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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:27:03 PM | How long should the first meet last? 20 to 30 minutes max
or
How long should you email/phone before requesting to meet?
Look this should ALWAYS be moving forward. I email long enough to know I am interested enough to want to meet. I get a phone number ONLY when I am interested in meeting. I ask to meet ONLY via a phone call. I will ask to meet in the first or second phone call if everything goes well in the calls. If I have not asked to meet after two phone calls I wont.
Its that simple. If it takes them longer then that to decide I move on. I am not looking for pen pals or chat buddies. First meets are not dates. Its a short MEETING in public. If they cant get on board for a short first meet pretty quick then I move on. There are TONS of time vampires on here that just want to waste time and play. Its easy to find and identify the ones serious about meeting.
Cowboy | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:30:05 PM | | I agree with Cowboy 100%. I met someone tonight for 30 minutes and overall it was not going to work. Personality differences. Better off for both people to not waste their time and money if it is not going to work. Best bet meet for a beer or two within a week or so. The meet for coffee BS is so 1950's..... | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:47:30 PM | I like meeting right away, but it sounds like some of the younger women prefer to drag it out a little longer.
I have scared off plenty of men by suggesting that we meet within a week or two. In fact, I haven't been out on a date in months because as soon as I mention meeting, they're gone.
I'm OK with the fact that they disappear, it tells me they aren't really ready. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:06:18 PM | | tgrlily2day- I agree with you...I prefer to go meet the woman after a week or two of e-mailing/phone calls/smoke signals/etc... in the past I have spoke to women online through e-mail/phone calls for at least a month or two...and we were really having fun talking...but when we finally both agreed to meet in a public place...it was weird, there was "no" chemistry at all! The chemistry I feel at least at this point can only really be discovered when you actually meet in person ... | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/6/2012 10:10:24 PM |
Are you serious? You will only meet for a beer? So if a woman wants to meet for coffee you judge that as old-fashioned? He didnt say you had to have a beer. Personally I am not doing coffee shop meets. The last place I want to be is in a Starbucks for a first meet. Starbucks is hardly old fashioned I just dont like them. I dont even like business meetings at starbucks.
I will be in a bar and have a drink. YOU however can order anything you want. I am glad to pay. If you want coffee then go for it. But I am not headed to starbucks or a donut shop or anything I promise ya. I cant imagine a worse place to go. More like a job interview. I want to laugh and have fun. We might get a coffee to go and take a walk somewhere interesting but thats as close to a coffee meet as you will get with me. Unless we end up in my kitchen the next morning drinking coffee anyway.
Cowboy | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:49:21 AM | I also would prefer to avoid Starbucks or other such coffee houses. Your conversation will be overheard plus, their coffee sucks. Coffee also adds to the jitters, so, no thanks. As the above poster mentioned, drinks and fun, not a job interview situation with people sitting nearby, pretending to read the paper but really listening in on the conversation.
Oh as far as the original question, I like meeting soon, such as within a week. Messaging back and forth is fun, but I don't like talking on the phone with someone I have not met. Most of the time when I have met someone from POF, there is NO phone or text conversation beforehand. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:59:59 AM | | When ever both parties are comfortable....but within a couple of weeks for sure if you are located close to each other and schedules permit. I don't want to chat to someone for ages without at least a brief meeting as so often, in person, it's evident that there is no connection. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:46:50 AM | Within 1-2 weeks after the first contact is good. Although sometimes it can take longer due to schedules, location etc. I have also went out with some people earlier than that time range.
20 to 30 minutes max
I don't like having any time limits on a first date / meeting. Play it by ear and see how it goes. I still could have a decent time and enjoy the activity even if the date doesn't work out. Yet it still allows me to end the date if it ends up being a disaster.
