| | I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Hi everyone ,,,
I have noticed that my GF ignores my calls sometimes or call me late. For example, if i call her at morning she might call back at mid night. If i send messages via WhatsApp she would read the messages but not replying. When the relationship started we were talking and texting all the time but now she makes it little bit harder nowadays. 2 days ago we enjoyed going out and have good romantic time and i could see in her eyes how she was enjoying the time. But after i picked up her to home she never called me till now. I called her twice but she never replied.
To be honest i don't know what to do ,,, i think she wants me to chase and follow her by calls but that is not my style ,, we have agreed to marry within 5 months but i don't know if there is any thing happening which i don't know ... other than that she knows i will leave to complete my studies @ Australia within a week ... i wanna be with her before travelling but she doesn't give me the chance....
MJ | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 4:58:48 AM |
I'm wondering if the 2 of you are in love with the same person.
I'm thinking the same thing. It sounds on the surface at least, as though she is the sort of person who is so inside herself, so self-focused, that she only interacts when she absolutely needs to.
If that is the case, then her apparent change in behavior is not really a change at all. Essentially, the self-centered person will appear to be other-person focused during the "tempt and capture" phase of mate procurement, and then revert to silence and neglect once the mate is secured. If you noticed this change in behavior was shortly after you agreed to marry, that would tend to support this possibility.
Some variation of this is very common even to otherwise normal couples. It gets referred to most commonly as the "honeymoon phase" phenomenon, wherein both people put all sorts of extra effort into looking their best, working their hardest, and being at their most attentive, until they manage to "win" the mate. Immediately following whatever link-up ceremony they hold (which would have been only marriage in the old days, but would now include formally declaring exclusivity with one another), they would both relax and become who they really are in a longer term sense. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 5:17:38 AM | I would seriously nix the marriage plans until you get this straightened out. In reality you are already chasing her and it sounds like it is not fullfilling your needs or making you happy.
Sit down and talk with her on what you and she expects from this relationship. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 6:53:58 AM | Don't date people who behave in ways you don't like. It won't work out, even if you stay together the resentments that will build up will only make for drama and a crappy life. It's not that she's wrong or that you are right, it's that you are not compatible in an area that is very important to you.
It drives me nuts when anyone wants to call or text me all the time, I can go weeks without needing to be in contact, and I know that makes me not a good fit for many men, so I don't date men who are bothered by that sort of thing. It's not fair to them, but to have to pretend is not fair to me either. I use to try to make things like this work, I learned along the way that dating people with whom I'm not compatible is a waste of time for both of us.
Move on, find someone who will communicate in the style that fits what you need. Beating a dead horse won't make the horse contact you more often. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:18:40 AM | Thanks for everyone participated in my topic ...
About the marriage, actually in my culture we have to do that .... Our families took this as commitment from us ...
I forgot to mention some points:
1 - I am not following her all the time , Actually i am trying to balance the relationship ,,, If we don't talk for while i would call her to be sure that communication is there ,,, if i feel that she ignores me, i would ignore her till she call me ,,, sometimes i feel she needs little space ,, i would give her that space ...
2 - Sometimes i feel that she wants to come with me to Australia but she just pretend that she can be patient and wait me ,,,
3 - Five minutes ago she messaged me saying good things ... I think it is the female games again ( when you ignore them they will chase you, if you chase them they will ignore you ) ...
I have asked her before if i have made any mistake so i can fix it ,, but she said nothing there i was little bit sick ,, however, she ignored me for one day ,, ignored her then she called me and said i can't live without you ... i have noticed if i do care a lot about her then she would feel very secure and will ignore me ...
If i show love and step back some times , she will run behind me to see if i love her or not ....
Note: @ my culture the man is almost responsible about the success of relationships .. so we are under huge pressure financially and emotionally ...
Cheers
MJ | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:05:57 AM | JSNC7 thanks for your post ... it is very informative ...
