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| | introvert/extrovertPage 1 of 2 (1, 2) | | If a person has social anxiety or is shy at first is it better for them to be with other people who are shy or true social butterflies/extroverts to get them out of their shell? If you are outgoing do you only like other outgoing people? If you are a shy person does another shy person just make for so much social awkwardness that you both feel like you will die from the tension OR is it nice to have somebody that understands? Experiences and thoughts please? | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:57:45 PM | | Granted, but for me I happen to be a bit of all three and I had to title this thread something. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/12/2012 11:01:28 PM | | In my experience more than anything else having someone you are completely comfortable with be it a friend or otherwise makes this tremendously easier.however its also good to have somone to spur you on now and then to. do the opposite of your norm as in time you will come right out of your shell.trust/comfortability with those around and closest to you imo is the biggest key to success | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/12/2012 11:01:40 PM | | I think you should just be around whoever you are most comfortable with, being an extreme introvert myself, i prefer being around other introverts, i don't like talking or conversation unless its about a topic i have an interest in, i spend the majority of my time alone inside my own head, extroverts just get on my nerves, they'll try spark up conversation with me about things i don't give a damn about and thus i tend to keep my responses quite blunt to try and kill the conversation, eventually they get bored and go talk to someone else thank god! lol ....so yeah i definetly prefer introverts but it's different for anyone, i go further into my shell around extroverts..damn chatter boxes! | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/12/2012 11:07:43 PM | for me I happen to be a bit of all three and I had to title this thread something.
Experience and thoughts are that since you can be mixes of all three at different times, you are not all that different than most people.
When leaning towards your shy introvert side you USE much energy to make yourself be with others/socialize/express yourself and make new friends/have fun with people and grow your social abilities.
When your personality is more towards the extrovert side you GAIN energy by being with people and all that socializing stimulates you to more self-expression and actualization, and more time spent with others..
And all that time spent with others and in groups can actually desensitize your social anxiety somewhat by habituation and experience,
learning that no you likely won't say stupid things or make a fool out of yourself any more than most of the other people there. You can gain more confidence in yourself.
Depends on how much you can learn to relax and truly enjoy the temporary presence of others, communicate well and then retreat back to your own space alone to recharge your energy levels. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/12/2012 11:18:26 PM | An introvert doesn't necessarily have social anxiety, it's rather a personality trait that describes a person who derives their energy from within (focussing on internal thoughts, feelings and moods), while an extravert derives their energy from outside themselves (they seek out social stimulation from others).
I am an introvert and was once shy, but am no longer. I like being with both extraverts and introverts. I never sought extraverts to get me out of my shell, but gradually learned over my life time skills that useful in the social realm. I have combated my shyness through doing public speaking, giving lectures, and other group activities. As I say, though, introversion is not about shyness. I continue to draw upon my thoughts, feelings and moods to monitor where I am in relation to others. It's certainly easy for an introvert to feel shy, because other people seem to be bouncing off one another and we introverts don't operate that way. Anyway, that's my experience and my understanding (drawn from Jungian study many years ago). | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:42:04 AM | I am an introvert,yet I'm not shy. My GF is an all out extrovert and hits the floor running in the morning, sometimes,it just wears me out and I have to ask her "Dear,will you stop with the 50 questions before I get the first pot of coffee in me?"
She likes to go karaoke.. me not so much... I can sit for hours muttering to myself over a work bench and be content, it would drive her crazy to sit still for an hour.
I'll explain something if a question related to what I am doing is asked,thats it. Blathering on about things not related to what I am doing at that moment are ignored. Most of her friends are extroverts, I disappear.. I don't care much for inane chit chat...
Every one has checks and balances.
A couple of things about dealing with introverts:
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/
http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:23:12 AM | | I'm a bit of both and even I don't know which will prevail when, lol.. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:43:51 AM | | I'm painfully shy, I have social anxiety, AND I'm a social butterfly -- I'm relate well to others outside of my inner sanctum of closest friends and my darling children and grandparents. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:04:37 AM | I'm a bit of both and even I don't know which will prevail when, lol..
