| | Love lostPage 1 of 1 | Im recovering from a particulary nasty break up and its been six months since she broke it off with me.Me and her knew each other for six or seven years and dated for four years.She was my best friend and i had a deep bond with her, we did everything together and never spent a day without talking.I loved her deeply and treasured her in my life.
Last year ago {approx august or sept}she befriended this 46 yr old guy through a friend, and they seemed to be buddy buddy.I saw this and started to get a little jealous, i gradually started seeing them hanging out more.Eventually they would hang out with each other alone, { going to the mall, out to breakfast, lunch, out to the gun range etc}. I started noticing her getting alot of texts from him when we were going out shopping and it made me feel ignored and defensive.I got to the point were i was thinking well, if she can have a "male friend" why cant i have a female one?
I befriended the sister of my best friend and she seemed like a person me and my girlfriend could hang out with together.So one night my friend invited me over to hang out and watch a comedy with her daughter {14yr old}.I thought about it and decided to go , and i hung out with her and her daughter for an hour.I didnt however mention it to my girlfriend as she has hung out with her "guy friend" numerous times by now.
So the next weekend came and my friend invited me over to her 4 yr old sons birthday party on sunday.I asked my girlfriend if she would like to come meet my friend.She decided to come along , during the party my friend mentioned that i had came over and hung out and my girlfriend didnt seem to get upset.We walked home and she didnt mention anything or seem upset.Then the next day i get a text from her saying "I will be honest i wasnt too happy you didnt tell me you went and hung out with your new female friend".She then called me irate telling me i was now single and very upset.I know i should have told her, but didnt think it was a huge deal at the time.She hung out with a guy friend and went to dinner with him to west ed without me knowing they went for dinner.
So we are now broken up but still working things out, we were still "dating" as she put it, but not together together.I asked her if she would be willing to go to couples counselling and to work this out.She thought i didnt trust her and to be honest my trust was hurt by her hanging out with her new "guy friend".I was suspicious something was going on there as she seemed to have something for him {gut instinct}.I asked her until we worked our problems out could she back off her guy friend a little bit so we could get back on track.She refused and got very defensive to this, i would have and did do the same for her and didnt bother seeing my friend anymore.I felt very uncomfortable with her be alone with her guy friend and would have been more comfortable if i was included.She didnt seem responsive to this and protective of her new friendship.{This took place around nov early dec}. So Christmas time came and as my parents were upset with my girlfriends treatment of me .They didnt want to have her over for the holiday, so i hung out with my girlfriend days before Xmas, and then she came to me and asked me if it would be allright if she spent Christmas day with her guy friends family.I thought as to try and display some trust i said sure go right ahead even though i was very wary of it.A few days earlier she said to me i wont know why i should bother to get dressed up, as there would be no one there to appreciate it.So she got ready and DID get dressed up in my favorite dress and high heels she wears and i got upset and we had a little argument.She went with him, and later she came back and i found out he had bought her a silver necklace from paris jewelers, in a little black box and all.This really hurt me in a way you can never imagine, a "friend" giving her a necklace like this was not appropriate.
We continued to go to therapy and it was going well , until one friday night i went over to my friend Byrons place.We ended up getting a little drunk, i was pretty much out on my feet.I had plans to go over to my girlfriend place later that night but i was in no condition and my ride rode me home and i passed out on my bed.I woke up at 3 am knowing i had to be at my girlfriends place and panicked.I texted and called her and she said dont bother coming over tomorrow and thanks for standing me up.I applogised to her saying i could barely stand and i passed out.I dont do this often at all, hardly ever actually.So we were talking on the phone and a few weeks earlier she had went out with two male colleages over to his house to play board games and a few video games.I was ok with that, but i noticed she didnt come home till 3am and was offered to stay the night as she had drink on her and they two guys were a bit drunk.I said i wasnt comfortable with her staying the night and she flipped out on me.
So she brought this up and how i was concerned about her drinking, and threw it in my face that i went out and got drunk.She was just combative on the phone and i was taking so much crap from her, "I shouted at her and told her to **** off" I had had enough.I appologised for swearing at her and said a few dumb things involving my mistrust for her and go be with your new "boyfriend".So she demanded i give her back her apartment keys and all my stuff would be on her doorstep.I pleaded with her that i was drunk and said some things i regreted.She wouldnt hear it.
