| | Whats wrong with me?Page 1 of 1 | All my life, I have been the girl who is only ever friends with guys. Or the girl used by them. Including having a nonexistent father. He is her physically. But emotionally I hate him and know I am not good enough to be his daughter. I had a few little short stints in high school. Had a 2 monther in college. Met a guy when I was 21 who used and abused me for three years. I wouldn't call it a relationship. It was never one. Things were good with us for a few days, when he needed something or someone. Then I was ignored, blocked etc etc. I loved him. He was the only thing that I knew when it came to men. Even if he wanted to talk to me for a couple days out of the month. I learned to live with it. Of course when he didn't speak to me I was depressed. Sad. Drank my sorrows away and did things I regret. It took 3.5 years to get away from that and realize I deserve better.
Now, I am almost 25. No children. College graduate with a Teaching degree. However, I do not have a teaching job. Nor do I know if I will find one in this economy. I work hard at the job I do have, nearly every damn day. 9 dollars an hour. But its better than nothing right?
I am not hit on that often. If I am it is by someone who is old enough to be my father. Or someone I cannot connect with. I make friends very easily. But I don't keep many. I am very open and honest. I do not hide things from people. I do everything for everyone, and try to please. I've been registered on here for about 2 years now. I do not get many messages that intrigue me. I met a couple people IRL but none led to anything meaningful. Or it was just for fun. I didn't really connect with anyone on a personal level. Or we would talk for a day or so and realize it wasnt going to be anything. And I am okay with that. Mostly me being the person who "stops talking."
What lead me to posting on here was a recent "relationship" I HAD formed and it ending just like everything else in my life ends. As I said, I do not connect with people well. I love to talk. I can talk all day. But it has to be with someone who can talk back. Some sort of common ground. I met a guy online a few months ago and we had one of those "2 day getting to know each other" things but I stopped talking to him just because it didnt seem as if anything was there. A little over a month ago he messaged me again, asking how I was. We talked and the online quickly turned to texting all day. Which turned into 5 hour a night phone conversations. Which led to us hanging out. Along with the texting 24/7 and phone conversations at night. After one of the dates we had, which IMO went very well...he became very distant. After a couple a days he explained himself saying that he really liked me but I was a smoker and that bothered him. Also the distance (which is only a damn hour). I accepted that but we continued to talk EVEN MORE than before. With him even saying that maybe if things kept going as well as they were that he could deal with the two problems he had with me. I have never in my life talked to someone as much as I talked to this guy. I have never been able to tell someone EVERYTHING about my life and not feel embarrassed or stupid. I was HAPPY. That FOR ONCE....FOR ONCE...I had someone I could talk to about anything and it never got old. THENNNNNNNNN....Thursday he sent me a message asking if he should go to the beach with ANOTHER girl. I guess up until that point I didn't realize he really DIDNT like me. I got upset. Told him maybe we shouldnt be friends or anything anymore because I was hurt by the situation. He suddenly stopped talking to me. Which hurt EVEN MORE. This was important to me? I drank a couple of beers and sent him a 7 part text explaining how hurt and upset I was. Only to find out he was with that other girl and thats why he wasnt answering. Needless to say since then we have barely spoken. Then today we talked a little bit and I began to explain to him why I felt how I did. Why I acted how I did. ETC ETC. He became an ******* and said I needed to stop explaining myself and that he got the point and I needed to let it go. I apologized and said sorry for talking to much and that I thought he would be more receptive to my feelings and told him he was being a terrible friend. He got mad, the last text stating "Whatever" and thats pretty much where it ended about 3 hours ago. Then he texted me just saying "ok" and moved onto some irrelevent conversation.
IDK why I explained the whole situation with the guy above but I guess its just that "it always happens to me" sort of thing. I am so tired of being alone. I am the single girl of all my friends. Many are married, with children, or in a serious relationship. Then there is me. Megan. The girl who is always alone. I have been trying to pinpoint what is wrong with me like too fat? too ugly? not a good enough job? crazy? too honest? And I can't seem to figure it out. Some of my friends who I do love dearly are some of the most disrespectful *****es to guys. Treat their boyfriends like crap but they ALWAYS have someone. Someone ALWAYS wants to make them feel better. I see girls with 387 kids running around who ALWAYS have someone as well. Girls who don't work, have no ambition. Always having someone.
I did things the right way in life. I always have a job or jobs. Graduated from a State University with a 3.9 GPA. I have no kids. I am always honest with my feelings and what I want etc etc. Yet, I can't seem to find a single person in this world who appreciates that. I know I have depression. I do go to a therapist. I tell people that too. I mean why lie about it right?
