| | 101 reasons to stay singlePage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | 101 reasons to stay single
1. Everything in your house is yours.
2. You don't have to hide gifts, receipts, and other purchase records in ridiculous places.
3. If you buy something "yummy", you don't have to buy twice as much.
4. The only person you have to dress up for is your boss.
5. Your late nights are all yours.
6. Less stuff to move when you do move
7. One bedroom apartments feel more spacious with only one person
8. You never have to ask for permission to orgasm.
9. Only the doctor can tell you what to eat
10. You decide what to shave and when
11. Valentines day costs less
12. No anniversaries to remember
13. No extra birthdays to remember
14. No extra family to shop for during the holidays
15. No irritating in-laws to deal with
16. You can walk around naked whenever you want.
17. Only your sense of decency has any say about where you leave your dirty clothes.
18. You don't have to share
19. You don't have to change your life because someone else has jealousy issues.
20. The only insecurities you have to deal with are your own.
21. Getting that out-of-state job doesn't hinge on what someone else wants or thinks.
22. The only people complaining about music volume are the neighbors.
23. You can fall asleep anywhere without getting any guff for it in the morning.
24. You don't have to use the "headache" excuse anymore.
25. You don't have to worry as much about the "oops, I'm pregnant" factor.
26. The only person who goes through your stuff is you.
27. The only person who sees your inbox is you.
28. More time to spend with friends.
29. You don't have to live with someone who can't stand your parents.
30. If you want to go for pizza at 3am, no one stops you or asks you why.
31. You can date more freely.
32. The cute secretary is fair game.
33. The whole wedding mess? Yeah, none of that to deal with.
34. You don't have to share your closet with anyone else.
35. You always get to watch what you want.
36. You always get to read what you want.
37. You decide when to crawl into bed.
38. You can throw yourself into bed and snore without dire consequences.
39. No one else's annoying (or disgusting) habits to deal with at home.
40. The only fetishes you have to deal with are your own.
41. You can talk to yourself without people saying "what?" or worrying about your sanity.
42. There are religious benefits, if you're into that kind of thing.
43. Single people can still adopt, if you're into that kind of thing.
44. The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own.
45. You don't ever have to wonder if you really love the person you live with.
46. There's only one way to do things- your way.
47. You are the master of the thermostat.
48. The only messes you have to clean up are your own.
49. The only disasters you have to fix are your own.
50. If an argument starts, you can walk away... forever.
51. You don't have to make excuses for yourself.
52. The whole "old maid" thing is so last century.
53. Dinner can be as simple as a frozen burrito.
54. When you eat, you buy and cook for one.
55. No one else is going to eat your leftovers.
56. No one else is going to raid your stash of sweets (you don't even have to hide it!)
57. You don't have to share your bed with anyone.
58. You can even eat in bed if you want to.
59. You can decorate the entire house according to your taste.
60. The only person spending your money is you.
61. Three words: Marriage Tax Penalty.
62. The only debts you have to pay off are your own.
63. Kids with single parents can get more financial aid.
64. Bickering couples are at best a relieving reminder and at worst hilarious.
65. Less pressure about body weight.
66. Married people are fatter on average anyway.
67. Suddenly, it's okay to look (and flirt).
68. It's easier to focus on your career and your dreams.
69. You're the only person who gets to decide if you "need to make more money."
70. The only mood swings you have to deal with are your own.
71. There are a lot of lonely and violently psychopathic people out there.
72. You don't have to change your religious beliefs one bit.
73. There are 6.5 Billion other fish in the sea. That's 6,500 x 1 million. Yeah.
74. Porn is cheaper, easier, and comes in more varieties.
75. The toilet seat only moves when you move it.
76. Cohabitation is legal, fun, and less of a hassle than marriage.
77. You don't have to deal with someone else's kids all the time.
78. Divorce is pricey.
79. You don't have to deal with "compliment fishing."
80. Fewer minutes spent with a phone attached to your ear.
81. No endless nagging.
82. You never have to answer the phone "right now!"
83. You can drink what you want, where you want, and as much as you want.
84. No doubts or worries about someone sleeping around.
85. Things stay where you put them.
86. You can meditate and have your quiet time when you need it.
87. The only thing whining about not being fed is your cat.
88. You can take out the trash when you feel like it.
89. You can shower or bathe when you want, as often as you want, for as long as you want.
90. You can even leave the door open when you shower.
91. The longer you wait, the better you know yourself, instead of someone else.
92. Children learn how to treat themselves by watching how you treat yourself.
93. A bad relationship is like a lingering knife wound- it continues to ruin your whole day.
94. You can be as eccentric as you want.
95. Your car can be as dirty or unusual or artistic as you want.
96. You decide how long it takes to get ready.
97. Say goodbye to heartache, dumping, and being dumped.
98. You get your weekends for you and your projects.
99. You can be the wild friend with all the really juicy stories.
100. You can still get laid. Maybe even more often. Certainly with more variety.
101. Being single and staying single isn't selfish. It should be seen as putting your happiness first (Where it should be.) | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:58:04 PM | This is just....sad. I think the saddest part is that while reading this, I thought of several of my past relationships where I got to to do a lot of these things with someone that made me incredibly happy. You've never dated someone that let you waste an entire weekend on your project? Or dated someone with a high sex drive and got laid all you wanted and it was deliciously fantastic? And leaving the door open when you shower is dreamy...so your lover can come join you and make it a much better shower. I could go on and on, but I don't have to because I could make a list twice as long about the bliss you can find in another human being. I really don't mean any of this sarcastically, I promise....but I feel like your heart must be a tough place to get inside.