That was my last in person contact with her,we continued to talk over text and argued back and forth.I pleaded with her to go back to counselling with me and work through this.She said she didnt want to be with a guy who didnt trust her.I told her i trusted her, but she was hurting my trust level with her contiuing to hang out alone with her guy friend and the fact she was so defensive over him and took his side, and that she wouldnt back off him just a bit to make me confortable.
I sent her flowers to say i was sorry for shouting at her on the phone that night, she got them at her work.None of it helped. I had to live with the fact that the women i loved was gone forever.I found out through a friend she had been dating her guy friend since january and was moving in with him and getting engaged to him.They just got engaged a few days ago i heard.
I have moved on to some extent, but still think about her quite a bit.I miss her company and how we both got along so well before she met this guy.We never fighted or anything and just "clicked" with each other.I have been going out on a few dates but nothing has yet really taken my thoughts away from her and i cant seem to forget her.I feel she treated me pretty poorly and if she loved me, we could have worked things out. | |
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Posted: 7/4/2012 11:37:50 PM | | wow ..this was way too long of a story. IMO this seemed like a tit for tat relationship.Yes,you could of worked things out,but she didnt want to, and used this guy to fuel your anger,and as an excuse.I would use the counseling for yourself and continue to move forward and not get stuck in the past.It will poision any relationship that may come your way.Work on you first. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 2:40:04 AM | No win situation - she was very cowardly allowing herself to develop feelings for this guy & pushing you away - when you reacted as anybody would, hurt & confused, she convinced herself you were unreasonable & looked at the new friend as somebody who didnt behave that way
Nothing to do but move on I'm afraid | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 8:54:05 AM | | long winded.... now i'm assuming that your question is if she loved you the both of you could of worked things out... duhhhhh... that could be true of any couple going thru changes. if the love is there yes people usually work it out.. but not always.. and she didn't treat you poorly u treated yourself that way. Hold unto your pain if it feels good. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 12:33:16 PM | You should have asked to meet the guy friend immediately and established you position in your GF's life, instead you both played games. Why all the drama? you would think after 7 years of friendship you were able to communicate better.
Why after 4 years were you not married or engaged to her? Maybe she needed more than you were offering. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 1:45:52 PM | | Wow bro! Sorry I made it half way before I just had to reply. First let me say that I have never been in a relationship that long so be very thankful to have shared something so special. However I think maybe you should have put a ring on it, and to be strait with you she has been looking for a way out for a very long time or at least a change........ the most important thing I can tell you is. " grater are things to come than former things "..... I personally would take some time out to totally love myself and kinda change a few things . | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 7:48:48 PM | | Sorry for the length of the post btw.Yeah i did meet the guy and hung out a few times, i asked him straight up to meet me for coffee to discuss things with him and that he was causing issues between me and my girlfriend.He declined on numerous occasions, she was very protective of him and only seemed to want to hang out with him.She would say well hes my friend etc etc.In hind sight i should have told her, look if you want to continue doing this and ignoring my feelings i will have to part ways with you.But i loved her so much that i hung on and tried to work it out.I was very good to my girlfriend and yes perhaps i should have gotten engaged with her much sooner.I wish she would have been completely honest with me and said look this isnt working out anymore and i have fallen for this guy.But she lied and went behind my back and made it seem it was all my fault, which was pretty cowardly on her part. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 7:58:20 PM | | she is 31 years old btw and hes 46, so theres a huge age difference.I dont think i could have treated anyone, let alone my partner this way.I owe it to that person to be 100% honest especially when i was with them for so long.Im not saying i didnt make any mistakes but i think i deserved much better.Im an trying to move on but i find it difficult in forgetting as i was never given any proper closure.She wouldnt even meet me and talk and it was all done through text.How do i move on and heal properly from this? | |
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Posted: 7/6/2012 3:16:18 PM | Love lost....freedom gained!!!
I know how you feel...i was in a very similar relationship over 7 years... I think alarm bells should ring when the use of the word"trust" comes up....i was confused and hurt and trying to make things work and he kept saying ..."you don't trust me" well it got to a point where I had to look the word up for the correct definition. I did and it became clear that I was trusting him and devoted to our relationship, but he had abused the trust between us and was using it as a shield to hide behind and to hide his faults and bad behaviour.
