| | Voice mail return timePage 1 of 1 | Hey ladies..
Had a good first meet Thursday night which included a kiss close (soft closed mouth peck on the lips). Not my usual style on a first meet, but if the chemistry and signals are there you act. It was well received, she complimented me on my date selection, and she said "great" with a huge smile when I ended the night saying I would call. I was busy all day/night with work on Friday and fell asleep after work. Called her 1:00pm today on Saturday and left a voice mail. Never got a return.
Is the general rule of thumb on voice mails that you return the same day if truly interested? I know there are times when women are legitimately busy. However, female friends of mine and things I have read all say the same thing. If a woman is truly interested, she makes the time and gets back to you. I am not one of those desperate dorks who will blow up a woman's phone. I made my one call, left a voice mail, and now the ball is in her court. I am not calling her again. With that said, I don't want to waste my time on a woman who is not interested either. Assuming she was just busy, how many days should I allow to give her the chance to call before moving on to someone else?
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Posted: 7/15/2012 12:38:55 AM | I think you're jumping the gun here. You just left the voicemail today. Give it a day or two to see what happens.
good luck | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 12:43:00 AM | you don't think in terms of 'chances' or 'moving on' at all. that implies some investment, and you've met this woman only once.
you think in terms of mutuality. you talk to women willing to talk, set up dates with those willing to meet. if she includes herself in this mutuality, great. your strategy continues. if she doesn't, that's ok too, and likewise your strategy continues. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 12:45:40 AM | I know that she was probably busy and I am fully confident it went well. I just have a slew of online female friends telling me constantly "If a woman is truly into you she will always return a voice mail the same day." So I was just trying to get some consensus on if that was really true or not. I am a busy guy myself so I can sympathize if someone is busy. I don't date multiple women either. I just stick with one woman until it runs its course. Could be a few emails, a phone call, or only one date. But I am not talking to another woman while I am in the process of dealing with one. But if I do get an email on here from a woman I would like to consider getting to know better, I don't want to let an opportunity slip through my fingers either.
I figure I will give her 3-4 days and then go onto the next one. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 1:16:10 AM | | It was more than 24 hours before you contacted her; so, accord her the same patience. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 1:26:08 AM | It was more than 24 hours before you contacted her; so, accord her the same patience.
If she is legitimately busy which I suspect she was, then it is no big deal. However, in your words, she should hold out on contacting me, because I took longer than 24 hours to get back to her. That reeks of game playing. I mean if you are into a guy and he called you a few days after a good first meet leaving a voice mail, would you then sit around for two days to even the playing field? | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 1:35:23 AM | You're reading an awful lot into this that probably isn't there.
But since you're impatient, you shouldn't wait more than 6hours, 23minutes, and 18 seconds... that's it, one second too late she must be playing games with you.  
I think she might be better off with a guy that isn't going to turn a less-than instant reply to a voice mail into self-torturing mental anguish... if you're doing this now, I'd be scared to think what might happen when goes out shopping and isn't back in your prescribed timeframe. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 1:37:06 AM | Overthink, needy, controlling much?
Her reason does not need to be valid to YOU, only HER. Maybe she just wants to ponder things to make sure she doesn't jump into something too fast. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 1:42:15 AM | Ha Ha..
I am not feeling mental anguish. I was simply asking out of curiosity. Women online friends of mine tell me all the time they respond the same day if truly interested. So I was just looking to expand on that to see if people on here shared a difference of opinion. This is a woman I have only spent an hour with. So it is not like I am in dire straights. Simply something that sparked curiosity.
Overthink, needy, controlling much?
Her reason does not need to be valid to YOU, only HER. Maybe she just wants to ponder things to make sure she doesn't jump into something too fast.
First of all, what is with all the hostility? Angry much? Also, controlling and needy? As I said before, I was simply trying to expand on a consensus I have heard from other women. No more, no less. I find male/female interactions to be fascinating. Always have and always will. I like to get as many different view points on how situations are handled as I can because I find it interesting. It is not me over thinking anything. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 2:36:32 AM |
I like to get as many different view points on how situations are handled as I can because I find it interesting.
I prefer to get no viewpoints these days, and go with my own instincts.
Been down that road before...
"give her space and she'll realize what she's missing out on" - I guess it was that other guy.
"you should ask her out, you two would be great together" - Well, she was great at being nuts (doctor diagnosed psychotic, actually, after we split).
... I could go on but, nope, I prefer to not get other viewpoints and just go with my heart and instincts. Pretty much *every* time I've gotten "other people's advice" I would have been better off not listening. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 2:43:51 AM |
I made my one call, left a voice mail, and now the ball is in her court. I am not calling her again.
What type of message did you leave?
Was is a statement -- eg. I had a great time, we should do it again.
or
Was it a question -- I had a great time, would you like to do something Sunday?
There is no need for her to reply to the statement style message... | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 2:49:47 AM | | Hey (her name) it's (my name). Just checking in to see how you are doing. Go ahead and give me a call before 5:00 since I am heading out to a family dinner or if you are busy I will speak to you next time we talk. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 2:53:38 AM | exactly my point... one hour date and you are on the forums (overthink)
it has not been 24 hours (needy)
if she has a legitimate reason/to you (controlling)
Not angry, I have just met you a few times with different faces. (smarter)
edit:
time limits and saying that you will speak TO her (control)
"Hey, had a great time would love to hear from you... would you want to get together sometime later in the week? We can hash out the details later if you're interested"
^^^ better version | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 3:06:17 AM | "Hey, had a great time would love to hear from you... would you want to get together sometime later in the week? We can hash out the details later if you're interested"
^^^ better version
1) I have no idea what her schedule is. I was informing her that I had a dinner to go to at 5:00 in case she was going to call. That is not setting a time table, just giving her information. I also told her I would talk to her later if she was too busy to call.