I recently read an article about introverts and extroverts and it stated that most people are neither an introvert or an extrovert but act according to the situation at hand. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 4:27:42 AM | Actually, SF, I think it's a little more complicated (not in a bad way) than looking for others who have similar qualities or not.
As a shy introvert myself (at least for most of my life), I found that being around an egotistical extrovert, or anyone who thought that I was defective because I was shy, was like taking poison every day. They didn't bring me out of my shell, they drove me deeper into it, and I was encouraged to thicken the walls. But a person who thought I was just a really cool shy person, and who assisted me in doing things with them anyway, could be wonderful.
Some fellow shy people, when we got together, would result in both of us spiraling into paranoid delusions, or into thinking we should form an Isolationist Club For People Who Want To Stare At The Wall At Home. Others, could be interactive comforters, and together, we could both grow away from our fears. Because we were both inhibited, we could laugh at and with each other, and thus relax and let go of some of our anxieties.
So I guess what I would advise is, don't select for shy or not shy, select only for "cares about you" or "doesn't care about you." | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:15:56 AM | | I think to some extent, introversion is relative - with very outgoing people I tend to be quiet and more introverted. When I'm around quiet, introverted people I somehow become much more outgoing and extroverted. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:49:40 AM | Am I the only Extrovert here?
Oh, and I am a capital 'E' Extrovert...
One of my best friends of over 5 years is a major introvert. It is not that she is shy, but likes to keep to herself.
I can tell by a glance when I am too much for her, and have to tone back my actions or conversation. I adore her as a friend. She keeps me in check, and I learn heaps from her. She taught me the do nothing for 24hrs rule.
When it comes to dating (as an extrovert), I have found that introverts are hard work... (IMO)
I rarely know what they are thinking, and the whole recharging in different ways thing - makes it tricky...
Something big happens in my world (hell, even if it is something kind of small),
I want to talk about it and digest it while I am talking.
Most introverts I have known like to take their time, form their opinions and then when they have resolved it to a point that they are happy - keep it to themselves for a while, and then share the bits that they think are relevant (but not too revealing).
I found that being around an egotistical extrovert, or anyone who thought that I was defective because I was shy, was like taking poison every day.
Not all extroverts are egotistical...
and I certainly don't think that introverts are defective, we just share things differently, and recharge in different ways. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:57:57 AM | And I don't think most extroverts think about or care that their constant stream of unbroken "thinking out loud" exhausts people who actually happen to be good listeners :) Sometimes the quiet ones just can't "break in" to the conversation!
But interestingly, from my experience I have found that extroverts don't mind being interrupted mid-thought - whereas introverts are offended and totally clam up. I don't think one communication style is better than the other, sometimes they complement each other well.
As an example, I have downstairs neighbors where the guy is the extrovert with the "gift of gab"... when we hang out, his girlfriend barely says two words. When he's not around, she totally comes out of her shell. Poor girl, I think she's a bit beaten down by his constant stream of babble and 'high energy' antics. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:04:13 AM | If you are an introvert/shy and having a hard time meeting people, having a friend who is an extrovert will make your dating life TREMENDOUSLY easier, not only in terms of meeting people, but in terms of overcoming your shyness and introversion.
When I was young one of my best friends was shy and an introvert. He had a very difficult time meeting women. He would stand around, shuffle his feet, and had a hard time talking to strangers let alone a girl.
I on the otherhand am NOT shy. I'm an extrovert, comfortable in most situations, and will willingly talk to strangers under the flimsiest of pre-texts.
When we went out, I would essentially play the role of Barney Stinson to his Ted Moseby (if you've ever seen How I Met Your Mother).