Chin up it hurts like hell.....but you were on the outside and she had made that descision when she began to exclude you from social outings etc. | |
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Posted: 7/6/2012 7:15:53 PM | Yeah i think she was doing the same, she was seeing this man knowing i wasnt comfortable with it and it hurt me.The fact that she took his side, saying oh he doesnt want to interfere {i wanted to sit down with him and talk about this}.But he didnt feel comfortable doing so, but he stuck his nose in our relationship and should have discussed this with me.I would have tried to tell a guy well i have no interest in your girlfriend and im sorry its causing issues .Perhaps i shouldnt hang out with her so much or at least with both of you or with friends and you
.But he refused because he was interested in her and i knew it.That was pretty low class of that guy to do that, i wish i had have clocked him one but i would have got arrested for assault, but boy it would have felt so good.I still daydream of doing something like that but i know it would mess up my life in the long run.
I think she is out for his money, because i seriously dought shes in love with him.She uses people and trashes them and casts them aside, she did the very same thing with her best friend of ten years a month before she broke it off with me.Her friend rescued her off the street in vancouver, she was living in riverview mental hospital. | |
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| Love lost........go forth and prosper!!
Posted: 7/7/2012 4:02:21 PM | Their actions indicate guilt and deception.... the chickens way out.....just remember karma will fix it.....and yeah good people.... true people..... true to themselves and their moral high ground are always the reason good guys finish last. DO NOT DWELL ON HER IF SHE IS THIS BAD!!!!
I also feel as you.... no closure....but I have figured out how to overcome this strangling hold that he had on me for so long.... that hold was my love for him was so great....now i have brokens those chains slowly but there is still love for him and what we had but not like before...
YOU must look at others that have been there for you and supported you. Remember the lady that enjoyed YOUR company who is to say that she and others that do not also want companionship from you? Take care | |
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Posted: 7/7/2012 10:56:21 PM | can you give me the condensed version? also, if there is a study guide or outline, just message me the link. i only read about half of this and i realized that your gf is acting weird NOT because of anything YOU did...oh no...that's just her excuse....nope...she acting weird because of what SHE did...she crossed the line...i am not saying she slept with her dude pal...but i am saying that there are something that she hasn't told you...that much i know for sure...
next time you see her face to face, sit her down, look her in the eye and ask, "what have i failed to find out about you?" she will probably get really mad...perhaps flip out a bit...but if try to get her to tell you everything...
why you didn't object to you gf having a so-called guy friend is beyond me... that's a bunch of flippen crap...come on...that guy is a dude...he pees standing up...what do you think he's after? come on! | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 2:52:49 AM | I went pretty much through the same thing, and it turned out my gut feeling was pretty much right.
Three and a half years of my life, and my first true love, left me in a car on the side of the road, heart broken and balling my eyes out.
I understand how much it hurts to be betrayed by someone you loved and thought you would spend the rest of your life with, and it will take time, how ever long you feel is right, to try and over come this. It is a big blow to anyone.
My advice, from experience. Cut off all contact with her, express and vent as much as you can and want to, by writing, screaming it and talking with friends, because getting it out really does help (just as long as you dont do anything that will get you in trouble or hurt someone, even if you think it is the best idea ever and that they deserve it, it won't help you in the long run).
Try like you have been to really get out there, have some fun, do things you have always wanted to do, but didnt for various other reasons.
It is your time now to work on you, figure out what you want in life.
But in the end, you can't and don't want to be with someone who does not want to be with you.
There is someone out there that will want to be with you, and loves you for who you are and will treat you right. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 8:38:10 AM | First off, why would some of you comment on this guy's thread if you couldn't even read his whole post? Is it that hard?
Secondly, for the folks on here who did read this whole thing and aren't just assuming what he said, let this be a lesson.
This bltch used him and took total advantage of his love for her. You needed to man up guy, old school style. Given how much you did love her, you needed to put your foot down immediately and lay it out there. While doing so, you needed to confront this 46 year old face to face. However you needed to do this, you needed to get it done.