BTW, the first meeting can be considered as a blind date. Regardless of the time, cost, or activity. Having said that, I don't think it really matters what you call it. It doesn't change my approach to online dating. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/7/2012 11:55:57 AM | | Someone can drink whatever they want. I am not a coffee drinker at all and not a fan of coffee shops. I would rather meet at a nice resturant/bar and have a couple of drinks. If I want to see the person again and we seem to be hitting it off, we can order some food to eat. If not, then we can part ways. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/8/2012 7:43:30 AM | I like doing lunch or dinner personally. Lunch is better because it's quick, inexpensive and it doesn't matter where we go.
As to the original question, ASAP. I ask for numbers right away, then call to set up a meeting and see where it goes. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/8/2012 7:58:45 AM | I require he puts $5k in an escrow account prior to meeting.
I want to have a full makeover, a 2wk resort vacation (so I can be fully relaxed upon our first meet), then return for a week of shopping (need a new outfit) and SPA treatments. The whole process takes at least 4 - 8 weeks. 
Hope that helps!  | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/8/2012 8:02:58 AM |
20 to 30 minutes max I don't like having any time limits on a first date / meeting. Play it by ear and see how it goes
Its VERY EASY when you are with someone that you are enjoying being with after 20 to 30 minutes and smile and say. Hey this is great lets get a table and order some food or "I know a great place with live music nearby"
I know EASILY in 20 minutes if I want to spend 2 hours with someone. Hell I know usually in 3 minutes actually. Its easy to extend. Much harder to cut it short and not pizz someone off. By setting it up with a time limit its easy after 20 minutes to just say "Thanks for coming. Nice to meet you but we are not a match".
I still could have a decent time and enjoy the activity even if the date doesn't work out. And thats the difference in how we approach this and possibly based on the fact I AM PAYING FOR THIS ENDEAVER but if there is no interest in a date I will save my money for the next meet and pray for the best. I have tons of friends I can blow money on and not have romance with (long sigh...) if that is the situation. Its funny as its mostly the gals that dont expect to pay that say they "can enjoy spending a few hours or eating dinner even if the date doesnt work out". Funny how that works. If I have no interest in a date (thats what I am searching for not buddies) then I have no interest whatsoever in spending 2 hours over dinner with someone. Its 2 drinks or 20 to 30 minutes MAX for a reason. I can buy some gal I dont even want a date with dinner and drinks and blow a good bit of cash or schedule two more 20 minute first meets instead and hope one of them pans out.
20 muntes or 2 drinks is all I am willing to invest in POF gals I have no romantic interest in. Sorry. The first meet is NOT a date. Its a quick first meet to just see WTF they really look like. If I look up and know I have no interest in ever going on a date with the gal before she sits down I am not buying dinner and spending 2 hours "getting to know her". Didnt Terri Clark have a song a few years back titled "I got better things to do". Yeah well thats what I am humming to myself on most of my POF first meets I promise ya.
Cowboy
Cowboy | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/8/2012 9:08:40 AM | Cowboy got it right - at least for me, but everyone has their preferences I suppose..although I am a bit more generous with time - usually an hour :)
Like many, I go through dating "spurts". Initial phone conversation is key, I met someone a few weeks ago, the e-mail had been GREAT, talking on the phone - not so much, it was a struggle. We did meet and it was a bust, just no chemistry - darn it. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:14:09 AM | Your not "getting it" The time limit is just to release you from the bad ones. Which is the vast majority of them. Its a lot harder to stand up after 20 minutes and just say "Hey thanks but we are not a match" while they are expecting a couple hours and a dinner etc...
I had some first dates / meetings that started off somewhat slow. But got better as the date went along. Perhaps these women were a little bit nervous or shy at first and settled down. If I had ended the date after 20-30 miuntes because there wasn't instant fireworks, these good dates wouldn't have happened. If the date turns into a disaster, I am comfortable ending it at that point. Whether it was after 45 minutes or 2 hours. I would simply tell them that I am leaving. I think it would be harder to end a date if I had stated a specific time limit prior to a date such as 2 hours. Then ended it early after 45 minutes. However that is not the case.
