| | Flakes out, but begs for another date months later? Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | In February I was supposed to meet a guy off here for coffee. We hadn't talked a whole lot, but some. He cancelled the date two hours beforehand, citing car issues, and never offered a rescheduling time even though we did exchange a few messages on facebook after that. After a few messages I never talked to him again since he didn't offer to reschedule. He totally ignored me for a few months.
Anyway, now he's back, apologizing over and over again for cancelling, saying it was because of a financial issue and pretty much begging me to meet him again, sending me tons of messages on facebook. If I don't reply to one he'll send another lol. I'm not sure what to think. It looks from his facebook activity, which I've been kind of creeping on, that he wasn't seeing anybody else. He seems nice enough but I really think the disappearing and popping up again is weird, plus I don't want to arrange to meet him only to be left waiting someplace again (I never got his cancellation email, didn't check it again before I left since I figured someone wouldn't wait until two hours before if they needed to cancel - guess I wasn't experienced enough with THIS site).
Anyway, has anyone had experiences with a disappearing act, and then a resurfacing? It's just sooo odd. He wants me to text him or call him but I dunno. I had pretty much written him off way back in Feb. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:03:31 PM | now he's back, apologizing over and over again for cancelling, saying it was because of a financial issue and pretty much begging me to meet him again, sending me tons of messages on facebook. If I don't reply to one he'll send another lol.
Soo, his "financial issue" didn't come up until two hours before your "first meet"?? Is he a teenager and couldn't get the car keys?
Sounds more like he had a "hot date" issue with another chick from POF, and that one finally may be over due to his "financial issues".. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:25:24 PM | Once a flake, always a flake, regardless of the reasons. 2 hours before? That would suck. Whatever excuse he made up now is BS. Since you'd already written him off in Feb, don't bother with him again now. You deserve someone more reliable.
My opinion: Delete him off facebook, lose his number and if you do text him just ask him to lose yours too and let that be the end of it. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/16/2012 10:22:45 PM | | I agree with StrawBerryCutie89. Delete him off of Facebook, block him here & on your phone. I always checked my email before leaving the house for a date (back when I was single & dating), because for years I only had a landline, & no cell phone. But he couldn't have known, so he should've called sooner & re-schedule immeadiately. Sounds flaky to me. You can do better. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 12:27:12 AM | Don't you do it, girl, don't give him another chance. I sat here and tried to think of things that could cause a person to behave that way, and I couldn't think of any that weren't bad. Keep your dignity, and your sense of humor, and cut him off. Tell him why if you want to, then block him and ignore all calls. Let HIM puzzle over it, not YOU. You get to be the one who got away! ;)
Seriously, these types of guys do not deserve to be rewarded with second chances. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 1:30:04 AM | Cancelling wouldn't have bothered me so much, but cancelling by text or email is not acceptable. If he has the ability to write an email, he can pick up the phone. If I had a date with someone I was keen on and had to cancel, I'd call them just so they could hear the regret in my voice and know I was genuine.
If you do decide to give him another chance, pick a place close to where you live and have him text you when he arrives there. Then you just have a 5 min drive to meet him. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:03:48 AM | There is only one thing which is factually clear about such situations:
if you do decide to cut the person off, you must make some ASSUMPTIONS about them which you actually know nothing about.
That is what a majority here so far are recommending.
1. Assume he is a flakey person, and will always be unreliable.
2. assume he is a player, and trashed you in favor of some other hot prospect.
3. assume he is married, and his wife suddenly showed up and dumped the kids on him.
4. assume he's in Nigeria.
5. assume he's "not ready to date," and never will be.
And so forth, you can read all their ASSUMPTIONS above.
They might well be right, I'm not saying otherwise, however, I think that you will feel uncomfortable as long as you do try to make up your mind based on guesses and prejudice.
Alternate assumptions you might make, which are a little more positive:
1. he's telling the truth, he had financial troubles which he was too embarrassed to describe at the time to a relative stranger.
2. he WAS not quite as ready to meet someone as he had thought, but now he has overcome his emotional challenge.
3. he is hiding a minor personal embarrassment of some sort which you really wouldn't care about if you had known about it already, but which he had to wrestle psychologically with, and has finally come to terms with.
And so on.
The way I see it, what are you risking, really? That he's stand you up a second time? What will that cost, at worst?