It is good that girls don't do that kind of games at USA ... in my case i think my GF do it because she is still young and wants to be sure that i am only for her ... But as my grandmother said , if i fellow her all the time she will be used to take from me but not giving me ... So she must understand that relationships are about taking and giving from both sides ....
From my side i am really working hard for our future and willing to put effort and money to have good family ... I want her to know that she must have the same commitment ....
MJ | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:28:18 AM | To be honest i don't know what to do ,,, i think she wants me to chase and follow her by calls but that is not my style ,, we have agreed to marry within 5 months but i don't know if there is any thing happening which i don't know ... other than that she knows i will leave to complete my studies @ Australia within a week ... i wanna be with her before travelling but she doesn't give me the chance....
Try what normal people usually do; ASK her.
You`d be surprised how efficient this long lost form of communication can be.
Tell her you feel like your being ignored. When she says no, you just say yes, and WHY.
As much as she`ll try to, she won't be able to avoid the subject. And don't sugar coat it, you just say "I will ignored", when she insists that you arent, you just answer with "YES, and why do I feel this way?".
You might not like the answer though, if your persuasive enough to get it out of her. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 10:35:23 AM | it all boils down to respect--if someone doesn't treat you well, love doesn't matter, because it's really not there.
people wonder if a partner is treating them with love, and yet its so easy--first, love yourself. then you'll treat yourself with respect. second, see if your partner treats you the same way you treat yourself. if they do, then they treat you with respect, and thus, they love you.
but people who don't respect themselves, need validation instead. so they get into relationships that rollercoaster, and look for the love. look for the respect instead--and you'll never need to look for love again. it'll automatically be there. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 11:37:45 AM |
So she must understand that relationships are about taking and giving from both sides ....
From my side i am really working hard for our future and willing to put effort and money to have good family ... I want her to know that she must have the same commitment
Then share this with her. Sure, most people should know this but you say she is young. Share what's on your heart and develop a closer relationship where you discuss things like this. Perhaps she doesn't know how you feel about this or perhaps she wants reassurances. Get to know each others wants and needs better, as well as getting to know one another better as individuals. Best wishes. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 11:59:46 AM | she's in school or working isn't she? Law school maybe? Do let her study, OP, and don't take it personally :)
living up to her parents standards probably supercedes your need for attention from her BTW ;) | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:11:18 PM | So you will then have a long distance relationship?... If your relationship isn't strong now.. it's not going to get there when you leave.
....marriage within 5 mths?... huh? what?... lol.. learn from some mistakes around here.. live together first!!. ;-) | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:14:18 PM |
It is good that girls don't do that kind of games at USA ... in my case i think my GF do it because she is still young and wants to be sure that i am only for her ... But as my grandmother said , if i fellow her all the time she will be used to take from me but not giving me ... So she must understand that relationships are about taking and giving from both sides ....
From my side i am really working hard for our future and willing to put effort and money to have good family ... I want her to know that she must have the same commitment ....
I don't recommend taking your grandmother's advice. What I do recommend is actually talking to your girlfriend. It sounds like you don't even know her. She should be your best friend. I presume that the marriage is arranged.
Relationships based on keeping score, wondering if they love you as much as you love them, chasing, pushing away, are really a bunch of bull and don't really generally turn out too happy. Two people that love each other, that do things for each other because they love the other person and don't expect anything in return, continue to respect and value each other and work through rough patches and have their best friend with whom to share their joys.
You don't really sound like your relationship is headed in that direction but you could do something about that in the next five months. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 3:54:55 PM | Hi
I have just talked to her about it ... she was surprised about it and i think she has changed her thoughts about me a lot ... she started hating me ...
I knew it from her tone of speech ....
My grandmother was right ... ignoring girls let them wonder if u care about them ...
MJ | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:37:20 PM | First, ignoring girls just to get them interested is playing games. Do you want to stoop to that level?
How much freedom did she have in choosing to be married to you? You have mentioned your culture and the male role in developing relationships; could she have been under family pressure to commit to you even though she might not really feel that way about you?