And thats the difference in how we approach this and possibly based on the fact I AM PAYING FOR THIS ENDEAVER but if there is no interest in a date I will save my money for the next meet and pray for the best. I have tons of friends I can blow money on and not have romance with (long sigh...) if that is the situation. Its funny as its mostly the gals that dont expect to pay that say they "can enjoy spending a few hours or eating dinner even if the date doesnt work out". Funny how that works. If I have no interest in a date (thats what I am searching for not buddies) then I have no interest whatsoever in spending 2 hours over dinner with someone. Its 2 drinks or 20 to 30 minutes MAX for a reason. I can buy some gal I dont even want a date with dinner and drinks and blow a good bit of cash or schedule two more 20 minute first meets instead and hope one of them pans out.
I wouldn't do an expensive activity on a first date / meeting. Even if I did go to dinner, it would be an at casual restaurant where 2 people can finish a meal within 45-60 minutes. Also most of the women that I have went out with are willing to go Dutch on a first date / meeting. Therefore I'm not spending a lot of money here.
I think we have to agree to respectfully disagree about this. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:45:25 PM | | I agree with grove. I wouldn't have dated a few of my previous boyfriends if I had made a decision based on the first 20 minutes of a date / meeting. I can make the most of it and spend about a hour or so with someone even when there isn't enough interest for another date. I'm not looking for a free meal at a nice restaurant. The cost of the activities during my first dates / meetings are fairly cheap and I always offer to pay my share of bill. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:58:43 PM |
I had some first dates / meetings that started off somewhat slow. But got better as the date went along. Perhaps these women were a little bit nervous or shy at first and settled down. If I had ended the date after 20-30 miuntes because there wasn't instant fireworks, these good dates wouldn't have happened. If the date turns into a disaster, I am comfortable ending it at that point. Whether it was after 45 minutes or 2 hours. I would simply tell them that I am leaving. I think it would be harder to end a date if I had stated a specific time limit prior to a date such as 2 hours. Then ended it early after 45 minutes. However that is not the case. All the first meet is for is to see WTF they even look like. Can they speak AT ALL? If so you do the REAL DATE. This is what you are simply not grasping. The meet is just to verify they LOOK LIKE ANYTHING YOU WOULD DATE. I can tell usually in 2 minutes MAX if I am interested in a date. ON THE DATE I agree you spend an hour or two longer getting to know them.
But the part you are not grasping again is that IF THEY LOOK DECENT the 20 minute FIRST MEET just gets extended into a longer date. I am not basing the meet getting lengthened on their sense of humor or ability to debate world events etc... But when someone walks in and I know before they even sit down that I am not interested I see no reason to spend an hour getting them all relaxed and talking. I promise you I wont be any more interested in dating them then I was after 2 minutes. There is nothing they can do to make themselves more attractive to me if I spend 2 hours with them then what I thought after 2 minutes. We are BOTH wasting our time.
I am not judging if we are a match or anything else. But I know in 2 minutes if I think they are attractive. I dont want to spend an hour or two wasting my time when there is absolutely no attraction. THATS what the 20 minute time limit filters out. If they are at least kinda cute then that 20 minute limit just magically goes away. | |
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| Meeting for first time after e-mailing/phone calls? How Long?
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:09:34 PM |
All the first meet is for is to see WTF they even look like. Can they speak AT ALL? If so you do the REAL DATE. This is what you are simply not grasping. The meet is just to verify they LOOK LIKE ANYTHING YOU WOULD DATE. I can tell usually in 2 minutes MAX if I am interested in a date. ON THE DATE I agree you spend an hour or two longer getting to know them
For some people though, the purpose of the 20 minute time limit is more just seeing if there is any physical attraction. They want instant fireworks within these 20 minutes or otherwise they quickly lose interest. As stated before, even if a woman isn't overly attractive, I still could enjoy watching part of a sporting event at a bar or playing games at Dave and Busters with her for about a hour. Then I would move on. | |
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