| | Fairy Tales and BullshitPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Just curious.. Ive been single for quite some time.. waiting for the right guy. I have dated, but nothing serious.. Maybe my standards are too high, hell I dont know.
My question is..
Do you really think everyone can find true love?
What happened to the days when marriage was more of an arrangement, an agreement that people got into?
Maybe it wasnt the ideal situation, but it worked for many, many years.. Would take the complications out of finding a mate.. LOL! You tell me what you can offer, Ill tell you what I can offer, and bam! The rest will work out.. and yes I know it sounds asenine... just thinking out loud.
So obviously Im not looking for an arranged marriage, just your opinion, out of curiosity. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:48:05 PM | but i take it your saying, you're looking for something that will help ease financial strain because this issue
isn't coming from some allusion to love. for many, online dating is a quick jumpin off point to whatever
happens happens. some of us are critical thinkers who can present such an option as you suggest but
if you felt like you might be getting screwed out of the total sum of the other person's value, it would lead
to some hesitation and prolly not work out.
persons who date online tend to be more complex and experienced, short of time and engaged in a myriad
of pursuits. your rant just sounds like the thing high school graduates fall into.
it might work well in Fairbanks, AK
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:08:36 PM | | I think people are sold on an ideal that never existed in the first placed. Marriage was always about money and ownership, no-one is going to be in blissful lust forever. Best thing you can do is earn your own money, live your life and see what happens. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:38:35 PM |
I think people are sold on an ideal that never existed in the first placed. Marriage was always about money and ownership, no-one is going to be in blissful lust forever. Best thing you can do is earn your own money, live your life and see what happens.
I agree with this. The one thing I have learned over the years is that having my own life is the best thing. I also have found that dating, especially in my 30's, has changed. Men want women who are more settled, more independent. I actually prefer a man that is like that.
I don't go on dates and analyze them to see if I'm going to love them or if they are going to love me. I date to see if we have common interests that can move the relationship forward. Love is a bonus down the road.
Do I desire to fall in love and have that companionship? Yep. But I don't sit at home mourning it or create my entire life around that one thing. I have a rich life that I love and one day, it would be great to meet someone who adds to that. But right now, it's not my main goal in life.
Love yourself first, find some hobbies/interests you love, take classes. But reach a point where you are okay with yourself. Trust me, I get asked out the most when I am not actively looking for it. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:44:33 PM |
I have dated, but nothing serious.. Maybe my standards are too high, hell I dont know.
If you are not serious about the dates you go on, I don't think your standards are too high.
Do you really think everyone can find true love?
No, but I believe there is someone for everyone....somewhere. Actually, I believe there are many potential loves for any one person. The difficulty is in finding that person.
What happened to the days when marriage was more of an arrangement, an agreement that people got into?
Maybe it wasnt the ideal situation, but it worked for many, many years..
"Worked" is very subjective. many of the marriages you are thinking of might have been very dysfunctional, but couples stayed in them anyhow. That wasn't necessarily a good thing, IMO. Infidelity was common, abuse was common, and many women were unhappy in the roles they were expected to play. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:13:40 PM | | I agree, a lot of marriages are only held together for the kids, ive seen so many people stay together that hated each other and ive always been left with questions of why... | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:30:55 PM |
What happened to the days when marriage was more of an arrangement, an agreement that people got into?
Marriage always has been exactly that, and still is.
What varies, are the details of the arrangement, how well communicated, and how well understood those details are by each party.
Some people marry for the fairy tale, and don't read the actual fine print that is written into the marriage vows, and into the marriage licenses they sign, and that they celebrate. Some of those people adjust accordingly, and still manage to have solid and enjoyable, rewarding marriages of a different kind (more like what you think of with your 'more of an arrangement' notions).
