| | Questions from a single father!Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) | Ive raised my daughter since near birth and she'll be 8 soon. I've never had issues teaching her the rights and the wrongs, the pleases and thank you's, and helping her learn what every kid needs to learn. My problem is I'm a guy. I'm about 75% dumbfounded when it comes to girly things and the questions. I've gotten by so far on the questions but when it comes to the girly things I can pretty much fail there. I'm ok with that and so is she I suppose but id like to be able to help her see the other side less tomboyish. Any ideas from the women on here or any guys that have been through this and had success.
Thanks christopher! | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:29:51 PM | | Do you have a sister, mom, friend, neighbor etc. That can cover some of this? If not get her in girl scouts and recruit the troop leader for help. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:36:32 PM | | Unfortunately my friends that could do this have moved too far away and for family my sisters are on the other side of the state. She gets some time with them. Just kinda looking for ideas for at home. Maybe ways to get her/me into the hair thing at least. I've allways tried there but I quite frankly suck at it and she knows that so we dont get much practice. The scouts idea could help ive been looking into getting her into it. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:59:16 PM | educate yourself, you still have some time up your sleeve before you HAVE to have some discussions. But read some books , do what you're doing now, seeks advice from others, but ask SPECIFIC questions, buy a few pre/teen magazines, use your own common knowledge. basically just gather as much ACCURATE information as you can.
Opportunities for discussions may come up randomly instead of having to do the "big sit down" talk, and as a single mum i find those opportunities the best times to discuss matters with the children.....guess who the unlucky one was to have to explain condoms to her boys :S because it came up out of the blue, something they had come across at school.
Give accurate but brief age appropriate answers, they don't need ALL the information at once.
Hit some of those "lady product" sites and get some free samples and maybe even some information (mine today came with pretty sparkly silver nail polish lol).
But honestly the best thing you can do is educate yourself!!
Sorry for the caps, but I don't know if you can bold in responses lol. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:12:09 PM | educate yourself, you still have some time up your sleeve before you HAVE to have some discussions. But read some books , do what you're doing now, seeks advice from others, but ask SPECIFIC questions, buy a few pre/teen magazines, use your own common knowledge. basically just gather as much ACCURATE information as you can.
^^
I agree !!
...and bottom line, be honest.
Tell her that you aren't perfect and you are learning along and you feel just as awkward as she is having to listen to you BUT it is important that, you as a parent, tell her. Once she hears this, she will appreciate it.
This is how I started my talks with my boys. I'm not a boy. I don't have a clue! lol But open and honest communication is what helped me so far.
Whenever we read, see or hear something that I can use to open communication with the boys on certain issues. I do. For instance a movie about teen love. My oldest is 13 and already into girls. I used the movie to talk about what is going to with him "Have you ever felt that way? Done that? How do you handle it?"
I'm also picking and choosing stories from my own experiences to tell him according to his age.
My youngest is 8. Because of living with a woman, he already knows about periods and from there I use it to explain the birds and bees.
Hope this helps? | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:13:13 PM | | All great ideas thanks! My daughter did have a big sister at school as a part of their program. It didnt go past school outside of a couple of outings. May also look into the actual program. At this point in my life i was hoping id be settled down and married hence having someone around that would be able to offer a womans point of view. Doesnt allways work that way lol. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:23:18 PM | | sometimes it's best the info comes from someone they are close too. My kids were absolutely horrified and didn't want a bar of it when their step mother made a comment about puberty, All 3 of them said to me "that's the stuff you tell us mum" (the rest of that anecdote went, me saying to the boys yeah but that's really the stuff daddy should be talking to you about, in fact i have asked him several times, i thought you boys might be more comfortable talking to daddy. to which they replied nope, they at least know i will talk to them about it and be honest. And me saying to my daughter, well she is a woman and maybe thought she could talk to you, their response was adamant, this is the stuff they are more comfortable talking to mum about, even, if not especially the boys, because the step mother, well i call her wicked witch (to my friends, not the children) for a reason, and their father best left unsaid, but they just don't feel comfortable talking to them. ) | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/12/2012 9:31:29 PM | yeah, i married a tomboy so i was raising two daughters and their mom. still I had a little help in terms of they knew they had another person in the house who was a female, helped them with arts & crafts, took them to sleepovers and donated time and energy to their school. i had a couple friends who were single dads and finding the right woman was a chore for them.
