|Too fastPage 1 of 1 |
|I've been on this site about a month. I've been on four (4) dates. The first was awesome and I thought it would be one-and-done, in a relationship and off-line. We talked the next day, planned another date but on the day of date two she wouldn't answer her phone and I left two messages. The second woman I dated looked nothing like her photo and to be honest I just wasn't attracted to her and I felt the misleading photo was basically the same as lying! The third woman was almost identical to the first date but same thing, day of the planned second date she also wouldn't answer nor return messages. The fourth date was like dates one and three, went really well, but at the end of the date she told me that she was seriously allergic to animals and I have two dogs. Am I supposed to put the dogs in the yard everytime she comes over and what happens if we get serious?|
I am in conversation with a fifth woman but either she's flakey or we are having bad luck. I called her the day after she gave me her number and she claimed that she didn't know who I was and didn't remember me. I made a joke about her being so popular that she couldn't keep track of all of the guys that have hit on her. She didn't laugh and just repeated that she couldn't remember who I was so I said "have a good night" and I hung up. The next morning she sent a text saying that she had not been on-line for a few days (lie because she emailed 24 hours before I called her) and that after I called she went on-line and saw who I was. She apologized and said she would call later that evening. She called but I was on the other line (I recognized her number on the caller ID). I called her back in less than 10 minutes and got voicemail so I left a message, no return call. I called a half an hour after that and again voicemail.
Am I moving too fast and not being selelctive enough and should I just let "fifth potential date" go?
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:33:32 AM
|Years ago when I first started online dating, I had a really nice email conversation with a guy so he gave me my number and asked me to call him. So I did, and then he pretended not to know me. I thought he was kidding and said don't you remember the conversation we were having online yesterday? He said, I'm sorry I've never heard of you before and I don't know what you're talking about. I said, how do you think I got your phone number ***hole? and hung up. That'll teach him, lol.|
I do get the sense of you moving too fast, not because of the number of dates but because you said "one and done". LOL after one date? Come on. Talk to as many people as you want, date as many people as you want, but expect that most of them will not work out. Never expect that you've found "the one" after just one date.
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:43:54 AM
Am I moving too fast and not being selelctive enough and should I just let "fifth potential date" go? Look honestly you are getting dates and replies. Thats really ALL you can hope for. The vast majority of meets dont turn into relationships. This site is for just MEETING new people and you are doing that.
I easily have 200+ POF first meets. I dated (defined as 3 or more real dates not meets) NINE so far. 3 in exclusive relationships and I have been on here since 2006.
Quit getting excited about anything here until you have at LEAST 3 dates under your belt with them. First meets here mean nothing.
You are NOT moving to fast as far as trying to meet. Nothing i is REAL until you meet. But meeting is step one. Thats more to affirm attraction. MOST first meets dont get real dates to follow. Sorry yours keep canceling. Thats BS.
But welcome to phucking online dating you will get used to it. (rolls eyes...) This is not for the squeamish or those that lack patience.
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:47:18 AM
|So are you having fun?|
Just keep in mind that you really don't know what you have on the other end until you get to know them in real time. I don't expect much so I am not really surprised when things don't pan out.
Be patient, keep the expectations at a minium, slap on some skin toughener and for online survival sakes keep your sense of humor.
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:50:39 AM
|Maybe too fast but it just seems wierd that a date could be so good and then nothing but unfortunately there are too many men on-line so woman have too many choices. I have decided no more "dinner" on the first date. From now on it'll be coffee, smoothie, etc.|
Thanks for the advice
Posted: 7/18/2012 6:53:31 AM
|Thanks for your advice|
Posted: 7/18/2012 7:22:55 AM
|Oh yeah, no dinners on a first meet and greet. Keep it simple such as a meet for coffee or drink. I have heard that some women use this site to get dinner out practically every night of the week meeting men off this site.|
Posted: 7/18/2012 7:35:48 AM
Maybe too fast but it just seems wierd that a date could be so good and then nothing but unfortunately there are too many men on-line so woman have too many choices. I have decided no more "dinner" on the first date. From now on it'll be coffee, smoothie, etc. Look here is my first MEET rules. These were developed after MANY first meets here and I HEAVILY recommend newbies adopt them now so you do not have to share my pain
First ones are MEETS not dates. Mine are 20 minutes or 2 drinks MAX. You can always just say "Hey this has been fun lets grab table and order some food. Or after 20 minutes say "It was WONDERFUL meeting you but I just dont feel we are a match"
90 percent of the time I know in 5 minutes if we are going to have a real "date". Do NOT buy expensive dinners/dates on a first meet. Do NOT plan any LONG first meets!!!!!!!!!!!!
After my 200 first meets I promise ya its not going to happen with a coffee or smoothie. I want LIQUOR involved. (rolls eyes...) I have said this before but the only way coffee is being served on a POF first meet of mine is if it went VERY well and she is sitting in my kitchen in one of my shirts the next morning while I pour her coffee.
Think a bar with a restaurant attached where you can talk and have fun. Dinners happen only for the good ones that seem to "click"
This may not help you as you thought a bunch of those "clicked"
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:02:50 AM
it just seems wierd that a date could be so good and then nothing
Yeah, some of them can put on a pretty good act. They can't exactly be rude and expect you to pick up the tab.