You are very attractive, so it is not like you could not find another girlfriend. But if family pressures will limit your choices, be careful. You do not want to be committed to someone who does not truly feel the same way. In western cultures, people get desperate and will appear to be very attached when they just don't want to be alone any more. That's not good for a long term relationship. Anything that leads a person to a commitment to someone they are not truly attracted to and in love with can easily turn into a disaster.
If I have made inaccurate assumptions about your culture, please excuse me. It is just that I know a lot of Eastern cultures still practice some form of arranged marriage and families have a lot of say in who one marries. Your gf seems not to have been really into you, or she would have been more eager to be in touch (esp. if you give her space when she needs it). If you can break it off, do so, and try again, maybe after your time in Australia. Good luck with your graduate studies! | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:45:10 PM | Behavior over a period of time in a relationship, if anything, tends to DEvolve rather evolve. It can remain the same, ideally, but suffice it to say that bad behavior doesn't ordinarily change for the better. Long lasting and happy relationships, no matter what type in GENERAL, but moreso romantic ones are based on healthy interactive communication, just talking alot doesn't necessarily mean anything in and of itself.
If you feel like you're being ignored and you can't just tell her that without hesitation, that speaks to the prospect of a potentially happy, long term relationship. Obviously, it's not the only thing, but personally I can't imagine sharing a life with someone I couldn't openly talk with about anything and everything.
Litmus test is always do words and actions line up? If they don't one or the other is false and it should be no question it's a no-go. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:20:09 PM | Ok first of all you plan yo marry in 5 months yet you are coming to a dating site to find out what is wrong with her? You are NOT ready to get married to this woman, and nor is she ready.
"I have noticed that my GF ignores my calls sometimes or call me late. For example, if i call her at morning she might call back at mid night. If i send messages via WhatsApp she would read the messages but not replying. When the relationship started we were talking and texting all the time but now she makes it little bit harder nowadays. "
She is busy or just not that interested in you or scared to get close to you as she is not ready to be emotionally close to someone.
"2 days ago we enjoyed going out and have good romantic time and i could see in her eyes how she was enjoying the time. But after i picked up her to home she never called me till now. I called her twice but she never replied."
Same as above and if you could tell she really was interested and you should know since you are engaged then it sounds like an emotional detachment. Perhaps she just has a lot of stress in her life right now and needs to keep you out of her thoughts for a bit.
"To be honest i don't know what to do ,,, i think she wants me to chase and follow her by calls but that is not my style ,, we have agreed to marry within 5 months but i don't know if there is any thing happening which i don't know ... other than that she knows i will leave to complete my studies @ Australia within a week ... i wanna be with her before travelling but she doesn't give me the chance...."
Talk to her about it and figure out why she wants you to chase her and if you don't like it then she should stop playing games. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:47:39 PM | It sounds as though your girlfriend is busy. Personally, I would find it odd that it bothered you so much that I called you later in the day. If I like you and I enjoy my time with you and my emotions are all pointing to the fact that I adore you and think the world of you when I am with you, why would you need further proof of my devotion through phone calling. Personally, I can't stand talking on the phone and don't always listen to my messages. I'd rather see someone in person to have a conversation. I'm more of a visual person. And, I almost never initiate phone calls unless I'm running late on my way to see you. It's not part of some kind of game or desire to get you to chase me. And yes, if I hear nothing from you for awhile I will eventually call you.
I think it might be better to try to get more control over your emotions and feel more secure about yourself. If you are going to be married in 5 months - what's the big deal? You'll see her all the time then she won't need to call you anymore. | |
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| I Need Help: My GF ignores me but she loves me
Posted: 12/7/2012 4:13:09 PM |
About the marriage, actually in my culture we have to do that .... Our families took this as commitment from us ...
my culture the man is almost responsible about the success of relationships .. so we are under huge pressure financially and emotionally ...
Sorry, but in the West we view those old-fashioned cultural practices in India & the Middle East as ridiculous. Very double standard, & why let your extended family & social pressure dictate your relationship(s)?
As for your question, here's the answer... "a person's actions speak louder than their words". | |
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