| | Kind of Curious and disappointedPage 1 of 1 | Maybe I should go into a lot of background detail (texts and calls) of what led up to the first date with this person. But I won't. I'll just say he pursued me and after a long while, I agreed to go out with him. And, in an effort not to waste too much time, I just want to get straight to the point and where the situation is now in this post.
During the first date he told me he was looking for something serious not just casual dating. As the evening went on, he really made me feel good and we laughed and had a good time and he told me he wanted to see me again. But, so far, it's only been one date. Now the surprising (or odd) part. After this first date, we texted a bit back and forth. On Friday, when I was considering other dating options and whether or not to pursue the interests of a few other guys, I became curious about him. I texted him and asked if he was seeing someone. He replied "Nope. Still single. U?" I said, "Still single". He said "Great". I said, "It's not." He asked why. I told him, "I don't want to be single". He said "Be with me." I asked what he meant by that. He asked me do I really have to ask him that and he told me to guess what he meant. I said "Girlfriend?" He said "Yeah." I waited a bit and then said "Yes. Okay..." That was on July 6th. It's now July 9th and I have not heard from him since then. I'm fighting the urge to contact him because I don't want to push him away with inquiries about the lack of communication. He usually stops talking for a week or so then communicates again. But after asking me to be his girlfriend (and I know most, if not all, will think it was too soon to agree to such a thing), I am curious as to what is happening. Should I contact him and ask him what's up? If so, what should I say? Or should I just let it be and see what happens? | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:03:55 AM |
I don't want to push him away with inquiries about the lack of communication. He usually stops talking for a week or so then communicates again. Congratulations I think. For some weird reason you were anxious to become the "GF" of a guy that drops off the face of the planet for a week at a time. By your schedule he should resurface in about 4 days
Cowboy | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:08:17 AM | It looks like after one date and 10 lines of text, you have become his girlfriend.
Read the above sentence again. Does that sound like the foundation of a relationship ?
All you know about the guy is, he disappears a week at a time and, he texts every now and then.
He sounds rather strange. Possibly even married. Since you are his girlfriend now, he'll probably want sex the next time you see each other. I believe he is very likely playing you.
On your end, I suggest you spend a little more time figuring out who someone is and not become an "instant" girlfriend who will likely be dropped on the next "instant".
Find someone else and take your time. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:10:34 AM | OP, you're going to fall for this guy?
Let me guess, you all will go out a few more times, and then he'll say, "Gurl, don't you know I loooove you".
This dude probably has three baby mamas, he'll have to add you to his rotation. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:12:40 AM | Sounds like he wants YOU to do all the work here...as he pursued you "for a long while"....so now he got you to go out with him. He got you to like him....as it was all about him and his ego, self esteem maybe??? Chase over. Now he wants to sit back and have YOU chase him... sounds like a big game. So, do you wanna play or not? I mean you have behaved and let him know that you're interested so he cannot say he doesn't know that.
When he said "be with me" that also could have meant sex. When he said "do I really have to ask him that and guess what I meant" you will be guessing a LOT with this guy. He already has you guessing....
Sounds like he's pushing YOU away....if he wanted to be closer to you he would definitely make it known that he would do anything to be with you. Actions speak louder.... He'd be calling you for a date. Not texting. Just my "guess."
You've tried communicating with him...but...I do not think you are being very direct....and neither is he. My advice is to let this go...and if he contacts you again via text....tell him to call you. And then have a very frank, direct conversation. If he does not contact you again....HJNTIY....even tho he did "pursue" you for a long while. It was the chase that had him motivated. Yes, some guys do this. It happened to me once. Never again. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:00:16 AM | Desperate people do desperate things.
Like trying to say a few text messages and one date make a commitment to a LTR. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:08:51 AM | | You made yourself way too available way too soon and all the magical romantic tension of the courtship was ruined. Why would you agree to be someone's GF after only ONE date? Don't you think you are worth a proper courtship before making that decision? Let me tell you that you ARE. You should have dated the other options you had and made all those guys work for your commitment. Never give yourself up that easily, be flirty and fun, but be a challenge. Guys do not feel proud of getting a GF who just serves her commitment to them on a silver platter. They like to feel that they were special and had to work hard to earn her love. Don't contact him anymore and instead date other guys. If he contacts you again, wait a few days before answering him and then tell him you have changed your mind and you are dating other guys and watch how quickly his demeanor changes and he starts pursuing you again. But this time, make him wait and keep him challenged. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:16:14 AM | You both stink of desperation. He asked you to be his girlfriend (and you agreed) after just one date. You don't find anything odd about that? Or that he "usually stops talking for a week or so"?
Do you even know who he really is? What he does, where he lives? Not just what he says, but have you seen it for yourself?
