves to have an answer without everyone climbing down his throat. I, for one, see no reason a man can not choose to be a single father. Many people are forced into being a single parent (as I was) and I know a lot of people in great relationships that shouldn't have children, period. This is a big decision for anyone and sometimes it's unintentional (here's me again) but we do what we have to to make sure we make the best life we can for our children or our future children. If the fact that his mother is getting on in years and he hasn't found a decent woman to spend his life with but still very much wants to have his own children that is his choice is a factor in him wanting a child that's fine too. A surrogate would be the way to go. If he is financially stable and can take care of the needs of a crazy pregnant stranger for a couple of years I am sure he will be more than ready to take care of a child himself. Being prepared is half the battle, and nobody is ever fully ready for kids......I know plenty of single fathers who have had their kids from birth or soon after and do a better job than a lot of couples with kids or some of the single mom's. Adoption would be a nice idea but he wants to pass his bloodline which is his prerogative. I say go for it, where there's a will there's a way. Godspeed my friend! :)
 S3v3ntek
Joined: 12/10/2012
Msg: 23
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 12/13/2012 6:51:38 PM
OP, I think thats a great decision. I plan to do the same if I plan to have any more children. From what I hear, there is way too much drama if your in a relationship and have kids and god forbid if you breakup... Its too dangerous in the bias society we live in.
Luckily my ex booked it out at birth and disappeared off the face of the Earth, so there was no custody battle or whatever. I was blessed on that part lol.
You are far better off to parent and raise them alone. Especially in today's world.
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 24
Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 12/28/2012 11:28:18 AM
I just found a blog about this under medical travel to India it's expensive though around $80,000 but hey
if in the end if you have money and become a father...who cares about the cost.
 TeeTall
Joined: 6/4/2011
Msg: 25
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Becoming a Single Father by choice.
Posted: 12/28/2012 9:07:49 PM
aw man that is a tough dilema.
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