| | At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | When most of us 50-60 somethings were just starting to date, STD's such as UTI's, yeast infections, and even syphillis & gonorrhea were treatable/curable w/ prompt dx. followed by a round of antibiotics. In today's World Single, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that anyone engaging in unprotected intercourse is at risk for contracting one of several presently incurable STDs, most commonly but not exclusively herpes, estimated to be carried by as many as 1/3 of the adult population. For the sake of this thread topic, HIV risks are not the focus although certainly the latter pose health risks of greater severity and magnitude than herpes. This noted, herpes remains complex and challenging given such uncertainties as the number of years in which the disease can lie dormant, the huge disparity in how effective present treatment is from one person to another, the often indefinite line between a contagious period and a non-contagious one and/or a non/symptomatic stage ---not to mention the stark reality that condoms do not guarantee 100% protection . . .
In my own experiences I know of two people 45+ who entered into a romance with someone dx. w/ herpes: the first, a woman (who also happens to be a nurse), has taken great precautions but within two years developed a case of herpes whose symptoms are apparently much more painful and generally more severe than those of her lover whose dx. happened over a decade before their relationship began. In the second example, the man -- after agonizing about whether/not to become romantically involved with a lady whose ex husband's adultery left him with a relatively mild outbreak of herpes relatively infrequently and her with significantly more severe outbreaks far more often --- made the decision to follow his heart and begin an LTR with her. But over the progression of their 6 month LTR, he became increasingly panicked at the thought that he was at risk every time they were sexually intimate and ended up breaking off the relationship --- and the lady's heart.
So the question for many of us over 45 fortunate up to this point to have dodged the STD bullets from the days of our youth, now seems to be, "Do I leave myself open to falling in love with someone in his/her 50-60's knowing that s/he has herpes? Honestly, I don't know what I would do. What about you? | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 2:57:34 PM | | The truth ia you would never know because most people don't know they are infected. No, i, would not let it deter me. There are other sexually transmiitted diseases i would worry about more, like hiv, hep c, and maybe even ms. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 2:59:41 PM | Of course I always ask about STDs up front so I have that knowledge as the relationship begins and can go into it with eyes wide open and evaluate the entire relationship with that in mind.
Over the past year I've dated two guys with HSV (herpes simplex virus). In one relationship it was one of the things that put me off of him, along with a number of other personality and health problems, and I chose not to take the risk. In the other, sadly he had some sexual problems because of it (strong psychological aversion to not infecting a partner, to his credit) but there were other incompatibilities that led us to break up. In the second relationship I took time to educate myself sbout HSV and ended up trying to accept that fact. Terri Warren has a very good book on HSV that I'd recommend for anyone who has developed feelings for a date /potential partner and wants to evaluate the risk of contracting HSV. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:19:33 PM | | Just read up on ms. The doctors who study this disease believe in some cases it may well be sexually transmitted. One thing is certain, something causes it, they just don't know what with certainty. Stress, trauma, living well north of the equator. A virus. Take your pick. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:26:26 PM | | Well, how about when the AMA and the CDC and NIH and all the other reputable health agencies of the world unite and agree that MS is an STD, we'll start a thread of it's own so we can vilify a whole new group of people and stir up hysteria and misinformation among the rest. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:32:48 PM | MS: Go to the source: National MS Society
:http://www.nationalmssociety.org/about-multiple-sclerosis/what-we-know-about-ms/what-causes-ms/index.aspx
Research for the cause of ms includes immunological, environmental, infectious ( including human herpes virus-6),
and genetics. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:35:25 PM | Well, how about when the AMA and the CDC and NIH and all the other reputable health agencies of the world unite and agree that MS is an STD, we'll start a thread of it's own so we can vilify a whole new group of people and stir up hysteria and misinformation among the rest.
Agreed!! Dr. Icon....must not jump guns, sweetie....seriously.