If he does, you can do all the deleting and blocking with a sense of comfort and satisfaction then. It's not like someone in the sky is keeping count of all the times you get stood up, and posting it on your profile for everyone to judge you. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:13:04 AM | Hey first impressions are important...he made a bad first impression.
In my personal experience when a woman gave a bad first impression on a date and I gave a benefit of the doubt and had a second date with her...it usually had no improvement over the first date.
Do what you want but in my POF dating experiences my motto now is "hope for the best but prepare for the worst". | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:44:07 AM | Do something - anything - right or wrong.
Most of the advice in PoF forums is the "one strike and you're out" type. If this is your belief, then tell him you're not interested, block him here and on facebook.
Otherwise, go take a chance in life and go meet him for a coffee date. Then you will know for sure if you are interested. If you talk with us old folks, you will find that most of us have interesting and entertaining stories about meeting our mates - including second chances and groveling.
Take your pick. Flip a coin. But whatever you choose, do it now. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 7:44:58 AM | The kicker for me would be that he lied. When he cancelled, he said he had car trouble. Now it is financial difficulties?
On the upside, he did send an email cancelling--more thoughtful than most, but not quite "there" yet.
IF you choose to meet him, eyes wide open. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 7:55:10 AM | Yep, I've been there. I had a man do this. I actually hesitantly nibbled on the hook the second time and unsurprisingly he flaked again. Lesson learned.
I'm not saying that if someone has to cancel and offers a reschedule right away that I wouldn't meet him, That, I would do.... But someone who cancels and doesn't reschedule then disappears only to resurface months later? Nope, next, MOVE ON!
Now, if YOU should choose to nibble on that hook a second time, what is the harm in that? As long as you don't invest a lot in it emotionally and have your eyes wide open. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:11:28 AM | | Tell him u will give him another chance so he.knows its now or never. He obviously wants to meet you now. But yes make him call u when hes almost there so u don't waste ur time. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:18:07 AM | Not so odd.
One of the few times that I was stood up was by a man who asked me for the better part of a year to meet him. When I finally acquiesced, no show! However, several months later, he was back.
This is not the only time this has happened, though not with no shows; I have exchanged emails with men and poof! Then, months later, they contact me again. Some explained that they had met someone and it didn't work out, so they are "back." Some offered no explanation--it didn't matter, I never met any of them. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:24:43 AM | | At least he sent u an email cancelling. That's more than most do. Tell him u will give him one more chance so he knows its now or never. It sounds like he really wants to meet u. Make him text u when he's almost there then u go. I used to give guys too many chances & I've finally learned my lesson. I used to make a lot of disappointment for myself by doing that. Now I just broke up w someone & that was one of the reasons. I let him get away w it before the relationship so he still wld cancel at last minute & actually stood me up in our relationship and I still stayed. I've finally left a few months too late but am really happy. Feel stressfree. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 9:07:21 AM | He bailed on you because he thought he found someone better. Now, months later, he will allow himself to settle for you...unless of course he finds someone he likes better again.
And his tactic to get you to agree to seeing him, even after treating you so badly, is to be a nuisance that pesters you. And, strangely, from your tone it seems it might be working. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 10:25:01 AM | | You should meet him OP for a quick bite to eat or a cup of coffee. What do you have to lose in any case? If he cancels again - oh well, you'll have your answer (don't forget to check your e-mails before leaving your place, lol). | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 11:37:47 AM |
apologizing over and over again for cancelling..... pretty much begging me to meet him again... sending me tons of messages on facebook. If I don't reply to one he'll send another That sounds like rather obsessive behavior over someone he's never met and hadn't talked too much.
I tend to avoid people who go from one extreme (having zero to say for months) to another (sending obsessive messages to a stranger). He doesn't seem "nice enough" TO ME so if I were you, I'd tell him thanks but no thanks. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 12:47:59 PM | As I've said it once, I will say it again. You are plan C,D, E...X, Y, or Z. Happens a lot around here.
Back when I was dating from this site, I had a few phone conversations with a guy and then nothing. Three, yes THREE years later, he leaves me a voice mail saying that he hoped that I was "still available". Yeah. Right. Oh puhlease. | |
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| Flakes out, but begs for another date months later?
Posted: 7/17/2012 12:51:49 PM | THREE years? Holy crap!
Funny thing is though, he hasn't been on the dating site in almost a year, since shortly after we first started talking (I had him on my favourites on my old account which I had until March).
Could be using another one though, or meeting people IRL. | |
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