| | How late is too late to call?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Just wondering what hour everyone thinks is too late for someone that you have just "met" (as in on-line and not yet physically) on a dating site to call you.
I don't normally give my number out as I prefer to meet first, however the other day against my better judgement I gave a guy my number. Lo and behold he called the following day at 12.45am (my phone was off as I was sleeping) and then sent a follow up text at 10 to 1 in the morning to say "You're probably sleeping as your phone is off. I'll chat to you tomorrow."
Now I was shocked. I would never call someone on a first call that late.
The next day he called at 10.15pm. Now granted this is a more reasonable hour, (but still late in my eyes) but I was already put off by the previous call. Now I ask you what would you deem too late? | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:51:55 PM | | I don't answer my phone past 9 unless its work or the weekend. During the week by that time I'm usually in my pj's reading a book and I'd rather not be interrupted. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:52:23 PM | | I think after 10 is too late, though I probably wouldn't pick up much after 9, myself. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 12:59:13 PM | I have to agree with you guys that before 9pm is reasonable, although up to ten is still in the realm of not being rude, but after that I think it is impolite.
I wonder if perhaps someone seeing you on-line late before makes them think they have the license to call you at any hour? | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:04:35 PM | | I always had an 11pm cut off, but now it seems less of an issue. Probably because I work shift work and generally prefer texting- which isn't as invasive. Most guys set up a time to call in my experience. That would shock me too Op. Are you going to share your thoughts on it with him.. ? | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:15:53 PM | So many people on the forums say texters are a waste of time and he isn't a real man if he can't pick up the phone but to be honest I think I prefer it too!
I don't think I will share my thoughts with him simply because someone who calls at almost 1am on a first call to me just doesn't have simple etiquette and I can't be bothered with educating him. Of course if he pushes it I will tell him but its a wrap for me. I have no intention of taking it any further. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:27:44 PM | If I liked the person, I would mention that my home does not accept calls unless it is an emergency after 'such and such a time'.
Who knows, maybe in his home his parents worked shifts and it was not uncommon to hear a phone ring after 10 pm. If he does it again after you tell him, yeah...punt time.
I dont have a hard n fast rule, but if Im in bed, the phone is not being answered and Ill expalin myself the next day, when Im awake and rested.
If you really liked him, you would tell him and try to move forward, is my opinion. But if you cant be bothered to let him know of your preferances, you cant really like him very much...so better to just move on. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:28:15 PM | | Look at it this way. You were already able to find out he is not for you before even meeting in person. Isn't that a welcome alternative? Talking on the phone first is the way to go. If you have trouble even having a phone conversation with somebody, do you really think that it will be any better in person? I send a genuine first email. If I get a response and like what I read, I ask for her number. If she doesn't give it to me, or wants to keep emailing I wish her luck and move on. If she gives me her number, then I respond back with mine to show sincerity and because I know that I won't personally answer a call from a number I don't recognize. Then we talk on the phone for 10-15 minutes. If the initial chemistry is there, I set the meet. If it isn't, I just be honest and say it was nice talking to you, but I don't see anything happening between us. Good luck in your search and I hang up. Personally, I would rather sit through a bad ten minutes on the phone then a bad 1-2 hours in person. But that's just me. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:34:43 PM | I guess I don't really like him because I am indifferent.
I still prefer my old method, and I think I will try and stick to that, unless I really like the person and they insist on speaking to me. I've enjoyed all the dates I been on and none of them have been weirdos. (bar one) I've noticed the ones I have given my number to want to have endless chatter on the telephone and not actually meet. Of course everyone is different but I'm not buying this telephone lark. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 1:52:31 PM | | For me, I hate talking on the phone. So I definitely don't want to have endless chatter..LOL I keep the call to 10-15 minutes tops. However, I would rather have a short call and know right away then finding out in person. I usually have a pretty good instinct about people so I am able to tell pretty quickly into the call if I am gonna at least get along with them. Granted, there have been a few exceptions when I met in person..LOL For the most part though, the phone test has always proven to be a useful tool. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:18:54 PM | | Radiantspirit, I think the guy you gave your phone number to is married and he called when she was sleeping... slick huh? | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:29:08 PM | I don't call anyone before or after 10 (am and pm) unless it's an emergency or I was specifically asked to.
And I'd also let someone know when's a good time to call me so there wouldn't be any big "shock". | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:29:45 PM | Obviously, it would depend on the person and their schedule. Some people with young children might not appreciate a call after 9 pm or whenever their kids are sleeping. Others might welcome a call at that time.
Personally, I can't stand talking on the phone at all---but if I had to choose the best time to receive a call or text, I'd say that since I tend to be night owl, any time later in the pm is fine. I'm either sleeping or working in the am.
