| | Not showing up at a date..Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | This actually was a while ago, when I had my pics on.
This guy contacted me, giving me a lot of compliments about the way I look. I usually ignore this kind of approach but I liked his profile, seems like we had some things in common, so we start talking.
We moved on Skype, always chatting for few days (between 7-10 days I think), nothing more and he asked me out to meet for a drink. I agreed. Exchange phone numbers and everything.
We agreed to meet in a place that we both knew that it is actually at walking distance from my flat, he told me he was going to text me when he was leaving (1 hour drive from where I live) and he did. I got ready and around a hour later I got a text saying that he was in the car parked in front of the place. I was on my way there, could not see his car (he described the car in the text as well) so I called him, no answer.
I waited less then a minute and then I walked in, ordered myself a small glass of wine and seat in a corner to avoid some old guy try to chat me up. I kind give the guy the benefit of the doubt, maybe something happened and he was going to show up in any second. I finish my glass while exchanging citcat over texts with one of my girlfriend, no sign from him so I put my coat back on and walked home.
I was honestly really relaxed and could not care less about the situation. I did not try to call him again or text, nothing. Never heard from him again.
I don't think he saw me and he didn't like me as the pics I have put on were not great as I prefer to 'surprise' the guy at the first date looking better then my pics and not the other way around (I think in that case you start with the wrong foot).
I honestly did not give a damn about it, but I don't get what could be the point in doing something like that? | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 6:39:56 AM | | People play all kinds of games.... there could be a wide range of reasons why someone does this but it doesn't matter....Sooner or later it happens to almost every1 in some sort of way... from not showing up for a meet or disappearing from contact.... Only thing that does matter is not to take this form of behavior personal, to try and not share to much about who u r until u actualy meet someone. Best of luck... | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 7:02:35 AM | Hi freespirit,
thanks for your answer. I didn't share much actually, we just had random chats, nothing personal it just doesn't seem to make sense to me? Taking all those troubles to organise something like that? Maybe I suppose to be crying, or sending horrible texts and in that case it would have been funny. Maybe? I just chill out, let my hair down and enjoy a glass of wine.
Weird. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 3:04:27 PM | | I think it was his loss. You obviously took the situation very well and didn't let it bother you. There's no accounting for the strange way that some people choose to behave. Better luck next time! | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 3:15:16 PM | Good for you. Sounds like you enjoyed your glass of wine.
I haven't been stood up yet, but I'm sure it will happen eventually. I'll do the same, order a glass of wine and enjoy my company or visit with the bartender. I'll won't bother to ask the guy who stood me up why, I'll just take it as a sign. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:10:24 PM | Did you actually see his face on skype? If not it could have been someone, like an ex, playing a joke on you..
I was gonna say maybe he thought you looked better than your pics since you said the ones you had weren't that great, and then he got scared to go in, but you didn't even see a car so I doubt he even showed up at the place at all. | |
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tcbsc
| | Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 7 | |
| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:30:32 PM | | I have to say i think you did a great thing . You handled it great. I had the same thing done to me ,I think but not sure he was married , and got caught.. I did not want. He was to met me at Fatz and hmm never showed up . I really thing that there are guys out there that need to grow up.. but i am very happy i did not met the one i was talking to . and i am very happy for you due to he might have been nice and cute , but inside sounds ugly you know what i mean . take care and good luck .. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 5:48:24 PM | You handled it much better than I would have. I could see me being totally gutted.
I've got a date for tomorrow night. We've chatted on POF tonight and exchanged mobile numbers. I sent him a current photo, as I don't have a profile pic, and he still wants to meet up. If he stands me up I'll probably be on here starting my own thread lol
And, for those who'll pick up my previous posts about dating someone else and hiding my profile....it didn't work out so I got straight back on the horse. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/6/2012 9:25:47 PM | | Situations like this could be and probably is completely innocent. Maybe he saw you from some discreet position and walked away never to be heard from again. So be it. Or, maybe he saw you and followed you home, marking your address for future reference. As an old man, as a father, as a guy who knows guys who will take advantage of any situation they can, never, ever meet someone alone near where you live. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 4:53:40 AM | Thanks to everybody for the answer.
I personally think he didn't show up at all, I really doubt that he saw me and though I was out of his league (classic alpha male bloke) and it pretty impossible that was one of my ex.
How could you react differently? The guy doesn't know you and you don't know him (that is the point in dating) you can't take something like that personally.
mysterioustallmn: no worries, I am used to collecting psychopaths, stalkers and men with strange behaviour in my life. Somehow I attract them..
I still don't get the point. Would that suppose to be funny? I would like to hear some experience from a guy, maybe someone that did something like that (in youth maybe, lol). | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:50:34 AM | | Just be glad you got out, hand a nice drink and realized how someone can be a waste of time. You saved a great deal of trouble by not having him show up than actually seeing him. There is always two sides to the situation. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:18:38 AM | I've only ever had one no show and that was a good few years ago. We'd arranged to meet at a convenient place, I got there, ordered a drink and some food as he was sketchy about the time he would get there.
Had the food and drink, chatted to a guy who wanted to know why I was eating alone. By the time I'd finished and the chatty guy had gone I just went home as he didn't show. Text once to enquire about his journey, no reply. Left it at that.