I enjoyed raising my girls, doing their hair, choosing their clothes and learning things that a mom should maybe handle. they turned out great, popular, pretty and respectful. i use to take them to the salon, a very proactive dad here.
my buddy Matt had twins and his wife rejected the kids after birth. though they wife, their mom was home everyday, she ignored the kids and a grandmother had to be there for them. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:45:03 AM | I have had my girls on my own for years. They do see my ex, but that time is very limited (one or two times a year), but it is some time so it is not exactly the same as your situation. I have never thought being tomboyish was a problem. In fact I am glad they like fishing and the grate outdoors as much as I do. I think it is healthy for girls to play sports, fish, camp and do activities that some might think of as tomboyish, but I do not shove it on them. My one daughter does not like to bait her hook and my other one does it like a pro. I don't think I need to change ether one of them.
Helping them with the girl things like doing their hair took a little work on my part, but not much and now they are bigger and don't need my help with hair any longer, they both know how to look dress and act like a girl when they want to. Never had to push that ethier, they picked it up on their own. But they do it, the girl thing, way different then each other. That is normal. Every kid is different and if one like baiting her own fish hook and the other does not, well that is normal. Don't read into it. Things like sports and fitness, what lots of people think as boy like, is not only fun it promotes a healthy life and keeps them fit and it is those tomboy like activities that make them look good and fit and healthy when they do the girl thing. Kids today need way more sports and the like not less. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:56:18 AM | As the mother of two sons, this is the question I constantly ask myself too.
It's not the general qualities we all try and install in our children, regardless of their gender, but more so the gender specific details which I don't know about being the opposite sex. Simply, I don't know what I don't know.
I think simply being aware of the fact there are differences and being conscious that you might not have the answers, is a huge part of being able to parent through this. For us, I have found open communication on all topics has helped. I have ensured that no subject is taboo as long as it's approached sensibly and I have on more then one occasion had to state that I didn't know the answer to a question or thought they had but I set out to find it.
Big brothers, Big sisters is a great organisation and in hindsight, I do wish I had got my children involved in that. Their cut off age for considering new children is 14. Having a same gender role model or even someone they can confide is is a tremendous help but I do understand that isn't always possible. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:22:55 AM | Please don't take this as patronizing, because it isn't: but I sincerely appreciate your commitment to your daughter. It is very helpful to develop sound friendships and community contact with responsible women (like a school counselor, some of the posters here who are raising daughters, Big Sisters) who can help guide you through the stages of her life.
Your commitment to her means she will not be searching for a man her father wasn't later in her life; so everything you're doing for her, now, will absolutely matter in the long run. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 10:35:17 AM | | Ive never really been against her being whatever she wants. Be it tomboyish or Girly girl. I just think she tries real hard herself to be girly and sometimes it fails. Be it the outfit doesnt match or her hair kinda looks funky. I try to instill anything I can in her. Shes an outdoors kinda girl where as my son would rather glue to the spongebob. That kinda stuff im grateful for lol. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 11:20:13 AM | | I am in a similar boat - solo male raising an 8 year old girl. Fortunately I also have my 21 year old stepdaughter and lots of other adult females who have offered to help with this issue. In your case I would listen to scifichicky's advice. You can undoubtedly find someone who will be willing to help. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 8:44:49 PM | | Go to Amazon and look up this book... Myself and My Body... There are others there too... Some really good books that really help... You may also try a local book store that can help you find just the right books. These you can talk with her a little about then give them to her. This way she can either talk with you about it, or read about it. I got a few different books for my daughter, and some for my son. It has really helped. Sure we talk, but some things I think they don't really want to talk about... :) Good luck, that part is hard. I have to do this with my son too, so I understand. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:00:26 PM | First of all...at age 8 theres not too much you need to worry about at this point. It's age 14 that you really need to be prepared for, she is going to want to know about menstruation..so start researching now on how to handle that, basically it's by her sanitary pads..and some advil..and give her a hot water bottle for her belly and a hug.
