| | Is this a red flag?Page 1 of 1 | I've been chatting with a guy through email for about 2 weeks. He has told me in the last two emails that he was turning off his profile so that he could focus his attention on me. After he first told me this, I told him I appreciated the gesture and that maybe we could chat on the phone. I did not indicate that I would turn off my profile. We've not even met yet. He emailed me for the second time on this today. That he'd turned off his account (I guess hid it?) and that he doesn't go from person to person. That he likes to focus on one person and isn't here to play games. I'm not sure how to handle this. I like him. I'd like to meet him to see if there's some chemistry. But he seems to be pushy with the fact that he's turned off his account. Also, we email back and forth, and he always ends his emails with....is there anything else you'd like to know vs asking me a question back.
So, is the fact that he's turned off his account a red flag? What about him not asking me any questions, just talking about himself?
He told me we could exchange numbers when I was ready, so I'll probably give him my number soon to talk with him. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:30:16 PM | | two weeks of talking via e-mail what about over the phone talking? why have you both not met yet if he really wants a relationship? i wish i could understand why guys are sometimes draggin their feet so much. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:32:17 PM | | We havent met yet b/c he was working offshore and then took a planned trip with his extended family. He's coming back today. Although, he hasn't asked to meet yet. And I'm not one to ask. I let them do the asking. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:33:38 PM | | Buy a cheap phone, give him that number and see what you feel after a couple of phonecalls. From what you say it's you who's dragging your feet, not him as you haven't wanted to give him your number yet ~ he's waiting until you're ready. But I understand why you're wary. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:44:02 PM | The fact that he hid his profile does not automatically mean you are required to, especially for someone you haven't even spoken to on the phone, let alone met in person. If you prefer that he ask for your number, let him know (again) that you would be open to talking on the phone.
Some people only focus on one person at a time, even if they haven't met them. I prefer to wait until I've spent time with them in person. According to his way, he sends one email, then waits to see if that person responds, and doesn't check out any other profiles for potential matches until he gives up on that one person who may not even be a match. That doesn't make sense to me. You can get to know more than one person at a time, then eventually find the one that you want to focus on. You don't say that he's pressuring you to hide your profile, but don't let him bully you into it if you're not ready. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:46:56 PM | I know I'm not a guy but I'm wondering why you have been emailing for two weeks and not simply set up a meeting at a coffee shop? Personally, I find it much safer to meet the guy in person at a public place before revealing too much about myself through emails or passing out my phone number.
Is his hiding his profile a red flag? Maybe he's just tired of this. I get tired of it and hide my profile every few weeks. Perhaps he found someone he's genuinely interested in getting to know better and doesn't want to be logged on here attracting emails and attention from other women. Perhaps he's also talking freely about himself rather than asking you questions to make you feel more comfortable. He probably has no idea that it's backfired and made you suspicious of his motives for getting to know you.
On the other hand he could be a self centered oaf who only wants to talk about himself and is trying to make you feel more comfortable with him by saying he's turning off his profile for you so that when you do meet he can make a move on you and get laid on the first date.
You will only know which of the two it is if you meet him. Just don't give him your phone number or tell him too much about yourself until you know which it is. Oh and BR isn't too far from Lafayette. I've been on the web for a long time and conversed with a lot of men from your area. Shoot me an email if you feel like it. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:50:07 PM |
But he seems to be pushy with the fact that he's turned off his account.
Pushy, as in he has asked you to hide your profile as well? or you feel he's hinting that you should, even before meeting him? are you concerned that there's an underlying controlling aspect to his personality?
He told me we could exchange numbers when I was ready, so I'll probably give him my number soon to talk with him
Probably give him your number soon? Time to decide...yes...or no and let it go.
What about him not asking me any questions, just talking about himself?
Maybe his email conversation style is just different from yours...we're not privy to those emails, so it's difficult to say. Is he just attempting to gauge your interest in him?
You'll really never know any of the answers to your questions until you actually meet.
MrsF | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:58:45 PM | Until you mutually agree that you are in a relationship and want to respect each other by hiding your profile, the choice is an individual one. Hiding a profile does not stop one from looking or connecting with another, and what it does do, is make a general search for you not possible, but a private one can be accomplished.