I once had a woman slam down 8 glasses of wine on our first meet. I had a gingerale. She was a classy looking woman. keywords=classy looking I wasn't sure if she had a problem or if I just made her nervous. She called me a week later asking when we were going to go out again. The thought "hopefully never" came to mind, but I came up with something nicer.
It's unfortunate though as we tend to get skeptical based on these experiences.
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:29:24 AM
|From the woman's perspective--we change our minds. Sometimes we may think a second date is a good idea after a few drinks on the first date (or meet), but then in the sober light of day, we reconsider and notice that something troubled us which causes us to change our minds. Unfortunately a lot of people are uncomfortable with being nice and simply saying that they've changed their mind, or think it really won't work out, hence the unanswered calls. They may feel that you'll get the message if they never get back to you.|
But someone flat-out not even knowing who you are when you call? That to me smacks of either some sort of mental illness, or dementia/amnesia, a person who is really confused about life, or maybe someone who gives out her phone number to a LOT of guys. Not a good thing any way you slice it.
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:57:24 AM
|Yeah what Judi14 said :) I did chat with a guy that told me he had memory problems, and that every time we chatted I would have to remind him of our convos, very nice man, but not "the one". |
It seems to me the gals you are talking to are playing the field hard. Your "joke" about her being so popular was probably right on. When I first got into this stuff I was on Match. I met 4 guys out of the gate, and met them all (one was from here now that I think about it), and the guys I was meeting were meeting other people too. When you have a few to "choose" from you dont' know what way you are going to go. They might find someone the next date... I was lucky and found someone that found me lol But it is a weird thing... and Cowboy is right about simple meets... however I didn't do alcohol, just coffee. I just wanted something simple, and no stress. You can always catch dinner later if you want. :)
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:58:49 AM
|You need a mind set OP, that the first meeting is just that....an interview that is casual, short and sweet, and then you decide and let them decide for themselves, if getting together again will or will not happen. I can usually tell in the first 10 minutes if there is attraction, and another 15 minutes will let me know if chemistry is there as well. What I have to do, is wait to see if it is mutual or not, and if so, you are on your way.|
To many seem so desperate with looking and trying to find another, and not comfortable just being themselves. If you are not into the one you are meeting, be kind but let them know that you are happy to have a friend, but do not see or feel more, and let them tell you the same thing, if they feel that way. To often, people will fake their interest and then dump that person once they are away, and that can be very confusing to all involved. How hard is it to just be yourself and say either yes or no for future meetings, and make sure that the one you are with feels the same way.
If you can not do that in front of them, at least tell them thank you for the meet and greet and ask them to take a day to see if you want to continue or not, and then send them an email telling them that you enjoyed your time but did not feel the attraction for more, and wish them well.
Posted: 7/21/2012 5:36:44 PM
|You aren't moving too fast. You are just multi-dating and getting to know the women. You want to find the best connection. I know one of male friend that dated 5 women at one time. He eventually met the woman he would married as she was referred through his friends. They are so happy and compatible.|
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:35:44 PM
Be patient, keep the expectations at a minium, slap on some skin toughener and for online survival sakes keep your sense of humor
That's the advice I'd give as well. Sense of humour is key to frustration free dating...or almost.
OP....I cannot tell you number of times I went out with guys and felt every thing went well only to find out that I was being delusional...lol Now I go in with NO expectations. Sometimes I get a "call back" sometimes I don't.
Take things slow and easy.
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:14:36 PM
|welcome to the real world. dont plead the 5th...just carry on to the next woman. Thats why they call this site, POF|
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:19:32 PM
| The chemistry was just not there for them and they were not interested ultimately. That you got four dates is also unusual for guys on here.|
If you are suggesting sex on the first meet that may be the turn off. Hopefully you are not buying them meals but just coffee and dutch. If you paid for dinner foolishly they may have been meal whores only. It happens.
However, that you decided that on a first meeting the first one was the one, is rather foolish and would scare anyone off. It sounds just needy and desperate really. I think you are pushing too hard by the sound of it. I had two guys who were making the same noises but one had nothing going for him and the other was just feeling lonely and would soon be gone once he got the sex, I felt.
Take it easy and play it a bit more cool.
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:50:03 PM
|oh my gawd 200 ??? This is hell. OMG I cant imaging having to do this 200 times.|
Posted: 7/26/2012 3:47:00 PM
|Funnwit, you hang it there! You certainly are an attractive guy with a great profile, you will find your match. Be patient!|
Posted: 7/26/2012 4:38:05 PM
|Get used too it lol,,i am sure that there are 1 in a million people on here who are actually serious about finding what they are "looking for" on here. I know that honesty does not matter and most people who read your profile will put you on hold waiting to one up you lol. Don,t hold your breath waiting for the real thing here!!!|
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:52:06 PM
|ever wonder, sometimes, if POF pays females to contact men? i guess if my profile disappears then question answered. :)|
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:07:44 PM
|Sounds like you live in the right geographical area if your dating and doing this and that.|