| | Not Looking for Love In Your Last ChapterPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Oh I hear this so often from men that tell me they are not looking for love, just a little poo tang and that will make the relationship they want..Some women do feel likewise..
So I sit and think of how these very same men or women complained about their loveless marriages.. So why are these same people that are complaining, want another one just like it?
Because this time when the body no longer is willing they can just walk away?
Because this time they are not having to pay in equally to support it?
You see I see no difference other than not living under the same roof..
nativerock | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:41:55 PM | A lot of people in a loveless marriage stay there due to the fact they feel its better then being alone or they will never find someone again so they do this out of fear.
You need to stop thinking of these things. It will keep you up at night and you will get crows feet. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:50:44 PM |
Last Chapter....a little poo tang...
...Some women do feel likewise..
their loveless marriages....etc...
Some people have a way with words,
I just don't see that with your words nativerock!
Are you always this positive? ! lol
.....Then you have that hand in that pic,
unattached....creepy !
....This is looking like one of those days !..... | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:54:06 PM | I think everybody is, ultimately, looking for love. We are wired so we enjoy that feeling of being loved and cherished.
But I see a lot of people (including myself) guarding themselves against the feeling, because when one loves and it goes wrong it hurts too much. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:01:47 PM |
.....because when one loves and it goes wrong it hurts too much.
I was just thinking about this...and I think, somehow, even though we are "older" and more life experienced, it can sometimes hurt worse because of that. BeCAUSE....when we finally take the chance again, with all of our maturity, hope and wisdom under our belts...and, then, it fails.... well, it CAN feel like the "last chapter".
HowEVER...that said, although I am nearly 60, I don't actually think of myself in my "last chapter"....I won't claim having arrived there until I'm 80. If I leave this world before then, well, it will be an "untimely demise"---LOLOL.
Therefore, I'm not equipped to answer these questions. So...bwahahahahaaaa---let's party!! :)) | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:46:12 PM | I think its a way of keeping your pride somewhat. Love is scarey as hell, sex...easy. So instead of looking for what you really want, folks just go for what they crave. Its a little false in reality, but hey, maybe they will trip over love and find some.... all the while saying its not really what they are looking for.....
Many feel love is illusive, but finding someone that will let you love them and that you will accept isn't impossible, its just less likely than getting laid. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:51:48 PM | | Everytime I read a post like this I wonder if I'm on the same dating site. I have met nice, respectful men who seem to want a long term committment. Unfortunately I haven't felt a connection yet but I really can't complain about the character of men I'm meeting. Maybe it's because I'm not in any hurry to partner up again. If it happens great! If not, I have a good life now. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:53:27 PM | I suspect it is due to something along the lines that I recognized and fought away from myself, back when I was a love-destroyed twenty year old.
Essentially, I wanted to be thoughtless and selfish in how I treated others, to gain a sense of crude balance or pseudo-justice from the world. I couldn't bring myself to actually follow through with it, but I felt it strongly nevertheless.
I think they are expressing their continuing resentment about the mistreatment and disappointment they suffered from their ex-mates. On the surface, it may sound illogical to say that one now WANTS the sort of empty relationship they just left, but what they are really saying is, they've been the victims of a callous user, they want a shot at getting all the affection and carefree sex that they were cheated out of. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:09:56 PM | I never wonder what scars the wounded souls of the world endure.
Just hope they don't bleed on me and send em on their way.
Seek out what you want.
and never worry the motivations of those you don't. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:56:04 PM | Men can separate love from sex more easily but if they are having a pr0longed connections some feelings usually develop. Women get attached more easily usually when they have sex. Men tend to lie to get it and hint at further involvement when really they just want to hit and run. Alcohol skews all that of course.
Love does hurt and it is easier sometimes to remain uninvolved and have satisfying friendships and family connections. Men want affection just as much as women but are wired to have lots of sex and with different partners, that is the problem.
But falling in love is not something that we can control and sexual jealousy often rears its ugly head. Life is complicated.
In later years we want companionship, friendship and respect and the passionate urges of youth and nature's programme to get us breeding is no longer on the agenda. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:10:35 PM |
Oh I hear this so often from men that tell me they are not looking for love
Cause,maybe, just maybe very few of us have every been "truely" loved,thus our confusion of what we think it is????? How many of us have been told " I love you,but I'm not in love with you"?????? Personally, I believe "love" is an overused word. I've said it before, and I'll repeat, I would actually kill for people that I "love". Sounds scarey,but that's how strong MY feeling of "love" is for those people.
I'm not "looking" for "love",cause I know IT finds me, I don't find it. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:11:09 PM | Have you asked them, NR?
I have to admit, I just figured this meant they weren't looking--not that they'd run screaming from it if it actually happened.
