| | unable to have children - is that a concern for men?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I guess the title says it all, especially for young men/women between 25-40. How do men in their 30's to 40's feel about women who are unable to have children (as opposed to not wanting)? (trying to think how to word this lol.) If you're wanting or undecided about having children, how would you feel if you met a woman who was unable to have children? And of course how do women feel about men being unable to father children? | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:40:18 AM | No big deal... there's more orphans in the world than foster parents. Genes are over-rated.
Edit: this is not a polarizing topic. It is directed to men, yes, but is not exclusive.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingposts141520.aspx
This is an excerpt from the section of the rules on polarization:
This is a Question ONLY for the Men to... = No Good !!!
This is a Question for the Men to... = Is OK !!! | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:52:21 AM | | Guess i could have said men or women lol, but I'm interested in all responses from all genders. so thanks Ginger and Tilly. But i'd love to hear from women and what they have found in their own experiences too. | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:58:45 AM | I reckon most of them would think that once the sexual health checks were done...
Whoooo (freakin') Hooooo -- no need for condoms.
A lot of people in their 30's and 40's have already done the children thing (if that was a priority),
or resolved the idea of not having any.
I wouldn't take "undecided/open" on face value either,
as I have met men who have told me they have had a vasectomy while married,
but figured they were limiting their dating pool by stating that they didn't want to have children... | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:20:23 AM | As a fella who is unable to have kids ( genetic , not optional) I can honestly say it wouldnt worry me in the slightest , as Ging points out , the adoption route is there .
I do think society might judge ( as it does on seemingly ALL matters these days lol ) but if it is one's reality , there really isnt much that can be done about it is there?
Unfortunately ( in my opinion ) it seems that more and more people these days are more concerned with being denied something , rather than just acceptance and getting on with life .
In my particular instance , yes I COULD possibly have a child ( less than 5% chance , and only after some heavy duty medical intervention) , but then I would at the very best , be only adding a carrier of a rare genetic disorder to the gene pool , while that child may not have any problems whatsoever , its children , or their children all could end up having the syndrome.
There IS often a reason why a person is infertile , it stops a certain abberant gene from replicating and continuing .
A lot of people dont seem to be able to accept this tho , hence fertility treatments etc etc abound in western society .
An individuals worth should never be based on whether they can procreate or not :) | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:21:05 AM | I have read the OP and I don't think it was aimed exclusively at any one gender.
There are plenty of couples that would like to have kids but cannot, it doesn't mean that they do not love each other any less.
I have a nephew who before he was struck with cancer and had all his treatment wanted to start a family with his wife but now they can't, at the time it was a big blow for them but they have gotten used to the situation.
However they do take great delight in spoiling all their nephews and nieces and having those nephews and nieces think that my nephew and his wife are the coolest uncle and aunt on this earth. | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:24:36 AM | I edited the opening post to include the last line to cover my backside in case someone complained lol.
thank you for your responses. Looking forwards to reading more.
Now for a twist, what if the reason was not due to infertility but a person no longer having the equipment lol (hysterectomy/vasectomy). | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:29:19 AM | 3ffervescent, that's a whole different topic i have been wondering about lol, how a person would react to being asked to prove a clean bill of health. (guess I'll make that topic another time lol).
I'm not really looking to date at the moment, but when the time does come that i am ready, thanks for the tip, i have been wary of those with the undecided/open, thinking it would be unfair on them to start something if they wanted more kids, knowing i couldn't have more. | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:30:47 AM |
What does it matter?
--same result..
My thoughts too, seems some don't see it that way, I am honestly just curious as to a wide variety of peoples thinking. It's kind of a recent thing so not something i have had to deal with before. | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:46:15 AM | I think it would be hard in the initial problem as the infertile person would have associated issues that need self healing, and then to broach and deal with that in a potential relationship is hard, and difficult.
I had a hysterectomy recently and I probably had another good 8-12 childbearing years in me. But like posted above, I have worried about passing on a painful genetic condition to my children, and it was a choice I made .