I guess what I am saying is what is wrong with me? I want nothing more in this world than to be loved. TO have a family. And I have nothing. The one person I did find wants nothing to do with me. And I am left with thoughts that maybe I will just always be alone. Is my profile a mess? I mean I just dont know? | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:48:54 PM | | Nothing is wrong with you save for the neediness and fear of dying alone. These are quite common traits and can be rectified. As simple as it sounds, the best advice is to take a break from caring about having a man and focus on your hobbies for awhile--the things that make you happy that don't have anything to do with procreation and companionship. Many people find that if they do this, they become happier and consequently more appealing in the process. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:51:36 PM | | What I'm getting is you seem to trying to push things instead of letting them happen. There is nothing wrong with you it is what it is. I can just say better yourself as a stronger person and A strong guy will follow. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:06:56 PM | | All I know is you're one of those girls who don't shut up. A 7 part text sharing your feelings? You're a pretty gal, maybe shut up more? | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:10:05 PM | | Your post is a bit overwhelming wow, I would not worry too much as you have a lot going for you unfortunately along the way you will get your feelings hurt. You sound like you have some personal issue you have to fix first. Online dating or just dating in general can be depressing just ask anyone of us guys.lol | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:14:07 PM | | Some people put things bluntly. Less is better sometimes. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:19:27 PM | | Yes OP maybe you just need to relax and let things unfold naturally rather than trying to push them along at your current pace.. If you conversational style is anything like your IP you may need to listening more and talk less. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:21:10 PM | | I did re-read this. It is a mess. Just in an agitated mood and figured I would just try to put everything together into one large, kind of easy to understand phrase. But its not. HA. Moral of the story is, is that it is very hard these days to meet someone. Then when you do its like "well no I dont like you" It just gets annoying. I know I am an awesome person. BUT I cannot help to think about the "what is wrong with me" things when it seems that nothing ever works out for me. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:28:31 PM | | Ask, not what's wrong with you, ask, what's wrong with your country. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:02:47 PM | Well, I only read the first 3 paragraphs, but I'll try to give you some serious advice.
It appears you're measuring your success and ultimately your happiness by your relationships with people (romantic or not) and it's making you desperate. You gave in to the first guy that showed you some real attention and it bit you in the ass.
The problem is, you're never going to attract the person you want if you're in this state. When you're desperate, and you lack self-respect, pride, confidence, etc People can smell it. The sharks will descend and eat you alive. If you're not happy with yourself and your life you're not going to be able to make someone else happy. Happy people want to be with other happy people because they want to stay happy. If you're not, you're probably just going to leech of that other person for your fulfillment and drag them down when you can't maintain.
You're beautiful and you appear to have good things going for you. You need to learn to be happy with yourself and what you have, and you'll be able to identify and attract the right person for you. I know that's easier said than done, but I read this quote somewhere a few days ago that may help you get what I'm driving at.
" If you seek results, you will not see change. If you seek change, you will see results." | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:03:54 PM |
I do go to a therapist. I tell people that too. I mean why lie about it right?
Ask your therapist to help you set healthy boundaries. Keeping your personal business to yourself is not lying. Not everybody needs to know everything that’s going on in your life. When you open up that way, you make yourself vulnerable to the judgments of others, and it sounds like some of these people you are honest with you don’t even know very well. That’s too much pressure for anyone.
I think you’re reaching out to the wrong people, who are not equipped to give you what you need. Put dating aside for a while and focus on healing yourself, first.
Good luck, OP. :) | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:06:56 PM | | Megan, You are a very beautiful girl it's definitely not your looks.. IMO You look hot you go girl.. When you talk about things I agree with some of the other posters who say talk less, listen more. Try to date a different type of guy something different don't push it just let it flow and see what happens. Don't push the relationship just see what happens and take it from there. You might want to remove I have from hell and back again comment on your post. As an older we have had moments like that I am not trying to be little yours it's just that everyone has had their moments. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:09:37 PM | | I mean I don't tell everyone this past guy is the only guy I have ever told. My friends and family know. But if asked I tell. I wrote the therapy part because I was just assuming someone on here would tell me to go talk to someone LOL it seems a lot of people do that. So I was putting it out there that I already do. Its not common knowledge. Sorry my post was all over the place. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:12:48 PM | | Brent. This is actually the first guy that I was interested in that was also "interested" in me. I have had guys approach me, just not ones I like. I let people down easy. It seems that when I however like someone(which isnt often), they never like me. LOL Never can find someone to share the attraction and commonality with I guess is more of my complaint. I do appreciate your response and can totally see why you said the things you did. Thank you much :) | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:30:39 PM | Megan, Megan, Megan. You are in dire need of some perspective. You're 25, attractive, and you have things going for you. What on earth makes you think you have it so bad?
Everything that is bothering you--the loneliness, the perceived injustice of "****y" women finding partners when you cannot, the chronic disappointment resulting from still-born relationships--is experienced by millions of us in our teens, 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, and beyond. Does it suck? Only as much as you let it, and from what I can tell, you're really letting it suck.
You really need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. I fully understand that you are probably inclined to simply shrug off advice from somebody 10+ years your senior like myself, thinking you can do without the "everything happens for a reason" cliches and other such motivational BS. I understand that, but the fact remains that you have SO much time. You want a husband and kids? Don't forget that you could meet the perfect man several years from now and still have all the time in the world to do those things.
After my marriage crumbled because my ex decided she wanted to have an affair, I spent a lot of time complaining about how life isn't fair, kind of like you're doing here. It's hard to resist the urge to do so, but the sooner you realize how counterproductive it is, the better. | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:32:37 PM | I have been trying to pinpoint what is wrong with me like too fat?
based I what I see, if that were the case, then they like 'em skeletal.
too ugly?
Probably not. If I were an Olympics judge, I'd give you a solid 8. You're cute.
not a good enough job?
If that were the case, then they're shallow. I'd love to find a woman who was a teacher and/or valued an education.
crazy?
Don't know. Maybe? Let's have coffee, I'll tell you in an hour =)
too honest?
Nobody wants a liar.
Since I don't know your mannerisms, the only tip I can give is: Don't come off like an airhead. You don't sounds like one, but you did ramble on a bit... | |
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| Whats wrong with me?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:02:20 PM | Hi- there is not a day that goes by usually where I also worry about going through the rest of life alone- i feel where you r coming from
*Keith | |
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