| | Endlessly waiting...Page 1 of 1 | | So, I recently went on a few dates with a girl I met here a while back. The thing is, she's still getting over a really brutal breakup, and doesn't feel ready to call things official yet. Right now, we're trying to be friends. By the way, if anyone decides to throw out the term 'friend zone', you are an idiot, and will consequently be ignored. Anyway, she knows that I want to be more than friends, but it's been difficult for me. Right now, I'm just wondering how long I'm supposed to wait for her. I like her a lot, and I don't want to upset her in any way, but I feel like it's going to get to a point where I'll just say enough is enough, and give up on things. Has anyone else been through something like this? | |
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Posted: 7/18/2012 8:59:58 PM | I want to be called an idiot so I'm starting a "friend zone" chain. You want advice but don't want to hear the truth?
Not being over the ex is a great excuse for her to put you in the friend zone, you did meet her on here a dating site. So that means she has intentions of meeting a man. For some reason she's not feeling you.
A broken heart? You don't even know her. Please save yourself the grief and move on. You will just continue to get more and more frustrated as you see her online here and meeting other boys in real life.
Friend zonededededed, and if you can't see this you are the fool. | |
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Posted: 7/18/2012 9:28:52 PM | Mr OP
she got off a "brutal" relationship and is probably looking to get bone-ed.... not by you. move on. | |
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Posted: 7/18/2012 9:42:48 PM | If the attraction and chemistry are there, a woman won't be able to talk herself out of being with you--regardless if she's recently out of a relationship, or whatever the case may be.
Don't ever play the waiting game; it doesn't pay. | |
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Posted: 7/18/2012 9:53:01 PM | | If I were you I would keep an open mind and try to find someone else but keep her as an option if she does come around. It could be months before she is ready, and there is a large chance she will find someone else instead. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 6:22:27 AM | | From what you wrote, I gather that she is still madly in love with him, and HE takes up all of her thoughts. You are just someone to help her pass the time, forget about him for a while. Don't let her use you like this, unless you want to be hurt even worse down the line. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 9:41:18 AM | I have been through this before, part of it was me not being ready, part was her not being ready to commit. But when it happened it clicked. We were both self reserved and recognized that we both had our own baggage. When we saw the happiness that we had when we were around each other, we were able to take that baggage and 'lock' it away, focusing on a fresh perspective rather than referencing the past. Our emotional timers went off at the same time and we went from 'friend zone' to lust zone.
How long was she with her guy from her 'brutal breakup'? And how long have you two been conversing with each other, including your dates? I can understand her going slow due to emotional issues BUT if she knows your intentions of wanting to be more than friends and she's dragging her feet for some reason, it may be time to try again. Tell her someone asked you out and get a feel for her reaction, it may tell you everything you need to know about the status of your 'friendship'. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 9:58:09 AM | | Date other people. If after 3-6 months of dating you haven't found someone else better you can check back with this girl and see where she is at with recovering from her breakup. If she is single and emotionally available, great. If not, keep dating elsewhere. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 11:35:35 AM |
How long was she with her guy from her 'brutal breakup'? And how long have you two been conversing with each other, including your dates? I can understand her going slow due to emotional issues BUT if she knows your intentions of wanting to be more than friends and she's dragging her feet for some reason, it may be time to try again. Tell her someone asked you out and get a feel for her reaction, it may tell you everything you need to know about the status of your 'friendship'.
I don't think I've asked her that specifically, but I think it was a few months or so. The thing is, it was her first real boyfriend, so I think that's part of why it's taking longer to get over. It's not so much that she wants him back, I think it's more the idea that she'll get hurt again that's holding her back right now.
As for communication we talk pretty much every day. I've suggested the idea of dating someone else before, and she said she would feel jealous. I think this is probably a good sign, but I'm still having trouble with the patience thing.
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Posted: 7/19/2012 11:52:47 AM | How long are you going to have to wait? Forever. Until you start to listen to people that tell you the obvious instead of calling them idiots and ignoring them.
Let me paint it to you this way. You are getting to be part of a triangle called Karpman's Drama triangle. She is the Victim, her ex is the Persecutor and you are the Rescuer. The victim power game is to play victim. They follow scripts of victimhood, or being treaded bad, or not over all the pain from that relationship. She derives power by attracting "Rescuers" like you. Your pathology also follows scripts. You are there for her. You do not want to hurt her feelings. You are going to give her all the time in the word. But also you have ulterior motives, that is to have a relationship with her. That is not going to happen. Now, here's the kick. All three roles are also switched back between the players. The victim becomes the perpetrator by creating guilt and resentment in you the Rescuer and the Perpetrator. The Rescuer becomes the perpetrator, when he has to "wait" for this victim to start liking him. You get exasperated and angry, when you will find out that she slept with some other guy. She will also use the Perpetrator as a Rescuer, when she feels that she can't cope any more, thus you hear the eternal that she went back to her ex boyfriend.
So, dude. Chose not to listen. Close your eyes and ears. Pretend not to know.
But the writing is on the wall. If you fail to heed the warnings, then tell me, who is the real idiot? | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 7:44:23 PM | Nice one! You really had me thinking you had something worthwhile to say there.
Also, sex is not all there is to a relationship. Get back to me when you're grown up, children. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 7:51:46 PM | She doesn't want to date you...
but doesn't want you to date others.
hmmm.
which is why you should.
One:
You are her backup plan.
Not plan A mind you....but plan B.
If her last guy doesn't work out....
then there may well be another plan A guy
that pops up ahead of you.
Two:
Dating others may well force her to make up her mind.
and impress her that you have a spine.
cus wimpy waiting guys...do not shine.
Sorry.
but sometimes poetry says it best. | |
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Posted: 7/19/2012 8:50:26 PM | Ya know, I wish people had some insight. If she truly isn't ready because she had a bad breakup then why is she on a dating website? This is so common, drives me nuts. Anyway....
You need to let her go. Tell her that if/when she is ready she should contact you. Now you have the choice to date others or wait to see if she ever gets ahold of you again. If this were me, I stop contact and date others. She's not ready. | |
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