I would be the ice breaker, would often rope the girls to our table/area, initiate the conversation, then bring him into the conversation if he wasn't getting into the conversation naturally.
A girl might say something, then I'd say,
"Really? I had a similar situation like that with me and my friend T. There was this one time we were out last month... actually, T should probably tell the story. Here, T, tell them about the time we XXX."
Other times if I knew he was interested in a girl, I would do the approach for him.
The main thing is being with an Extrovert not only makes it easier to meet people, but my friend's shyness gradually disappeared. He got used to talking to Girls because I put him in the situation so often AND I would make it easier for him by creating natural segueways.
Over time, by observing and participating, he not only became less shy, but he learned to develop his Extroverted side. Before too long, he had overcome his fear of introducing himself to girls and was comfortable initiating and maintaining the conversation.
I remember sitting in a management meeting where they brought in a personnel management consultant.
He put it something like this..
Each person has a mix of introversion and extroversion. Those sides can be developed over time and with practice. Just as Extroverts can learn to slow down, listen and be more selective in their speaking, Introverts can learn how to become more involved, socially assertive and conversationally spontaneous.
It's a question of desire and practice, not ability.
While at your core you will prefer to be an Introvert or Extrovert, every person can learn not only to act as their opposite, but to understand how to communicate with their opposite. It's all a question of whether they are willing to work at it or not.
Just some thoughts. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:15:31 AM | Not all extroverts are egotistical...
That's actually a big part of what I was trying to say, 3ffervescent.
In my experience with others, and with myself, I learned long ago that extroverts and introverts come in a wide variety. Some extroverts are actually so, because they have very fragile, nervous egos, and feel the need to act out in order to garner attention. Some are just gregarious folks, who so enjoy others company and energetic activity, that they put themselves out in order to get things going. And some are only 'extroverts" by comparison, because they happen to be the most energized folks in their local area, and ego of any kind has nothing to do with it at all.
Lots of introverts, are actually VERY egotistical people. Many of us are quiet and loathe to be the center of attention, not because we fear criticism, but because we just don't like having to put a lot of energy into other people, and get little back from them in return. And if you think about it a bit, you can see that someone who hides in the corner for fear that they will be thought badly of, aren't necessarily people who DO think they are ugly or foolish. They are often people who are sure that they are NOT ugly or foolish, but who are certain that the room is full of DEFECTIVE people, who wont recognize the "wall flower's" true worth.
I probably don't qualify as an introvert any more, myself. I evolved into a more (I hope) balanced person, by thinking my way through all this garbage, and by experimenting, and accepting whatever resulted from my failures. So I'm still the "thinks a lot" kind of person I always was when I was a pure wallflower, but I no longer hang back in a crowd and wait for the extroverts to take over.
So again, don't worry so much about intro or extro, look for the more complete character traits. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:43:09 AM |
I don't think one communication style is better than the other, sometimes they complement each other well.
Absolutely, we just communicate differently.
having a friend who is an extrovert will make your dating life TREMENDOUSLY easier, not only in terms of meeting people
Extroverts make awesome 'wing-men/women' I have played that role many a time...
I am the Queen of getting the gals phone number for a sweet introvert that I have just befriended.
I learned long ago that extroverts and introverts come in a wide variety.
Amen to that...
So again, don't worry so much about intro or extro, look for the more complete character traits.
...and what meets your needs.
My friend has made me a better extrovert, as I don't interrupt, or challenge everything that she say...
I respect that it is quite a big deal for her to share stuff with me (that I would probably share in a supermarket line).
We just communicate differently. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 7:34:17 AM | | Many couples that I know, one is introvert and shy, whole the other is an extrovert. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:53:59 PM | I am an introvert naturally but once I get my internal energy up and am around people I am comfortable with then I become loud and wild.