It doesnt mean we do not grieve for potential future family scenarios. I would have LOVED to have had a child with a bloke who stayed around and became a family. But with age creeping on and seeing the pain from EDs in my children reminds me what choice is better,
it should not be set issue to dismiss instantly.. god knows how many partnerships break up with a crying baby and associated time stealers that comes with raising bubbies. The joys are there but so are the stresses :)
There are people who can say ...yes babies are not for me, 10-15 years of driving to school morning and afternoon and packing extremely restricted school lunches is releif not to think about.
:) | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:42:18 PM | | As Mike said....it's going to depend on the person involved. When you are ready to date, its probably a good thing to discuss fairly early on, so you both can make an informed decision. Personally myself, someone who wanted more kids would be the deal breaker.....or someone who had loads of kids. I quite like my own, but anyone else's are just a pain in the bum......I have a maternal streak about an inch wide lol | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:51:19 AM | Huntervalleyprincess, that grieving is something i can relate too, people don't understand that even though you have children, it doesn't make it easy.
Especially at this age, when there was still the possibility of finding a partner and creating a family with. I suspect self healing will take quiet a while for me.
and as part of that healing wondering how men (although open gender discussion lol)would feel meeting a young9enough) partner unable to bear children. | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:52:52 AM | | lol Hilly, i'm a bit like that too in regards to the maternal streak, but if i meet a man with children, I will always treat them as i treat my own. I guess that's the scary part, how do you broach the subject and how early is too early etc, maybe i shouldn't be wondering about this until i am ready to date lol | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:47:47 PM | Cheeky, do not despair, I do know some men who are quite content to not have kids, they love their freedom too much,.
Locating them, perhaps is the problem. I think dating sites only capture a small percentage of single and looking persons.
reading between the lines, I empathise with you probably more than I can let on in a public forum. :)
Take care okay. | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:10:19 AM | Hi Cheeky, crossed paths really? My brain can only think emc... :)
flick.. um.. it is possible...
Well I am going through it all myself, so your thread did bring me wanting to say something helpful.
Usually I have a lot of thoughts, but rarely do I manage to make them sensible on type!@ | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:57:29 AM | | I was a little bit of a bright spark in that place seems life had some interesting turns for a few of us when it closed :) Hystersisters is a great site for support if you haven't found it already. But yes you have been helpful to at the least know I'm not alone, thanks :) | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/16/2012 1:46:57 AM | | I can honestly say that I have never dated a man who desperately wanted to have kids/more kids. Infact, the majority of men I have met have not wanted anymore. I think there will be plenty out there for you who aren't fussed by the no kids prospect, when the time is right for you :-) | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/16/2012 2:33:47 AM | (((((BS)))) Awesome. I knew your face looked familiar.
Yes I signed out of EMC for good after some major major gross personal violations from a former trusted member/ freind. The era of that is ending...sadly I think there was a stong comradeship there in some senses,, and ;lunatic central for others... off topic I am gonna be a nanna soon and 2 troll members went nutso. One insisted I abort my grandbaby and the other slammed me for supporting the mother cos it made me a "control freak" dammned if you do, dammned if you don't. I walked away my sanity mostly intact hahaha. But you would be privy to the moral outrage highground and judgement one gets.
I found hystersistas 2 weeks after and it is fantastic... but losing the ability to breed is a massive loss... and as your OP suggests can have ramifications on a potential new relationship. Going by some comments, quite a big deal and as we know what is important to you. is valid to you...what is important to them... is valid to them.,
x | |
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| unable to have children - is that a concern for men?
Posted: 7/16/2012 5:44:02 AM | I think i had missed a lot of the end of that site, i could no longer be bothered with it, seems i grew up somewhere between the days of frequent bans and the end lol :) The few i have stayed in touch with have become treasured friends, a number of whom have been a great support in recent times. Some days i miss RC, usually those long bored night or irritable mood swings ;) lol. No i honestly no longer have the time or the mentality for the moral outrage highground and judgement in a place like that.
The loss of choice and ability is definitely the hardest part despite at one point in life being adamant i would never have anymore, time changes things and now well it seems the direction changed again, not necessarily a bad thing i guess. Good to see you're standing as strong and proud as always :) x | |
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