| | "Friends now or noting later"Page 1 of 1 | (Kinda long bare with me I apologize.)
Yeah this one is a bit strange.
I've been friends with this girl for over 3 years. We've always been close.
She broke up with her boyfriend and 2 weeks later she asked me if I'd take her on a date knowing
full well that I've always liked her. Took her on two dates, hit it off amazingly because we've known each other for a long time.
She explained she wasn't ready for anything which I understand and respect, even told her I understood.
Due to us being so close prior to these dates we may have acted a bit 'to close' (Cuddling, kissing, etc.)
After our second date she calls me and tells me she needs time to rethink what shes doing, she feels she is using me a rebound unintentionally and cares about me to much to hurt me. So for the best she said She has to go away for a while.
She also mentioned she was talking to another guy who was a potential 'date material', which she felt she had to tell me to be 'honest'
I left her alone for a week till she text me again to ask me a question about a game. Missing her as much as I did I started a conversation with her again. It ended after about 10 minutes with. "We can be friends now but noting later, you decide take care Mike"
What I fail to understand is we were friends before all of this, I understand she needs space, but why do I have to completely abandon my friend? What if she doesn't come back?
Did she pretty much reject me or am I over thinking this.
Thank you ladies. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:41:46 PM | Friends now or noting what later? Or did you mean "nothing"?
When you get involved with a friend, it changes everything. You shouldn't do it if you're not willing to risk losing the friendship if/when the romance goes south. That's just how it is. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:48:04 PM | Ah yes you're right sorry I'm a bit tired,
"Friends now but nothing later" Good catch | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/14/2012 11:51:18 PM | | She needed someone to make herself feel better after breaking up with her boyfriend. She knew you would give her the attention and ego boost she needed to get over him. Totally not fair and I'm sorry she did that to you. Friends shouldn't act that way towards one another. Seriously rethink your relationship with this girl or else she will do it again. Take care. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:00:00 AM | | I was on the receiving end of a rebound last year and against my better judgement I got too close. If you take my advice stay well clear. It ALWAYS ends in tears. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:28:52 AM |
Did she pretty much reject me or am I over thinking this.
Op,she is rejecting you as any longterm potential boyfriend but she'd like to keep you as a friend.
In other words,you're in the Friends Zone *fullstop*.
You'll have to accept this and concentrate on finding a girl who wants a relationship with you. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:36:36 AM | | This is why I strongly discourage anybody from entering in a rebound situation or subjecting themselves to be on the receiving end of it. It's clearly why I stay away from a man who's freshly divorced or is only a few months into a break-up from a long-term relationship. It always fails; it's self-serving; and it postpones the healing process. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/15/2012 8:12:17 AM | Being friends with a woman is like falling into black hole. You never get out.
That's what the friend zone is | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:49:40 AM | Thank you all I appreciate all of your advice,
Just shitty how she approached me knowing full well how I felt to end up doing this ~.~ | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/19/2012 3:20:14 AM |
Being friends with a woman is like falling into black hole. You never get out.
That's what the friend zone is
Its not impossible to get out. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/19/2012 7:59:26 AM | I am not sure what you mean by "noting" (nothing?) later. Nevertheless....
You need to believe her when she told you that she is using you as a rebound to get over her ex. That is exactly what she did. The fact that she would tell you about the other potential date couldn't be more abundantly clear that she wants nothing romantic with you. I wouldn't say she "rejected" you, per se, I would say she used you to get over her hurt and then realized she was being a total scumbag to do that when you obviously have feelings for he so she stopped herself and dated someone she has actual physical attraction for. Either you accept her as your platonic friend ONLY and pretend the "cuddles" never happened or you get rid of her. Personally, if I were you, I would have some dignity and do the latter, but like she said: it's your choice. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:21:08 AM | The fact that she came out with: "We can be friends now but noting later, you decide take care Mike" is a gigantic red flag. Consider:
* She just broke up with her ex recently.
* She went out on a "date" with you, got physically affectionate with you.
* Someone else ("better," in her mind) came along and she decided she didn't need you.
* Rather than letting you down softly as someone who is truly a friend ought to do, she punted the ball back into your court (the "you decide") to take any vestiges of "guilt" away from her.
It's clear that you have feelings for her. Those won't go away if you continue to be her friend. And you're going to be very, very hurt when you start seeing pictures of her and the new guy up on Facebook, out in public, etc. For your own well-being, I'd cut her loose. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:32:24 AM |
Did she pretty much reject me or am I over thinking this.
she pulled you out of the friend closet, dusted you off, used you to assuage her loneliness and hurt, and now that she's gotten what she wants, she's putting you back in the closet. she told you about the new guy in hopes that will further deter any romantic actions you might take.
if you are ok with this arrangement, consider that she might try to do it again when her next breakup rolls around. if you're not ok with this arrangement, deal with the hurt head-on in a way she couldn't, and stop contacting her. | |
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| Friends now or noting later
Posted: 7/19/2012 1:31:08 PM | | The only advice I can give like others is stay away from women like this. I had a close friend of 4 years and I helped out out through many things in her life, we never dated and I didnt want to I was just happy being her friend. What I didnt really notice until now that im no longer friends with her is the fact that she was simple using my nice natue and good advice and help for her own gain she wasn't a good friend. Get out of this trap and get some confidence and meet some real honest women. Dont settle being friends with someone like this in the future. Good luck with future dates with other girls. | |
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