| | why do i alway feel like the gay best friend Page 1 of 1 | | so yeah why do i always feel like the gay best friend, so what im trying to say is that girls only seem to like me as a friend and some one that they can talk to about problems for instance love problem or lots of other girly things. why is that | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:32:20 AM | | Because you initially approach them as a friend mistakenly believing that if you are friendly, they will view you as a potential mate. There's a difference between being friendly on the approach and approaching in a friendly manner. You are friend zoning yourself before you even speak. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:42:07 AM | Not just in male/female relationships, but in all relationships, you teach people how to treat you.
You get exactly what you've allowed, as UK said.
When you change your boundaries, so will your relationships change. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:46:19 AM |
so yeah why do i always feel like the gay best friend, so what im trying to say is that girls only seem to like me as a friend and some one that they can talk to about problems for instance love problem or lots of other girly things. why is that
Because you let them dictate all the terms instead of asserting what YOU'D like to talk about from time. Do you really want to just be their life counselor? | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:48:07 AM | | I agree with Ms. Import. I know there are girls (like me) who enjoy having guy friends, the big brotherly or gay best friend types. So if that is how you approach me then I'm fine with it. You've got to find that fine line between being friendly and letting her know you're interested. For me the key statement is something like "I'd like to get to know you a little better." Guy buddies won't say that to a gal pal. I think it's just going to take time and practice. If you end up with a new friend, great. But don't let it be because you never made yourself clear. Best of luck to you. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 11:01:15 AM | When a man normally approaches a woman, there's a dance if you will which happens beforehand. Eye contact, a smile, a glance, - all in a flirtatious manner. Different people have different visual clues they give off but all are very clear - they make their intention known before they approach or speak. Women too have their own body language which does this. The message is sent in a non-verbal manner. If the interest isn't reciprocate, one will break the contact - for a woman, it's common to physically turn away to face the other direction - a clear 'No thanks'.
Some people never quite manage to master this. Instead they wonder up alongside the person they are interested and just start chatting without either sending their non-verbal message of intent or without understanding it wasn't clear.
My best friend is a man - really lovely guy but he's friggin' useless at this non-verbal communication. I have repeatedly seen him talk to women when out in a group, buying drinks, laughing, thinking all is going well. And then, repeatedly, she makes her excuses, thanks him for his company, and heads off without him ! I suspect you OP, are acting in exactly the same way. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 11:44:16 AM | You gotta hit on them earlier in the relationship and
don't be such a good listener to their problems. You
aren't setting your own boundaries and you aren't
pushing theirs.
You might want to hold off on the following approach
until you are older and dealing with more experienced
and adult women:
I'm skeptical of the whole "friend zone" mythology
because if a woman is an adult and available and
your friend she should be able to have a mature
conversation about your sexual interest in her. The
transition from friends to lovers can be awkward,
but the most awkward part is actually bringing it
up in forthright way. The other way to do it is find
a way to get physical with her in some way and see
how she responds, like playful wrestling or going
dancing for example (girls mostly love to dance) .
I am not saying to be calculating or creepy, but
if a woman doesn't perceive your sexuality in a
tangible way the question of whether she might
be willing to get into you is theoretical. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 12:02:42 PM |
I'm skeptical of the whole "friend zone" mythology
because if a woman is an adult and available and
your friend she should be able to have a mature
conversation about your sexual interest in her.
Being able to have an honest discussion about sexual interest in someone else has nothing to do with being in the friend zone.
If I'm in the friend zone with a girl, that means she has virtually no sexual interest in me. I theoretically could have a mature conversation with her about she interests me romantically, but that (probably) isn't going to change her stance that she isn't interested in me romantically. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 12:24:26 PM |
If I'm in the friend zone with a girl, that means she has virtually no sexual interest in me.