My best friend is an extovert she loves being around people and sometimes I just dont(well most of the time)
I honestly can say that I dont like shy people I like my introverts but I could care less about shy people (they are not the same thing)they bore me.(Im talking rediculously bashful)
Introverts have that "we dont give a F**k attitude" we dont like small talk if we have nothing in common F**k off.
I dont wanna sit there hearing about your boring interests ugh some of the extroverts (not all) just really dont have sense. Meaning if I am making faces of uninterest they will keep going as if I care.
What I dont like about some extroverts is that they expect me to talk to them and anyone else in the room because thats "normal" to them then they say "wow your quiet"
well sorry but if I am quiet around you its because you have nothing important for me to talk about and your not interesting :/ so instead of me saying I dont give a F**k and F off I just be polite and stay quiet because :) those who know me personally know how awesome I am.
Quiet does not equal shy we are thinkers we think ALOT until something more interesting than our thoughts comes along :) | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:08:34 PM |
As a shy introvert myself (at least for most of my life), I found that being around an egotistical extrovert, or anyone who thought that I was defective because I was shy, was like taking poison every day. They didn't bring me out of my shell, they drove me deeper into it, and I was encouraged to thicken the walls. But a person who thought I was just a really cool shy person, and who assisted me in doing things with them anyway, could be wonderful. - IgorFrankensteen
I have to agree with IgorFrankensteen. there is big difference between being encouraged to come out of your shell, & being dragged out, which just makes you want to go back in & stay there, forever!
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What I dont like about some extroverts is that they expect me to talk to them and anyone else in the room because thats "normal" to them then they say "wow your quiet"
well sorry but if I am quiet around you its because you have nothing important for me to talk about and your not interesting :/ so instead of me saying I dont give a F**k and F off I just be polite and stay quiet because :) those who know me personally know how awesome I am.
Quiet does not equal shy we are thinkers we think ALOT until something more interesting than our thoughts comes along :) -ChocoMamicita123
Yes, that's it, exactly!! | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/13/2012 9:14:18 PM | | Once I am around people I am truly comfortable around I really am out there, just social situations and new people. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/14/2012 7:37:30 AM | I am an extrovert, but I require a certain amount of quiet time to process life.
I work with young adults who have been homeless and have some psychological issues, so I am slways on at work, so I need someone who does not overwhelm me or is not
Too demanding.
I love people who love adventure, but rarely find them.
I also like to go to city events, people who are introverted stay home a lot, so I have a hard time wth this issue too.
This is a complicated issue really. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/14/2012 8:42:50 AM | | If you could rate introversion/extraversion on a scale of 1-10, 1 being extremely introveted, 10 being extremely extraverted, I would rate myself somewhere around 4 and prefer others within that range. I find people more than a few points away difficult/annoying to deal with for an extended period of time. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:02:34 AM | It's interesting.. when I was younger I was almost all extrovert and loved it. It felt natural. But now that I am older, I seem to require a LOT more me time. It's what recharges me.
I still get along quite well socially, have been described as 'the life of the party' and such, but it tends to drain me after a while. I can also be quite shy, but most people would never suspect it.
For the most part I choose alone time over socializing. I seem to prefer it that way. I was on a month long retreat in India recently and was forced to be around people 24-7.. that was the biggest struggle I faced while away. It made me want to rip my hair out and scream many, many times. There was NO WHERE to escape to, to be alone. For years I had thought maybe there was something wrong with me? Why the change from extrovert to introvert? Now I just realize this is who I am, why pathologize it?
I've noticed too that I tend to be more attracted to introverts now. Where before it was more important to find someone who got along socially as well as I, now it doesn't matter all that much. Introverts seem to have less demands as far as time spent together and seem better equipped to understand and deal with my desire and need for me time. | |
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| introvert/extrovert
Posted: 7/14/2012 11:17:32 AM | I used to be shy.
I liked hanging out with extroverts because then I didn't need to talk much.
Now i'm more extroverted, so it's fine whoever i hang with. I don't usually feel any awkwardness. | |
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