| | HELP in need of some Good AdvicePage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | this guy(widowed 2 years ago) was sending me hello messages everyday for 2 weeks, I finally started saying hello back and then finally talked on the phone. He asked if he could call me because he had a spat with his "ex" that he also met on POF. This was the first of his "drunken" calls. I listened to him complain about his "ex" and cry about his deceased wife. Me having the big heart that I do , listened. These calls continued - multiple calls for hours on end, but only on the weekends. I finally discovered he was a "weekend" alcoholic. Through the week we would talk but only for a few minutes. We finally met for a quick "meet and greet" and hit it off really well. His "ex`is still in contact with him as she has a relationship with his children. So I still have to listen to him complain about her.
So Ive spent hours listening and being a shoulder to him, he told me multiple times that he loved me, but I think this only happened on the weekend calls. - lol. After we met I felt a real close bond with him and thought he was worth getting to know. BUT .. he says he is staying on POF because there is another girl that he enjoys chatting with, but thats all it is `chatting. I question whether his relationship with his èx is really over as he said they were `fighting`,
He has already asked me to go on vacation with him and his kids, and help him out with other family events.
Am I crazy or what... should I be feeling weird about him wanting to stay on POF, still be weirded out that he talks about his ex ( from POF) and seems to only want to talk to me when he needs me. Somebody please give me some advice .. some realty - My stomach is turning I dont know what to do | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:20:35 PM | Run. Run fast. Do not pass "Go", do not collect $200. RUN.
This guy is no good and isn't getting any better. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:23:05 PM | | there is no surer way to live a life of regret than to agree to be someones silver medal. If hes not interested in you and just you drop him, you deserve better everyone does. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:32:53 PM | Here's what to do:
Go to a mirror.
Look at your face.
Look for the word "SUCKER" on your forehead. He can see it as plain as day.
Turn down the vacation offer.
Stop listening to him for "hours".
Stop being "a shoulder to him".
He is manipulating you with your full consent!
Of course he wants your help with his kids and his family events - you're willing to put up with his shyt. Probably no one else will do it. Only the girl with SUCKER on her forehead.
You can still remove that SUCKER tattoo, but you need to do it now before you make it permanent. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:07:44 PM | No, you're not crazy.
Are you his personal psychiatrist? If you say, 'no' to that question, walk away from this. It's not a relationship, he's using you as his personal sounding board and by the sounds of it, dragging you down. It's not healthy!
He needs professional help and YOU can't fix him.
Unless you want such drama/BS and to be in the mix of his Ex's and kids, get out.
Why do you keep listening to him? You must be getting SOMETHING out of it, otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it.
This from your profile:
My good morales and values are important to me and I look for the same.
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:15:00 PM | Another freaking grown women who needs to ask a question like this.. ???? my goodness. It's really just sad.
.....my advice.. block and move on ,wtf... and slap some common sense into yourself..
...^ that may have came off a bit b*itchy. ;-/
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:22:25 PM | | When I first read this thought maybe you were 18 or so. But 46! What is attractive about this loser? Glad you are running, he is misery in the making. You are a lovely woman, you deserve much better. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:04:46 PM | Forget it, he is needy, love you after a meet and phone conversations?
Do not believe any one who tells you right away about love; lust yes, a quickie perhaps. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:06:22 PM | You're dating a guy that has
1) Repeatedly sent hello messages with no response until he managed to harass you into a reply
2) Is a weekend alcoholic
3) Has not gotten over his deceased wife
4) Does not wish to be exclusive with you and has told you this flat out
So many good decisions have been made, I'm not sure there's any advice to give. This has the foundations of a perfect relationship. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:56:39 PM | Im sorry but its not that simple. NO you should not be feeling weird or crazy. On the contrary, you are a good person and has been a true crutch for him! You have bonded quite well. There is no absolute way of dealing with this issue. Its more complicated than it appears. Its easy to run. But you have already developed a relationship with this man. You obviously know he is hurting right now and really enjoys your company. He has openly shared extremely personal issues with you. He has his own agenda and issues that may seriously affect his and his children's lives. He obviously has issues.