BINGO - We have a winner ! My best friend is a man. He's been my best friend for almost 15 years. I could speak to him about anything I choose to speak to him about. But he's my friend because there is no attraction between the two of us. The role we play in each other's lives is friendship. That's all it's ever been and that's all it will ever be. | |
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tehFi
| | Joined: 5/25/2012
Msg: 10 | |
| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 12:32:02 PM | k, having read your profile, I can tell you it's cause that's the vibe you put out. You make yourself very available, say "if you just want to talk" in your headline, and claim to be looking for "friends".
I'm not saying that any of the above are bad things, but if you're looking to get a date, you're going to have to ditch the wallflower persona-- flirt with girls. Let them know your interest in them is non-platonic. Women are accustomed to being wooed and pursued a little bit. If you're going to sit back and be all "let me know if you want to talk", she'll probably read that as you friendzoning her, and friendzone you accordingly.
Eventually you may meet a woman or women for whom your natural nice guy approach works, but they're going to be scarcer than the ones who're expecting a man to "make the first move", so to speak. You're very cute and into some neat stuff-- if you were a little older and less across the pond, I'd totally message you.
Best of luck! | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:01:47 PM | 1. You're not keen at recognizing romantic interest from women (a lot of people go off their own interest and a lot of wishful thinking so they don't see things accurately), and weeding out potentials by that factor.
2. You're not brave enough to show your interest and take a risk.
3. You're not efficient enough to walk away from anything less that what you want, and you're under the impression that being around someone longer will change their mind.
4. If a woman sees you as a friend and offers friendship and she doesn't know you have interest in her in a different context, you really can't blame her for going with that. Most people will explain what their intentions are - if you're not telling her you want to date her what can she think but that you don't want to date her? | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:11:56 PM |
I'm skeptical of the whole 'friend zone' mythology because if a woman is an adult and available and
your friend she should be able to have a mature conversation about your sexual interest in her. The
transition from friends to lovers can be awkward, but the most awkward part is actually bringing it
up in forthright way.
I agree. There's the saying, "Once in the friendzone, always..."
I've been friends with men who I find sexually attractive and would have gladly changed zones had I known he had the interest too.
Most women take passive roles in driving the relationship and 'friend' even those in whom they're sexually interested for fear of rejection or sticking to the traditional gender roles.
The opposite is true as well--they'll 'friend' a guy in whom they have no sexual interest to head off unwanted overtures.
OP, changing your approach and not settling will surely change your results.
It's not that you have control over *making* a girl like you, but by approaching her with a more determined goal in mind will increase your chances of getting what you want. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:55:31 PM | Tell these girls while gazing in their eyes and being close to them that you really only discuss sexual things with a woman your are invovled with... not as just friends.
Smile, play with their hair and say Im sorry honey. Im looking for love and romance with someone who wants it with me, not someone else.
Its not cold.. or blunt. Its fair and these girls will get the hint. Stop being their buddy, friend.
Dont be at the beckon call. Dont sympathize or lend an ear. Mistake man.
After saying this change the subject then walk away nicely or notice their gestures. If you feel like asking them out to dinner do it then.
Youre not looking to be their friend. Youre looking to date. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 3:59:08 PM | I wanted to give you some insight from a guy's perspective. I used to be friend zoned all the time when I was younger.
1) Stop living in the movies. I know there are plenty of movies where the nice guy dork gets the girl in the end. But this is real life. It happens on exceptions. But the rule is that 90% of the time. once a woman sees you as a friend, you are staying that way. Don't get me wrong. If you genuinely want to be friends with a woman, there is nothing wrong with that. I actually encourage it because the more female friends you have, the more you can learn from them on how to be successful with women and you can start to learn the way that they think. A great tagline I read once is "Act like a man, but think like a woman." This means learn how to pick up on body language and cues reading between the lines, and then being man enough to act on them. But if you have a sexual attraction to a woman and she is not returning it, don't bide your time thinking that friendship will suddenly make her open her eyes. Move on immediately. Attraction is not something you can force. I know she may seem special to you but there are tons of women out there.