Some people, especially the older and more experienced ones, set forth more detailed plans and specifications in advance, and build into themselves, acceptance of the less than perfect world they have come to understand we all live in. They both specify more of what they desire then the young dreamers, and they are often more willing to overlook some of the shortcomings that those same youngsters would run from in fear, horror, or disgust. They also try to avoid as many of the problems of the Fairy Tale BS, by being more selective (and the wisest ones are also more self-disciplined). We have lots of fuss threads started by members from each of those two groups, complaining that the other folks "don't get it." The ongoing "fairy talers" complain that the "practicalists" aren't romantic or hopeful or open to experiment enough; and the "practicalists" complain that the "fairy talers" are still too deluded, and ought to stop looking for princes and princesses.
Sometimes it's amusing to watch. Sometimes. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 6:42:12 AM |
If you are not serious about the dates you go on, I don't think your standards are too high.
Perhaps I should have worded that differently... I have been on plenty of dates, but nothing serious came out of them. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 6:50:02 AM | Everyone has valid points. Obviously I am frustrated with my predicament and disheartened by the fact that I am still single. I used to be a hopeless romantic, but as I have grown more mature, I look for different things in a mate. And really those things aren't too much too ask, - stability, a job, a personality! Im not asking for anything I cant offer myself.
I think my biggst hitch is being able to find someone that I think would be a good role model for my kids. They have their father but we dont live in the same state, so they dont get the interaction from a man as much anymore.
I am grateful the forums are here! Nice to vent, and receive input from people who have more than 2 cents! Thanks for taking the time to reply. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 10:05:05 AM | You don't need to have the guy you date be a role model for your kids. There are a lot of roles that men can play in your and your children's lives; granddads, uncles, family friends, coaches, pastors, teachers, etc. The list goes on and on. I make a habit of making friends with men in general. In fact, some of my best relationships were borne of friendships that grew into something more. Never my pastor though :O lol.
I think dating without any expectation for the guy to have any relationship with your kids is the best place to start. Trying to impress one person is stress enough for some guys. If he's good enough to win you over, odds are that he and your kids will get to know and like each other along the way.
Good luck to you! | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 12:47:45 PM | Fairy tales are just that Tales. They aren't real. Seriously how many women do you know that hang around in the woods waiting for her prince to rescue her and then does...um none that I know. Or going to the frog turning into a prince did it work for you? Never did for me...and lets not forget the abusive step mother and step sisters and the fairy godmother making a carriage out of a pumpkin so you can go to the ball w/ mice leading the way...That stuff never happens. EVER!
I don't believe in true love any longer. Lost it 18 to a w*ore bag with 4 different kids by 4 different men and old enough to be his mother. Haven't found anything since him and I'm a dumba$$ for even think that was love. I agree with one poster there is someone out there for everyone...sometimes they have already come and gone in your life and sometimes you are looking right at them. Others and the sad part of the whole thing you'll never meet them because you didn't take a chance. You just have to keep going until you find someone that you're willing to have sex with for awhile then find another and the pattern repeats...nothing wrong with that but true love doesn't exist. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 3:35:02 PM | | You forgot the most important fairy Tale, the woman living with 12 guys in the woods waiting for the one guy... | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 3:35:55 PM | | You forgot the most important fairy Tale, the woman living with 12 guys in the woods waiting for the one guy... | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 6:45:43 PM | | she had a very good point. as a child growing up my mother injected her boyfriends into my brother and i's life. They may have treated her well but it NEVER changed the fact that when it came down to it we " werent his kids or problem". i wont stereotype every man out there, i am a single father myself but the fact remains that you should not be trying to have a boyfriend be a male role model for your kids. Have more positive folks involved because as far as relationships are concerned now a days realistically things don't last forever. Do you think your kids could really handle another father figure walking away? The best male role model would be there own father. That's my 2 cents, and poor grammar. take it or leave it! | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:59:45 PM | | Relationships take a lot of effort. Lots of people are not willing to put in the work. They think that if the relationship doesn't come easily, then it's not meant to be... and they give up. When one person gives up, the relationship is effectively over. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:22:31 AM | I think anyone can find true love but not everyone does.
Most times, the relationships we are in, meet a need. Over time, our needs change as do those of our partners. Sometimes, when our needs change, our partner can accommodate those new needs and other times, they can't. The person who is right for you aged 20 isn't always the person who is right for you aged 40. You roll the dice and you take your chance.