Didn't chase him, try and find out why he didn't show or root him out on his lack of contact. I figured I had a nice time out anyway, had some nice chow and a chat with a nice bloke thrown into the bargain.
Me = win.
Him = lose!! | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:21:50 AM | Also can I say that the ones who say they would be gutted or take this kind of behaviour to heart and let it upset them, treat it with the contempt it deserves and laugh it off.
Do you really want to be seen with someone who has so little regard for your feelings or shows so little respect for you. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:39:21 AM | Who knows why it happens. Maybe he chickened out at the last minute, maybe something else came up. Online dating is a whole new world.
About 6 weeks ago, a man I had been chatting with asked if I wanted to meet and have dinner and maybe a couple of drinks. I said yes and started getting ready. I shoot him a quick text telling him I was leaving. I heard nothing back. I waited 30 more minutes, still no text, so I called some friends and went out and had a great night.
My skin is a lot thicker now than it was when I first started out in the dating world. A few years ago, I would've sent texts telling him what an ass he is, blah blah blah. But experience has shown me that just makes me look foolish and solves nothing. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:17:07 AM | OP and Msg #12.
It could have been the guy you ended up talking with in the bar.
Did you do an internet search of the phone number, Username or Skype address?
You might have found others who had a similar experience with him.  | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:56:45 AM | I've been stood up but never have stood anybody up, I think it is completely classless. I have had plenty of reasons to run out the door when they first walked in too, as I have had my share of the "only 6 year old head shots" crowd who were 100 pounds over "average".
I suppose lots of people could get somewhere early, wait in their cars for the other person to show, then make up their minds to leave if the person doesn't look like they hoped. That would save a lot of time, money and PITA of telling them you are not interested, but it's still classless and doesn't look out for people's feelings IMO.
The one time I was stood up I already had a feeling it would happen, so I didn't say a word. She couldn't stand I didn't care or freak out, so she texted me asking where I was lol. I just gave an lol and wished her luck. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 11:50:07 AM | ok understand I'm going way out on a limb here as there’s much we don't know. and I see only 3 possibilities here...1 he died sitting there...2 he got arrested and now visiting bubba in prison or there is still an outside chance that he did see you and there was something about you that turned him off and he decided to just forgo the meet. Personally I don't see the point of option 3 but it is there.
I am impressed with how you handled it however, if for nothing but that...his loss :) | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/7/2012 3:10:24 PM | My "date" phoned half an hour before the meet to say he was running late and could we put it back half an hour.
I went to the Pub thinking he might not turn up at all but thought I'd do as the OP did. Forums definitely come in handy at times. Thanks avalava.
Anyway, he did turn up, we had a couple of drinks and chatted for two and a half hours. So a nice evening out. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/8/2012 2:17:52 PM | You know, from the details I have I just realised that he may chicken out last minute. That would explain all the details.
Harmonyangel, glad that I have been helpful and your date went well, good on you! | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/8/2012 3:57:19 PM | same happened to me yesterday. Supposed to meet at noon strbcks. Woman came strong onto me. at 12:04 I texted her ETA? no responses. - at 12 Yellow? anyone there? she wrote: pulled over. - Me:pulled over by the cops, no wonder if you're riding a horse over here! - she: yes driving fast..LOL. at 12:45pm me: well we'll have to do it another time, gotta be somewhere else at 1:30pm. and got no response!
I left the door open, just like many women do on this site do, with white lies... but I surely have no intention in meeting with this "corn flake" again! Simply did not want to send out so negative statements out in the world.
Like another user said.. at least I focused on enjoying my starbucks drink..... and chatted other people around!
funny people are out there! | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/8/2012 11:04:09 PM | I almost wish he hadn't turned up when he led the conversation by telling me about two previous girlfriends who both turned out to be alcoholics and are dead now! However we got over that little bump and onto some interesting topics and the date lasted two and a half hours. But there won't be a second date as no physical chemistry and one or two "red flags" came out during our conversation.
But, I'm going to walk into places in future with the confidence not to care if my date turns up or not....their loss as nhra1966 said! | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:15:01 AM | I have never not shown up, but I did cancel a first date once on four hours' notice. I received a text invitation from my previous ex and unwisely decided to meet her instead.
Afterward I admitted what I'd done to the woman I'd canceled on, and she was understandably pissed off; but I persisted and we ended up meeting the following week. We've been getting together every weekend since, having an excellent time. Close call!
It's to my ever-lasting shame that I was lured away from that first date. Lesson learned. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:35:17 PM |
It could have been the guy you ended up talking with in the bar.
Nah, definitely wasn't him, he was already there with a group of others, having a blast by the looks of it!! | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:37:56 PM | | I am not a guy but I have done that before when I was about 20. Was at university and met a guy online was meant to meet him at the front gates. I took my friend with me and we walked right past him, round the block and back on campus. I got back to the room and he called and asked why I walked past him. I denied that I did and said that I didn't recognise him. I did recognise him I just A) got nervous and B) was shocked by how big his nose looked up close. | |
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| Not showing up at a date..
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:00:12 PM | I've been on some pretty bad dates, but I've never been stood up yet. There's always a first time, I guess.
I stopped asking "why" a long time ago. All that matters to me now is the "what."
If I had to guess, I'd say that some people are paralyzed by the fear of rejection to the point of self-sabotage. | |
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