You know what this is. Cut it off, and cut out dating until you're satisfied with yourself and your life and not so desperate. In the future, avoid someone equally desperate to jump into a committed relationship after just one date. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:23:09 AM | | Call me crazy, but if I were to be someone's GF I would expect more than a few text messages once a week from my boyfriend. Seriously.....I don't even know you and I know you deserve way more than that! Take a look at those other options you have...you couldn't do any worse! | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:23:16 AM |
During the first date he told me he was looking for something serious not just casual dating.
Someone who wants a serious relationship is not going to want you to be his girlfriend after only one date. He sounds like a player.
fter this first date, we texted a bit back and forth.
Use texts minimally. hearing someone's voice can go a long way in determining their true feelings.
He said "Be with me.
It's too soon for him to seriously consider this an option. How much younger than you is he?
I waited a bit and then said "Yes. Okay...
I can understand the less than enthusiastic response. A better response would be something along the lines of "Why don't we date awhile and see how it goes?"
He usually stops talking for a week or so then communicates again
This should be enough to indicate he is not truly interested in you. Explore other options (men). | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:21:16 AM | Stop listening to his words and pay more attention to his actions.
He tends to disappear for a week. He followed your lead in the GF label - i.e. got you to submit your answer so he could agree without risking taking a wrong turn. It's been one date only then minimal contact.
Personally I think he's married or as good as. He wants you sitting by the phone and available should be call (schedule of wife permitting) and so has verbally confirmed what you want your relationship to be. That ensures you aren't out on a date when he feels horny when his wife's at work.
Where did you go on this one date ? Was it a public place where he could been seen with you ? Was it close to where he lives if you are in the same geographical area or do you live some distance apart and he came to you ? How long between starting to communicate with him and the first date ? Do you know his full name ?
What do you actually know about this man ? | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:26:43 AM | Hi Mary,
I wouldn't necessarily interpret his "be with me" text as anything more than an attempt to be flirty and playful. Do you think this is a possibility? I wouldn't take his words too seriously.
If you really want to see more of him, it doesn't hurt to ask him if he wants to go out again, I guess... but don't turn your other prospects down while you're waiting to figure this first guy out.
Jen | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/9/2012 11:32:30 AM | | Just think, this is the beginning of what you are so desperate to have. Let's say after a few more text messages and you have sex and he doesn't text/talk to you? Will you be posting that your "boyfriend" is a jerk and how could he do that to you? One date and a few text messages does not make for a relationship. Remember that and you'll save yourself heartache. Stop rushing into things that are not there. You are not in a relationship. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:04:00 AM | | Been through the same thing....even had a guy shave for me cause I told him I did not like alot of facial hair on a guy and he had a full beard, mustache and long hair. He cut it, shaved, texted me for about a week and half and then disappeared. After beggng me to meet him, he just disappeared. I dont get men.... | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:45:39 AM | | Sounds like he just didn't want someone else playing in his sandbox. Now that he's eliminated the competition (other guys that may date you), and found out your level of desperation, be prepared for him to ask to borrow money, your car, etc. "I got into a little trouble, baby, help me out with (rent, gas money, fill-in-the-blank). I'll pay you back, I promise!" | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/10/2012 10:18:50 AM | Block his number and move on to the next one. Doubt you have to block since he wont be contacting you again. ONE date does not a relationship make.
Men like the chase but it isnt easy when they arent chasing you. Been a long for a tab bit too long and hoping not to spend YET another holiday alone. (boy do I feel you on that one) You look around and all your gf's have someone (even if they arent all that great) and you are single. I get the feeling but wanting a relationship is not an excuse to put up with any treatment in order to have one. Stand your ground lonely as it may be and maybe some guy worthy of your attention will show up. I believe that. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:50:52 PM | hi mary
Phone him up and ask him where u going on your first date as girlfriend/boyfriend :-)
Dont text him that's so low brow --phone him listen to his voice ;-) | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:32:09 PM | This is sad. I believe this dude is up to no good. You should move on; there's no good reason for you to not hear from him for weeks at a time.
And, yes, the GF/BF thing after one date is highly suspect. You deserve better than that. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/15/2012 12:19:17 AM | | Thanks all. I really do appreciate the advice and insight. Really. :) Good luck and God bless to you all in your romantic endeavors, and in life, in general. Peace. | |
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| Kind of Curious and disappointed
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:01:12 AM | | Wow, girlfriend/boyfriend after one date! That's fast. You don't know each other, so how can you consider that you actually can have this kind of relationship? That you are ****-footing around not contacting him because you don't want to push him away speaks volumes. If you really were in a position to be his girlfriend, you'd have no qualms. The relationship you have is a figment of your, and his, imagination. Get to know each other properly before you even consider you are his girlfriend and he is your boyfriend. Furthermore, see each other and don't just cook up a relationship based on texting. Texts don't really mean much. | |
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