| | When is the right time to remove your profile? Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | I met a guy a month ago. We really hit it off- lots of chemistry and great connection. We talked daily and seen each other 2-3 times a week. I asked if he would remove his profile since things were going well and he choose not to as he recently (6 mo ago) became single and was not wanting to jump into anything. Was my request to premature?
I am in my early 30's and seeking long term. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:14:06 PM | You're being rather presumptuous asking him to remove his profile after only one month. One month...you simply don't know each other at all.
If he doesn't want to remove his profile, he won't. Perhaps you're putting more effort into this relationship than he wants to.
He's fairly fresh out of a previous relationship and doesn't want to become exclusive with YOU. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:22:43 PM | If you guys are getting serious I would think its time to hide your profile.
But your description didnt really let me know whether you were at that point yet.
Maybe?
Was it premature; I dont think so.. but thats not really the issue. It seems you two want different things is all.
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:23:05 PM | | Here's my take on this whole deal. First off, since I'm a forum regular, I don't take my profile down and won't until and unless there is a reason to. It wouldn't have to do with dating anyone, being involved or even getting married. I would change my status when I decided that I didn't want to meet anyone else new. Period. I wouldn't even mention it to the other person, unless it came up in conversation. I don't think it appropriate, for me, anyway, to ask or expect someone to do something based on what I feel or how I'm thinking. I realize I may not be the norm, if there is such a thing, but it's something I don't stress over. Reading the forums it seems how I think IS far out of the norm, but it works for me. It's one less potential minefield I avoid. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:35:27 PM | I asked him to remove and yes I would have too and he explained he was not wanting at this time.
Was just surprised since he definitely was digging me with us spending lots of time together. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:51:22 PM | "Was just surprised since he definitely was digging me with us spending lots of time together." Exactly, YOU were surprised because you expected he'd want to based on how YOU feel and how YOU think. You'll be a lot better off when and if you get to the point to where you don't expect the men you're dating to do what you think they should just because it's what you want them to do.
It doesn't mean he isn't "digging you" so if you frame this like an ultimatum, it'll be the beginning of the end. It's just human nature that noone likes to think they have to or are expected to do something because someone else wants or expects them to. It may not be a big deal, but chances are you already threw a screw into the works already.
Do yourself a favor and don't be surprised if he tries to back out. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:55:36 PM | You can dig someone without being serious or exclusive. His key words were, " I'm not ready to jump into anything."
The key heads up is that he's only been single 6 months, and you've only been seeing each other one month. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 7:56:07 PM | When I met the girl I'm currently in love with I took two weeks and deleted myself from the site. I didn't ask her to do the same but she did comment about not finding my profile on POF. After we hooked up on Facebook and I sensing that I wasn't getting anything out our online interaction, I deleted the FB profile. She and I fell in love because we had great text chemistry and were able to make clear what we expected of our future together.
I can't help but feel odd about monitoring someone's online activity if I know them well enough. I caught her dating "her gay friend" but we got that mess straightened out. I always give someone 90 days to show me they are truly single and interested in me, maybe 6 months before I would expect them to announce any serious positive changed in our status. I understand your feelings about this but for what you got out of it maybe you were expecting too much? | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:40:06 PM | Don't make the request at all. If he feels like he is being pressured he will back away. BUT if you give him his space, keep your profile up, don't worry about him dating someone else it is much more likely he will decide that he cannot live without you and can't bear the thought of you dating and kissing someone else.
Men do not like it when they feel pressured into making a commitment. We want to believe that it is our own idea. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:53:08 PM | | He doesnt want to be exclusive and you should go hit it off with others. Premature for sure, but atleast you can discuss that kind of stuff like an adult. the right time to remove profile is whenever you feel like it but dont expect the same in return if they aren't ready. He doesnt want to be controlled. People rush into shacking up so damn early and look desperate. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 8:57:49 PM | "Men do not like it when they feel pressured into making a commitment. We want to believe that it is our own idea." Agree with this, with the condition of replacing the word "men" with "people". It's part of the human condition, that noone likes someone else telling them what to do, generally speaking.
By doing what she did, she painted him into a corner so to speak. It goes against basic prinicples of human nature IMO. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:01:53 PM | The last time I wound up in a relationship I approached things a bit differently. I am a forum reader like Bucsgirl so I don't anticipate really taking my profile down. I did feel badly that some guys actually seemed to put some effort into mailing me but at that point I didn't want my changing my profile status to in any way make him feel pressured to reciprocate if he wasn't feeling like he wanted to do that yet so I told him why I was changing mine and that I wasn't doing it to make any type of statement to him.
Worked for us. I do agree that a month, even given the time spent together was/is a sign that things are going well but not really indicative of a relationship. If he is coming out of one even if things keep going well he may not be ready to call it a relationship for longer than you are comfortable not defining what you have.
May be the right guy wrong timing or if you are comfortable chilling just let things unfold. If at some point it is obvious that he isn't really wanting a relationship with you then you move on. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:08:22 PM | You want long term, and he's made it clear he doesn't.
If it were ME I wouldn't invest much time in someone who isn't on the same page and certainly wouldn't stop dating other men.
