| | FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?Page 1 of 1 | | What are some of the signs he's backing off because you're being too clingy, or wanting more? How does a girl handle this situation? We've been hanging out for months, I've been around his friends, we spend several days a week together, but he doesn't really text or call... But last night we had a talk about numerous things. Everything was cool when we got back to his house and spend some time together, so why am I feeling like something is wrong? | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 6:02:08 PM |
so why am I feeling like something is wrong?
Because you want more then just a FWB situation. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 6:05:16 PM | | Just ask him. It's nothing to do with work being busy. If he really liked you he would be into it. When I start talking less I either found another woman or I'm getting over talking to you and trying to be nice about it. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 6:10:52 PM | | Well he's never been one to text/call and I don't mind that. I don't think that's the issue because he has proven he's into me through his actions. He knows I like him and I'm being patient and he's not closed to a relationship later. He just moves slow and I'm willing to grow and see where it goes... I just want to make sure I'm taking the right steps and not doing anything out of bounds or that would jeopardize anything in the future. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 6:13:12 PM | so why am I feeling like something is wrong?
when people are left alone with their thoughts, little grains of insecurity have a way of growing into boulders of terror.
it's been less than a day. 'everything was cool' last time you saw him. by your own admission, you and he seldom use remote communication, so it's not like a lack of a call represents some shift of attitude. you have no evidence to support your fears. don't borrow trouble. why don't you do something to divert any obsessive thinking you might have going, like going for a 20-mile run? | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 6:53:01 PM | | Give him some room to breathe. Stop worrying so much. He isn't ready by the sounds of it to get emotionally close to you right now and you clearly are. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 7:01:42 PM |
He knows I like him and I'm being patient and he's not closed to a relationship later. He just moves slow and I'm willing to grow and see where it goes...
OR he's getting what he wants from you until someone better comes along. You want a relationship. He doesn't. If he's okay with keeping it casual and risking you finding someone better in the meantime, I hate to break it to you but he is never going to want a relationship with you. No guy moves slow with a woman he wants for himself. What is preventing him from having a relationship with you NOW? Tell him you're not closed to a relationship later either...but in the meantime, no sex. And watch how fast he loses your number... | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 7:21:13 PM | I take it that you are worried that he also thinks that you are after more than FWB status.
I can only guess what you are reacting to, but I would bet on that the FWB equivalent of the "honeymoon phase" is over, and you don't care for the blander "normal steady state" version of what FWB is.
Look up FWB. Heck, look up "friends," and see if it says (about guys) that we text each other and call each about nothing.
Chances are, he isn't "backing off" at all. If he was, from an FWB situation, you would know because the only way someone CAN "back off" from that, is to start avoiding the other person altogether. Hence, your sense that something is wrong (pure guess) is either because you really do want more than FWB, or that you want something different from FWB, like a regular dating situation.
Check yourself out first. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 7:40:52 PM | | An FWB situation is doomed from the beginning. If you could potentially ever want more, don't do FWB. | |
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Tah,
| | Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 12 | |
| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 8:06:12 PM | | I'd implore message eight to take note of the op's username and maybe consider what FWB might mean.... | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/14/2012 8:52:15 PM | | Nothing about this sounds like FWB. FWBs don't hang out or text or call or chat or have long talks. They have sex. They are friendly, not friends. Sounds like you thought you could handle this but your emotions got in the way and now you want more. FWB has a very short shelf life. Time for you both to move on IMO. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:14:28 AM | | OP, maybe you can let go of this bum, and stop rejecting guys who might be good for you | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:17:53 AM | | Ask YOUrself why YOU are in a FWB relationship at 21!!!!!????????? Twenty one dear!!!! What are YOU thinking????? There are toys out there that can take his place ya know. Probably do a better job too. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:19:51 AM |
Nothing about this sounds like FWB. FWBs don't hang out or text or call or chat or have long talks. They have sex. They are friendly, not friends. Sounds like you thought you could handle this but your emotions got in the way and now you want more. FWB has a very short shelf life. Time for you both to move on IMO.
Really? Then your definition of FWB is not the same as mine or most of the people I know who've talked about this. A FWB is a friend - a real friend - and benefits are secondary. If you FWB finds someone else, you are happy for them, as a friend would be (sure, you might be disappointed at the end of benefits, of course). I'm still friends with FWBs where the benefits ended 10 years ago.
Anyway, if one person in a FWB relationship wants more, they need to talk to the other. They also should end the benefits if the other person does not also want more, and revert to being friends if they've honestly been friends prior to the start of benefits, or have become friends during. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:26:35 AM | | There's a common theme to all the "Ask A Guy" posts lately, in most cases the OP is 19-21 and wonders why men her age don't want a committed relationship. When I was 19-21 I wasn't thinking about a long-term relationship, I was partying and going to college. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 8:01:22 AM | op: But last night we had a talk about numerous things.
Seems to me that ‘talk’ might be an important part of the story here, maybe the most important part. It’s important that FWB’s communicate their intentions clearly.
If you’ve agreed to a FWB relationship with him, stick to your agreement. If you want to change it, clearly tell him so. Just bear in mind, if you go about trying to change it by other means (like being clingy), you’re the one who is breaking with the agreed terms. And in any relationship, that’s not cool.
You only get 21 posts here in ‘Ask a Guy.’ If you tell the whole story up front, you might get more helpful responses. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:50:54 PM | If you really want to see what he has for you, then I'd suggest you just tell him that you're not into the FWB setup anymore. Then, stop calling/texting/e-mailing him. If he wants to be with you, he'll come back and let you know. But so long as you follow him around like a puppy-dog and blindly accept his justifications for everything, he knows that he has you under his thumb, and will therefore have no motivation to face up and deal with the situation head on.
I can see you're thinking that all you have to do is "wait it out" and eventually you'll "win him over". Wrong.
How am I so sure? Because I have been the guy you're talking about. I'm not proud of that, just being honest. | |
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| FWB: Signs He's Backing Off?
Posted: 7/15/2012 2:11:24 PM |
What are some of the signs he's backing off because you're being too clingy, or wanting more?
You might want more, but he doesn't...
Generally, a guy wants a FWB so he has steady sex without any future responsibilities or committment... In other words... He doesn't want any more...
The FWB allows him to have steady sex with one or more women while he goes on with his life... ie meeting other women, sleeping with them until he meets one he wants to stay with... (That person is NOT you... or he already would have made that choice...)
FWB means you are good enough to fcuk... maybe even good enough to hang out with, have a beer etc... but NOT good enough to be his relationship partner... Ever... | |
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