Research for the cause of ms includes immunological, environmental, infectious ( including human herpes virus-6),
and genetics. note key word "research" !!! unsubstantiated. Just because it is being "researched" does not make it a fact that it is an STD. Besides, I've cared for enough young virgins with it to allow "research" to progress before presenting it as an off-the-cuff fact.
and to the OP.....nope, would not be interested in becoming intimate with someone carrying that condition....and would hopefully be informed early on. :/ LOL, THERE's the rub!....soorrry :) | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:43:37 PM | After the divorce, I did get vaccinated with the HPV and HEP B vaccines. I also get regular exams and screenings and I do not engage in risky behavior/casual sex.
When a relationship has gotten to the stage where sex might enter in, I insist my partner be examined and tested for HIV, Hep C and STDs ...I even offer to cover his co-pay. And unwanted pregnancy, though unlikely is still a concern so that ground is covered in advance as well. No, it is not sexy, but then neither are warts or herpes sores or being pregnant at 50. Those that refuse to be tested or use birth control don't get into my pants...period. I may have lost a couple of guys over this, but who cares? If you don't have good health, you don't have a good life, and I do not want my golden years to be riddled with sores and infections. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:56:37 PM | Thanks for the subject matter it is very timely--- I had a complete hysterectomy in 2003; was married thought no more about things.
Then when I started dating I went to the Ob-gyn and he said I couldn't get any std cause it was basically a sealed tomb--so I fired him.
Next year I went to another one and they told me the same thing--I didn't have to worry cause it wasn't an opening to my body. I point blank asked this one about Herpes and he just sorta shrugged it off as not important said most adults have been exposed to it and only if you have a weaken immune system (DOH! nothing like cancer and chemo to do that!) do you have to worry.
If I met a special person I dont think I would worry about it unless they arent being smart about it, there are medications that help etc.
I think people who seek to make themselves look good by not having it might want to be check specifically for it cause from what my doctors tell me--it is a special test that most do not test you on since they feel it is that common. YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR IT TO BE TESTED, they just dont test for it, so dont assume you dont have it just cause you show no symptoms. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:57:20 PM |
When a relationship has gotten to the stage where sex might enter in, I insist my partner be examined and tested for HIV, Hep C and STDs ..
I would insist on it as well before becoming sexually involved with him, and I have zero problem with him expecting likewise since the last test I had was 6 years ago.. Since then I have remained celibate..
nativerock | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 5:21:46 PM | Every couple of weeks someone comes up with this scenario.
Let me do this again ... 80% of the population has herpes.
They are cold sores, whether on your face or in your nether regions.
And what about shingles?
Same virus.
How can everyone be so dense about this?
Oh yea.
It's the forums.
If you are going to veto someone because of cold sores ... wow. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 5:26:41 PM | I would veto because of cold sores... but not zits.. zits are curable :)
Why would I make it this far in life herpes free to take the chance of getting it now? and I would like to see the information that says 80% of the population has herpes. I fine it kind of unbeleive able.. but then 44.7% of all statistics are made up. *smile* | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 5:30:05 PM | "Dx" is medical shorthand for "diagnosis."
For the person who mentioned herpes virus 6 (called human herpes virus 6, or HHV 6) as a possible infectious cause of MS -- HSV 1 and 2 are the ones that can be sexually transmitted. The cold sore virus is HSV 1 and it can be transmitted to genitals. HSV 2 is genital herpes. HHV 6 causes roseola in infants, a complication of which can be encephalitis, and is transmitted via airborne means. | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 5:40:42 PM | And shingles is herpes zoster (the chickenpox, or varicella zoster, virus) and not the same as genital herpes.
The stats I have read/heard are that 1 in 4 have genital herpes. I haven't seen any stats on prevalence of people just having cold sores (although the cold sore virus, HSV 1, can be transmitted to genitals). | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 6:00:38 PM |
If you are going to veto someone because of cold sores ... wow.
I get the occasional cold sore....got my 1st one after smootchin' my boyfriend who had one when I was 16. Every once in awhile one will "tingle" in, can feel it coming. Have never had one in the "nederlands"....and don't want to add that to my world of risks. I OWN my "heebie-geebie" factor....not many things give me the heebie geebies, but THAT does.
That being said, I would not condemn someone for falling into that situation....just wouldn't want to add that to the mix. :) | |
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| At 45+ Would You Begin an LTR with Someone Dx. w/ Herpes?
Posted: 7/3/2012 7:40:10 PM | | No............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... | |
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