MY daughter is 7 and I'm a single Mom. I always make sure I tell my daughter how important it is to be smart and that she is beautiful every day and that i love her. It is really important to praise her when she accomplashes something, no matter how small it may seem. It is important that you groom your daughter to be a smart, independant person.
Take care | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/25/2012 6:12:38 PM | Take her shopping and let her get something frilly. She needs one thing special and fancy each season. So it's only twice a year you have to give in and get something that isn't practical, more if you want. Have a spa night. You do each others hair, nails, and makeup. The idea is that you both learn together, she gets to experiement and laugh and have fun doing it. It's hard to be embaressed by it when you both suck at it. And hopefully by time she needs to know these things she'll have enough practice. I know one mom who blind folds her kids on mother's day hands over the makeup bag...not the eyeliner or mascara and lets em go crazy. Awesome pics and memories for later. And I know guys don't wear makeup or polish, but it washes off so its ok.
Also try taking her to a nail salon or hairdressor. I'm sure if you go on a slow day they would love to help you out. Just make sure you tip for the extra time they spend.
Don't worry about puberty just yet. Spend the next year developing that girlfriend bond with her first. If youb aren't comfy doing hair and nails together you'll be a hot mess trying to explain puberty. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/26/2012 2:42:39 AM | I was a female single mother and I was CRAP at the girly stuff. My daughter had the most basic hairstyles, and she certainly never learned anything about nails or make up from me!! She absorbed the girl stuff from friends and media, and your daughter will do so too. Yes you will have to explain menstruation to her- you do not want that creeping up on her, or leave it to the grape vine as that can be inaccurate and scary. What all children need, boy or girl, is a loving and caring parent. Your daughter has that, and is lucky! Certainly, make use of big sister style programs if they are available, but you and your desire to do the best you can is all she needs.
Good luck :) | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/26/2012 7:59:43 AM | I am a single father of 3, the youngest is my daughter who I raised since she was 9 (she is 17 now). the way I handled it was by involving her in activities oriented towards girls. Girl scouts (awesome program), dance class, gymnastics etc...
That way she was around other girls, her scoutmaster was a maternal figure, in dance and gymnastics, the other moms helped her with makeup, hair etc. She has turned out to be a fine young woman.
When she started her period, I helped her with supplies and stuff. I bought her the book mentioned in another post and she learned about it also at school in health education so it was not a very stressful occasion, unlike the sex talk....
She used to call me daddymom LOL and to this day buys me both fathers and mothers day cards!
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/26/2012 10:16:06 AM | Are you talking about Make up and skinny jeans or her period , boys and birth control ?
I've raised my daughter , 16 now, and I've loved every minute of it. We have covered all the bases from fashion to biology. I wanted to give you all kinds of advice - as in , this is how I did it. But I don't believe that what works for me will work for everyone. So let me say Communication communication communication - that should do it.
If you start showing her that you don't understand her she will stop coming to you for help.
Bottom line is DON'T DRAW ANY LINES!! You can do everything a woman can do! You want your daughter to believe that you can "fix everything"! So get out there and don't be afraid of the girly stuff | |
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Siks6
| | Joined: 7/11/2012
Msg: 22 | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:26:08 AM | I had a mom growing up, yet I was a huge tom boy and never liked being girlie until my teens.
I wouldn't worry too much about her hair and clothes until "she does".
Finding positive females as role models will help. Churches can help... parents without partners... are two that come to mind. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/29/2012 6:11:47 AM | | Bit of advice: don't be too over the top about your parental ignorance (not saying you're ignorant, you know what I mean). There are people out there that still think a man can't raise children alone, let alone a daughter. Those people can and will cause trouble for you and it will come from a place you'd never expect. | |
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| Questions from a single father!
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:47:27 AM | What AWESOME responses here to an AWESOME post!!
Wow! My heart is smiling.........
(That's all.....I don't have kids so can't offer anything sound. I've just enjoyed reading this whole thread!! Some amazing parents on here!! YAY!!) | |
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