If you're free, easy, available 2-3 times a week (and sleeping with him) while knowing he's not interested in anything serious with you, he's got no reason to offer you anything more. It's working for him and the "cost" is cheap. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/4/2012 10:03:54 PM | He is just enough into you to have sex with you.
If he thought you were everything he's looking for, he'd at least hide his profile and mention in it he is no longer available. That's what a lot of "unavailable" forum posters do.
Based on how you look at him, your request wasn't premature. Based on how he looks at you, your request was premature, he hasn't found the one he really wants yet. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:31:33 PM | | He isn't ready to feel a real commitment with you. Best you can do is go at his pace and if you aren't comfortable enough going as slow as he is then you should break it off. Chances are his last break up was a rough one, and he is not entirely over his last girlfriend though it depends how long that was. You should talk to him to see where he sees things are going and what he is comfortable with. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:02:37 PM | Here's some advice on this..don't keep looking to see if he's deleted his profile. You'll drive yourself nuts.
The right time to remove your profile is when you've decided you've met "The One" or somebody who might be. For anything less, it's silly to completely delete your profile. What if things don't work out with you, and he finds himself back on this site ? It's a time-consuming pain in the neck to assemble a new profile from scratch. The courteous thing for him to do would be to hide his profile while you're dating though, but that's his choice. It's just a gesture, and nothing more. Just because a guy deletes his dating profile doesn't mean he's wholeheartedly committed to you. He could just migrate his conversations with other females over to email or some such thing to make you happy. I understand you would appreciate the peace of mind, but really this is a battle that's not worth fighting for all the good it will do. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:08:11 PM |
"Was just surprised since he definitely was digging me with us spending lots of time together." Exactly, YOU were surprised because you expected he'd want to based on how YOU feel and how YOU think. You'll be a lot better off when and if you get to the point to where you don't expect the men you're dating to do what you think they should just because it's what you want them to do.
It doesn't mean he isn't "digging you" so if you frame this like an ultimatum, it'll be the beginning of the end. It's just human nature that noone likes to think they have to or are expected to do something because someone else wants or expects them to. It may not be a big deal, but chances are you already threw a screw into the works already.
Do yourself a favor and don't be surprised if he tries to back out. | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/7/2012 11:10:22 PM | | POF is the "singles bar" of internet dating. When someone is serious about wanting to be in a relationship they hide or delete their profile asap to prove their good intentions. Professional daters all have their "entitlement formulas" for how long they "deserve" to frequent an active dating site whilst having sex with you hahahaha... | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/8/2012 2:10:57 AM | He is freshly removed from a long-term relationship and has responsibly and discernibly conveyed that he isn't willing to step into another one, at least not right away - it makes sense.
I do not think it was unreasonable to ask, though, as you've witnessed, the answer you received did not match your set values. That said, would you willingly continue to date this man who doesn't want a serious commitment, knowing you have higher standards in your relationships by exclusively dating one person at a time? | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:08:25 AM | seeking long term.....
.....wants a commitment after a month.
It's clear he doesn't want the same things you do or at least, not on the same time frame. Worst thing you can do with someone who isn't ready or able to give all that you want, is to ask them for it. Personally, I would never ask a man to remove his profile. If he wasn't willing to do it without being prompted, then I already have my answer. Obviously.
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:12:10 AM |
I met a guy a month ago. We really hit it off- lots of chemistry and great connection. We talked daily and seen each other 2-3 times a week. I asked if he would remove his profile since things were going well and he choose not to as he recently (6 mo ago) became single and was not wanting to jump into anything. Was my request to premature? You remove your profile when you are no longer interested in pursuing other people to date. Basically you agree to be "exclusive". Your request was not premature. It could of come after a week or two of seeing him several times a week. Its a decision made together and concerns where you both think this is headed. I have done this after a spending basically a long 4 day weekend together as a first meet and with other gals we have continued to date other people for weeks until we decided we really wanted to give it a shot together and focus on us. It depends on how often you are seeing each other and your obvious compatability and how happy you are together.
But his response was telling. He is not interested in an exclusive relationship with you. Hopefully you made this request before you started boinking him. As he has probably continued boinking other women.
I am in my early 30's and seeking long term. Darlin you are seeking long term and he is in "Boink as many women as possible" mode. You want someone to spend your life with. He wants someone to spend the night with. Is this clearing up for you at all?
You are not on the same page. You have different goals. At least you had this discussion with him and he was honest with you. Time to move on and try an find someone on the same wave length you are operating on.
Expect him to still call wanting to boink you when he has free time. Try and resist the temptation.
Cowboy | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/8/2012 6:38:16 AM | I cant get my head round it, why you asked him in the first place to remove his profile?
If you are in a longer committed relationship, yes you should assume he removes it himself. Otherwise you only met a month ago, how about seeing where it goes first, instead of demanding to take his profile down cause you dated him? You are already far more invested in it, than he seams to be. Sloppery slope from here on...
For me, i wouldnt take mine down ever, i would update status, but not take it down. Have also fallen addict to the forums...haha | |
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| When is the right time to remove your profile?
Posted: 7/8/2012 7:54:23 AM | | Honey, if he was digging you, you wouldn't have to ask. Just enjoy the relationship. Isn't that what you came for? Honestly, when it's right, he will only have eyes for you. Don't try to rush it. Enjoy the journey. | |
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