2) Your version is extremely needy sounding "Love to hear from you" and stressing how great a time I had, etc.. Plus saying "If your interested" shows a complete lack of confidence like I am doubting if she would want to see me again. Not to mention the fact that bringing up plans in a message is completely impersonal. When you ask someone out or bring up plans, it should always be done directly when you are speaking to them.
Not angry, I have just met you a few times with different faces. (smarter)
So you are a woman that passes judgement on a person she doesn't know by generalizing based on the actions of others that have absolutely nothing to do with me.. There is a word for people like you and it is called jaded. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 3:36:27 AM | Unwittingly you have hit a nerve with me in your message...
If, she was busy (or nervous about appearing over enthusiastic)
she MUST reply by a certain time or be in a limbo?
I will speak to you next time we talk.
--Could you be any more vague?
I dated a man that would say, "see you when I am looking at you"
Arrrrrrrgghhhh! What is she suppose to guess when that will be --
and now you are saying you will not make another call...
Be assertive, own your time, and value hers.
Don't make vague statements or presume anything.
Ask her direct questions, or at least open ended questions...
(then she will have something to reply to--)
Your version is extremely needy sounding "Love to hear from you" and stressing how great a time I had, etc..
It doesn't sound needy -- it sounds like you are enjoying your time with her, and would like to reassure her that you would like more of the same.
[I live in a different time zone... did she meet your 5pm deadline?] | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 3:46:41 AM | You waited a day and a half before you called her and then you basically dictate that she call you back within a four hour window.
Whether you like it or not, that DOES come across as controlling and presumptuous. I would have been turned off by your message. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 4:42:59 AM |
Is the general rule of thumb on voice mails that you return the same day if truly interested? I know there are times when women are legitimately busy. However, female friends of mine and things I have read all say the same thing. If Dude gel out. You called quickly. Thats all good. Now relax and wait a couple days. After 2 or 3 days call one more time. I really think you thought it out correctly. Heck I might call one time after that but wait a full week. Sometimes zhit happens. Just dont blowup her phone with messages!
Cowboy | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 5:48:03 AM | Another VERY important consideration: modern voicemail technology is notoriously unreliable. That is, you can leave someone a voicemail, and they can check for voicemails regularly, and still not even GET your message for up to three days. This is because your message doesn't reside in their phone, it is stored in a computer across town, or across the planet somewhere, and that computer can be taken down for maintenance, or switched off by storms you know nothing about.
I make my living in part via phone communications, and I am cursed almost daily with these delayed-action voicemails.
As for your end of things, when to move on, that's a personal decision for you to make, based on how much you want to get to know the particular gal. If you are one of the "numbers game" people who infest the world, who demands to have interest shown in you within a specific time, and in a specific manner, then by all means, set a damn egg timer, and move on when it goes "DING!"
If instead, you are someone who is genuinely interested in that particular woman as a person, then you might want to invest a bit more patience into the enterprise. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 6:06:29 AM | I like to get as many different view points on how situations are handled as I can because I find it interesting.
Gets a different point of view, calls it hostile.
The very fact that you are on here inquiring about her lack of response in less than 24 hours is telling. If you want to assume she's playing a game with you, then go ahead and do that (even though you said you only suspect her of "being busy".) I can say, though, that if I met a clock-watcher like you I'd lose any interest that I might have had pretty quickly. But then again, that's just my contrary opinion.
So you are a woman that passes judgement on a person she doesn't know by generalizing based on the actions of others that have absolutely nothing to do with me..
Sure, just like you're doing to your one-date wonder based on whatever ideas your gal pals planted in that head of yours. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 6:06:47 AM |
Hey (her name) it's (my name). Just checking in to see how you are doing. Go ahead and give me a call before 5:00 since I am heading out to a family dinner or if you are busy I will speak to you next time we talk. So let's just suppose she was to busy to call you by 5:00... when you will speak next was left just hanging... does it mean you'll call again, or she's to call you.. or some other way of communication? You waited to contact her when the time suited you , why is it you think she has to jump when you say a certain time or it sounds like she's playing games? She might think it's you that's playing the games, she may have wondered why you didn't contact her the next day after your leaving comment of 'I'll call you!' ~ which sometimes means they won't.
Yeah very hostile attitude. You asked.. you were answered. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2012 6:07:34 AM |
Go ahead and give me a call before 5:00
This part kind of bugged me. It sounds a bit demanding. What if she was busy until after 5pm? What if she fully intended to call you back today but couldn't until after 5pm, and now she is respecting the fact that YOU are busy? A better way to phrase it would have been "I have a family dinner from 5-7, so I won't be available to talk during that time." You're demanding that she respect your schedule, you need to respect hers too.
"If a woman is truly into you she will always return a voice mail the same day."
BS. It depends if she has time to return your call when she has a decent period of time to speak with you and not be interrupted. If she has a busy day, she might not be able to. If she is at a family outing all day, it's rude to them to call some guy she's only met once. Maybe the only time she had free to call you was when you said you were busy. Maybe she or someone else was in an accident and is in the hospital, and you're at home having a pissy fit because she didn't call you back within four hours. Have some patience, or you will run off every girl that has any interest in you. | |
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