Instead of RUNNING, find a way to help him yet not get involved romantically. Be there for him in a way that doesn't compromise your efforts or your life. But don't just give up on him- you already committed to a friendship. He has been honest with you and you know up front what cards he is playing and you have accepted his ways up until this point. And for you to just cut and run would be cruel and may inadvertently cause him to stalk you, or get drunk and get into some serious problems with the law. If you feel uncomfortable being romantically involved, I would not not pursue it. But you are still his friend and I would make sure he gets the help he deserves from a true profession.
Im not saying you have to stick with him forever or be a doctor phil. But you have to lay him low knowing that he is in a secure position to 1- keep you from harm and 2, its your obligation as a human being. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:04:20 PM | I didn't read past "drunken call"
I am ingexit this situation right now...as you should have even quicker. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:13:46 PM | | He's collecting women that are easy for him to use. That's it, that's all there is. You can keep at it if you like the attention, or you can move on, but there's nothing here for you but a guy who knows that some women will put up with anything thinking they can 'help' him. He knows how to use people, simple as that. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:35:30 PM |
thank you for your thoughts, you have helped me to make the right decision and RUN !
Hopefully you're still reading this thread, but DO NOT TAKE OUR ADVICE!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, we're a bunch of people, so chronically single that we're on a dating site. Want to play a game... Throw a post up about how there was a guy you talked to every day, and then one day he didn't talk to you, and you didn't hear from him until two days later... Watch how fast people jump in telling you that you need to leave him, he's cheating on you...
A more level-headed answer to what's going on... The guy has problems. Yeah, maybe he's cheating on you, or trying to... But you know what you should do?
TALK TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! not us. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 12:31:10 AM | | Go with your gut instinct. By your post, you have recognised somethings you already don't like. Don't listen to anyone that's telling you to take it further to help him, because, yes you will be helping him. But you will end up requiring the help next- and will he be there for you when you do? Maybe, but probably not. You will be helping him because you want to be with him- don't kid yourself. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 4:55:04 AM |
So I still have to listen to him complain about her.
No you don't.
Somebody please give me some advice ..
See above. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:11:10 AM | Am I crazy or what?
Good lord. There are more red flags waving than you see at the starting line of the Indy 500.
Why ANYONE would get involved with such a complete trainwreck as this guy is simply beyond me.
My brain is now bleeding. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 6:04:44 AM | | Cuties like you are meant to be a main coarse & not a side dish. Unsure why any woman would settle for not being the center of her man's attention, least of all for him to keep playing on POF or to be used as a hankie to wipe away the despair of his past. Move on. I'll be more than happy to email you hello for next two weeks if you'd like....lol.. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 6:37:58 AM | | No, I don't think you're crazy! The issue is, you can't fix everyone and yes, it is sad but until he seeks help, it's not going to change. Do you think that by staying in contact with him you'll be able to draw a friendship line and stay on that side?? It's always nice to have friends....but is this something you're willing to continue dealing with?? | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:22:52 AM | Your behavior bothers me as much as his does.
You're willing to play the victim and feel you "must" do this and that because you're a nice person.
I call BS on that.
Grow up. Find a suitable man that doesn't get drunk every weekend and call you to vent about his previous relationships...
Seriously?? What would you tell your daughter (if you had one, I don't know) if she were in a similar situation??
Learn to be in control of your life.
You're no victim -- you're a willing martyr.
You can do better than this.
Good luck. | |
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| HELP in need of some Good Advice
Posted: 7/10/2012 8:03:58 AM | ^^^^^^
Excellent advice...I hope you are listening!! No one can take advantage of you unless you let them...block him, delete his number & move on!!! | |
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