I once stopped dating a guy who called me at seven in the morning. I didn't think an early bird and a night owl would be compatible for the long-haul. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:41:45 PM | | I wouldn't want a phone call later than 8pm, actually. I usually go to sleep fairly early (~9-9:30) and don't want to get into a conversation when I'm trying to unwind and relax for bed. I turn my phone off. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:48:16 PM | | I am with you OP and the other poster that said they don't like talking on the phone with someone they have never met. That is way too late to be calling anyway. Continue to be wary about giving out your number before a first meet. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:01:13 PM | | if he's only calling you at late-night hours, he's probably only looking for sex or has no sense of proper manners or communication skills. either or are red flags. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:33:46 PM | You should have told him the time limits when you gave him your number. He was obviously anxious to talk to you so I would not hold it against him. The text seemed like a semi apology.
Just explain it to him nicely and give him a chance. I don't think this is a big offense as dating goes.
I always grew up with the 9a am to 9 pm rule, but people have different shifts so I always ask up front. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 3:56:41 PM | I tend to attract night owls with odd work schedules it seems, but most guys have been very polite. They've been quick to ask what time to call or how late they can call the first time out, so it's rare that I'm woken up by a ringing phone out of the blue. Usually we compare schedules up front right after trading numbers. It just makes things run a lot more smoothly, especially if there are funky work hours involved.
That said, I have a flexible window. I'm a night owl working a day-shift, but despite my better judgment and common sense, I'm often still awake past 1am. As long as it's before 1:30 in the morning, chances are someone will catch me wide awake and in a chatty mood. After that, not so much, unless it's the weekend where I'm up at all kinds of crazy hours. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 4:39:15 PM | i agree with you, radiantspirit. for some reason 9pm just seems like a a good phone boundary to set. unless i know someone is a night owl (like me) and even then i wouldn't call after 10pm.
later than that and i would think it's an emergency.
if anyone called at 1am i would think he's drunk, it's a booty call or both.
unless you're madly in love and like to spend half the night on the phone together..but that's a different story.
that's just my take on it.
i don't know the guy like you do. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 4:50:24 PM | In post 6 and the one below, you indicate you will give in to someone who puts pressure on you.
Posted By: RadiantSpirit on 7/18/2012 3  43 PM Subject: How late is too late to call? Message: I guess I don't really like him because I am indifferent. I still prefer my old method, and I think I will try and stick to that, unless I really like the person and they insist on speaking to me.
If someone tells me they would be more comfortable talking before we meet, I ask for their phone number and call them while blocking my number. I hope that this is what you meant. Anyone "insisting" on something, whether it's insisting on a phone call first or insisting on knowing "why did you stop talking to me?" is someone I would block right away.
And late night calling would be at least a yellow flag for me--married/in a relationship, or booty call. I'd probably ask why they thought to call at such a time, and then indicate what time I'm comfortable receiving calls. If they could respect that in the future, I'd have no problem with it. If they had a legitimate reason for needing to call later, like 1 am b/c of shift work or something, we aren't going to be a good match b/c I can't have my sleep interrupted nightly and still be ready for my job in the morning. No one is to blame; it's just not going to work. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:16:14 PM | "If someone tells me they would be more comfortable talking before we meet, I ask for their phone number and call them while blocking my number"
Good for you but there are alot of woman that still get weirded out even though a guy still suggests that. Why is that ladies? Please explain that to me | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:17:49 PM | | If he calls in the early morning he may have been drunk. Bad manners at the very least. He may have punched the wrong name. However if you have not met I would be wary. He doesnt sound good to me. It may be that he is partnered. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 5:19:16 PM | | I don't care what time people call me at all. But, if they actually wanna talk to me, sooner or later they will figure out the "timing" of it all, all by themselves. If not, they are dumb bums,and are still trying to figure out "when" to call. No skin off my bum. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:36:19 PM | Before 11 is ok with me.
I gave a guy my number recently and he called at 2:30AM. I ignored it and texted him when I woke up at 5:30 that I work early and please don't ever call me so late again. He texted right back with "Ok" so I was hoping I had woken him up like he had woken me :P
Next night he calls at 1:30. I ignored him from then on - next night he called at 3AM. What a nightmare. | |
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| How late is too late to call?
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:12:18 PM | Wow, some people do not like the phone at all.
Being a nightowl, I honestly don't even notice what time it is half the time. I just looked at the clock on my computer and its 12:05 am. I had no idea it was that late. If somebody calls me this late and I'm up, then I answer. If I'm not awake then I don't answer it. I could care less if they do or don't. If I'm sleeping, then I ignore them. It's no big deal and they eventually get the hint or I just tell them. I don't consider it a dealbreaker if they call when I'm sleeping. Some people work shifts and I could see how you could easily not be aware how late it is since you are wide awake at the time of the call.
The only time I really see it being a problem is if they NEVER learn or I wasn't interested in them in the first place. It's just like the where is the best place to approach a girl thread, if I'm into them, ANYTIME they call it is welcome.
Of course, I don't call a girl after 10pm or so unless I've been given the OK to do so by them. And if they have children, I won't call after 9pm unless I've been told it's ok. | |
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