2) Don't be afraid to touch women. You need to get them comfortable with physical contact around you and show them that you are not a wuss who will stand there with your hands in your pockets. Like if I am meeting a woman outside a bookstore and we go in, I will hang back a bit and let her get a little bit ahead of me. Then I will walk up, get closer and next to her ear and say in a quieter voice, "We're going to check out the magazine rack first" and then I lightly touch the small of her back for a few quick seconds leading her in that direction. Now on the surface you are just directing traffic and taking the lead, but subconsciously you are telling a woman you know where her erogenous zones are. Things like these register with women. If a woman laughs and is being playful and we are walking side by side, I will lightly bump her with my hip calling her a dork, etc.. If I like an answer to a question, I put out my hand for a high five, and then when she slaps it, I hold on for a few seconds and ever so slightly graze my thumb over the top of her hand before letting go. Before you know it, an hour has gone by and she is completely comfortable around you because of all the physical contact. Now you can kiss test her at the end of the night by commenting on how soft her hair looks softly stroking it, and mentioning the color of her eyes, etc.. If she does not pull away, then she wants to be kissed. The science behind all of it is actually fascinating.
3) When you meet a woman and spend time with her initially, you need to get her to see you in a sexual light from the get go. But don't be perverted about it. Don't talk about what you want to do her, and don't even mention the word sex. But walk the grey area. Use humor, and be creative. If you see an opening use word play. Women love wittiness and a sense of humor. If a woman mentions something in her place, tease her for trying to get you back to her place too soon. Tell her you aren't that easy. Be a challenge. Ask leading questions. What is your favorite body part of yours? What do you sleep in at night? I love giving a woman the underwear test. If you are feeling the chemistry, say to her "They say that a person's underwear matches their personality and since I am a good judge of character, I am never wrong." Bam.. right away she will be thinking "I wonder what he will guess" Now don't blurt out you think she is wearing a thong, etc.. Don't even say the word panties. But tease her. "You are a really nice woman, but you seem kind of innocent. So I am going with grannie knickers." Then if she says anything about it being none of your business, etc say "Looks like I was right" and change the subject. However, most of the time, women if challenged, will respond in a playful and flirtatious manner. Not once have you said anything specific to sex, or even mentioned the word sex. But you are creating sexual tension. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:22:16 PM | Kick it up a notch with her.
Drop in a little romance and see how she responds. Women can pick up subtle vibes from a guy. To bad does not work the other way around, but oh well.
If you want to date her then do it.
Don't make us come out there and slap you around. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:47:45 PM | Every girl needs a gay boyfriend. You always have a date and a reliable fashion critic.
If you're not actually gay, you dont want to be that guy. So don't be that guy. | |
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| why do i alway feel like the gay best friend
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:22:57 PM | Three words.
BIG. NEON. SIGN.
Women aren't mind readers. If you're interested, you have to express it either verbally or through contact or both.
If you start the relationship without any indication of interest beyond friendship, a woman will interpret that as platonic interest and Voila! Friend Zoned!
How do you avoid that? Easy... BIG. NEON. SIGN.
Physical contact - Touch her arms, reach out to hold her hand, moving slightly into her personal space and see how she reacts, going in for a kiss, etc. Even a subtle change like moving to stroke her arms or hand, or moving in towards her personal space by shifting your seating will communicate clearly that you are NOT just interested in being a platonic friend.
SAY IT - Here's a couple examples.
"I would like to get to know you better."
"I find you very attractive."
"I'm really enjoying our Date." -- Notice the word DATE.
The point is, just don't ASSUME she knows that you're interested as more than a Platonic Friend. You need to make it absolutely, unequivocally, honking clear without ANY ambiguity or she'll mentally slot you as a prospective Friend instead of as a prospective Boyfriend.
So, repeat after me... BIG. NEON. SIGN. | |
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