Yeah...just a sad message.
p.s. I get the humor. We ladies nag because we could make a similar list. Not trying to be a stick in the mud, it's just that my initial reaction to this was sadness. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 12:07:14 AM | | ^^^^^ I have to agree. I kind of feel sorry for op. Love hurts, Their's a song about it. Ya can't stop trying tho. Course some people are natural loners and really don't need someone else. For the most part anyway. Personally it's no way to live. imo, Also Why are you on a dating site? | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 2:41:25 AM | | lol,that was really humours, thank you, I enjoyed it... ohh wait is this the humour^^, I guess some people dictate what is funny, and I think if you break down any humours antidote, it does look kind of silly,lol... | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 4:00:22 AM | | Geez dude, after reading that list, I get the impression you're not that happy being single. I like being single for one simple reason, I get to golf anytime I wish without regard to my alleged beloved's time table. That and leaving the seat up. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 10:41:16 AM | Yea, About that. Most of it is not that funny. At all, And not too far down the list it just seems sad, Hence the op including myself feeling kind of bad for ya. Honestly the funniest line is take out the garbage when ya want to. Not exactly standing ovation worthy.
btw I'm a stand up comic and I know funny. I'll do you a favor and tell ya right now. Do not quit your day job.
Actually, Stuff stays where you put it was a little humorous aswell. Mostly cause it's true. However, See line above.
I mean this is so unfunny as a whole, It should probably be in the Relationship thread.js
However thanks for the effort I guess. I just wish I could get the three minutes back it took me to read it.
Good luck being funny. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 8:10:07 PM |
Yea, About that. Most of it is not that funny. At all, And not too far down the list it just seems sad, Hence the op including myself feeling kind of bad for ya. Honestly the funniest line is take out the garbage when ya want to. Not exactly standing ovation worthy.
btw I'm a stand up comic and I know funny. I'll do you a favor and tell ya right now. Do not quit your day job.
Actually, Stuff stays where you put it was a little humorous aswell. Mostly cause it's true. However, See line above.
I mean this is so unfunny as a whole, It should probably be in the Relationship thread.js
However thanks for the effort I guess. I just wish I could get the three minutes back it took me to read it.
Good luck being funny.
As a stand up comic you should support amateur talent,lol, or maybe a bit of jealousy over whelms certain individuals when someone comes up with original material...You sure come off as a funny guy,lol... | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 10:04:02 PM | ^^^^ Key word being talent! And I see none. It's just that simple. As far as original. Really!?!? Come on now.
Maybe if you've been in prison for thirty years, In which case the Arbys beef & cheddar is original. And so is the cell phone. Now the op talking about Vying for the affection with the dog and dealing with inlaws kinda had something.
As far as jealousy. Never. Comics don't get jealous, The good ones anyway, They just work harder.
I wouldn't have even posted if I didn't feel bad for this guy. And now you've made me do it again. So now if all these posts make him take a hot bath and slit his wrists due to the realization and epic proportion of how incredibly unfunny this was, it's your fault! His blood is on your hands! Shame shame on you mister. lol, | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/8/2012 10:17:20 PM |
If you buy something "yummy", you don't have to buy twice as much.
I do that anyway. If I buy something yummy, I buy two, because I know I'm going to eat one as soon as I get home. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/9/2012 12:30:45 AM |
^^^^ Key word being talent! And I see none. It's just that simple. As far as original. Really!?!? Come on now.
Maybe if you've been in prison for thirty years, In which case the Arbys beef & cheddar is original. And so is the cell phone. Now the op talking about Vying for the affection with the dog and dealing with inlaws kinda had something.
As far as jealousy. Never. Comics don't get jealous, The good ones anyway, They just work harder.
