|random funniesPage 1 of 1 |
|lolbntl - laugh out loud but not too loud|
Why do jockeys ride horses?
One time I was feeling bad so I went to a church. They were closed. It made me laugh.
There is quite a few rules to post in this humor forum. Comedy has rules??
Sometimes it is acceptable to tell an inside joke that only you are in on.
It's kind of hard to speak your mind when it is empty.
The best thing about having broken glasses is not worrying about them breaking when you drop or sit on them.
When you know where the line is, you know exactly what you can get away with.
My friend visited from brasil. We were eating shrimp. We said "You eat them with the shells on??". He replies "I cant believe you dont eat the shell!"
My computer must be getting old. It takes it 2-5 minutes to cue in on what im saying.
On my keyboard, I am missing my U,J,K and M keys. It's sad that I had to think about which ones they were.
Posted: 7/21/2012 9:25:03 PM
|Jockeys ride horse because they can't reach the pedals of an automobile.|
Dear internet provider, You get paid very well and profess the fastest service so....wtf?
So our most purified water is in beer? let's get drunk!
Through my teenage experience, now when I smell a skunk, I'm like "Smells pretty good!" :)
I have always tried to force myself to acquire certain tastes in food. Anchovies is a tough one.
"Zoom Zoom" ? Mazda, this ticket is on you :|
If I remove my usb without confirming it's ok, my house isn't going to blow up is it?
Posted: 7/25/2012 3:56:57 PM
|how many brewers does it take to screw in a lite bulb?|
One third fewer than a regular bulb!
Posted: 7/25/2012 9:23:20 PM
|If this was facebook, I would like that.|
We can not say senselessness has no point. How else would SNL been on air for so long?
One time..umm.. nm. Next line..
I dropped "Clear Eyes" on my pupils once. They didn't work.
The how-to in growing a healthy cactus: Bring them inside in the winter.
Ok. My cat loves eating oranges. (Thats just it. I've never seen that before)..and when he's outside across the yard, he can hear a watermellon being cut in the kitchen. He can honestly catch birds, but for some reason prefers the orange.
If you're feeling nauseous, eat a banana and/or chocolate ice cream. Trust me.
Posted: 7/25/2012 10:50:57 PM
|The little woman left me a note on the fridge: "It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay with Mother."|
I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. I have no idea what in the hell she was talking about... The fridge works fine.
WOMEN, who can understand them?
Posted: 7/26/2012 12:52:36 PM
|Kansas you got the real life lol on that one!|
Posted: 7/26/2012 1:05:39 PM
|yes. I like that one too! lol|
Posted: 7/28/2012 11:15:12 AM
|I wanted to delete my account. The button says "quit/give up/delete". Ok....so I am still here.|
"Dont stop being yourself and never give up" is what I hear. Now that is quite the pickel.
This morning I took my morning .... . I have never been given an asthma attack from that before. (I eventually caught my breath btw)
I didn't call this thread "random funnies" for no reason.
Originality goes out on a whim. There is no track record or guarrantee that it works.
I noticed, there is not an option for "single/not looking".
Posted: 10/3/2012 3:17:31 PM
|Some time ago I changed my gender to female and up'd my age to 106 (don't ask).|
I noticed the pof ads read "106 years old? Meet man looking to meet women of your age."
-really? are you kidding me? 106 year old women know how to use a computer?
If only I could p.a. and fire a recruiter, job hunting would be easy.
So, a little while ago, I give a bum in a wheelchair a smoke and sat and chatted with him. A man walked by, well dressed in a nice jacket. He's asked if either of us had a spare smoke. I had one left, but without consideration, gave him a stern "no!". The bum then gave him the smoke I gave to him. Then the man said to me "It's nice to know some people are generous!" - of course, silence, within my head I thought 'I hope that's the last cig you ever smoke'
-yes sad, but ironically funny
Why go through the effort of making an apple pie to throw at someone, when you can just throw an apple?
When I go up for open-mic, I think the bar regrets calling it open-mic.
Posted: 10/28/2012 10:41:40 AM
|I get a deja-vu everytime I clean up my cat's up-chuck off the carpet.|
I'm thinking about going shopping at a clothes store and buying a mannequin.
Going gay and swearing off men could be an option.
Come mr tally man and tally me banana. "You have one sir..now just enjoy the beach maan!"
"Going-green" could mean just about anything but somehow all means the same thing.
I used to have a fear of hair. but it grew on me.
Posted: 10/30/2012 10:19:29 AM
|I went to the doctor the other dat and after assesing my symtoms he cut the cord that connects my eyes to my ***hole and he got rid of my shitty outlook on life.|
Then I went to my pychiatrist and said listen doctor I'm a wigwam I'm a wigwam I'm a teepee I'm a teepee and he said relax your too tents