I guess that is one of those things that might require clarification at the outset. I would not want to let myself become seriously attached to someone who has no intention of returning that degree of affection, no matter what. I'd just want to know before I got involved, that's all. So I guess I will ask the next time it comes up! | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:23:15 PM | | By the number of red flags people have, requirements, must haves, etc. that people post about, it's a wonder anyone connects anymore. There is a thread in Relationships about it being requirement for some that their partner reads books and it's kind of half and half. Another thread on dating someone with admitted affairs, again about half and half. Then the lovely celibacy thread with folks bragging about how long they've been celibate. Then the threads about those who wouldn't live with someone or marry again. Then we can go to the too fat, too bald, too old, too young, must have health insurance, no herpes, and on and on. So, yup, someone just wanting to date and get some "poon tang" doesn't surprise me and maybe they have a point. Too many hoops to jump through to make someone happy and put up with the list of must haves and requirements. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:31:06 PM | msg8: Everytime I read a post like this I wonder if I'm on the same dating site. I have met nice, respectful men who seem to want a long term committment.
The research of biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher would seem to bear this out. She finds that since 2000, men have been more interested in marrying than women have.
Men are more interested in commitment. They’re marrying women that are close to their same age, same educational level and earning power. And, incidentally she finds that men and women are equally adulterous.
I would assume that the kind of posts we read here are an accurate portrayal of that particular person’s experience. But the conclusions are not representative of men’s wants and needs or their roles and behaviors in broader society, according to the research. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:45:52 PM | Nativerock wrote:
Oh I hear this so often from men that tell me they are not looking for love, just a little poo tang and that will make the relationship they want..Some women do feel likewise..
So I sit and think of how these very same men or women complained about their loveless marriages.. So why are these same people that are complaining, want another one just like it? When you say "loveless" do you really mean sexless? If the latter, the resultant attitude is obvious.
Why are you concerned about these people?
Is your worry going to add days to your life? I think not! It will just add stress. Do not accept the need to worry about them.
Enjoy your place in life NOW! Now is all we have. Tomorrow is NOT promised. If you find someone along the way with which to share your life, and it pleases you, do so. Life is not all about sex. Do not allow those thoughts steal your joy!
Peace be with you, Nativerock. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:15:30 AM | Maybe NativeRock is on to something when she talks about loveless marriages...and maybe the reason some men (and women) are only looking to do the mattress mambo is because humans tend to gravitate to what they know. If all someone knows is loveless relationships, then that they seek those kinds of relationships out is not surprising. When they have not experienced love or had it modeled by their parents, it seems unrealistic to expect that they would want something they have have never had.
Personally, I have been in loving, committed relationships and even though each had its season, I know what the "real deal" looks like/feels like. As such, I am unwilling to accept sex only as a substitute for love. Most of the men I have dated from POF have felt this way also...they are also looking for a lasting spark....not just the act of rubbing two sticks together. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:11:35 PM |
The research of biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher would seem to bear this out. She finds that since 2000, men have been more interested in marrying than women have. I love her- she totally rocks! | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:21:41 PM |
Maybe NativeRock is on to something when she talks about loveless marriages...and maybe the reason some men (and women) are only looking to do the mattress mambo is because humans tend to gravitate to what they know. If all someone knows is loveless relationships, then that they seek those kinds of relationships out is not surprising. When they have not experienced love or had it modeled by their parents, it seems unrealistic to expect that they would want something they have have never had.
There would have been a time when I would have said that a lot of these men don't care about making any effort in a relationship and just take what they want from it.
Dating after being divorced for 4 years, I would now expand on the above quote and say that I believe that a lot of these men are indeed emulating their (first/main) male role model and parents and that a good percentage of them may be the product of divorced parents, which had an impact on their future relationships.
Once they got into this dating and relationship dynamic for decades and it basically became a conditioned response, I believe that they actually feel that they can never have a successful, loving relationship so they just sucumb to the routine of nothingness based on this and trust issues. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/10/2012 9:39:27 PM | I didn't know love was a choice.
I think that when you try to orchestrate your own feelings, you are doomed to fail.
If you have love inside you and are capable of loving it just happens. | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/11/2012 6:43:15 AM |
If they r being honest, I cannot fault them.
Yes everyone is entitled to want what they want.. However was just trying to make sense of the ones that complained about a loveless relationship wanting another one? lol | |
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| Not Looking for Love In Your Last Chapter
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:02:57 AM |
Lionesse19
But falling in love is not something that we can control
Very, very true. I have been in love, more than once, and it was never something that I chose. It was something that happened.
In later years we want companionship, friendship and respect and the passionate urges of youth and nature's programme to get us breeding is no longer on the agenda.
Speak for yourself on that one, KemoSabe. I still feel a lot of passionate urges! | |
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