|Impressions? Advice?Page 1 of 1 |
|Most of my messages are met with "Read, never replied but never deleted." I recognize that the women out there must be very busy, especially within my target age and interest brackets -- but I don't discount the possibility that I could be doing something better.|
I have my own concerns about where the weaknesses my lie, but I'd rather get some honest, unguided first impressions. There are many people posting here with intelligent and informed opinions, and I'm awfully curious what you all would have to say.
Posted: 7/15/2012 12:24:49 PM
|Welcome to the club, it almost seems I would some of us would have better luck meeting someone outside than online. But you have to be patience as there may be 15 other guys trying to message her. If they read but, didn't|
reply usually this mean they were not interested in you tough cookie we all have got rejected on POF. My rejection has been no reply.lol
Posted: 7/15/2012 12:58:22 PM
|Thank you for the input. However, I am not complaining about getting so few responses, and in fact I'm not even being rejected outright most of the time. When I get a Read/Delete or an Unread/Delete, I consider that a rejection. But since so many are not deleting my messages, they are probably at least somewhat interested, and the message is being "saved for later" while they're busy dealing with the guys who got there first. Or something....|
In any case, none of that is really relevant to the profile review. I'm here to ask for other people's reactions to my profile and how it might be improved.
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:18:50 PM
|IMO, your profile looks fine. All i would recommend is that you shave that goatee.|
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:35:27 PM
|Haha, I have a rather tolerate/hate relationship with that goatee. I'd as soon be rid of it, but it's so useful for tugging when I'm concentrating and I've no better habits to replace it.|
I'll certainly take that under consideration. Thank you.
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:40:07 PM
|My impression is you are looking for the female version of yourself. If that is the case then leave it mostly as is for someone with a similar outlook. If, however, you are looking for somebody a bit different or if there is a more conforming side to yourself, then take out some of the nerdiness that needs only apply to yourself and add some more conventional interests and views. Either way, I would completely take out the the first paragraph about the density of the earth or whatever it was, I don't think even girls that are quirky and nerdy will be interested --my eyes glazed over, maybe an astro-physicist would be interested - or leave it for the end of the profile.|
Posted: 7/15/2012 2:31:55 PM
|Tippy, you are correct. My eyes glazed over, too.|
Your profile is too long. Period.
I also agree with the other poster: lose the goatee.
But, the photo with the umbrella is nice. Whimsical.
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:18:20 PM
|Too cerebral, check. Seems the philosophical point I was trying to make in that paragraph is consistently missed, in which case the whole thing really is rather pointless. Which is a shame, I think, because that paragraph is a good demonstration of what makes me tick.|
The goatee can go. I won't miss it.
Trying to be brief and concise will be (as it has been) quite a challenge. My use of words is very much a part of me, and to suppress it would be dishonest to myself and others. I guess... I'll see what I can do.
I appreciate everyone's suggestions so far. If anyone else has something to add, I'm still listening.
Posted: 7/15/2012 3:40:03 PM
|I no lotz off biig wurds, two. |
"My use of words is very much a part of me, and to suppress it would be dishonest to myself and others. I guess... I'll see what I can do."
--Saying things like that is condescending. You don't know anything about any of us. Perhaps your arrogance/ignorance contributes to your problem meeting women.
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:23:54 PM
|Wow, this conversation just smashed through the guardrail. I'm not sure how best to respond to that, or even if I should. But true to my bad habits, here I go....|
I placed myself here to receive judgment, not to pass it, and I have not passed judgment on you or anyone else. Some people speak hip-hop, some people speak New Age, some people speak upper-crust, some people speak country bumpkin, some people just speak. I speak the way I do, always have, and to do otherwise would be a facade. Trouble is, that doesn't seem to appeal to the audience, which poses an obstacle to me, and I have to do what I can to adapt to this and still be honest about who I am. That's me, and it has nothing to do with you, and I'm not sure why you seem to have taken it so personally. I am respecting and trying to act upon your advice.
If I was being condescending before, it was in expressing my disappointment at the glazey-eyed responses to what I thought was a profound and uplifting statement of everyone's impact on the world. But the real gut-busting irony here is that you pointed out that I know nothing about you, when the reverse is also true. You've made some very hurtful generalizations about me based on little more than my formal manner of speaking. What you take for arrogance is self-awareness; what you see as ignorance is naivete, which is the reason I came here seeking advice in the first place. My "problem" meeting women is not a problem, and my past relationships have been wonderful experiences which ended in their natural course. When people meet me in person, nine out of ten enjoy my company and one in ten aren't sure what to think.
I see this getting very long and it's putrefying my attitude, so I'd better stop. If anyone has something constructive to add, I am still listening.