I wouldn't have even posted if I didn't feel bad for this guy. And now you've made me do it again. So now if all these posts make him take a hot bath and slit his wrists due to the realization and epic proportion of how incredibly unfunny this was, it's your fault! His blood is on your hands! Shame shame on you mister. lol,
I still think his post is pretty dam funny, rides that line of real activities/situations, and some humour in there, a fine line...Though now, I believe you have some skills of your own,lol... | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:41:38 AM | I thought is was funny as h3ll.....and I currently appreciate many of those on the list!  | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:48:01 AM | | This doesn't apply to me at all cuz even when I'm in a relationship, I still do whatever the hell I want, when I want, how I want. Me and my ex's have always gotten along very well once they understand that I am my own boss. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:44:11 PM | | I AGREE, IT WAS FUNNY. The so called stand up comic who insulted this genius, needs to find another job. Actually I have subscribed to much of what was stated whether he meant it as a joke or not. Oh the person who asked why he is on a dating site. Take a wild guess. One of my favorites was walking around naked, this is just natural and when your with someone who is picky about such trivial things it is an inconvenience. I once had a girl ask me to shave my arms and crotch area, I am not hairy to begin with, so I could not see any reason to spend more time in a bathroom for a weird request. So, off she went. She was an odd duck anyway, a good looking one but odd. I think most of what this rather observant fellow had to say was for the most part on point. As for the girl who seemed rather frisky and seemed to think this chap was in a pathetic state. I will say she must be under thirty for she is still happily seeking the sausage and when she gets a little older she may appreciate this mans views for they were very much on point. Of course for the individuals who feel they always need someone nearby, well God did make us all different and it has nothing to do with being scornful. Just not interested in nonsense and do not always need someone close. The right person would be perfect but this is an imperfect world. Best of luck to all. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:20:31 PM |
This is just....sad. I think the saddest part is that while reading this, I thought of several of my past relationships where I got to to do a lot of these things with someone that made me incredibly happy. You've never dated someone that let you waste an entire weekend on your project? Or dated someone with a high sex drive and got laid all you wanted and it was deliciously fantastic? And leaving the door open when you shower is dreamy...so your lover can come join you and make it a much better shower. I could go on and on, but I don't have to because I could make a list twice as long about the bliss you can find in another human being. I really don't mean any of this sarcastically, I promise....but I feel like your heart must be a tough place to get inside.
Spilling fire, you really should write "erotica" because this #$^% only happens in films. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:33:06 PM |
1. Everything in your house is yours
6. Less stuff to move when you do move
16. You can walk around naked whenever you want.
17. Only your sense of decency has any say about where you leave your dirty clothes.
20. The only insecurities you have to deal with are your own.
26. The only person who goes through your stuff is you.
41. You can talk to yourself without people saying "what?" or worrying about your sanity.
44. The only annoying friends you have to deal with are your own.
46. There's only one way to do things- your way.
60. The only person spending your money is you.
68. It's easier to focus on your career and your dreams. [probably the most important one for me]
70. The only mood swings you have to deal with are your own.
84. No doubts or worries about someone sleeping around.
85. Things stay where you put them.
91. The longer you wait, the better you know yourself, instead of someone else. [The funny thing is, now that I know myself it's going to be real hard for me to get with anyone]
My personal favorites. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:36:26 PM |
One of my favorites was walking around naked, this is just natural and when your with someone who is picky about such trivial things it is an inconvenience.
I don't want anyone's bare azz on my furniture. If you cant put on some shorts, don't sit down. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:30:39 PM |
Spilling fire, you really should write "erotica" because this #$^% only happens in films.
I have written erotica actually, but I don't consider shower sex or frequent sex "erotica". I consider that "you've found a partner that meet your needs". In other words, for you it only happens in films, for me it happens when I'm dating a guy that I find deliciously sexy. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/11/2012 2:14:49 PM |
I have written erotica actually, but I don't consider shower sex or frequent sex "erotica". I consider that "you've found a partner that meet your needs". In other words, for you it only happens in films, for me it happens when I'm dating a guy that I find deliciously sexy.
Lol, I knew it!!!!!! That wholes passage had "harlequin" romance novel written all over it. Hey, I am a firm believer that everybody has different "realities". In my reality these things only happen in works of fiction. Until it happens to me, then it's real. lol. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:58:43 AM |
Lol, I knew it!!!!!! That wholes passage had "harlequin" romance novel written all over it. Hey, I am a firm believer that everybody has different "realities". In my reality these things only happen in works of fiction. Until it happens to me, then it's real. lol.
Ummm you know that the harlequin trash that women read is not erotica, right? Trust me, my mom reads those. They're lame romance novels with horrid dialogue, predictable foreplay, "knight in shining armor" crap, unattractive long-haired men on the cover of the book, and rare actual encounters of sex.
My commentary had romance written all over it because when I am in a relationship, I require sensuality and romance and I'd hope that my partner requires it of me as well. It also helps that I was an English major and studied a good deal of poetry and have the ability to write with some eloquence. | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/12/2012 7:22:21 AM | | I agree with Shelby.....this forum is called "humor" right...married guys make jokes like this all the time and so do married women...lighten up is my advice :))) meant in the very nicest way | |
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| 101 reasons to stay single
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:03:42 PM |
Ummm you know that the harlequin trash that women read is not erotica, right? Trust me, my mom reads those. They're lame romance novels with horrid dialogue, predictable foreplay, "knight in shining armor" crap, unattractive long-haired men on the cover of the book, and rare actual encounters of sex.
My commentary had romance written all over it because when I am in a relationship, I require sensuality and romance and I'd hope that my partner requires it of me as well. It also helps that I was an English major and studied a good deal of poetry and have the ability to write with some eloquence.
lol, harlequin/romance books it's all in the same trash bin if you ask me.
I double dare you to make a 102 reasons to not be single. When you have time. | |
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