What I do believe, is that as we age and mature, we have a better understanding of ourselves. We have a better understanding of what is and isn't important to us as individuals. We also have a better understanding that in order to have a loving, supportive partner, we have to put our own selfish needs aside and be a loving supportive partner. Simply, we know better so we do better. We are better at the risk assessment because we are more knowledgeable about the factors which affect a relationship - we no longer are basing our understanding of relationships on Walt Disney and more on true first hand experience. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:46:54 AM |
You forgot the most important fairy Tale, the woman living with 12 guys in the woods waiting for the one guy...
Snow white is such a tramp.. lol! | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 6:51:29 AM |
I think my biggst hitch is being able to find someone that I think would be a good role model for my kids
Ok.. the next time i post I will be sure to clarify everything, as I forget people like to pick things apart and sometimes things arent clear. It doesnt say I want my boyfriend to be a role model for my kids.. it says that is my biggest hitch, finding someone who could potentially be a role model for them - When the time comes. I am not trying to shove my children down anyones throat. But I wont get serious with someone who wont be a positive influence/role model in their lives.
:) | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 7:40:49 AM |
Simply, we know better so we do better. We are better at the risk assessment because we are more knowledgeable about the factors which affect a relationship - we no longer are basing our understanding of relationships on Walt Disney and more on true first hand experience.
Well said! Thank you for that! | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:06:15 AM | Snow White is the worst of them all! Agreed Tramp.
Seriously, anyone else hate the fact that their daughters look up to these women? | |
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| Fairy Tales and BS
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:09:10 AM |
Do you really think everyone can find true love?
No, true love is reserved for those who are able to truly love. Others might receive it, but will not recognize it for what it is. | |
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| Fairy Tales and BS
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:36:07 AM |
No, true love is reserved for those who are able to truly love. Others might receive it, but will not recognize it for what it is.
Good point... Time for some introspection! | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 12:59:41 PM | I have had many philosophical discussions lately regarding this subject, because it is no longer clear what is and is not acceptable in our roles as men and women... especially when it comes to dating and marriage. And unfortunately, I have yet to discover an answer of any kind, let alone the right one.
I have been studying the Dom/Sub relationship and the concept of "The Stepford Wives". As crazy as the ideas are to me (I would not want to be either), the fact that the roles of the women are more defined than anything I've experienced is attractive.
I miss the old fashioned structure in society, and yet celebrate the new freedoms and liberties. But when all is said and done, merging two lives seems more difficult today than ever before... or maybe I'm delusional.
Enjoy life! | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/12/2012 3:37:15 PM | I think everyone deserves true love but few find it.
Then the question becomes what if you're not one of the lucky one's? Which is why I suppose your wondering about "arrangements".
For myself, I've decided to give true love a chance to find me because I can't do arrangements. It would feel false to me. And I figure it's worth waiting for. But I'll also say, I'm giving it until about 80-ish then I may (or maynot) decide it's not in my cards and entertain ideas of a close friend for companionships case. | |
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| Fairy Tales and Bullshit
Posted: 7/14/2012 1:42:08 AM | Just curious.. Ive been single for quite some time.. waiting for the right guy. I have dated, but nothing serious.. Maybe my standards are too high, hell I dont know. Do you really think everyone can find true love? ~Kerrica ~
^^^Kerrica, I assure you that true love does exist but not without a leap of faith at first and some hard work before you finally trust another person with your soul. True love takes time to cultivate and nurture. Infatuation and instant attraction without a solid base will always wither and die.
It is funny how people think true love is instant and is something that strikes like lightning.
My advice, give some guys more than one chance...even if there is no immediate fireworks when you meet.
The best kind of intamacy is the kind you get when you know that your comfortable with a good friend and let it grow from there. Remember that your lover should be someone you can be best friends with in later years.
Just my opinion...I am more in love with my guy everyday..and I wasn't too sure about him at first..going on 8 years now and can't imagine my life without him. | |
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