Something to the affect of "look here m*th*******r, stay away from my GF, got it?" would have sufficed just fine. You let this guy swoop right in and steal her from you, but in the end (I know you don't want to hear this now) it was for the best. She didn't really love you, she just used you until she found her latest meal ticket. Dude is 46 and she's 31, she won't last long with this guy.
You are better off in the long run, now you need to get moving and look forward with your life. Dwelling on this bltch will get you nowhere fast. Also, a little advice - get some testicles dude, what is up with the effeminate approach of hunting down women friends to hang with and being the sensitive type? Women and guys who are in relationships like you were, should not be spending intimate type times alone with members of the opposite sex. I have some gal friends that I am close too, but we use each other to talk about our relationships or dating experiences, and when we do, we do it by meeting for a drink at a public place (our normal local pub--not some out of the way place), and not at each others house late at night alone.
The trust thing that gets thrown around is a big BS meter going off indicator. It's been my experience that when gals throw the "you don't trust me" around, they are really up to no good.
Seriously, man up and move on, do not dwell on this user any longer. Learn from it, and never let a woman toy with your emotions and manipulate things again - please. The story you just gave was really close to a non-physical abuse type of relationship, she abused you mentally and took advantage of your love for her. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 11:35:17 AM | I sure hope you moved on.
She was on her way out ages ago.
Just too selfish to admit it. why admit it when you can have your cake and an extra piece | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 8:49:55 PM | riffer~
"First off, why would some of you comment on this guy's thread if you couldn't even read his whole post? Is it that hard"
yes, it was that hard.
now, i've been thinking that this thread should have a title change. it should be changed from "love lost" to "love stolen" - because this is exactly what happened... OP is a cuckold... | |
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Posted: 7/8/2012 10:51:22 PM | | I am anything but that, frankly i feel insulted by your insinuation. Sorry for the length of the post, but its not something i can condense very easily. Again try not to judge others so harshly | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 9:54:40 AM | Wow, I hoped you learned a lesson. She used and abused you and was probably doing him from the moment they met. She got angry at you because she assumed that you were doing the same stuff she was doing with him, to your female friend.
Be happy you are out of that toxic relationship and your best revenge is knowing that he has to put up with her crap now! | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 10:39:01 AM | "I owe it to that person to be 100% honest "
But you were not...I don't think it really did anything more than give her a reason she may have been looking for. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 5:29:22 PM | | anywherebuthere i dont know why you would say i wasnt being honest.I mean i didnt sleep with that female friend, i certainly didnt have any interest in that friend.Yet her supposed "friend" it turned out and painfully obvious that she was interested in him. I mean who gets engaged to their "friend" after breaking up with her boyfriend of four years in such a quick amount of time? Anyone could see that i was being played, and she tried her best to turn the tables around and say i was cheating? Uusually the one who accuses the other of cheating is cheating themselves. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 5:32:10 PM | | My stumbling block was the whole "guy friend" thing.Is it right for people in a relationship to have guy friends and hang out one on one with them? Thats what i struggled with, because i cant rightly tell my girlfriend you cant see this person or be friends with so and so.Yet my gut instinct told me something wasnt right, she would often come up to me and look at me and say " do you still love me?" or "it doesnt feel like you love me anymore".Which wasnt the case AT ALL, i loved her very much. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 5:42:51 PM | I remember when my ex girlfriend made friends with the older couple that introduced her to Paul { guy friend}.She said to me one night i think joe and anna are swingers and they propositioned her.This sent a immediate red flag off for me, i think my ex was probing me to see if i would be into that.Then weeks later joe and anna introduced her to their friend Paul.Ever since then my ex was going over there more frequently and hanging out with her new friend Paul.Even the lady Anna sent me a facebook message saying "hey when your girlfriend is hanging out with me joe and paul do you trust her? Which i found weird.
Something was going on in that little circle of friends, {swinging? } i dont know but there was something i felt i wasnt privy to. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 6:09:53 PM | It wasn't an insult at all. I was referring to her reference that you had not told her compared to your quote of 100% honesty. It actually had nothing to do with your intentions.
"Uusually the one who accuses the other of cheating is cheating themselves." You are correct big.irish.74 I could not agree more. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 6:20:28 PM | | ohh okay, misunderstanding ) | |
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