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:26:34 PM
|Woh way too much going on there. People can't cope with that much information at once...you loose any chance of the wow factor or the intrigued factor. Which are both good motivators. If you want to know how fussy women are over information you tube a show called "take me out". It's pretty new on fox. You're smart enough to figure out the implications. |
I suggest limiting your pitch (pictures, text, interests) to being the outdoors adventurer with a side of intellectual guru. Don't get carried away. Have your profession as something else. Doesn't have to be the literal meaning of profession, just has to be consistent. There's no need to talk about your personality. Women will infer it from what you've written or at least hope for the best.
Pic 4 should be your main. You're obviously somewhere doing something. Whereas a picture of your head is just a head in an ocean of heads. Nothing special there. Loose pics 5,6 & 8. Caption all the pics left, preferably with humor.
Since the top line or two appears in your search results "I'm the kind of person who thinks about odd things." is not a good idea. At that stage the nature of "odd" is completely unquantified. There's a lot of disturbingly odd people around by all accounts. Use a pertinent quote that reflects the story you're presenting.
Last piece of advice: When a woman likes you, they'll look more favorably on subsequent information you reveal, later in the process. It's known as the confirmation bias.
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:57:55 PM
|Superb! This all sounds pretty useful. It'll take me a bit to reread, compare and absorb, but your thoroughness is appreciated. Thank you.|
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:30:58 PM
|Pics - Keep 1, 4, 5, and 8. Get rid of the others. A lot of people (both men and women) HATE when people post pictures of nature, pets, etc.. I know you think you are showing insight into who you are, but you can just as easily tell a woman you are getting to know you enjoy the outdoors.|
Interests - Cut it way down. Personally, what I like to do is put "feel free to ask" for the interests section and then work in select interests here and there with flair in your profile write up. Mystery = intrigue = interest. If you give away your whole life story, why would a woman be interested to learn anything more?
Profile - WAY TOO LONG.. Profiles should be like a brochure or movie trailer. You want just enough to spark interest without overselling yourself. When women see a long drawn out profile, it comes off as needy, and that you are too self involved. Yours is far too cluttered and you go on and on rambling about the inner thoughts of your mind, etc.. No woman wants to hear about any of that. You have to wait until you find a woman that appreciates you for who you are and then slowly introduce all those sides of yourself to her in real life over time.
Here is what I would do with your profile if you hired me :
Tired of always speaking with men who have nothing to say and ask you the same boring questions? Then read on. I am a creative person that always thinks outside the box. I am extremely laid back, and have a flair for theatrical humor, but that doesn't stop me from being focused on achieving my goals. I openly admit to loving video games, and flash animation. But don't let the glasses fool you. This Tarzan in training will climb just about anything and I am at one with the outdoors. Thrill-seeking is also a huge passion of mine and I absolutely love to travel. I take a special delight in food, and can introduce you to any number of new restaurants and delicious ethic dishes you would never think to try. I also have the appetite of a modest-sized bear, but if you think you can eat more than me, I welcome the challenge.
I'd love to find someone who wants to see the world with me; I have grand aspirations for travel, and you can see the world in so much richer detail when you're watching through two sets of eyes. If you have nerdy interests, the ability to laugh in the face of clichés, and you have a warm heart, let's have some stimulating conversation.
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:16:11 PM
|Mmm... quell the impulse to be thorough. Makes sense. I tend to be more interested in the women with more detail in their profiles, feeling that less is less; it didn't really occur to me that painting too clear a picture would be so detrimental. Thank you for the insights.|
It also occurs to me that some of the more important things I could say about myself actually went unsaid. Missing the pool for the reflections, in a sense.
Seems the freeze ray needs some work. I shall retire to the lab. Thank you all! I'm still open to more suggestions but I'll be checking in less frequently.
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:34:46 PM
|That's the thing though. All the details, etc should be saved for when you are actually getting to know a woman. You just want to write enough to cover the basics, showcase a bit of humor and confidence, etc.. Unfortunately a lot of people have short attention spans. If they see an extremely long profile, they are not going to even bother reading it.|
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:00:38 PM
|No worries, I'm not adding detail. More that I'll be focusing on the core instead of the details.|
Posted: 7/16/2012 12:18:14 AM
|Too many suggestions is a bit like too much information. Especially when we all don't entirely agree with each other lol|
Since you like interesting things, look into behavioral economics. It's all about how people make decisions.....
Posted: 7/16/2012 1:42:54 AM
|Even if she did not delete your message, if you don't get a response. If you piqued her interest, she will let you know immediately and not waste her time with the other guys in her inbox. If a woman is interested in you, she will not take a chance on loosing you to another girl cause she didn't act fast enough.|
Tone down the nerdiness. Women find it sexy in small doses. Your profile goes overboard. Also unless you can write like a romance novelist, shorten it. You don't want to lose anyone's attention span. If you can, than write your profile like a romance novel. They'll eat it up