Acting like you are dating and in a relationship of sorts, when you have not even met, is just childish and reeks of being desperate, in my opinion. Exchange numbers, decide on a meeting date, time and place, and see if you have any mutual attraction and chemistry, and then slowly do the compatibility thing, which could include hiding your profile while you work on developing a relationship.
cd | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:16:59 PM | | the guy talks to one woman at a time, and he doesn't push for a phone number. yup, pretty suspicious. but wait, there's more! his conversation leans toward statements rather than questions! clearly a dirtbag, and he probably keeps all the other women he's met online chained up in the attic. you're next, op! save yourself while you still can! | |
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tjl503
| | Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 11 | |
| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:51:01 PM | The guy is just clueless how he's coming across and thinks it's what you want to hear. That he's stopping his search, thinks you're great and wants to concentrate on you. He doesn't realize he's coming off as moving too fast or being desperate/needy.
Just put the brakes on it and slow him down. Let him know that you want to meet him, don't worry about taking your profile down. I'd say if you like him enough to go on a third date then you can hide your profile but this is too soon. No red flags yet, meet the guy. Don't give him your phone number and text for a month, then finally meet and realize that he's crazy. Waste o time. You should rethink your whole "I don't ask guys out" mentality. You could save alot of time by mentioning a coffee meet.
He also may not know how he's coming across when he's always talking about himself. Let him know this, I'm sure he's very interested in hearing about you as well. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:52:41 PM |
And I'm not one to ask. I let them do the asking.
You better start taking the intuitive.
There is no reason to leave this to someone else, just because of gender. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:19:44 PM | Always amazed at the variations in responses on here. No one chimed in that the guy could be married? Damn near every other post like this, people quickly come to that conclusion. I wouldn't rule that out either. Doesn't want wifey/girlfriend to see him on here?
If I get bad feelings before even meeting, well, I really haven't wasted any precious time up to that point. I just move on.
If it doesn't feel quite right, chances are... | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:51:10 PM | All that shows is he is a newbie to online dating.
and maybe to dating in general.
Been two weeks.
Meet him already and see if he is worthy of your time. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:42:11 PM | The fact that he harped on it in two emails, is a big red flag, to my thinking.
If he was doing it because he's tired of the dating scene, or because he "just likes to do things that way," of because he is that sure that he's onto the right track with you, he wouldn't need to emphasize to you that he was doing it.
He's pushing.
I suspect a control freak, first of all. Not all control freaks lead off with straight forward instructions of what they want you to do. In fact, the worst of them do as this guy has, and make statements of fact, simply and quietly, and then leave a pause for you to fill in. If you guess the right cooperative response, they reward you with a smile of some sort (if they are on the phone, it is with a subtle change on their voice which implies "pleased warmth. "
I think you have already sensed that something about him is off, which is why you wrote this post, even though you can't quite put your finger on what, since he didn't use words to express his "demands."
This is just my instant impression, based on very few facts, which I am putting out here so you can see if it rings true for you. Naturally, I don't know anything for certain. But that action of TWICE telling you he turned off his profile, sounds ominous to me. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 4:16:24 PM | | OP: It's a red flag, yes. It's a "control" issue, but an indirect one as opposed to a direct one. He made a gesture; now he EXPECTS you to reciprocate in kind. I'm further concerned that he took this particular initiative prior to any in-person meeting. It smacks of control... he's just being subtle about it. I can't support your probable intention of giving him your number. You're an adult, of course, so that decision rests with you alone. | |
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RT_2
| | Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 17 | |
| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:23:50 PM | Hiding an account is not a big deal. He might be getting unwanted emails notifying "meet me" or flirts, or perhaps he was getting first contact emails.
Hiding an account to focus on someone you never met in real life is idiotic.
Red flags for me are when the other person un-hides the profile or lies about hiding. A girl on the "OK" site told me she hid her profile. She had hidden her profile 4 days before, un-hidden 3 days before, and the site says you cannot disable your profile again for at least a week. I wouldn't have minded her keeping up the profile, but her dishonesty is a major problem. | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/19/2012 1:26:30 AM | well he sounds like a complete dolt to me but anyways in response to the "is there anything else you'd like to know" Id be like "nah Im good" and then dead silence (or no response in online words) and then he'll have no choice but to exercise his conversation skills.
But you havent even spoke to him on the phone so this could be a HUGE dealbreaker. If hes annoying you now he will irritate you TEN TIMES more on the phone and everytime you hear his voice it will make your skin crawl! | |
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| Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/19/2012 4:12:51 AM | | Looks like you consider it a red flag... so for you maybe it is. | |
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